Chapter 1 : Scars from Tomorrow
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And as I said in the summary, this was written for ad astra's Sink Your Ship Challenge.
Also, I want to thank Joey (crestwood) for coming up with the perfect title for this!
This one-shot is based on the lyrics below, which are from Fall Out Boy's song “My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark." The title of this story was taken from these lyrics as well (but Joey is the one who came up with that idea as said above. I listened to this song about a hundred times and I couldn't pin down the right lyrics to use as a title to save my life, but he came up with it in like five seconds.). I do not own these lyrics or FOB. Nor do I own Draco and Harry, they belong to J.K. Rowling.
Again, please don't hate me.
That you're the antidote to everything except for me
I was making my way up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower.
Earlier that day, Harry had made to run into me in the middle of the corridor, furtively pressing a note into my hand, and kept on going before anyone could realize what just happened.
“Watch it, Malfoy!” he called as he continued on his way with Weasley and Granger in tow. But before he turned back around, he gave me a wink and a grin.
Butterflies raced through my gut at the devilish look on his face but outwardly I just scowled, not wanting anyone to think the exchange between the two of us was anything out of the ordinary.
“Are you okay, Draco?” Pansy was at my side in a heartbeat, checking my robes for any kind of damage.
“I'm fine, Pans,” I spat in annoyance as I shoved the note into my pocket before pushing her hands away. “I can take care of myself, thank you very much,” I chastised her before continuing down the corridor, leaving her to stare at my retreating form in surprise.
I did not care about Pansy.
I didn't care about any of the Slytherins.
I just wanted this whole war to be over. To be free to do whatever I wanted, to be with whoever I wanted. Even if he was the supposed Savior of the Wizarding World.
It wasn't until later, as I was waiting for my next class to begin, that I finally had a moment alone to read the note Harry had passed me.
Meet me at the top of the Astronomy Tower tonight at 9pm.
I smirked at this. It had only been a few days since we last spoke, but the boy just couldn't get enough of me, it seemed.
And I couldn't get enough of him either.
It was probably the worst pairing in history, but when we were alone together it just felt so right. When we were alone together, all of our problems simply melted away.
But whenever we parted, those problems were still there. Whether I wanted them to be or not. And I couldn't keep doing this much longer.
I couldn't bear the thought of seeing the look on his face when he found out the truth.
I took my time as I made my way up the steps. I didn't want to do this. I'd thought about just turning around and leaving him there to wait in vain, but I couldn't do that to him. At the very least, he deserved an explanation.
When I finally brought myself to open the door to the top of the tower, I was immediately assaulted by a flash of black hair and green eyes.
Next thing I knew, he had me pinned against the wall, his mouth was on mine, devouring it, and I couldn't help but give in to the kiss and wrap my arms around him.
“I thought you'd never get here,” he moaned into my mouth causing the butterflies to fill up my stomach again.
His body was warm as he pressed himself into me and his clean scent engulfed my senses, knocking all thoughts of reason out of my brain temporarily. His tongue slipped out to outline my bottom lip for permission, permission I should have refused. But when he insisted, lightly nipping at my lip with his teeth, I couldn't help but open up to him. Our tongues collided in a passionate frenzy and I pulled him as close as I physically could. I wished we could remain like this forever.
When his hand came up to cup my cheek though, I suddenly remembered what I came here to do and couldn't help but let out a groan of frustration.
You need to stop this now, Draco.
Harry chuckled into the kiss, probably thinking the groan was a signal of my growing lust and not my unwillingness to put an end to my state of bliss.
“Harry,” I started, trying to pull away but he quickly brought me back to him.
“No, don't stop,” he spoke as he moved his mouth down to that sweet spot near my collarbone, his voice was breathy with desire as he pulled my white Oxford out of my trousers. He then began to snake his hands up under my shirt, causing me to gasp in surprise at the feel of his warm hands touching my flesh.
“N-no,” I stuttered, my voice shaky as I was just barely holding on to the little bit of resolve I had left. “I can't keep doing this.”
That stopped him. Suddenly the hands were gone, and so was his hot mouth that had just been breathing warm air on my neck seconds before.
“Keep doing what?” he asked as he stepped back, looking at me with those emerald green eyes muddled with lust and confusion.
I didn't want to hurt him. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt him. But what I would do tomorrow night would hurt him even more if I didn't put an end to this now.
