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Tales of Gilderoy by PIDGETandRAYYA
Chapter 7 : Chapter 7
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Chapter 7

Pid and Rayya hurried back to their Common Room as quietly as they could, while huddled underneath Pid’s Invisibility Cloak. They both failed to notice that Pid’s wand had fallen out of her pocket when they left the scene of a very adult form of entertainment in Snape’s Dungeon.

Fortunately for them, the room was empty and the last flickering flames of the fire cast the only light in the, otherwise, dark space. They both dropped into armchairs that were situated in front of the fireplace. Rayya snorted, while Pid sniggered.

Eventually the girls managed to control themselves and Pid gasped, “Did you see Snape? I never thought I’d live to see the day!”

Rayya choked and gasped for air while tears streamed down her face. “I never wanted to live to see the day. Urgh! What was McGonagall thinking? She must be out of her mind! Snape of all people.” She paused before adding, “Do you realise how many points we’d lose if they knew that we had seen them ‘doing it’! I mean, really, they were acting worse than a pair of hormonal teenagers! It was disgusting! I’ll have nightmares for the rest of my life, I’ll be scarred forever!”

“Speaking of hormonal teenagers, isn’t Lockhart cute! I wouldn’t mind seeing him in the buff!” Pid said dreamily.

“That’s off, Pid! Really off! You can’t be serious!” Rayya exclaimed, her voice tinged with horror.

“Do you think that he’d look the same, Lockhart I mean. Do you think his is as...”

She didn’t get to finish her thought because Rayya had leaned over and clamped her hand firmly over her friend’s mouth. “I...really...don’!” she hissed. Once she was sure that Pid had heeded her warning, she removed her hand and added, “I’m going to have lifelong nightmares and I’ll be in therapy for at least fifty years and you want to make it worse.”

“Sorry, Rayya!” Pid exclaimed. She started to snigger again and then added, “But you’ve got to admit that Snape didn’t look too bad... for a teacher.”

“You’re incorrigible, Pid. It’s totally wrong that oldies do it. It’s sick! It shouldn’t be allowed! They should be sent to Azkaban for evening thinking about it!”

“You’re being a prude, Rayya!” Pid said, laughing even harder.

“At least my mind isn’t in the gutter like yours is Pid! Is that really all you can think about , Pid? You’re worse than a boy!”

Pid made to answer her, but Rayya cut her off quickly, “No! Don’t tell me! I so don’t want to know.”

“Your loss then!” Pid exclaimed gleefully.

“Ewwww! Pid!”

Suddenly a voice called from behind them, “Can’t you two keep it down to a dull roar? Only some of us are trying to sleep!”

“Yeah, right, Joe! We believe you!” Rayya said laughing.

Joe Piallest stood behind them, having just walked through the portrait hole, he carried a bulging sack and a cheeky grin was plastered over his face. He ignored Rayya’s comment and asked, “So, what have you two been up to? You certainly haven’t been sneaking food from the kitchen.”

“Oh, you’ll find out soon enough, Mr Piallest,” Pid grinned.

“So, what have you two done that you need therapy for?” he asked.

Rayya put on her most innocent smile and replied, “Nothing, Joe. We’ve done absolutely nothing.”

“Now who’s lying? Okay, so what did you hear?”

Both girls burst out laughing and Rayya was forced to hold her side as she got a stitch. Joe didn’t look too amused.

“Come on, tell me!” he demanded.

“We heard some moans and groans,” Pid explained, trying hard to stop laughing, but finding it next to impossible.

“Peeves, I’ll bet! Nothing funny there.”

“It wasn’t Peeves. It was...”

“What are you three doing out of bed at this hour? It’s two in the morning!” the icy voice of Professor McGonagall said from behind them.

The three of the them turned to face their Head of House.

“Ummm, we... we were,” Pid stammered.

“Trying to...” Rayya continued.

“sneak food from the kitchen,” Joe finished off, displaying the illicit horde of food.

“Right, I’ll take that!” McGonagall said, as she grabbed hold of the bag and peered inside it. “What do we have here? Strawberries, cream, chocolate biscuits,, you were busy weren’t you! Right, so that’ll be twenty points off for sneaking around the castle at night.”

They groaned.

“From each of you! Dentention tomorrow night at eight o’clock as well. I’ll decide after breakfast where you’ll serve it. Now, off to bed and don’t let me catch you up again.”

They turned to head up to their respective dorms.

“Oh, and Miss Ko!”

Pid stopped and look back from the third step of the stairs.

“Here, you must have dropped this after your Potions class this afternoon.” McGonagall held out Pid’s wand.

Pid hurried over to her, took her wand, thanked her and headed back towards the stairs.

Once the three students were gone, a gleam entered Minnie’s eyes and she turned on her heels, clutching the confiscated horde of food tightly in her hand.

“I think Sevvie could do with dessert,” she muttered happily to herself – leaving no ambiguity to her meaning.

* * * * *

The next morning, their first lesson was Defence Against the Dark Arts with Lockhart. Pid and Rayya exchanged looks as they waited by the golden statue to go in.

