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Social Darwinism by Chivalrous
Chapter 17 : The Happening That Happened When the Queen Got Drunk + A Food Fight That Ends in War
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 3

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(c) to lilscratchy @ tda

"Don't worry about the damage done
Just let those words roll off your tongue."

Say You Do by Dierks Bentley

“How much of an idiot are you?” I snarled at the worker. He was a spineless, little man with a thin tuft of blonde hair and watery blue eyes. “Does this look like pumpkin spice to you?” I shook the fabric he’d brought me in his face. “This is orange you, ignoramus! I ordered pumpkin spice!”

“Of course, of course.” He picked the fabric back up. “I’ll go fetch the right one!”

“Thank you!” I sneered as he scurried away. “Am I a bad person?” I wondered aloud as I rubbed my temples.

“Of course not, Maxima,” Persephone immediately answered. “People are just stupid.”

“Sep is right,” Arya agreed. “He should totally know the difference between eggshell and cream, who doesn’t?”

“Here ma’am is this right?” The little man returned.

I scrutinized the fabric carefully before I nodded. “Yes, this is wonderful—” I glanced at his name tag. “Craig. Thank you so much.” I beamed at him and he smiled back, blush creeping up his neck.

“It was my pleasure, Miss Brankovitch.” Craig flushed a darker red. “Can I get you anything else?”

I looked across the fabric store in thought and then turned to Craig with a smile. “Well, if you could be a doll and fetch me that onyx sheer fabric? And some of the sheer fabric in charcoal?”

Craig gave me a dogged smile. “Of course, course…” I grinned at his retreating back. Godric, what a thrill, it is to tell people what to do.

I tiredly walked through the portrait hole with my heavy bags of clothes in my hands. I had commanded Persephone and Arya take the previously chosen fabrics to India Pritchard. She was the Don of Hosting and therefore in charge of the annual Monster Bash aka Halloween party which is what the fabrics were for. I was on my Parley, flipping through my texts when I heard my name being called.

“Max!” Albus called and I watched as he got up from where he was sitting with Altaira Swann, Elijah Sloper, and Pierce McLaggen. He bowled straight through a group of third years to get to me. “Hey!” He grinned at me. “Let me take your bags.” He took them from my hands.

“Oh well, thank you.” I smiled at him as I placed my phone in my purse. My tan legs were covered by black tights and suede, black, knee-high boots. I wore a navy skirt that barely reached mid-thigh and a collared white button-up that was covered by a long-sleeved, round-necked, black sweater.

Albus’ eyes raked over me just as everyone else’s eyes were doing. I never get tired of seeing people’s envious stares when I enter a room. Godric, what a thrill.

We walked over to the staircase and Albus turned to me. “Wait, I can’t go up there.”

“Why of course you can.” I smiled and waved my wand. “Here.” I levitated him up the stairs in front of me.

“How’d you know this would work?” Albus asked, grinning.

“Please.” I smiled mischievously. “I learned how to sneak boys into my room when I was a second year.”

I floated him into my dorm room and set him down.

“That was so much fun!” Albus grinned even broader and I laughed. I fluffed my brunette waves off my shoulder and squeezed his arm.

“Go ahead take a load off.” I motioned to my perfectly made bed. You could bounce a quarter off that shit.

Everyone’s section was neat except for guess who…that’s right, Weasel. Her area looked like a wild Crumple-Horned Snorkack had ravaged it and I swear there was something besides her Care of Magical Creatures textbook living underneath her bed.

Albus sat down uncomfortably on my trunk.

“You can sit on my bed it’s not a crime.” I laughed and he smiled back awkwardly.

“You sure? It’s really neat.” He smoothed out the lime green, sky blue, and navy colored duvet.

I gently squeezed his arm again. “I promise.”

He grinned. “Alright.” And kicked off his sneakers before climbing up and flopping on my many pillows. “You have a TV in here!”

I laughed as I sat on my trunk and unzipped my boots. “It’s a projector, but yeah same thing.” I set the boots down beside my trunk and climbed up beside Albus. “Mind if I join you?” I asked.

“Well, it is your bed.” Albus reminded me.

“True…” I wiggled around to get comfortable. “Hey what was your grade on that essay on Golpalott’s Third Law?” I asked as we stared up at my ceiling.

