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Living Life by singing
Chapter 37 : Chapter Thirty Seven
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 100

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A/N: Alright! YEAH! Chapter 37, baby! Okay, just so you know before you read this; This is a MAJOR turning point. I know, there are so many, right? Well this is like the climax, or whatever you call it. At least, that's how I sort of see it. It might change later on. *shrugs* Who knows.

I'd also like to inform all of you that I really do answer your reviews, at least most of them. Sure, I mean, I can't respond to ALL of them. But if you ask a question, or are curious about something, I'll make SURE I answer it. So if anyone is confused, review and ask the question, okay? I'll be happy to answer it. *grins*

Another note on reviews: Well, let's just say a lot of you are being nasty. I don't think you intend to or anything, and certainly not all of you have been doing it...but some of you are. So I'm not saying names or anything, but just keep it on the friendlier note, okay, guys? I'd appreciate it, even if I probably will get flames after this.

A lot of people have been offering me all these songs; they tell me it reminds them of this fanfic. This is SO cool. I actually have gotten around to hearing some of them, just so you know. I can see how you think it fits and all. :-D

There is one song however, that all of you MUST listen to at least once while reading this story: and that song is called "Daughters", by John Mayer. I'm sure most of you have heard it, although I started liking it a lot before it got on MTV and all that. (This was when "Clarity" was popular instead, remember?) Anyway! I was listening to it on my CD, which is AWESOME, and I looked at they lyrics, which I have always loved and I go, "OMG! It's Lily!" So, please, PLEASE listen to it. Especially for this chapter. It has Lily screaming all over it. It suits her perfectly. PERFECTLY!

So here's a disclaimer for John Mayer. DISCLAIMER FOR JOHN MAYER.

Alright! Enough ranting. Most of you probably skipped this, anyway. For those of you hung in there; Here we go....37! YES!

-Kaiit-aay. (or singing)

I sat there, stunned. I hoped I looked cool, calm and collected, but that was nothing like I was feeling now. I uncrossed my legs and tried not to gap at him, as he stared at me fixedly.

Then, my heart was beating rapidly again, although much more quickly than before. It was almost unbearable how I felt; like it was going to jump out of my chest any second now and splatter the floor with blood, and oh, great, also ruin my wardrobe, which I so carefully picked out.

But at least I’d be dead. And then, I wouldn’t have to talk to James.

I looked around the room and with the sudden realization, noticed why we were alone. My friends had left on purpose, knowing something was going to happen. Which meant…oh, god…

I had to take a deep breath, and just calm down. I forced myself to look up at him, at his eyes, which was very hard. He knew I didn’t like to make any eye contact, which would just show him how strong I was to do so.

“What are you doing here?” I asked slowly, so I wouldn’t sound hoarse or anything. I was entirely serious about the whole thing, so I crossed my legs again and tried to look professional and standoffish. I wanted him to leave, so I could actually start breathing again.

He didn’t even answer me. He just strode over to the seat across from me and sat down, staring at me with a solid gaze. I couldn’t help it anymore; so I looked down at my hands instead. I saw his lip curl from the corner of my eye; he knew I had lost it now. Damn him.

I looked at him, (or rather, at the seat behind him) folding my arms and leaning back, frowning. My heart was drumming in my ears, although I couldn’t let him know that.

“Jam—” I stopped, cursing myself inwardly for falling for such a stupid trap. “Potter.” I corrected myself, “You still haven’t told me why you’re here.”

James frowned at me. “Potter, hu?” he asked testily, although he looked quite angry. He leaned against his seat too, scowling at me. “Is that all you have to say to me?”

“What do you want me to say?” I asked coolly.

“Maybe that you’re sorry.” I gaped at him.

“Sorry?” I said incredulously, and then suddenly felt myself get angrier. “Why the hell would I be sorry?”

“Maybe because you’ve been treating me badly this whole time.” James scolded. “Are you telling me you aren’t sorry?”

“Yes!” I huffed, although I knew I was lying very badly. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Of course you did.” James said, in a rather calm voice, although he still looked peeved. “Don’t say you didn’t.”

“Look, Potter,” I spat. “If you think this is going to change anything, then you’re very, very—”

“Lily,” James said, and I was so surprised to hear the way he said my name softly, and not my surname, that I shut up. “Would it help if I said I’m sorry?”

“Somewhat.” I said nastily, and looked away when I noticed at a shadow of hurt flickered through his eyes. I stared out the window, at the rain outside that was still hitting the glass. “I think you should leave.” I said quietly.

