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Hunter by Peppercat
Chapter 1 : Hunter
 
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Hunter
By Dido

Hunter
By Me

My Dear Harry,

“With one light on
in one room,”

It’s going to be hard for me to write this letter, but it’s going to be even harder to do what it says and leave you.

“I know you're up
when I get home”

I’ve thought about this many times, so many that I can’t even recall the number. I’ve tried to ignore the feeling of being just a doll, smiling to everyone while my insides burns as it cannot get what it wants: you.

“With one small step
upon the stair,”

I’ve tried to understand, I’ve really tried to be patient, but how can I do what you ask me to and pretend I’m the happiest woman in this world, happily married to Great Harry Potter, if you are never there for me? I’ve tried for too long; I’m tired of being alone, fighting alone, never having a moment with you; and, it seems the only way you’ll pay attention to me is by escaping, running away, even if only for a night. This time, though, dawn will not come for you or me.

“I know your look
when I get there”

People think what is not. I am not happy. I love you, I don’t want to leave you, but I’m tired of having to wait until late night to see you, if you do get home. So many nights I laid awake on the bed, waiting hopefully for something I knew wasn’t coming; so many days spend lonely wandering where my feet took me, places full of people and places lonely as lost souls; so many times I thought I could tolerate it, so many times I told myself I was going to be strong and wait for you; so many times I waited patiently on the balcony, looking for you in the distance, although I knew I wouldn’t find you in the stars, in the sea, nor in the night; and so many people that think wrong, cause you’re not with me anymore.

”If you were a king up there on your throne,
would you be wise enough to let me go
For this queen you think you own”

I just hope you’ll understand and let me go. I realized I wasn’t living; I can’t call life a miserable existence between four walls, even if they are beautiful walls. I know you tried to give me everything I wanted, and I thank you, but you forgot what I really needed, you forgot to love me, you forgot to be there for me.

”Wants to be a hunter again,
wants to see the world alone again
To take a chance on life again,
so let me go”

There were times when I thought I had forgotten how your lips used to caress mine, how your hands used to touch my skin so softly it made me think it was the wind kissing it; I even thought I had forgotten how your kisses tasted. But I was wrong, I could never forget that. A million years can pass, but my soul, my body or my heart will never forget that; unfortunately, I cannot live of memories.

”The unread book
and painful look,
the tv's on,
the sound is down”

Before I knew you loved me, I used to wonder if I could ever give you enough, if I could ever make you feel what you made me feel every time you were near me, I wondered if I could ever put butterflies in your stomach; then, you told me I did, and I thought I had reached the top of world, and I did reach it, but I wasn’t the only one there.

“One long pause,
then you begin,
oh look what
the cat's brought in”

I know I’m being selfish, but I cannot help it. I want you just for me, only me! I don’t want to share you with the rest of the world, I want you to stay at home with me and never leave my side. I don’t want to share you with Africa, Asia, America; I don’t want you to help all those people that, in return, keep you away from me! I don’t want you to go fight Dementors, Giants, Goblins! I don’t care of there is a war out there! I don’t care if the world is falling part! I just care about you embracing me, about feeling your lips kissing my neck, kissing me! Speaking to me!

“If you were a king up there on your throne,
would you be wise enough to let me go
For this queen you think you own”

I sometimes think I don’t know you anymore. I get to know things about you from other people, even from the news, but I never hear anything from you, not anymore. I feel like someone who knows you by name, I’m not feeling like your woman anymore, I am not Mrs. Potter, maybe I will be never more.

”Wants to be a hunter again,
wants to see the world alone again
To take a chance on life again,
so let me go,
let me leave”

This is why I’ve decided to leave. When we were young, we used to have a friend called Ronald Weasley, remember him? He died yesterday. Here, in this house. He came looking for help, but there was nothing I could do for him. Maybe you could have, but you weren’t here. Yesterday, I realized I couldn’t go on like this and await the same destiny. I’m leaving, and I hope you now understand why.

”For the crown you've placed upon my head feels too heavy now
And I don't know what to say to you but I'll smile anyhow
And all the time I'm thinking,
Thinking”

Farewell my beloved Harry. Forgetting you will be impossible, but I’ve already started trying.

”I want to be a hunter again,
want to see the world alone again
To take a chance on life again,
so let me go”

Yours forever,

Hermione Granger




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