“I got a ruddy A!” he groaned. “Professor Baddock said that I didn’t fully explain the law in its entirety. I just “skimmed over” the true meaning.”

I just laughed. Baddock really was an ass when it came to Potions. He adored me though (as all professors did) and called me his star pupil.

“What’d you make?” Albus asked. “No wait, don’t tell me you got an O?”

I blushed and remained silent.

“You got an O!” Albus sat up and looked over at me.

I giggled and nodded.

“You bloody jerk!” He hit me with one of my pillows. “You’re the only person in the whole class who got an O! Well except Malfoy, but he doesn’t count, because he actually enjoys Potions.”

“Hey, don’t hate on smart people!” I hit him back with a pillow.

“You know what?” Albus held up his hands. “I don’t care and I don’t even want to know what you made on our Transfiguration quiz.”

I just laughed and settled back on my pillows.

“I should be going.” Albus started to get up.

I pushed him back. “No wait, have a drink with me.” I smiled. I wasn’t sure if I was baiting Albus or genuinely wanted to spend time with him. Hm, I think I’ll go with baiting.

Albus looked at me strangely. “There’s nothing to drink.”

I just rolled my eyes and faced the wall above my headboard. I tapped one of the stones with my wand and a small door slid open. It was a large collection of wizarding and Muggle drinks. I grinned at Albus. “Pick your poison, bubba.”

“Any Firewhisky?”

I grabbed the keg out of the alcove and shut it back. “Somebody wants to get drunk tonight huh?” I laughed as I grabbed two glasses out of my bedside table. I poured each of us a glass.

“Just want to have a drink is all.” He smiled mischievously.

“Sure,” I replied as we clinked glasses and Albus downed his in one gulp. “I feel like I’ve corrupted you.”

He grinned. “You have.”

I rolled my eyes and waved my wand. My specially imported white curtains snapped shut and I laced a heavy Silencing Charm around my area. The curtains were charmed as well to prevent noise and light.

“Silencing Charm?” Albus asked.

“Yeah, just in case any of my roommates come in.” I looked at him in exasperation. “They are so nosy.”

“We could go to my room if you want.” Albus offered.

“I don’t wanna move though!” I flopped back against the pillows. “How about tomorrow after Defense when we have a free period we go hang in your room?”

“Sounds good, I’ll clean up a bit.” He grinned as he took another swallow. And then Albus Potter and I then proceeded to get drunk off of our asses. That’s how we ended up lying on my bed in a tangle of lanky limbs.

I was in more comfortable clothes now which was an oversized tan sweater and black thigh-high socks with Nike Pro shorts underneath the sweater which hung down over the top of my socks. My head was on his chest and we were just talking. At first, it was about classes and how shitty they were then it turned to our families and how shitty they were.

“I mean so what?” Albus slurred. “I want to be a Curse-Breaker, why is that such an issue for my parents to grasp?” He turned to me with serious green eyes. “Am I a bad son?”

I shook my head. “No…” I thought carefully. “They are probably just scared for you and want you to stay safe.”

“But I just want out!” He hiccupped. “I don’t know if people realize how stressful it is being a Potter. I want to go somewhere I can be just Al.”

I sipped my drink. “Well then, let’s go,” I told him in my drunken stupor. “Let’s be nobodies!” I grinned as I pulled him to his feet.

“Where are we going?” He asked as I opened the curtains.

My friends were all asleep and so after we put on our shoes we crept across the room. By crept, I mean managed to hit and/or trip over every single thing on the floor. Luckily, my roommates sleep with Silencing Charms around their beds. I guess I’m to blame for that, because of the various men I bring home. (Some of them are very loud in bed and it disturbs Weasel and Sable apparently.)

“Where are we going?” Albus asked again as I levitated him down the stairs.

“Shhh!” I hissed. “You’ll ruin it.” I set him down in the common room.

“Ruin what?” He whispered, clutching the replenished bottle of Firewhisky.

“The surprise.” I smiled and pulled him through the halls and down the stairs. We raced across the courtyard, the cold November air crystallizing in front of our open mouths. I didn’t even feel the cold, because of how highly intoxicated I was.

To tell it to you straight, I’m fucking plastered.

“Oh, hell no!” Albus stopped short as we were close to the Whomping Willow. “I’m not going anywhere near that murderer,” he muttered childishly.