A few people were already snickering at the ostentatious display of ego outside the classroom door. They were wondering how bad it was going to be inside the room itself. Everyone knew that last time Lockhart taught at Hogwarts, he had the walls covered with paintings of himself and he wrote all the class text books. Different authors wrote the books this year, but everyone was sure that nothing else would have changed.

Lockhart appeared at the end of the corridor and strode towards them. At breakfast he had appeared at the Head Table wearing a grey robe and matching suit, but now, barely half an hour later, he was wearing a sky blue robe, matching suit and a lacy white necktie. His blonde hair was primped to perfection and a curl fell fetchingly across his forehead.

Pid almost swooned and Rayya looked at her disgusted. Half the class, all the girls except Rayya, were sighing like mad things. Rayya stood there thinking that it would be kinder to put them out of their misery and the boys shared disgusted looks with each other.

“I’d like you all to pay close attention to the pictures as you enter the classroom – I will be asking you some questions about them in class and for your homework. In you go!”

Lockhart waited for them to move ahead of him, he was the last to enter the room. He waited patiently listening to the ‘Ooohs’ and ‘Ahhs’ that were peeling forth from the room, moving steadily further away and he imagined the looks on their faces as they studies his magnificent form in the medium of oils.

In reality the class was sniggering, pointing and jabbering their friends with their elbows. The appreciative ‘Ooohs’ and ‘Ahhhs’ were not, as he had supposed, directed to his athletic and rugged good looks (where’s my bucket – I need to be sick), but they were in response to the childish scrawled messages written all over the majority of the pictures. The subject in each scowled mightily, with the curl bobbing fetchingly from side to side as they shook their heads in dismay.

In one picture, Lockhart, was standing on a pinnacle of rock with his right foot resting on top, his other foot on the ground and his body leaning over the extended foot in a dramatic pose, and it had ‘look at my poncy butt’ scrawled over it in flashing pink paint.

Another picture, Lockhart facing a troll who held a young child by the arms, the child’s mother huddled on the floor and gripping Lockhart’s legs, pleading for him to save her child and Lockhart, who’s neck was at an impossible angle to signify the dramatic nature of the event, was defaced with, ‘let go of me you stupid woman, can’t you see I want to run away?!’

I could go on for hours describing each of the paintings, but that would leave me with no time to describe the room itself.

Inside the room proper, the chalkboard hadn’t been left out of the graffiti and had such slogans as ‘Gryffindors Great – Slytherin Suck’ and ‘What’s better than a Slytherin? – Anything!’

Merriment was high when the combined Slytherin and Gryffindor class sat down at their desks – that is until the Slytherins saw what was written on the blackboard – then the tension could be cut with a knife it was so thick.

Lockhart stormed in the room, looking dramatic, and announced, “I expect that there are some jealous people around. No matter! Right here you go. Let’s see what you can do with these little beasties!”

He flung the cover off a cage that contained – you guessed it – Cornish Pixies.

Having heard of what these creatures did the first time they made an appearance at Hogwarts, no one laughed. There wasn’t even a smirk, not even from the Slytherins. Indeed, you could say that the class as a whole looked rather grim.

“Never fear! Nothing can harm you while I am here.”

Pid looked at Rayya and mouthed, “like last time!”

Morgi wasn’t so cautious and her anger over the statements coloured her tone, she accused him in a derisive voice, “Like you protected your class the first time? You left them to it!”

“I was testing their ingenuity. Now, it’s your turn!”

So saying, he opened the cage door and the Pixies flew out of the cage and started to wreck havoc around the room. They didn’t get far, however. Everyone raised their wands as one and shouted “Impedimenta!” It was most impressive and one thing you can say about the Hogwarts grapevine is that once the story had made the rounds, everyone young and old had made it their business to learn the magic needed if they were ever faced with the same situation. It was a classic case of once bitten, twice shy. The Pixies froze and everyone scrambled to grab them and put them back into the cage.

“See! Nothing to it!” Lockhart beamed at them. “Now, I suggest that you take notes on what you saw in the pictures as you came in. You need to explain the one you identified with the most. Your other task for homework is to design an award for me. As I’m sure you’re all aware, I have been the recipient of numerous awards, amongst them I was given the Witch Weekly’s Most Brilliant Smile Award five times running.”

Everyone groaned.

Lockhart took a breath and was about to continue when the bell rang. “You may go.”

They all scampered out as quickly as they could.

“Did you see his face when he saw the room?” Snooper asked.

“Yeah, he didn’t sound too happy about it,” Pid said, managing to hide the growing smirk by rummaging in her bag.

“Well, I certainly didn’t think much of the childish slogans,” Morgi snapped as she went by. She stopped and looked back at them, “When I find out who did it, they’ll be very sorry. You can tell them that as well!”

The huddle of Gryffindors looked at each other and shrugged.

* * * * *

At lunch Rayya, Pid and Joe were found by Professor McGonagall and informed that they were to serve detention that night. Pid was to clean Lockhart’s classroom, Rayya was to serve hers with Professor Snape, while Joe was required to help in the Library. Other than Pid, neither Joe nor Rayya knew what would be required of them.

When McGonagall had left, Rayya moaned, “How will I ever keep a straight face? It’s going to be torture!”
Pid laughed.