“I’m sorry.”

I shot my head up, staring at him. “What?” I asked stupidly.

“I’m sorry,” James repeated, looking solemn. “I didn’t…I didn’t mean it. I never wanted to hurt you, Lily.”

I continued to stare at him, although it was hurting my eyes to look at his hazel ones, which were flaring with intensity. Was he apologizing to me? It couldn’t have been happening.

“You never wanted to hurt me,” I said, trying to sound gentle and kind like he did but just ending up angry. “Do you expect me to believe that? All you did was hurt me.”

James furrowed his eyebrows, frowning at me. “That’s not true.” He said firmly.

“Yeah,” I said, trying not to shake my voice, and sounding slightly hysterical, “Right!”

“Listen here, Lily. I never had the intentions of making you upset—”

“Shut up!” I yelled at him, standing up. “Don’t you dare make up a lie like that.”

“No, you shut your mouth,” James said, standing up also and glaring at me, although now his calm demeanor was gone. “It’s not a lie, and I’m trying to apologize to you but you’re being such a bitch—”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” I said nastily, and started stomping towards the door and nearly tripping on my high heels as I reached the sliding panel. “You know what? If you’re not leaving, I am.”

I pulled on the handle but it wouldn’t budge. I looked at James, whose hand was on the door, holding a firm grip. He looked the angriest I’d ever seen him. “Let go.” I said, and now I couldn’t help it, my voice really did start shaking. James’s lip curled into a sneer.

“No,” he said.

“You can’t lock me up in here—”

“I’ll do whatever I want, Evans,” James said briskly, and he actually started to look amused at his sudden power over me. “And you can’t stop me.”

“James,” I began, starting to lose it. “If you don’t let me go right now, I’ll—”

“You’ll what?” James asked, and to my utter horror, he stepped up. Was he going to slap me? No, he wouldn’t…

“I’ll—” I began, my knees feeling wobbly as he stepped even closer, so that his arm and legs were touching mine. “I’ll have to—” I stopped, as he did something I didn’t expect him to.

He grinned.

And my chest felt like shuddering with relief, as I noticed what was happening. It was his actual grin, the one he hadn’t used since December. It was a real smile, not the fake ones I grew so tired and frustrated with, not the sad ones he’d use every time he looked at me. No, this was the real thing. It was his trademark grin that I grew to love, just like his hair, which in the beginning had annoyed me endlessly.

Without warning, he grabbed me around the waist, and I noticed that he wasn’t going to slap me at all.

No, what he was going to do was much, much worse.

“What are you going to do?” he asked me again, his face inches from mine. I stopped my own breathing, feeling the heat rise in my lungs and sink into my mouth, which was feeling inexplicably dry.


He looked expectantly at me.

“James,” I said, and I saw him smile as he noticed I was using his first name now, “I’m…sorry.”

I didn’t know exactly what I was apologizing for, although I knew that I had done a lot of crap to him over the years I turned him down. I couldn’t help but feel helpless also, at the way he was holding me close and staring down at me with his hazel eyes.

“Okay,” he said, a small grin appearing on his face. “You’re shaking, you know.” I frowned at him for sounding so amused.

“I am not.” I said defensively, and curled my toes so I could hold my ground and my body wouldn’t betray me. I stared down at my feet. “James—” I said hoarsely, my heart drumming loudly. How could he not hear that? He had to. “Please, just…” I blinked, suddenly feeling like I wanted to cry.

“Leave?” James asked, and his hand reached towards my face and tilted my chin up. I blinked again, as I stared up at him. James looked hard at me. “You don’t want me to leave.”

That was true, but…

“James, I don’t want you to hurt me again.” I said quietly, my voice wavering slightly, although not nearly as much as before. I tried to look cold and indifferent, so he’d just back off and let me be.

It didn’t work.

He didn’t even respond, at least not at first. He just leaned in, his nose touching mine and he said, “I’m not going to.” And that’s when he did it.

He kissed me.

And my mind really did go blank.

In a short span of twenty minutes, I had gone from miserable and sad, to inexplicably happy. Who cared really, if I had to go to that stupid wedding? At the moment, I was the happiest girl ever.

When he was done kissing me, which were probably the most heavenly moments of my life, Henn, Gaby, Grace, Remus, Sirius, Peter, Leah, and Marcus, had all bounded into the compartment and started yelling. I blushed as Henn grinned and embraced me, while Sirius patted James on the back like he had won the marathon or something. I covered my face, and tried to look angry. “Were you guys watching?” I asked, practically dying of embarrassment.

