Chapter 16 : Mother?
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It was one of the pictures from my ultrasound a few days ago. I watched Nevaeh move around. A few days ago, she was a healthy and growing baby girl. Now she was gone. I looked past the picture frame at the little pink teddy bear. My heart sank a little.
“I can’t believe I’m going to be a dad.” James gushed.
It’s been about a week since I’ve told James about my pregnancy. Besides Dom, no one else knew. It was late at night. We were laying on the common room floor in front of the fireplace. While there was no one around at this hour, I just wasn’t ready for the news of my pregnancy to be out yet.
“James.” I giggled. “Shhh.”
“I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I’m just so excited.”
“I know you are.” I said, snuggling up to him.
I was very pleased with how James was reacting to the situation. In all honesty, I was nervous how he would act in light of recent events. We were both working hard to push past all the dark and negative stuff in our lives.
He was so excited to become a dad. I was so excited to be a Mum. I loved my baby with everything I had. I placed my hands on my stomach. It felt like a part of me was missing. There was a part of me missing.
I turned my head to look over at James. He stood at the foot of my bed with a glass of water and a pill.
“Here’s your sleeping aid to take whenever.” He said, placing the glass on my bedside table. “You know, tomorrow is Christmas.”
I stared up at the ceiling. He was right. Tomorrow was Christmas. In light of recent events, I totally forgot about the holiday.
“We’re supposed to go to The Burrow.” James continued. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. We can stay home.”
I blinked and tore my gaze away from the ceiling. I looked over at James.
“No, we’ll go.” I said. “I’ll feel better in the morning.”
James looked at me but he didn’t say anything. We both knew that I was not okay but neither of us were going to say it aloud. James placed a kiss on my forehead.
“I love you.” He whispered.
I pulled the covers up closer.
“Mummy, where do babies come from?” I asked my mother in the middle of the supermarket.
My mother placed the carton of milk in our trolley and looked at me. I sat in the basket, smiling up at her.
“The storks sweetie.” Mum replied.
“Why did the storks only bring you one baby Mummy?” I asked.
Mum paused, looking down at the groceries in the trolley. She then looked back up at me.
“Because they decided you were all that I needed.”
A knock on my door pulled me out of my thoughts. I glanced over at the door. I debated for a moment on if I should let them in or pretend to be asleep.
“Come in.” I called out.
I instantly regretted those words as soon as they came out of my mouth. I watched the door open and the person walked into the room.
I was in a shock. I haven’t seen my mother in almost half a year. She missed my birthday, holidays, Al accident, and my announcement of my pregnancy but here she was now.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. “Is Papa here?”
“Your father is downstairs with Mr. Potter.” Mum said. “Mr. Potter and his wife contacted us to let us know you were in the hospital.”
“I was in a car accident.” I stated.
“Yes, I’ve been told. I’ve also been told you became a mother yourself.” Mum questioned.
“Not anymore.” I mumbled. “She died. I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know where you guys were.”
“Can I sit?” Mum asked.
I pointed to the foot of the bed. Mum took a seat. She looked awkward and stiff. It felt weird seeing my mother. I’ve been living with the Potters for so long that it felt like they were my family more than my own.
“How are you feeling?” She asked.
“Fine.” I muttered, picking at a loose sheet thread. “I’m fine.”
“Mhmm.” My mother hummed. “Isabelle darling, do you remember when you asked me where babies came from?”
“Yes, you told me they came from storks.” I answered.
“And do you remember how you asked why the storks didn’t bring me any more babies?” She asked.
“You said they decided that I was all you needed.”
“The truth is, when you were around six years old, I got pregnant again. Your father and I were so thrilled to give you a brother or sister. We wanted to wait a little bit before we told you. Then one night, I woke up with these horrid cramps in my stomach. They were miserable. We took you next door while your father took me to the hospital. I was informed by my doctor that I was having a miscarriage. No explanation why, just that my body was rejecting the baby. I lost him or her that night.” My mother said.
I sat there, soaking all the information in. I never knew my mother was going to have another baby. I never knew she lost said baby.
“Is that why you never tried for another baby?” I asked.
“Yes.” Mum explained. “I was devastated. I felt like I failed at the one thing I was supposed to do. I was supposed to protect that baby and I didn’t.”
I let my mother’s words sink in. They hurt like knives because she was right. While most of me screamed to blame James for the death of Nevaeh, part of me blames myself. She should’ve been safe inside me. I should’ve protected her. Instead, I sent her into a stress that killed her. I pulled my legs up to my chest, trying hard to keep my tears from spilling over. I failed.
“I was supposed to protect her.” I cried. “I got hurt and it ended up hurting her more.”
“I know sweetie.” My mother whispered, holding out her arms.
Like a small child, I crawled out from under the covers and into my mother’s lap. I wrapped my arms around her as I sobbed into her chest.
