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The Great Tale of Me, Lyra Malfoy by ImaRavenclaw
Chapter 2 : II.
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 5

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Big thank you to Callisto @ TDA for this lovely chapter image!!!


I’m staying over at Ben’s house, because my family is driving me bonkers. The whole lot is off their heads. Anyways his mum calls up the stairs.

“Honey, is that Lyra?”

“Shit.” He mutters.

“What, why?”

“I told her I’m sleeping with you.” 

“What, why?”

“Because I couldn’t tell her I was gay.”

“What, why?… Wait what?” 

“Shhhhh.” Ben shushes. I roll my eyes at him and then spend five minutes glaring.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell her! You said you were going to do it, last summer. You are such a closet case!”

“Yeah, that’s the problem.” He says, as if it were obvious, waving his hands around in panicked motions. 

“Benedict Samuel Arringer! You better not have Lyra Malfoy in your bedroom. What have your father and I said about remaining pure and chaste until marriage?! Do it for God.”

“You didn’t say anything about ‘pure and chaste until marriage.’” Ben reminds her. “And you haven’t said anything about--"

Ben’s mum is an actress. She plays jokes on Ben. I do not understand how he hasn’t realized that his parents are atheists (and are never serious about anything) yet. 

“I told you. This is why I can’t tell her about TJ!”


TJ is Ben’s boyfriend.

That is a long story that I will tell in a few minutes. 


“She and Dad are crazy!”

“They’re actors Ben. They’re joking.”

“What if she’s not joking this time?”

“They are always joking. I swear to god, once your dad told you he was making rice for dinner. It was a joke, they made fried vegetables instead.”

Like I haven’t said, Ben is very paranoid. He’s scared of his own parents (the nicest ones I’ve ever met). I think he's even scared of his own shadow. 

“Lyra better not be in there.”

We both hear the fourth stair squeak, and Ben jumps up and decides the only way out, is out.

He drags me over to his window and tells me to jump out.

“That’s two floors! No way.” I refuse.

“You’re more magical then me, now go.” He says, shoving me out the window a split second before his mother opens the door.

“She’s not here. I was just kidding, y’know.” Is the last sentence I hear from Ben’s room, before I realize I’m falling.

“Bloody Hell!”

I’m falling horribly fast, the only time I’ve been this terrified was when Scorpius tried to recount to me his first time with Albus. Ew, ew, ew. This is better than that was.

I’m way too close to the ground now, and if I don’t—

“Accio Shredder!” I cry, without thinking

The broom saves my life, but now I’m dead.


“Were you aware that underaged magic is illegal, and that any magic in muggle areas is also illegal?”

“Yes of course. I wouldn’t of done it if I wasn’t about to die.” I say, for once my voice lacking all sarcasm.

Okay, so you guys don’t want to sit through a horrible court story, so instead I’ll tell you about Ben’s boyfriend, like I promised.

TJ, where do I even begin to explain TJ?

He’s almost as much a closet case as Ben, but you can’t tell. Boy seems as homo as a jock. You wouldn’t know unless you forced him to tell you, which you wouldn’t because you wouldn’t have even thought of the question. He’s that guy who whips his hair out of his face, even when he doesn’t have to, and he’s captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team. 

The Sorting Hat really has gone mad when you actually know about his personality. He is brave, but not brave enough to come out.

Unlike with Albus and Scorpius, they seem madly in love. Since I know it started with a death in TJ's family, I’d rather not ask the details (for fear of upsetting him, or my soul).

They met in third year, and started dating about a year after. Aparently Ben was a big support to TJ, and they just clicked. And now when they aren’t in public, they spend every spare minute snogging. As if I don’t have enough couples to deal with already.




Dad comes into the holding room with a disappointed face.

“Why would you do something like this?” He asks, wielding his wand which he uses to undo my handcuffs. 

“Dad, you know I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t an emergency.”

“Yeah? So what’s the emergency? I’ve been worried sick about you.” He says, then pulls me into his arms, and puts his chin on my head, taking a deep breath in. 

“I forgot I was on the second floor, and I jumped out Ben’s window.” I answer his question, with a little twist. “I’m really sorry daddy.” I say, sniffing in the warm homey smell of his cloak. 

“I’ll be right back.” He says, letting go of me. “I’m going to go sign the papers, and then we can go home.” I nod, and sit back down.


Dad comes back a few minutes later, with our ministry friend John.

“Watch yourself Lyra. You’re free to go now.” He says, then shakes my father's hand after telling him to keep me out of trouble.


“So you got yourself locked up?” Scorpius asks, patting me on the back and giving me a hug.

“I spent twelve hours in there.” I whine, and hug him back. Scorpius shakes his head and grins. 

“We waited up for you, but we were convinced you were sleeping over at Ben’s, and then we got that call.” Mum says. 

“Now if you’ll excuse us.” Scorpius says. “We’re going to bed. It’s one in the morning.”

“I’m right behind you.” I groan, shuffling to bed behind him. 


When I get to my room, I collapse on my bed. I know I should actually put on sleep clothes and brush my teeth and hair, but I’m way too exhausted. So I just get under the covers and fall asleep. I’m gonna’ sleep till’ I’m 90.




A voice comes into my head, and I roll my eyes. “Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey.”

“Albus, what are you doing here?” I groan, and punch in his general direction.

“Just checking up on my soon to be sister in-law.” He says.

“Don’t say that ever again.” I snap. “I will pitch you off of a muggle bridge if you even think about saying ‘I do’ to my brother.” I tell him.

“Wow, harsh mush Lyra?”

“No. Dad says I’m over protective of Scorpius, but I don’t understand how, he’s a year older than me.”

“I’ve already fucked him. No need to be protective.”

“Ew, don’t tell me that. You’re ruining my childhood Albus Potter. As if the snogging at breakfast, the new sex ed course at Hoggy, and every other blasted couple in this god forsaken world, didn’t already ruin it.” I roll my eyes for effect and realize that I can still be protective by adding one more thing: "condoms!" I exclaim.

“Touché. You can just jump over the hurdle to the gold trophy that is the excessive protectiveness of Scorpius Malfoy, your older brother, my boyfriend. We are very close in case you haven’t noticed. So, I don’t need your help. He’s mine. Capital M-I-N-E.”

“How nice for you Albus. Might I remind you that we came out of the same womb, and we’ve shared a house for 16 years, and we’d shared a room for 5. We even shared clothes.”

“Oh, so he looked like a stereotypical lesbian, or you looked like a drag queen? Funny.”

“I do not dress like a stereotypical lesbian!” I outrage. How dare he be so mean to his future sister in law? Oh god damn it, now I’m thinking it too!

Albus shakes his head and leaves, clearly done with my personality potion of sarcasm and stubbornness. He finds Scorpius in the hall, and they start engaging in a rather disgusting display. I might not have seen this, had it not been for the fact, that Albus Potter is an idiot who forgot to close my door. 

Albus: I love you.

Scorpius: No, I love you.

Albus: I love you more.

Scorpius: No, I love you more.

Albus: I love you most.

Scorpius: I love you most-er.

Me: Close the fucking door!


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