“We didn’t mean to,” Henn said passionately. “But you were yelling so loud we thought you were having an aneurysm or something.”

“Yep.” Sirius said, beaming at me. “But honestly, Lily. Why can’t I ever date girls like you? As soon as he wanted to, you let his tongue right in—”

Sirius,” I said through gritted teeth, my face growing, if possible, even redder. Leah smacked him in the arm.

“Ow! Well, it’s true…”

Gaby grinned, situating herself while everyone followed suit. The compartment was even more crowded than usual, so Leah and Marcus decided to go and find Eve and Kat, who hadn’t shown up. They left, leaving the rest of us to occupy the compartment.

“You know,” Remus said conversationally. “I was wondering when you two would just give in. We’ve been waiting ages.”

“Oh, shut up.” James said, and then moved his hand around me so it held me at my waist. There was a low ‘oooh’ from the boys (And a few of the girls, well okay, just Henn) as he did this, which just made me get even more embarrassed. He pecked me on the cheek and rolled his eyes at Sirius, who was making disturbing sucking noises in Peter’s ear, who laughed, although rather nervously.

I felt James’s fingers squeeze slightly at my waist. Well, he was wasting no time. He really wasn’t joking when he said he had waited for this for a long time.

“Is this okay?” he whispered in my ear, near my hair. I grinned.


Watching his friend, Remus seemed to get the idea that he should earn some points too. He reached for Grace, tugging on her arm lightly but she pulled away, sipping her pumpkin juice and not wanting to look at anyone. She didn’t notice that I was looking at her, or that Remus looked slightly hurt. Sirius didn’t seem to notice either the bad moment for the couple, because he eyed Henn gleefully and said in a somewhat offhand voice, “I wish I could cuddle,”

“I bet you do.” Henn said, glancing at Gaby who was looking at Henn curiously. Henn coughed, looking to the side and stuffing her mouth full with Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans.

I meant to give Sirius a warning look, but was distracted the next minute by James’s lips touching my cheek.

It had to be the best train ride I had ever had. Everything seemed to be in place again…at least most of it, anyway. I had James now, James had me; my life wasn’t completely over as I thought.

Most of the ride the Marauders had played Exploding Snap, something Peter seemed to be very good at. I thought it was rather odd, since I always sort of thought Peter wasn’t really good at anything, even though he was part of the infamous Marauders. He didn’t talk much, I noticed, and when he did, it was only remarks towards his friends.

During the games James kept on getting frustrated, although cutely so. I could tell he was trying not to lose face in front of me.

Eventually it darkened and the train came to a halt, knocking over the pieces of the game, making Remus uncharacteristically curse. I noticed that he had been rather moody, well for Remus anyway, and I was pretty sure it had something to do with Grace and her standoffish-ness. While that Sirius jerked awake, since his head had been resting against the corner, where he was sleeping and snoring most of the way; Henn choked as a piece of candy nearly got stuck in her throat; Gaby merely yawned and looked up from her magazine; and Grace stopped reading her Charms book, which was part of our homework that Flitwick had given us over the holidays.

“Here already, are we?” Sirius asked, rubbing his eyes and blinking at the lights above us. I stood up and reached towards my bag, which I had stalled in the luggage rack above us, when I suddenly realized with panic, that I didn’t have Jinx. As if coming upon my thoughts, the compartment door slid open and the rest of the gang came in, including Eve, who was holding a satisfied and purring Jinx in her arms. I took it from her and muttered grudgingly thanks.

“No problem.” Eve said, smiling slightly and quickly averting her eyes from James. As soon as she came she walked out of the compartment with her stuff, Kat following her out and looking quite grumpy.

“Well, I suppose we’ll see each other on the station, eh?” Leah asked, trying to break the awkwardness that had just been installed there.

“Sure.” I said, nodding. She smiled and headed out with Marcus trailing behind her, looking nearly as sleepy as Sirius, who was now stretching about the compartment while people streamed past us in the corridor.

“C’mon,” James said, and without the least bit of hesitation, he grabbed my hand and led me out of the compartment with everyone behind us. Jinx growled as I held him with merely one arm, since James was holding the other. I imagined it to be sort of uncomfortable, although I felt quite giddy as I saw that James was carrying my bag, along with his.

“Honestly,” I heard Henn scoff behind me. “They’ve only been a couple for a few hours and are already all over each other.” I couldn’t help but grin, like I knew she was doing too.

