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Winner!! Click Here for Your All Expenses Paid Vacation! by Mooning Moony
Chapter 7 : Succubus?
 
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Chapter Seven: Succubus?

They walked in the bank and to the nearest open goblin. Hagrid got out Harry’s key and handed it to him. “Mr. Potter needs to take out some money,” Hagrid said. Then he lowered his voice to a whisper. “And we need to take out you-know-what in vault you-know-which.” He concluded with a wink. The goblin, however, just stared.

“How the heck am I supposed to know what you are talking about? I just work here!” the goblin screamed.

“Vault 713, the package that Dumbledore gave you, which the whole plot of this story might completely lie?” Hagrid said.

“THANK you,” the goblin replied nastily.

The three of them got into a little cart and traveled down the dark and winding passageway. Hagrid fell out a few times, but they went back for him. After the sixth time, Harry and Griphook just left him. While they were speeding off, Hagrid had to fight 3 dragons and…a turtle?

“Back! Foul Succubus!” Hagrid screamed, fiercely fighting off the turtle.

Meanwhile, the goblin and Harry where done getting his gold and were heading towards…

“Vault Seven Hundred and Thirteen,” the goblin stated.

Screams of agony from Hagrid were heard from below. The Goblin grabbed the grubby little plot-defining package and got back in the cart. They sped off and picked up Hagrid just in time.

“Phew,” Hagrid sighed. “That was too close. Ya know ’Arry, I just might hafta get somethin’ real quick at the Leaky Cauldron.”

Harry nodded.  He did the shopping on his own while Hagrid headed back to the Leaky Cauldron.

“Five X Whiskey this time, Tom.”

Hagrid took a sip. “Hey! This ain’t Five X! I can still see! That rotten, cheating…” Hagrid got up and took a swing, but his punch only got as far as lifting his hand up before he collapsed to the floor and passed out.

Harry had gotten everything on his list, save for one thing—his wand. And this was the very thing he had been looking forward to most. He eagerly stepped into Ollivander’s Wand Shop and waited for Ollivander.

“I was wondering when I’d be seeing you here…Mr. Potter!” A voice said from the storeroom.

"Really? Because I've never seen you before..." Recognition dawned on Harry's face.  "Wait a minute! You are old guy who has been following a safe distance behind me for some time while I'm walking to school!"

Ollivander's eyes shifted back and forth nervously, and he walked quickly into the back room. But Ollivander muttered something that sounded remarkably like Darn Restraining Order.

“Let’s see. Which one will be best for you…” He picked a random wand from the endless shelves of wands. “Try this.”

Harry grabbed the wand and gave it a little wave. A small nuclear explosion that would take a nuclear physicist years to make up blows up half of the store.

“Hrmmm,” Ollivander said thoughtfully, “that might be it. It’s difficult to say. Give it another wave.”

Harry waves the wand again and Mr. Ollivander’s hair sets on fire. He runs around, screaming like a banshee until he finally decides to stop drop and roll. “Nope, nope, definitely not,” the frazzled man concludes.

He hands Harry another wand. Harry reluctantly waves it, and toxic fumes begin to engulf the room. Mr. Ollivander quickly goes back to his shelf and finds a new wand. He pauses at this one, staring at the wand for a good while. “Curious…it might just work…” he says to himself.

Harry takes the wand and gives it a wave. Electricity shoots through his entire body, making a tingling feeling in his fingers, and zapping his brain.  His hair stands on end and he passes out from electrocution.  After a few seconds, his heart finally restarts.

“Curious…very curious…” Ollivander said, staring intently in Harry’s green eyes.

“Sorry, but what’s so curious?” Harry panted as he stood up.

“It’s curious that you should be destined for this wand, when its *dun dun dun* brother gave you that scar.”

There is a tense silence for a couple minutes. “Er…sorry. But who gave me this scar?”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?!? Hey, Ernie! Get a load of this,” Ollivander screamed across the street, through his now half blown up store. “Harry Potter doesn’t even KNOW who killed his parents! AHHAHAHA!! Priceless!”

As the two guys are in hysterics from laughing so hard, Harry runs to the Leaky Cauldron, crying for Hagrid. But Hagrid is still very much unconscious.


Figure G. A Turtle. (Exactly the one Hagrid faced. Drawn to scale and just as scary.)

Food For Thought…
Why does the phrase “nuclear physicist” make you automatically think super genius? Are they nerdier than “rocket scientists”? And what about the use of the word “professional” as in “automotive sales professional”? Doesn’t that make you sick, or what?


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