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A Black Tie Affair by Umbridge Eater
Chapter 1 : That's one Scary Cherry
 
Rating: 12+Chapter Reviews: 35


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That’s one Scary Cherry

Harry got up out of his bed at Number 4 Privet Drive and stretched a giant of a stretch. What a wonderful day! This is such a good day, possibly the Dursley’s might be humane to me today! With this optimistic view, Harry got out of bed and started skipping down the stairs.

“And what are you so chipper about this morning, boy?” Uncle Vernon looked up from the newspaper to glare at his bouncing nephew.

“Er…it’s pretty outside today. Do you guys want to go run in sprinklers with me or anything? Mrs. Figg throws a mean slip ‘n’ slide party, but after the fourth cat goes down, there’s too much hair for us to continue…” Harry sadly remembers the last party Mrs. Figg threw, where all of her cats went before her, and by the time she got up, she was covered in a thin layer of hair as well and throughout the rest of the day she was hacking up hairballs.

“I don’t think I’d fit on one of those things. Don’t you have to be skinny?” Dudley asked as he shoveled more Belgium waffles with whipped cream and strawberries in his mouth.

“You are skinny, Duddy Dumperkins,” Aunt Petunia said, pinching her precious boy’s cheeks.

“Yeah, if you’re comparing to an elephant or something,” Vernon muttered under his breath, fluttering the paper as he did so.

“OOH!!” Harry exclaimed, rushing over and grabbing the paper out of his uncle’s hands and dangling it just above his reach. “Why’s there a red blob for a picture?” Harry was flipping through the pages with interest.

“It’s not a red blob!” Vernon’s temple began to throb.

Harry, noticing how strained his uncle looked, decided to keep this red blob joke going. “Really? Well, that’s one scary cherry then.” By the time Uncle Vernon had managed to get out of his seat at the table and start chasing him around, Harry had fashioned the page with the red blob into a sailor’s hat, and Harry began miming rowing a boat behind the coach. Then he walked down an escalator. Then…

“Boy! That was my best picture of a sunset I’ve taken all year!!” He ripped the sailor hat off Harry’s head and immediately started weeping because there was a crease right down the middle. “Now I can’t frame it…”

Aunt Petunia came out into the living room. “Are you sending anonymous pictures into the newspaper again? I thought those days of Vernon, nature photographer were long gone.” She glared at him threateningly. Uncle Vernon gulped.

“I have just the idea to get us all back on happy terms!!”

All three of them stared at the figure that had just burst open their door. Finally, Harry spoke as Dudley wandered out of the kitchen (finally!) with strawberry gunk dribbled all down his front.

“Dumbledore?” The old wizard beamed.

“Yes, it is I, and I’m proud to say that the Order is finding things rather drab this year, considering we have thwarted that puddy tat, name of Voldemort, one too many times, and he is not doing anything dangerous at the moment. So, come Muggle and wizard alike, to the first ever….ahem! where is my drum roll? *drums start up in the street, marching back and forth* Yes! Where was I? Ah, okay. The first ever Black Tie Affair!”

The Dursley’s looked at him for a second. “That can’t be the first annual one of those. Petunia and I just went to one last week.” Vernon said.

“But this one, dear old man, was not thrown by a powerful wizard with only a little more than half a brain, now was it?” When Uncle Vernon shook his head, Dumbledore clapped. Instantly, a thousand letters appeared in the living room.

“Feel free to read whichever you chose. That will let you know what colour you are to wear, what type of outfit, and the time at which you are to arrive. Pick carefully though; the invites will not distinguish between male and female. So, Harry, if you pick to wear a lacy haltered white satin dress…” Dumbledore shrugged, then disappeared with a swish of his cloak.

Dudley, the only one who seemed capable of moving after that, walked (or shall I say waddled) over to his uncle and grabbed the newspaper page from his hand.

“Harry’s right; that is one scary cherry.”

-----Hi guys!! It is I, the wonderful Umbridge Eater *bows and bangs her head on the desk* Right, well, that’s what I get for bowing to a computer screen with an invisible audience. This is some idea that popped into my head while watching Laguna Beach and reviewing Mooning Moony, so here it is? What do you think? Are my funny random thoughts and spans just way too random for your liking? Or…is this the most funniest thing you’ve ever read and all your hopes and dreams have been fulfilled by this wonderful piece as of yet? Just let me know by filling in the wonderful box this site has provided you ( and look! It’s blank too; no limitations on what you have to say! A free slate, if you will! An empty tapestry! A new page! A…*gets shoved away by Dudley walking over to pick up an invitation* AHA!! Next chapter, find out what everyone is assigned to wear. And, pray to whomever you want that it’s not the lacy halter satin dress Dumbledore mentioned. That would NOT be a pretty site, would it?? Hmm? HMMMMMMMM???

Lizzie, Queen of making short stories long (the point of that random rambling up there was to get you to review! Did it work? And also, I just had to add this in for Mooner. I love her!!! Go read her funny story, Winner! Click here for your all expenses paid vacation!, since it is way funnier than this little bit right here! Hasta la vista, baby!!


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