It was dark and rather humid outside, making me regret in wearing my sweater. Suddenly I was struck by the idea of exactly why I had worn it, and my heart sank.

Virginia, I noticed, was still oblivious to my return, since I had still not gotten back to her or Petunia.

Something was obviously imprinted on my face, since as we waited for one of the conductors to hand us our luggage; James looked over at me and asked, “Something wrong?”

“I’m just feeling a little stuffy,” I said, feeling bad that I was already lying in such an early step in our relationship, or whatever you called it. “You know, since it’s so humid and all.”

I suppose it was a good lie, since he didn’t question me about it any further. Instead James pulled me aside as we got a hold of our luggage and went, “Listen; feel free to stop by any time at my house, okay? It’d be great if you did.”

I smiled at him, weakly. “Thanks.” I think he was waiting for my permission to show up any time at my house when he wanted to (not that it would really matter, since he’d gone there in the past without so much of a warning) …when something horrible suddenly occurred to me.

I wouldn’t be at my house.

Which meant, that James would go over there, see I was not home, and probably earn another grudge from my father, who by the way, thought I was staying at school for break. Then eventually James would know I was lying, (although I never really told him I was staying at my house, although I’m sure he assumed I was) and he’d already want to break up with me, thus ending my life all over again.

It’s funny how I got so weirdly attached to this guy.

So, quickly I said, “Hey James, would it be alright if I just went to your house? Because you know, the last time you came over it didn’t turn out that great.”

James furrowed his eyebrows, probably recalling the last time I went to take a walk with him, (just to get away from the havoc that was going on in my house, because at that time, I still sort of hated him) and I’m pretty sure James didn’t forget how mad my dad looked. “Alright,” James shrugged. “If that’s what you want.” As if to say, ‘I’m really not scared of your dad, you know’. Which was pretty brave of him.

“Thanks,” I said, and he grinned, pulling on my arm slightly and planting a kiss on my lips.

“Oh great, they’re at it again.” I heard Sirius groan as he passed by us, Peter snorting alongside of him. I ignored him, closing my eyes and bringing him closer, inhaling his cologne through my nose.

“Hormones are strange things, you know.” I heard Henn say amusedly as she too, passed by us.

“Oh, shut up.” Grace snapped. “Let them, already.”

“For someone who believes so strongly in kissing,” Remus said in an offhand voice, “You sure don’t seem to want to get near me.”

Sirius burst out laughing at this comment, followed by Henn who was snorting heavily. I broke away and James groaned against my neck, glaring at our friends which were behind us; two of which looked like they were having a ‘moment’, and the rest laughing their heads off.

“I’m leaving.” Grace said stiffly, closing her heavy charms book with a heavy thud and tucking it beneath one of her arms. “Bye Remus,” she said icily. “Have a nice break.”

“Grace,” Remus said, and I was surprised to see that he actually went after her, as she passed by us and said a cool goodbye. Her nose in the air, she marched towards her parents and sister, Remus yapping in her ear the whole way. I was surprised that he was acting so strangely, especially since I thought he didn’t really care about kissing. Henn was right; hormones were strange.

“Well, I see my parents too.” Gaby said suddenly, and indeed, in the corner, a family of two olive skinned parents and a little girl, where talking rapidly in Spanish. She smiled at me. “I’ll see you later then,” She went around, hugging everyone and grinning. She finally reached Sirius, who seemed very interested in his fingernails at the moment. “Sirius,” she said, in a way of a greeting.

“Gaby,” Sirius said, in that same voice.

Suddenly, without warning, Gaby threw her arms around his neck and embraced him tightly. He looked rather taken aback, especially since he gave me a weird look with widened eyes, and then tentatively patted her on her shoulder. Poor him.

Gaby pulled away, her eyes looking oddly bright. She said something in a low voice in Sirius’s ear, and he nodded, although looked rather pained as he did so. Gaby cleared her throat, gave me one last hug, then said, “Good luck with the wedding,” Although she said in a quiet voice, so no one else heard her.

She took off, leaving behind a very perplexed group of friends, especially Sirius. As soon as Gaby was out of earshot, James went, “What was that?”

Sirius looked at him sullenly. “Don’t ask.”

Leah, Kat, and Marcus had come over to talk to us; without Eve, I noticed. Leah came to give everyone a hug, because her parents had arrived already and were waiting by the gate, which none of us had crossed yet, thus leaving the magical world. Once Leah was gone, with Marcus of course, since she wanted to present him to her parents, (I noticed he looked even more out of color than usual) Kat stayed behind and chatted along with Henn, while the rest of us crossed the magical barrier where the conductor was sending us through.