“This,” I said, helplessly waving my hands in the air at everything and nothing. “Sneaking around, snogging in deserted classrooms and broom closets, throwing knowing looks at each other across the room; we can't keep doing this.”
“Well as much as I wish we could, you know we can't do any of that in public,” he spoke mischievously. “Everyone would go ballistic.”
“I know, that's not what I'm saying,” I replied, unable to stop the guilty look that spread across my face.
As realization dawned on him, his face fell and I almost couldn't bear the sight of it.
“Are you saying you want to break up?” he asked and I cringed at the look of hurt that flashed across his face.
“I don't want to,” I said, the thought of losing him pained me more than the thought of facing the Dark Lord. “But be rational, Harry, this was never going to work. You're the Chosen One, Dumbledore's man through and through, and I'm a Death Eater with a task you will hate me for if I succeed, and I have to succeed, for the sake of my mother, in order to keep myself and my family alive, I cannot fail.”
Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking, thinking I could have him to begin with. I wasn't worthy of his love, and I certainly didn't deserve his kindness and trust. I should have never gotten myself involved in this relationship to begin with, should never have acted on my feelings.
“What is it that you have to do?” he asked, his piercing eyes curious.
“I can't tell you,” I replied, looking down. He'd hate me if he knew.
“You can trust me,” he pleaded, taking a step closer. “I think I already know anyway,” he added softly.
“Trust me, if you knew, you wouldn't be here right now,” I stated. “You wouldn't want anything to do with me.”
“Draco, I swear, whatever it is, you can tell me,” he continued, his voice low and soothing as he stepped closer as if I was a spooked stallion he was trying to console.
“You can't know,” I said, eyes wide with horror. “He will kill me, Harry. If he gets even the slightest inkling that I've told someone about my mission, he will kill me and my parents.”
“But if you just went to Dumbledore...” he started but I cut him off before he had the chance to finish.
“Are you mad!? Dumbledore is the last person I can go to!”
“He'll understand, whatever it is, I swear. He'll help you, if you just let him,” Harry tried again. “He's so much more understanding than you give him credit for.”
I shook my head, “No.”
“Why not?” Harry pressed on.
“I already told you!” I argued.
“So, what?” he then asked, turning angry. “We can't see each other anymore?”
I sighed, “I think it's best if we don't.”
I hung my head, unable to look at him. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing the anger and pain on his face at my admission. The last thing I wanted to do was cause him pain. But this was how it had to be.
“Really?” he asked, his tone becoming more and more furious. “That's what you think?”
“What do you want me to say, Potter?” I asked, unable to hide the weariness from my voice. “This relationship was doomed from the beginning. I'm the bad guy and you're the one everyone loves; it's just not meant to be.”
“That's bullshit and you know it,” Harry snapped, surprising me. “You're not the bad guy, Draco, you're just in a bad situation. A situation you could remove yourself from if you just let me help you. The Order will protect you and your mother if you just tell Dumbledore what the task is you've been given to complete.”
“Dumbledore can't save me,” I said. “If I succeed, he won't even be able to save himself,” I blurted out in a rush of anger.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Harry asked, curious but still confused.
“Nothing,” I lied. “Just go already, we're done. That's it.”
“That's it?” he argued. “That's all you have to say?”
“Yes, that's it,” I retorted. “Something's coming, Harry. I have a task to complete, and you have to go on and save the Wizarding World from people like me.”
“I should really get going, it's past curfew,” Harry said as he glanced at the watch on his wrist, his voice suddenly calm. “But this isn't over.”
“Yes, it is,” I replied. I would not falter. There was no going back now.
He took another step closer. “Tomorrow night, I have a meeting with Dumbledore, but after that, I'll come find you,” he said. “We'll talk about this then, okay?”
“No, it's not okay!” I started but he cut me off by leaning in to give me the briefest of kisses. Before my brain could register what was happening though, he was already pulling away.
“Tomorrow night,” he repeated, his voice firm as his green eyes locked on my grey ones.
And then he was gone.
I sighed and leaned against the wall behind me.
If only he knew that by tomorrow night, it would be too late. If everything goes as planned—hell, even if it doesn't—I'll never see Hogwarts again. I'll never see him again.
I'll never get the chance to tell him the truth, I thought as I slid down to the floor and began to cry. I'll never get to tell him I love him.
I scoffed at myself for this.
Like it would even matter to him after tomorrow night anyway. He'll never want to see my face again when he finds out what I've done.
He might be able to save everyone else, but he'll never be able to save me.
I already know my fate.
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