“It’s a tree you, big baby, come on!” I giggled and tugged him forward.

“This “tree” murdered my pet toad in cold blood!” He protested.

“That was in second year, Al, you’ve had time to grieve Tadpoleon Bonaparte.” I groaned.

“I still have nightmares!” He gestured, wide-eyed. “It’s nighttime and there’s the tree,” he began in a dramatic voice, “then I hear a loud thump. And BAM! Frog guts all over me.”

I raced forward ducking under the branches and hit the knot which paralyzed the tree. “Come on! I won’t wait for long!” I yelled back to him.

He looked conflicted before racing over to me and grabbing my hand with a smile. “Let’s go be anonymous.”

We walked through the dirty tunnel to the Shrieking Shack. I took guys here who I wanted to sleep with, but didn’t want it to be known I was sleeping with. This year I hadn't taken anyone to the Shack until now. We walked into the foyer of the Shack and Albus stiffened.

“But this is the Shrieking Shack,” he whispered. “Why are we here, Max?”

“Nah uh, I’m not Max and you’re not Al. Nobody here knows who we are.” I smiled to him as I led him up the stairway. “I bring guys here all the time don’t worry.”

“I don’t like you and other guys,” he admitted. “I like you and me.”

I giggled. “I like you and me too.” Drunk Me is an idiot for admitting that. “But we can’t be together Al.”


I shrugged. “Because I’m just using you,” I told him honestly.

“That’s stupid,” he replied.

“No, it’s not.” I glared at him. “It’s true! I can’t possibly like you! You’re too nice for me!”

He glared back at me. “Bitch!”

“Shut up!” I pushed him and he hit the wall of the bedroom. "You don't know anything about me," I snarled.

He stared at me for a moment before taking a huge swig of the Firewhisky. Then he dropped it on the table which caused it to shatter and the dark liquor to run everywhere before he strode towards me. He grabbed me and pulled me close to him. His lips sailed into mine and his hands went down to grab my ass. I leapt up and wrapped my legs around him, keeping our lips connected.

He turned and slammed my back against the wall. He grabbed the hem of my sweater and our lips disconnected for a second as he tore it off me and threw it on one of the rickety chairs in the bedroom. Damn, boy got moves.

I unwrapped my legs and kicked off my shoes. He did the same and I yanked his shirt over his head. I started kissing on his neck and went down his chest before stopping at the waistband of his pants. I toyed with the hem and he shivered at my touch.

After we finished undressing each other, we collapsed onto the bed in a heap of skin.

He paused on top of me and looked down before whispering, “Could you just pretend to love me? Just for this one time, pretend that I’m the one you really want?” His voice was slurring and sad and it made me want to cry.

“Okay,” I told him. “I love you, Albus.” In my drunken state, there wasn’t anything wrong with lying to him. My drunk logic was that I wanted him and here he was for me to have. And who knows maybe I wasn’t really lying.

In this dusty, dilapidated, sorry excuse for a shack we were nothing, but two bodies crashing against each other like ships on the shore leaving nothing but devastation and brokenness in our wake. But all I could think was, who fucking cares? There were no feelings, no strings about what we were doing. We were both just a couple of no-name slobs who wanted things they couldn’t have.

Did I really want him? Want him from deep in my very soul? Is that what this is really about? I’ve been telling myself that I don’t like him for so long I really don’t know what’s true. All I know for sure is that I don’t want to think anymore.

So, he and I didn’t think for quite a long time.

Is my head filled with lead? Because it sure as hell feels like it.

I opened my eyes to find the interior of the Shrieking Shack. The hell? Who did I bring to the Shack? Troy? I looked over at the boy in bed beside me. I saw untidy black hair and looked closer to see a familiar face.

I slept with Albus Potter!

Well, I knew I was going to Hell, but now I bet that I’ve got a torture chamber with my fucking name on the door.

Godric, how stupid can my drunk-self be? I can’t take Drunk Me out in public ever.

When he wakes up, I’ll just play it off like it’s no big deal. I sleep with guys all the time and so this is no different, right? But it doesn’t feel like all those other guys did… Godric, shut the fuck up brain! I don’t have time for your shit this morning!