My heart sank as I saw the ordinary muggles in their ordinary suits, as we magically appeared, without them knowing. Even at night the station was crowded, streams of engines on either side of us, where people were filling in and out of them. Remus was already out there, looking disgruntled and alone, obviously waiting for us.

I sighed and sat on a bench, holding Jinx closely who looked like he was about to have a fit. James sat next to me, while Henn leaned against the wall with Kat, who were both looking for Henn or Kat’s parents.

“Pete, I think that’s your mum.” Remus said distractedly, obviously because of the past events that occurred with Grace, who as far as I was concerned, was clearly out of her mind.

“Oh, yes. You’re right.” Peter said, blushing with embarrassment as Mrs. Pettigrew came towards us, a plump little lady with a round, pink face like her son, and looking very tired. She smiled nevertheless.

“Hello, Mrs. Pettigrew.” James said immediately, sounding strangely polite and sweet. I raised my eyebrow at him, but he took no notice. Mrs. Pettigrew smiled at him.

“Why, hello, James. And Remus and Peter. How are you boys? Have you been taking care of little Pete for me?” she asked anxiously, holding onto Peter’s shoulder, while he dug his face into his hands, as he blushed even more with embarrassment. Surprisingly, no body snickered or looked even remotely close to laughter, but just smiled kindly at Mrs. Pettigrew.

“Yes, ma’am.” Sirius said, and this time I couldn’t hide my perplexed expression. Ma’am? James kicked me, noticing my mouth was open, which I quickly closed.

“Oh, and who are these young girls?” Mrs. Pettigrew asked, smiling fondly at us as Henn beamed in that suck-up way of hers. I noticed her eyes travel to James’s hand, which was for some reason on my leg. I shifted uncomfortably as she glanced pityingly at her son.

“This is Henn, and this is Kat.” Remus said. “And this is…”

“This is Lily, Mrs. Pettigrew.” James said immediately, as he put his arm around my shoulders. I blushed deeply, just as Mrs. Pettigrew raised her eyebrow curiously. “She’s my girlfriend.”

It was very nice the way he said ‘my girlfriend’, finally referring to me. I couldn’t really be considered a girlfriend though, since we were only dating for a few hours.

“Nice to meet you, girls.” Mrs. Pettigrew said, smiling in that same tired way and gripping her son’s shoulder again. “Well, I think we’ll leave now. I trust you boys will be seeing plenty of one another though, right?”

“Mum,” Peter finally moaned, stretching the vowels of the word, as he blushed even more. Sirius grinned.

“Of course. We can’t have fun without Pete, eh?” Sirius said, and Mrs. Pettigrew beamed.

“Alright, well, I suppose we’ll see you soon.” She said, smiling at the girls and me before taking off with Peter, who waved goodbye gloomily.

“Honestly,” Sirius said, blowing air through his mouth as soon as they were gone. “I’m tired of playing the kind boy like Remy here.”

“Yeah, why were you three so kind?” Henn asked suddenly, raising her eyebrow. “No offense or anything, but you guys aren’t exactly the charity type. Especially Sirius and James.”

“Oh, shut up.” Sirius said, reaching into his pocket and taking out a chocolate frog.

“Look.” Kat said, pointing to her parents, which were coming her way. “Those would be my parents. I’ll see you guys when we get back.” She hugged Henn and gave me an awkward hug too, smiling at James before leaving. I tried to ignore the fact that we hadn’t had a proper conversation for a while, and then turned to James.

“James, what happened to Peter’s father?” I asked.

“How do you know—” Sirius blurted out, but Remus glared, making him shut up. Sirius rolled his eyes and Remus, and then said, “I mean, what makes you think anything happened, Lily, dear?”

“It was sort of obvious,” I said matter-of-factly.

“Oh, aren’t you just so smart.” Sirius gushed, pinching my cheeks.

“Ow, Sirius!”

“Sorry.” Sirius said, grinning at me as I rubbed my cheeks, which were now burning.

“Now that you mention it,” Henn said thoughtfully, completely ignoring me and how my face was hurting. “I did sort of notice a weird…thing going on. What did happen?”

I looked at James, who looked sort of uncomfortable. “Well,” he said, noticing we weren’t going to let go so easily. “He died.” It was so short that I knew it was a bad subject to discuss, so I changed the subject.

“Uh, Henn, isn’t that your brother?” I asked. Henn looked up and widened her eyes.

