Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, JK Rowling does. Big surprise I'm sure.
A/N: Edited (and hopefully improved) as of April 2011.
Chapter 2: Only Brave Men (Or Idiots)
Sirius edged closer to where she was curled up reading a book and considered the best way to approach her about James. He knew he couldn't use the same tactics he'd used with him; he sincerely doubted she'd be jealous if he told her he was thinking of asking James out. She was a tough one to crack so Sirius reckoned he had three options: ask her straight out if she liked him; hint oh-so-casually that James liked her; or tease her about liking him until she confessed. He decided to go down the list.
He plonked himself down beside her and scratched his head. After all, with James it had been rather easy, despite his initial protests, since he'd known that if he went too far James would punch him and that would be that. But with Evans...she was female, and female meant unpredictable.
"Well..." he began, hesitantly, "so, what's with you and James?"
"Huh?" She didn't bother to look up and continued reading her book.
"Do you fancy him, or what?"
She, however, had a different reaction to James when he had been accused of fancying Lily and didn't actually mumble, blush and deny it profusely. In fact, she didn't even look up from her book as she snorted, "He wishes!"
"What?" Sirius was dumbfounded. He had been prepared for outraged denial,
uncontrollable laughter, anything. But she didn't seem bothered at all.
It was Sirius's completely shell-shocked expression that finally cracked her; her eyes widened in surprise and her mouth curved into a broad grin. "What? You really think that I fancy Potter? You're serious?"
Sirius jumped out of his skin as she roared with laughter, collecting annoyed glances from around the room. She gripped her stomach as though she was in terrible pain and she went stop sign red, with tears rolling down her cheeks in mirth.
Relieved that he had eventually elicited some sort of response that he could deal with, Sirius still stumbled over his words as he tried in vain to calm her down. "Er… I think- Evans? Are you listening to me? WILL YOU STOP LAUGHING?"
Lily finally managed to reign in her guffaws and put on her serious face. Sirius mistakenly thought that he now had her full attention, even if her eyes were still a little unfocused and every now and then she let out a giggle.
"Well…" He gulped and forced himself to continue. Hysterical girls were seriously scary but he told himself that it was for the Greater Good- he just had to lay back and think of England. Metaphorically speaking. "I'm sorry, but I'm just worried about him." He looked at her with puppy dog eyes, hoping that she'd take him seriously and be won over.
She had ceased laughing uncontrollably but Sirius realised that she was still going to be a hard case to crack, as she raised a sceptical eyebrow.
"He looks fine to me." She glanced over to where James was giggling madly at Remus's newly coloured bright orange hair, and was obviously not traumatised or upset in any way.
"Oh, but he covers it well. He's dying inside." Sirius mentally cursed his friend for picking that moment to stop acting like a miserable git. James had been moping around all week since he'd been shown the error of his ways in the Evans department because he now knew what he had to do- ask her out. A daunting prospect indeed. However, Sirius cheered when he realised what she'd said. "Do you mean okay-fine? Or fine-fine?" He winked.
Lily glared suspiciously at him. "Did Potter put you up to this? Or is this your own deranged creation?"
"My own deranged creation." He grinned proudly. "It's just that James has been talking in his sleep lately. 'Red…gorgeous…kiss…', that sort of thing.I thought it might be you, since you're such a good friend and all."
Lily looked flustered, Sirius was pleased to notice. Flustered was good. That meant it affected her. Operation: Get-James-To-Admit-To-Fancying-Lily-Then-Ask-Her-Out-Successfully-While-Simultaneously-Making-Sirius-Look-Fantastic was in full swing.
Tuesday 14th November
Earlier got v. v. angry. Kicked wall was so furious. Hurt like hell.
Stupid boys again. Idiots.
Thought they could trick me but I'm too clever.
Was told Potter, who shall hereafter be referred to as Stupid Boy #1, fancies me. HA! In itself, this would be v. unbelievable but was told said lie by Black, who shall hereafter be referred to as Stupid Boy #2.
Do I look that thick? I must.
Stupid Boy #2 was to get confession out of me (HA! WOULD NOT HAPPEN! NEVER SURRENDER!). Stupid Boys #1 and #2 would then play v. embarrassing prank. On me. Again. Hilarity would ensue, I'm sure, for anyone who isn't ME!
Hate Stupid Boys.
Must make list to feel better. Lists soothe. Lists calm. Lists relax. Lists bring about world domination. (MEMO TO SELF: Need new obsession.)
WHY I HATE STUPID BOYS BY LILY EVANS
1. They are deeply stupid boys (and prank me when I'm PMS-ing. Do they not understand the wrath of the female?)
2. They are (damn them!) v. v. clever boys and beat me at nearly every damn subject. Did I mention that I hate stupid boys?
3. They are exceedingly immature (and find 'arse' a funny word. Morons.)
4. They are decidedly arrogant and assume (incorrectly!) that anything with a pulse finds them deeply attractive.
5. They are annoyingly attractive. (Why can't the boys I like be that nice-looking?)
6. They are mean (and insist on carrying out at least two surprise pranks a day on an unsuspecting student.)
7. They are mean to ME (and insist on carrying out at least two surprise pranks a day on an unsuspecting ME!)
8. They are particularly obsessed with knickers, bodily fluids and Snape's girly features. (What, are they in love with him or something?)
9. They smell. (I'm running out of reasons now. This can't be a good sign.)
10. They are nice, dammit! They are stupid, clever, immature, arrogant, attractive, mean, smelly, nice boys. I laugh, play, and plot with them. The Stupid Boys are my Stupid friends. I play stupid games, laugh at stupid things and pull stupid pranks.
Still. Mad. I'm meant to be a friend. Still they try to humiliate me. Stupid Boys. I hate them.
P.S. I think I'm in love with Stupid Boy #1.
A/N: As always, please review!