“I miss her.” I cried. “I miss her so much.”
“I understand sweetie.” Mum cooed, brushing strands of my hair.
“Yes sweetie?” My mother asked little six-year-old me.
“Can I have a brother?”
“A baby brother?” She asked.
“Yeah!” I said, all excited. “Can you ask the storks to bring me a brother.”
“Isabelle darling, that isn’t how it works.” Mum explained.
“No.” She said. “The storks decide if they’ll bring you a baby or not. You can’t ask.”
“Well why not?” I asked stubbornly.
“It’s just how things work.” Mum said.
When I woke up, my mother was gone. I was still laying in the spot where she was, a blanket draped over me. I pushed the covers off and climbed out of bed. I walked out of my room and down the stairs to the kitchen. I swung the door open and found my parents sitting there with Harry and Ginny.
“Papa.” I whispered, walking over to him, and planting a kiss on his cheek. “Te he echado de menos.”
“Yo tambien dulzura.” Papa replied.
“Are you guys staying for Christmas?” I asked, switching back into English.
“Sadly no.” Mum said. “We’re on to our next portion of our trip.”
There’s still places for them to visit? They’ve been gone for six months, where else do they need to go? I need my parents here with me.
“Oh.” I said. “Well, I hope it’s fun.”
“You seem to be in great hands here.” Papa said, smiling at Harry and Ginny. “You two are wonderful for letting our daughter stay with you.”
“Yes, well, Belle has become part of the family.” Ginny said. “She’s welcomed here any time.”
I could tell that smile on her face was fake and forced. I knew how Ginny felt about my parents. She couldn’t believe that they had no problem with just leaving me.
“Here.” Papa said, handing me a bag of gold. “Feliz Navidad mi amor.”
“You too Papa.” I whispered.
He pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead.
“Joyeux Noël ma cherie.” Mum said.
“Bye.” I whispered.
I watched them pull out their wands and disappear with a loud crack. I looked at the empty spots were they once stood. Who knew when I would next see my parents again.
“Belle, are you hungry?” Ginny asked. “I can make you something up.”
“Um…no, I’m fine.” I said. “Thank you. I think I’m just going to take a shower and then go to bed.”
I pushed myself away from the table. As I headed over to the kitchen door, James walked in. He locked eye contact with me and we both just stood there for a moment. Part of me wanted to be cold and harsh with him. Another part of me remembered how it felt when he was cold to me. I could see the devastation in his eyes too. A few months ago, he lost his brother. Now, he’s lost his daughter too.
“Come with me.” I whispered, holding out my hand.
He looked down at my outstretched hand. He kept his arms stiff by his side. His gaze flickered up to my eyes. He glanced back down at my hand before turning around and leaving the kitchen. I stood there in shock, my hand still stretched out. I jerked my arm back down to my side and looked over at Harry and Ginny. They both looked at me but didn’t say a word. I turned and left the kitchen. I made my way straight upstairs, not even giving James the curtesy of a knock.
“What the hell James.” I snapped, all my anger from the past couple of days boiling up inside me. “What the hell was that about?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Bloody fucking shit you don’t. You’re ignoring me. Why the hell are you ignoring me?” I yelled.
“James, shut the hell up with excuses and answer the bloody question.” I snapped.
“Fine, I can’t look at you without feeling like shit.” James yelled. “Every time I looked at you, I see our baby. The baby that is no longer here because of me.”
No. He is not going to act like this.
“No, you don’t get to ignore me. I’m miserable. I’m suffering. I don’t even know what to do.” I yelled, my tears threatening to overflow. “You are supposed to help me through this. We’re supposed to grieve together for the loss of our child.”
I was full on sobbing. I was furious. Everything was just finally being let out.
“I need you to tell me it’s going to be okay damn it.” I cried. “I need you to help me through this holiday. I just need you by my side damn it. I fucking need you.”
James stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. He pulled me close and I sobbed my heart out into his chest.
“I’m sorry Belle.” He whispered into my ear, gently rubbing my back. “I’m sorry.”
“Damn it James, grow a pair.” I cried into his chest. “I can’t do this alone.”
“You aren’t.” James whispered. “I’m done running. I’m right here whenever you need me.”
“Okay.” I whispered.
Author’s Note- First off, quote disclaimer. The okay part at the end is from the Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Secondly, what did you think about Belle’s parents making a quick appearance? From the moment I started writing this story, I decided I just didn’t like Belle’s parents.
Leave a review, tell me what you think.
I’d like to give a huge huge shout out to Putitonpaper. She just read my story and reviewed on every single chapter. Thank you so much darling for the reviews and I hope you like this chapter as well
Te he exhado de menos- I’ve missed you.
Yo tambien dulzura – Me too sweetie.
Feliz Navidad mi amor – Merry Christmas my love
Joyeux Noël ma Cherie – Merry Christmas my sweetie
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