“Yeah, you’re right.” She said. “Well, I guess I’ll go then. See you.” She went around and hugged everybody, skipping off to her brother. I watched as she jumped and hugged him, him nearly falling backwards.

“Remus, are you coming over sometime during break?” James asked, just as Jinx decided to go crazy and claw me viciously. I shrieked, letting go of him as he hissed at Sirius’s feet, Sirius raising his eyebrow.

“Is that the cat James gave you?” Sirius asked, frowning as Jinx decided to go around the barrier and walk around it, hissing at passerby muggles.

“Yes.” I said, grimacing as I looked at my sweater, which was now ruined at the cuffs. I scowled. “Stupid cat.”

“He’s not stupid.” James said defensively. I looked at him exasperatedly.

“James, he nearly killed me!”

James smiled. “Don’t be dramatic.” He then got up and walked to the other side of the station, where he picked up Jinx and brought him back. Jinx hissed and clawed, but then James sat down he started to pet him. For some reason, Jinx stopped and started to arch his back, like he was enjoying it.

“How did you do that?”

James grinned. “I’m good with cats.”

“I am too.” I said contemptuously. “My other cat didn’t hate me.”

“You probably don’t give him enough attention.”

“I do too!” I protested, although I suddenly remembered that Grace had said the same thing.

“There’s my mum,” Remus said in a bored voice just as James opened his mouth, ready to retort.

“Bye,” Sirius said, while James went, “Stop by my house, okay?”

“Alright.” Remus said, and went towards his mother and father, who beamed at the sight of him. I noticed that Remus didn’t look that warmly at his father as he did with his mother, just as he left the station with his parents.

“So anyway,” James said, continuing the argument we were having. “Are you going to admit I’m right and you’re wrong?”

“About what?” I asked dryly.

“That I’m good with cats, and you’re just not.”

“James!” I said, suddenly annoyed again. “Is all you want to do to me irritate me?”

James grinned, leaning in closer and kissing me on the lips briefly. “No, not at all.” He said, and I blushed. Sirius was currently leaning on all fours, pretending to gag.

“If I knew that you two would be so disgusting—” Sirius started, as he leaned against the floor with his elbow and looked up at us. He stopped suddenly, grinning. “Oh, hi Mrs. Potter.”

I turned around and felt my face was on fire; did she see us?

“Sirius,” Mrs. Potter said, shaking her head and giving Sirius a disapproving look. Sirius seemed to be quite used to this however, since he looked unperturbed. “Dear, why are you on the floor?”

“Just vomiting,” Sirius said happily, standing up and brushing the dust off his robes. Clearly Mrs. Potter was very used to Sirius also, since she didn’t question him about it. Instead she was looking at me, a curious expression on her face.

“Mum, do you remember Lily?” James asked suddenly, cutting of his mother’s ‘Why Lily, why are you—’

Mrs. Potter raised her eyebrow at James, her hands on her hips as she scowled. “Of course I remember Lily, she lives across the street from us, remember?”

James gave his mother an exasperated look, obviously just wanting a way to present me as his girlfriend. “I know, mum.”

“Then what are you trying to say?” Mrs. Potter demanded, and then glanced at Jinx, who was mewing as James set him on the bench. “James, is that the cat you took from my sister?”

“I didn’t take him, mum.” James said, glancing at me and looking slightly embarrassed. I however, was very amused. “I just, you know…took it out for a walk…”

“Cats don’t take walks, James.” I said, grinning at him being so uncomfortable. “So, the Christmas present you got for me, you actually stole it from your aunt?”

“Goodness!” Mrs. Potter exclaimed, she looking horrified as James grinned sheepishly. She turned her widened eyes to me. “Lily, James gave you that cat?”

“Yes, mum.” James said exasperatedly. “She’s my girlfriend now.”

Mrs. Potter’s hands dropped from her face, as she looked at Sirius for confirmation. “Is this true?”

“I’m afraid so,” Sirius said, grinning at us. I however, was completely humiliated. Did she not like me? Did she think I wasn’t good enough for her son or something?

“Lily, honey, you’re a wonderful girl,” Mrs. Potter said, and I was startled to see that she had grabbed my wrist gently. “But…what did you see in him?”

There was a strange silence after this statement. Slowly, a grin spread across my face and Sirius started laughing. James scowled. “Thanks, mum.” He said sarcastically.

“Mrs. Potter,” I said, my grin widening even more as I looked at James, who seemed to be so humiliated he wouldn’t look at me. “Your son isn’t really all that bad.”