I climbed out of bed carefully and grabbed one of the many No Hangover Potions that I had hidden in here. I drank the bitter liquid in one gulp before finding my clothes and pulling them on. I froze while putting on my right sock when I heard a groan.

“Max?” Albus looked at me bleary eyed.

“Morning sunshine.” I smiled, pulling my sock on fully.

“Why am I naked?” He asked in horror.

I laughed. “Well, my dear we have um how do the kids say it these days…oh yeah, we fucked.”


I put on my shoes and set a NHP in front of him. “You heard me right, you and I went sideways between the sheets, did-the-do, yada, yada.”

He drank the potion greedily before looking up at me. “And you’re okay with this?”

I shrugged. “I don’t care as long as Troy doesn’t find out. He’ll kick your ass and I couldn’t bear to have that on my conscience.”


I interrupted him. “Look Albus, it’s fine really. It didn’t mean anything. I mean sex never really means anything unless you’re a virgin.” I turned to him in shock. “You weren’t a virgin, were you?”

“N…n…no!” He spluttered.

I raised an eyebrow suspiciously, “I don’t believe you.” He scoffed but I asked, “Who and when?” before he could say anything.

“Iris Mellark and the summer before fifth year,” he replied.

“You slept with Iris?” I grinned.

“We dated for three years,” Albus replied with another eye roll.

“That’s so weird,” I teased now that he was more comfortable.

“Oh well, who’d you lose it to?” He asked in challenge.

“One of my brother’s friends when I was fourteen, his name was like Brad or something.” I shrugged. “He was such a dick, but he was hot and older.”

Albus nodded. “Okay whatever, now cover your eyes. I want to get dressed.”

I giggled as I closed my eyes.

“Those eyes better be closed!”

I peeked out and saw Albus pulling his boxers on. “Cute butt!”

“Max!” He complained and I covered my eyes again.

“Sorry!” I laughed and waited till he told me to uncover my eyes. I checked my watch. “So, it’s about seven ish, we’d better go if we want breakfast.”

Albus got to his feet. “Yeah sure.”

The walk back to the castle was quiet and kind of awkward. I mean it was to be expected with Albus. I can’t believe I was such a fucking idiot to sleep with him. Merlin only knows what I even said to him while I was drunk. I probably blew my whole fuck-with-your cousin plan by telling him about it. Luckily my phone rang, so I didn't have to walk in awkward silence.

I took it out of my pocket and saw it was my dad calling. Oh fuck. He was probably having another episode considering it was two in the morning in Boston. I winced, but answered anyway.

"Hello?" I questioned.

"Maxi!" My dad called. "Where are you right now?" He whispered.

"Dad, I'm at school. You know, Hogwarts?" I wanted to hang up. He was definitely going through a manic episode. How did he get his phone? Wilkes, his security, usually takes it up during his episodes. He knows I get upset by them.

"Maxi, you've got to come home right now," Dad replied obviously not listening to me. "Someone is after us. I know it. I installed an entire new security system, but I don't think it's enough. I'm considering having a fence installed with a twenty man security team. Do you think that'd be enough? I might have to add additional men. You've got to come home, so I can protect you. My senses are so much better than yours," he rattled on and on. I could see him in my mind, pacing the length of his office in disheveled clothes while running his hand through his long hair.

"Dad, come on. You know I can't come home. I'm at school," I muttered in response. "Where's Mom? Or Wilkes?" I asked.

He clicked his tongue in disapproval. "Your mother doesn't believe me. She says I'm delusional and that it's the drugs talking, but I know. I know that someone is jealous of me and wants to take me out. They want to be as smart as me, Maxie." I winced at the nickname. I used to love it when I was a kid, but I hate it now. He only calls me that during an episode.

"I think, Dad, that you need to make sure you're taking your medicine," I replied. "Is Wilkes there? Can I talk to him?"

"He's asleep. I don't know how he can sleep in times like this, but he went to sleep. I pretended to go to sleep to please him, but I couldn't go to sleep not now." He then started to ramble about his new security system, so I closed out of the call and texted Wilkes. He responded back saying he would go handle it.

"Hey Dad," I said once I got back on the phone. "Wilkes is on his way to help you, okay? I've got to go to class. I'll talk to you later," I told him.

"Maxie, Maxie, no. You need to be here. I can protect you here," he rambled.

"Bye Dad," I whispered. "Love you." I hung up with him still rambling. I shook my head dropped my phone back into my pocket.

