Chapter 1 : I dreamed a dream
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Disclaimer: Story based on the song I Dreamed a Dream from Les Miserables. Music by Claude-Michel Schönberg and english lyrics by Herbert Kretzmer.
The story is based on the events in Book 6. Everything you recognise belongs to JKR.
This wasn't how I dreamt my life to be. I dreamt that I’d spend my life with Lily by my side. She was so kind, her voice soft, her words inviting. It was a time when I was blind to everything else and all I could see was a future with her. But then it all went wrong.
Severus Snape felt a cold shiver race up his spine. He knew with unquestionable certainty that his world was about to be shaken once more. He stood and leant forward upon his desk, dropping his head. His greasy hair fell forward, a black curtain to the stage that was his life. He wanted to remain backstage in the wings but he could hear his curtain call. The dreams of his childhood were long since gone and every day he lived with the consequences of his choices, searching for a redemption that would never come. He alone had killed his dream, making a living nightmare of his life.
This was not how he'd dreamt his life to be.
He was nine when he'd first seen her. They spent their summers together where he'd teach her all about magic and she'd show him what true friendship was all about. He adored her. These were the memories that he treasured the most. It was a time when there was no one else but them, no one to judge them or corrupt them or tear them apart. These were the days when life was worth living. He was young then and dreams of the future were made so easily, without a thought of how quickly tragedy could befall them and rip their dreams to shreds. But dreams were futile, he knew that now. He'd used and wasted his dreams of yesterday. Now he only held one dream in his heart; that maybe she could forgive him.
Explosions and shouting split the air apart. Severus scrunched his eyes closed, barricading his heart against the evil deeds necessary to keep his secret, and Lily’s son, safe. It was all he had left to cling to in his ever present nightmare.
With resolve, Severus straightened and strode purposefully towards the fight, his black robes billowing out behind him. He could hear the battle raging in the corridors. The Death Eaters were here and he was disgusted that he used to be one of them. It was a stupid childhood dream, a delusion that he thought would bring him glory. All it had done was destroy the most important dream of all.
Severus raced through the corridors making his way to the Astronomy Tower where Albus had told him would be his point of return to the school if something were to happen. He hadn't told him where he was going, only that he might need him on his return. The sounds of battle were growing louder and as he turned a corner, he came across members of the Order battling with Death Eaters but neither Draco nor Albus were with them. Spells shot towards him and Severus quickly blocked them, then sidestepped away down an unimpeded corridor to continue his search.
As he approached the bottom of the Astronomy Tower, the air around him become deathly still. A cold sinking feeling took control of his heart as he approached the moment where a promise he'd made would be fulfilled. He would save Albus a slow painful death, he would save Draco from destroying his soul and he would gain full trust of the Dark Lord, but where would it leave him?
This wasn't how he'd dreamt his life to be.
Severus bounded up the staircase, three steps at a time and burst through the door to the tower landing. His breath caught as his eyes swept the scene. Draco was immobilised with fear, the Death Eaters were jeering him on and Albus, weak and in pain, leant helplessly against the tower wall. Their eyes met and Severus heard the weakened plea from the headmaster as he whispered his name. Others would think he was pleading for mercy, but Serverus knew he was asking for salvation, not just for himself, but for Draco.
There was no time to hesitate. He'd made a promise, however much it had killed him to make it. Roughly, he pushed Draco aside and walked over to Albus. He felt revolted by his actions and he hated himself for what he was about to do.
“Severus...please...” Albus whispered.
Severus raised his wand and spoke the curse that would end the life of the man who had given him a purpose to live and a path to redemption. As the green flash faded, Severus shook off the disgust at himself and roughly seized Draco, dragging him along behind him as he and the Death Eaters took flight in a bid to evade capture.
Tears burnt his eyes but he wouldn't let them fall as he sprinted through the castle and out into the grounds. His dream had been crushed so many years ago. He would never be able to spend summers by Lily's side, walking through the fields hand in hand. They would never explore the world together or marvel in its endless wonder. She had come into his life, stolen his heart and then his own stupidity had torn her away.
He still dreamt that she was waiting for his somewhere, that when this nightmare ended, they could live their lives together. It was an impossible dream and he knew it, but somehow it sustained him to keep on fighting.
Behind him, he could hear Harry in pursuit. As a spell raced passed his head, he pushed Draco forward and turned to face Harry, blocking his curse in an instant. If only he knew that all of this was for him, to protect him, to keep him safe. One day Harry would understand why, but it wouldn't be today. No. Today Severus would run away as a murderer and a traitor.
Anger flared in him at the injustice that life had rent upon him. The life he'd dreamed had been so different from the hellish nightmare that now consumed his waking days. Life had swept him into a storm and there was no escape. He was beaten, he was tired and he was spent. He was over fighting a fight that never seemed to end. The fight had killed the love of his life and with it, killed the dream he'd dreamed.
A/N: I'm not sure that I really did this song justice. But I hope you enjoyed and if you have any thoughts, I'd love to hear them. Thanks so much for reading.
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