* * * * *

Later that night found Rayya in the dungeons struggling, as she had predicted, to keep a straight face, but not for the reason she had first thought.

Professor Snape, Sevvie, was waxing lyrically about Professor McGonagall, Minnie, in an undercurrent of continuous sound. It made it very hard to correctly label the potion ingredients that he had presented her with upon her arrival.

Finally Rayya gave up and sat there watching him. Snape finally managed to focus his attention on her and asked, in a voice that tried to growl but came out simpering, “Well, what’s wrong now?”

“Sorry, Professor, but I can’t concentrate. You’re mumbling too much and some of these look very similar and I don’t want to make a mistake in the labelling,” Rayya explained, getting ready to cringe at the onslaught that was sure to follow in the wake of her explanation.

“Can’t concentrate, hummm! Well that won’t do!” he paused and picked up a comb. “You’re a girl...”

Rayya’s eyes almost popped out of her head and she started to blush.

“Don’t get any ideas Miss Brown! I meant that as a female, you ought to know what they like...”

Rayya blushed even harder and stammered something unintelligible.

“Again, I’m not expressing myself adequately. Like in appearance, Miss Brown. Pray keep your mind out of the gutter.”

“What about appearance?” Rayya asked nervously.

“My hair. How should I wear it?”

“Your hair!” Rayya exclaimed, stunned.

“Yes, my hair. Minnie... Professor McGonagall didn’t like how I wore it the other night and I wish to find a way that will please her. As a female, you should know about this sort of grooming requirement and will know better than I, what will look pleasing.” Snape explained, feeling, not for the first time, rather foolish in his endeavour to find a suitable hairstyle.

Rayya stood up and walked over to him, trying hard not to snigger. She took the comb from him and set to work.

* * * * *

Pid, meanwhile, having finished cleaning the classroom, was sitting at a desk in Lockhart’s office addressing envelopes. His fan mail seemed to have increased a thousand fold since his memory was wiped and later restored.

It was boring, but when he went into his private study to check on his hair, Pid took the opportunity to read the letter he was currently writing.

“Dear Hermione,

I miss you so much. Without you, my life is empty and lacklustre. You know that I cannot bear for my life to be dull.

No doubt you are missing my winning smile and charming manners, to say nothing about my prowess in the bedroom. I have had my hair freshly permed just for you.

I am positive that you want to set a date for another tete-a-tete. I am free at your convenience and you will definitely live up to my expectations.

Please let me know when you want me,

Your loving
Gilderoy Lockhart.”

Pid quickly averted her eyes and resumed writing addresses when Lockhart swaggered back in, his hair buffier than ever.

The rest of her detention dragged on and on....

* * * * *

Joe was in the Library helping Professor McGonagall with some research.

“What are you looking for, Professor? These books are really old and they’re from the Restricted Section!” Joe asked in wonder, never having been in that area of the Library before.

“We are going to be taking notes about a wizard family. I want to know what their likes and dislikes were and how they wielded their power.”


“Because Professor Dumbledore wants to surprise Professor Snape with a little family history for his birthday.”

“Oh! Is there anything in particular you were after?”

“No, anything that looks interesting. Dungeons, furnishings of their houses focusing on, oh say, their bedrooms for example.”

Not getting the drift of this, Joe murmured, “Okay!”

He was left to wonder why he was researching the bedroom furnishings of the Snape family. He had absolutely no idea since he wasn’t privy to the information currently held by the two pranksters, Pidget and Rayya.

Silence descended on the Library. It was soon broken by Joe’s snort of repressed laughter.

“What is it, Mr Piallest?”

“Oh! Nothing, Professor.”

“I hardly think it was nothing when it warranted such a noise.”

“It’’s just that...the...”

“Spit it out!” McGonagall demanded.

“It’s just that the Snapes' have a thing for orgies,” Joe finished in a rush. He was bright red.

“I’m not looking for that sort of information,” Minnie said evenly, but secretly she was thrilled.

Joe dropped the book and sniggered loudly, making no effort to hide it.

“What is it this time?”

“It’s just that it was two brothers with a servant girl.”

“Really, Mr Piallest! I’m beginning to think that you want another detention tomorrow night.”

“Sorry, Professor.”

The rest of the evening was uneventful – that is, outside of Minnie’s head.

Inside she was getting ideas about having a threesome with Sevvie and Lockie. What a fantastic idea but, how to bring the subject to Sevvie’s attention? She thought furiously for a while. Then the idea hit her.

The Sandwich was a position they hadn’t tried yet, owing to the fact that it needed three people. The plan was in motion.

* * * * *

When the three Gryffindor detainees had finished their tour of duty, they exchanged notes on what had happened during the previous night.

While they were discussing those events avidly, Minnie was making her way to Sevvie’s room for some more Muggle Studies experience.

She opened the door and was greeted by Sevvie wearing a new hairstyle; his hair was still slightly damp.

“Oh! Sevvie!” Minnie exclaimed in a husky whisper.

“One hundred points to Gryffindor” he thought, as he pulled her closer to him.

As always, please read and review. Thanks.

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