"Is everything okay?" Albus asked with a worried expression.

I shrugged. "It's fine. Typical Maximus the Fourth stuff." I rolled my eyes. "My Dad's schizophrenic, so he does strange things. He's supposed to take his medicine, but sometimes his caretakers slip up and he sneaks around it. He's fine. He's always under tight supervision since..." I drifted off. I didn't want to talk about that. "Since he needs it." I finished.

Albus gave me a strange look like he knew what I meant. He nodded. "I'm glad he's getting the care he needs." He looked away and didn't say anything else. I wondered what he was thinking about.

We parted ways in the common room. “I’ll see you around,” I told him with a smile.

“Alright.” He smiled back as I walked up the stairs to my dorm. I entered and found all of my roommates awake.

“Well, hey stranger.” Persephone grinned like she knew all of my secrets and I rolled my eyes. “Where have you been?”

“None of your business,” I replied and got in the shower to avoid questioning.

I washed off and washed my hair before getting out and magically drying my hair. I then straightened it and applied my make-up. I exited the bathroom and changed. I wore black tights under a black short skirt paired with a red, cable knit, cropped sweater and tan leather booties. I put on some burgundy lipstick and slid my robes on over my outfit leaving them open.

“Ready?” I asked Persephone and Arya.

“Yep!” Persephone slid her phone into the pocket of her robes and hopped off her bed. Arya looked up from a copy of Witch Weekly and nodded.

“I’m starved.” She smiled and the two followed me down the stairs.

We walked to breakfast with Persephone chatting my ear off about Silas Avery who she was talking to. Talking as in close to dating. I was proud of her. Silas was really hot and the Avery family was old money.

The Great Hall was pretty full already when we entered and sat at our usual places. I saw that Troy and his crowd weren’t here yet. I spoke too soon actually, because they just walked in with Chance Longbottom leading the pack.

Troy, James, and McCartney were walking together. I don’t think James and McCartney are ever apart like at any time. Troy claims that she’s his best friend who is a girl and so that’s why she hangs around, but I know she’s only really became his “best friend” after James took an interest in her. So, I’m still pretty suspicious.

“Max!” Troy grinned like a little kid and raced over to me. He plopped into the seat beside me and James sat beside him.

“Hey Maxima.” He waved to me.

“Hi James.” I smiled and turned to Troy. “You’re dumb.” I tapped his nose.

“Good morning to you too, sunshine.” He rolled his eyes as he piled food onto his plate. “Who doesn’t love Mondays,” he said sarcastically.

“Don’t remind me!” I groaned and let my head bang against the table. “I have too much shit to do this week.”

“What’s on your to-do list?” Troy asked as I lifted my head back up.

“Well, I’ve got to approve everything for this Monster Bash. It’s this weekend, so you’d better get your costume out and hang it up.” I reminded him. “It’ll be wrinkled if you don’t and I’ll have to send someone by and iron it which I don’t have time for.”

Troy laughed. “I know, I know.” He held my hand on top of the table. “I just—”

He didn’t get to finish because entire Great Hall went silent. I looked up to see Ana-Catherine Wood and Aleksander Krum had entered together. They were talking to each other completely oblivious to the stares and whispers that surrounded them.

Ana-Catherine followed Krum to the Slytherin table and sat down between him and Lennox Zabini. Lennox looked shocked for a moment like the rest of the Great Hall before smiling at Ana-Catherine. The rest of the table gradually got over their shock as well.

“Holy shit!” Troy’s mouth was still open. “AC’s gone to the damned dark side.”

“We’ve been betrayed.” James pouted.

“AC, baby come back!” Fred yelled across the Great Hall and Ana-Catherine turned back to look at him.

Ana-Catherine scanned around the room for teachers before yelling, “Fuck off Fred!” and flicking him off with a broad smile.

“Love you too, beautiful!” He blew kisses at her as she turned back around.

“Mr. Weasley, if I have to tell you off again for proclaiming your love across the Great Hall, I will put you in detention.” Professor Stella Adustio was walking by and stopped. “You Gryffindors, I swear,” She teased.

“Oi, are you insulting my students?” Professor Lupin bumped into her as he was also making his way to the Staff Table.

“Yeah get her, Teddy!” Fred and James prodded.

