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Defeating Voldie by swirling_vortex
Chapter 1 : Defeating Voldie
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 57

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This is the SEQUEL to "The Golden Trio Reads Fanfiction." Read that one first. It is a short one-shot.

This is the sequel to “The Golden Trio Reads Fanfiction,” which was my pointless one-shot fic but people kept bugging me to write a sequel. So here I am.

I have assumed that you have read the original, “The Golden Trio Reads Fanfiction.”

You have to assume that I do not assume that I know you have assumed that.

And if what I have assumed is wrong and you have not read the original, “The Golden Trio Reads Fanfiction,” then assume that Harry and Ron went over to Hermione’s house to surf the web.

But you should just assume that you do not know what is going on. That is, I am assuming that you have not read it.

So if I assume that you have not and you really have not and you assume that you will know what is going on then you have assumed wrongly and should assume that you are making false assumptions.

So you should assume what I have assumed unless you have already assumed what I have not assumed, by which you should go assume what you should assume using the directions to assume above.

~*Defeating Voldie*~
The Sequel to “The Golden Trio Reads Fanfiction*~

“Ooh, this looks good,” Hermione said. She clicked on the first fanfic in the humor section.
“I don’t think so,” Ron contradicted her. “Look!” he pointed to the chapter names.
“Harry Potter and the Evil Kangaroo” was chapter one. “Harry Potter and the Pop-Tart,” was chapter 2.
“What’s a Pop-Tart?” Ron asked, mystified.
“Oh, it’s a Muggle toaster treat,” Hermione dismissed with a wave of her hand.
“Hey!” Harry pointed to Chapter 18, titled “How Harry Defeated Lord Voldemort.”
Hermione clicked on it and Harry read it out loud.
“’Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does.’ Who’s J.K. Rowling?” Harry asked, greatly puzzled. “And why does she own me?” he added. Ron and Hermione shrugged. Harry decided to ignore it and went on.
“’Voldemort appeared in front of Harry with a swish of his cloak,’” Harry read. “’He yelled, “Ava Kedavra!!”’”
Ron squeaked in fright.
“’Harry ducked and yelled, “I will defeat you, Lord Voldie!!”’”
Hermione drew in a breath. “Lord VOLDIE?” she repeated in confusion. Harry shrugged and kept going on.
“’”You shall never defeat me!” Harry yelled. “You killed my father!”’
“Harry Potter,” Voldie said in a deep voice. “I AM YOUR FATHER.”’” Harry paused.
“You-Know-Who is your dad?” Ron said, very confused.
“I dunno,” Harry said, staring at the screen.
“’”Daddy!” Harry yelled. He ran up to Voldie and hugged him.’ But, that doesn’t make sense…Voldemort’s too old to be my father,” Harry said, puzzled.
Hermione and Ron looked just as confused.
“’And from then on, Harry and Voldie lived happily ever after,’” Harry finished.
“That was bloody c**p,” Ron said finally.
“Ron!” Hermione said disapprovingly.
“But it WAS,” Ron protested. “That was the bloodiest c**p I ever heard!”
Harry sighed. “Maybe some other story will tell me how to defeat Voldemort,” he said.
“Okay,” Hermione said. ‘Let’s do ‘Search.’” She clicked on “Search” and, in the keyword block, typed “How to Defeat Voldemort.”

Yes, how pathetic--Harry tries to find out how to defeat old Voldie by reading fanfiction? Yupyup.

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