“I know,” Mrs. Potter said, patting James fondly on the shoulder. She had to outstretch her arm for this, since her son was at least a head and a half taller than her. “It’s that…well, James has told me about your history. Frankly, I always thought he was in an endless chase, and he’d never get you to be his girlfriend.”

“Didn’t we all?” Sirius asked amusedly, grinning at me.

“Well, he was a jerk at first,” I said, laughing as I saw that James was blushing now. “But he’s better now, Mrs. Potter. Honest.”

“Good.” She said, and then leaned in so that I could hear her whispering in an audible voice. “But tell me if he misbehaves, alright? I’ll put him in his place.”

“Of course.” I said, beaming.

“Mrs. Potter,” Sirius said, draping an arm around her shoulders and giving her a brief squeeze. “You’re the greatest, you know that?”

“Where’s dad?” James muttered, wanting to change the subject.

“Oh.” Mrs. Potter said, her smile fading. “Well…he’s probably at home by now. He got off early just to see you, dear.”

I raised my eyebrow at this, but didn’t say anything. I imagined it had something to do with Lynn, however. I didn’t see her on the train, so I didn’t think she was coming home for break.

“Lily dear,” Mrs. Potter suddenly said, her voice breaking through my thoughts. “Is your dad coming to pick you up anytime soon?”

“Yes.” I said immediately. “In fact, he’s probably on his way right now.”

“No problem, then. We’ll wait with you.” James said.

“No.” I said quickly. Everyone looked at me. “Uh, it’s that…well,”

I was saved the part of me making up a lie however, when Mrs. Potter said uncertainly, “Well, James. Your dad is waiting, and he’s only off for a little while before he gets back to work…”

“But mum—”

“Go on, James.” I said softly. “You don’t want your dad waiting.”

“We’ll take you home, then.” James said immediately. I shook my head.

“My dad’s probably already on his way, anyway. It’s all right; I’ll see you soon. I live across the street, remember?” I grinned. “I’ll be okay. Kings’ Cross is pretty safe, even at night.”

“We really would wait with you, dear.” Mrs. Potter said. “But James’s father is expecting for us…”

“Don’t worry about it.” I said. Suddenly Mrs. Potter came and hugged me, making me feel taken aback.

“I suppose we’ll be seeing a lot more of you then, won’t we?” Mrs. Potter said, backing up and her eyes looking bright for some reason. I suppose she was sad to look at me, like most of the neighborhood was nowadays.

“Bye, Lily.” Sirius said, and then walked after Mrs. Potter, asking if she was going to be making scrambled eggs the next morning. I stood there, watching them for a moment and wishing I were somehow part of it. Whatever it was, anyway.

“You will see me, won’t you?” James asked suddenly, furrowing his eyebrows at me. “Because if you don’t, I don’t care, Lily; I’ll go to your house anyway.”

“My dad will probably shoot you with his gun then,” I said, smiling. James started to ask, ‘Gun, what’s a—’ but I interrupted him. “Especially if he knew you were my boyfriend.”

James grinned at me. “I liked that.” He said, referring to the way I said ‘my boyfriend’. I laughed, shoving him slightly.

“Go on,” I said. “Your mum and Sirius are waiting for you.”

“Kiss me, then.”

I blushed. “James, no. Not in front of everyone, namely your mum.”

“Lily, c’mon.” James said, stepping closer and holding my waist. I blushed even harder as I saw Mrs. Potter raising her eyebrows slightly then quickly turning and pretending to have a conversation with Sirius, who grinned. James turned his head. “She’s not looking anymore.”

“Yes, but everyone else is.” I protested, as he dug his head into my neck, kissing my ear. I felt my heart drum against my chest, which were protectively guarded by my arms.

“Lily, do you not want to kiss me? I’m hurt.” James said, looking down at me. I sighed, touching my lips against his for a brief moment. James leaned forward, wanting to reciprocate, but I had already pulled away, grinning.

“There’s your kiss. Now go James, your dad is—” I didn’t really get to finish though, since James just came onto me and started kissing me full and everything. Even though my mind was telling me not to, or I’d be embarrassed, I brought my arms around his neck and responded, liking the way his hands felt on my hips.

“There,” I said breathlessly, pulling away after a while. “Go.” James grinned, kissing me one last time then running towards his mum, who rolled her eyes as she saw how he was grinning stupidly. She waved to me and left with both James and Sirius. I smiled, sitting down next to Jinx, who had been asleep but woke up at the sight of me. He gave me a lazy look then shut his eyes again, digging his head into his tail, which was curled in front of him.