“Adustio, do you want to fight?” Professor Lupin teased her.

“Godric, can I just get to the bacon already?” She groaned. “Please keep your pig-headed lions from yelling across the Great Hall, Teddy. K? Thanks.” She pushed past him, her tight-fitting robes flapping behind her.

“Women you can’t live with them or without them.” Professor Lupin laughed and hurried after Professor Adustio like a lost puppy.

“Gah those two are best friend goals, seriously.” McCartney sighed wistfully.

“And what am I? A potato?” Troy asked her and she giggled.

“Mr. Potato Head.” She grinned, “I’m changing your name in my phone to that.” She pulled out her phone and tapped away.

“I hate you.” Troy stuffed pancakes down his throat at an alarming rate.

I rolled my eyes at Troy, but he and the boys were too busy discussing AC and Aleksander Krum to notice my distaste.

“I’m just pissed she never said anything.” James was still pouting about the loss of his B Double-F.

“True, I didn’t think we were that House-biased,” Troy replied

Fred shrugged. “I am, I only like Ravenclaws.”

“I’m House-biased to the snakes, but that’s only in Quidditch and for good reasons. They always try to beat the shit out of me.” Troy shrugged, talking in between bites of pancakes.

“Maybe she was scared of Wood,” LP offered. “He’s scary bloke in general.”

James shook his head. “But Wood never cares about AC and her men.”

“Yeah, unlike you lot with me,” LP joked and Fred grinned, hugging her.

“It’s because we love you, dearest!” He placed a sloppy kiss on her cheek which she childishly wiped off.

“Get off me, Fred!” She tried squirming out of his grasp, but her cousin Hugo who was on her other side slid into her. “Oh, fuck you, Hugh!” She growled and squealed as they began tickling her.

A few people began casting glances down the table, but everyone was used to the Gryffindors always being loud and obnoxious and just generally fucking shit up.

“Aw come on ickle little LP, don’t be so mean!” Fred tickled her sides further.

“Fuck off!” She squealed and her hand lashed out, grabbing Fred’s plate of pancakes that were drenched in syrup. She grinned as she dumped them on top of his head and syrup splattered everywhere.

“You little wanker!” Fred roared and LP hopped to her feet. She was laughing so hard that her chest was heaving as she hobbled down the aisle. Fred chased after her and threw a plate of egg at her back which flew in all directions slapping some Hufflepuffs and a few younger Gryffindors on the back.

“Fred!” LP turned on her heel looking quite furious.

“Food fight!” Troy stood up and hurled a plate of waffles right at the back of Rex Colombo’s head.

The Gryffindors immediately took up the war-cry and began hurling food in all directions. I quickly waved my wand and threw up a shield charm.

So, I just sat back and watched the madness. Amid the hurling food, I made out a dark head of hair and noticed Albus had just entered with Elijah. I watched him with a slight smile as he froze at the foot of the tables. His jaw was slightly open and then a girl tripped, falling into him. They both hit the ground and I craned my neck to see what they were doing.

Albus stood up and helped her to her feet. I noticed it was Aisling Bannister, the Hufflepuff Seeker and a Don in my pledge class. The two smiled at each other with blush coating their cheeks. Then Aisling, who was already covered in food, threw the plate of scones she’d been holding at Albus who staggered back with a laugh.

I pressed my lips into a firm line. Bannister better watch her fucking back, because nobody fucks with Albus Potter unless it’s me.

Rally the troops, because war has begun.

Author's Note:

So, here's the next chapter! I know Maxima's chapters are your least favorites, but hey! At least this means McCartney is up next! I hope you guys enjoyed hearing from Maxima's dad and getting to know a little bit more about her background. And I want your feedback on Maxima's dad! If you have any tips for writing bipolar disorder please let me know! I hope I did a decent portrayal of it, but I'm kind of nervous about it! And how'd you guys like Drunk Maxima? Wasn't she fun? More honest at least! Anyways, let me know how you're feeling in a review, but thanks for just reading too!

In the next chapter... Dom is unreasonably bitter. McCartney and Troy squish little Frank Longbottom. The infamous Monster Bash is hella dramatic. James loses a contact and his lips find the wrong girl.

Face Claims:
Josephine Skriver portrays Aisling Bannister (pronounced ASH-ling)

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