I took a deep breath and sat down stiffly, staring at the train that was passing by quickly in front of me. The people inside were blurred images; and the air that rushed past blew at my hair, which was coming lose from its ponytail already. My skirt was threatening to fly, so I brought it down with my hands and folded it underneath me, my hands shaking as I reached into my pocket.

The invitation’s cover flapped in the wind, but I held it steady. I stared at the number that was written in ink, with the words, Call if you can.

I left Jinx next to my luggage and came to the pay phone, where I dug into my pockets again and took some muggle pocket change. My fingers fumbled with the coins as I fit them in the slot, the echoing beeping sound ringing in my ears. My mouth dropped and I stared at the numbers.

I can do this, I thought. Just do it, Lily.

“Talk much?” asked the man grumpily behind me. He was holding a newspaper and was obviously waiting for the phone. I wondered how long I had been standing there, when just then the operator told me to please dial a number.

“S-sorry, sir.” I stammered, and the man just looked at me like I was wasting his time. I swallowed the lump in my throat while it seemed to throb horribly. “Okay, just do this…” I said to myself.

“Miss, miss? Do you mind?” the obnoxious guy said. I opened the invitation and looked at the number, my fingers shaking as I dialed each number slowly. Each tone ringed in my ear, and my heart literally stopped when it started calling.

Please be Petunia, I thought desperately. Let anyone but her answer it.


My heart froze and stopped beating. My breath was caught in my throat, as I gripped the receiver, but my hand was shaking so violently it kept on hitting my chin.

“Will you get on with it?” the man snapped.

“Hello?” Virginia repeated. She sounded confused. “Is anyone there?”

You’re going to need me soon. My grandmother’s voice echoed in my head. This was it. It had to be…


“Are you done yet?”

Oh my god. I was going to pass out.

“Lilian?” Virginia said. She started to sound panicked. “Lilian, is that you? Oh my god, is that you, Lilian?”

Yes, I definitely was going to faint hard on the cold floor.

“Lilian,” Virginia said tightly, and I could tell she was gripping the phone closer to her because of the sound. Her breathing was loud in my ear. “Lilian, if that’s you, please answer me. Please answer me, honey.”

She called me honey. Why was she calling me honey? She barely even knew me anymore.

The man behind me left in a huff clearly annoyed that I wasn’t leaving anytime soon. I put my hand against the wall for support, breathing raggedly, although away from the receiver so she wouldn’t hear.

“Lilian. No, Lily,” Virginia cried. “Please answer me.”

There was a silence, in which she waited for me to answer. I opened my mouth, and closed it, feeling the pressure onto my lungs. My hands reached towards the rubber band in my hair, but I couldn’t pull it out with one hand. Instead I banged my wrist against the brick in front of me, rubbing my arm so that it ripped my skin. Anytime I’d start bleeding. I started to cry, and didn’t even bother to cover up my voice anymore.

“Lily?” she said, crying herself. “Lily,”

“Mum,” I croaked suddenly, squinting my eyes up in pain as I felt blood soak through my sweater. The word was so strange to my ears; I hadn’t used it in so long. “Mum, come get me.”

I know, I know, another cliffy. You guys are probaby so angry with me. At least it's not that big of cliffy though, right? Heh. Well, tell me what you thought of it. I don't know if this chapter sounded like it had a split personality or not, since most of it was happy and the ending was just like...depressing. About Lily's wrist problem: Don't worry, she'll stop it eventually, and keep this also in mind; she has James now. James will help her get through everything. I really loved writing this chapter. I hoped you guys liked it.

Unfortunately, I also have to include a disclaimer for someone, so here it is:

Disclaimer: Yeah. The kiss thing? Sorry, not me. That line belongs to Meg Cabot, since she wrote it way before me in Princess Diaries 3 and also in The Mediator series. I'm sorry, Meg! I really didn't mean to put that line in there, it just came out. I guess I read your books WAY too much. I know that you're probably not reading this, but please don't sue me!

I also never put a disclaimer for J.K. Rowling, which I intend doing in the first chapter when I go edit crazy on this whole thing. So here it is for now:

Disclaimer: I am not J.K., unfortunately. I am not the creator of Harry Potter or the magical world he lives in, in which I so desperately cling to. True, I worship them, but that is sadly, not enough. I repeat: I am not Jo Kathleen Rowling. (Yeah, I know her middle name, so what??)

Okay, I'm leaving now, don't worry.


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