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Chapter 252 : Gryffindor - Cassius Alcinder
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Draco held his head high as he walked into the Three Broomsticks and took his seat of honor on a stage, next to George Weasley, who would be hosting the event. Many familiar faces took seats in the chairs that had been set up facing them, and the room was filled until it was standing room only.
At the appointed time, George rose and began his remarks, “Welcome, one and all to the roast of our favorite leather-pants wearing Slytherin. It was once said that his silvery orbs were so orbital that they had their own orbit, and that his quidditch-toned abs were so quidditch-toned that they made Harry Potter fall off his broomstick during a match. And now, without further ado, please welcome a very special roaster, Headmistress Minerva McGonagall.”
The crowd applauded as McGonagall took the stage, putting on her reading glasses as she glanced at the parchment that contained her notes.
“Draco and I have rarely seen eye to eye, probably because he’s always wrong.”
The crowd chuckled as she continued, “But honestly, I don’t dislike Malfoy, I just don’t like him, which is quite different…And now, Malfoy has come before us, defeated and humiliated. Don’t be defeatist Draco, it’s very middle class. But alas, all things must go on, and now we will rebuild our school and our community together, so put that in your pipe and smoke it!”
Minerva walked off the stage to cheers as Hermione Granger stepped up to take her turn.
“Friends, classmates, and guests, we gather today to begin a chapter of Hogwarts history, a new beginning that will be marked by the transformation of our new Draco. Like many of you, I do not know whether or not we can trust him, so I have created an opportunity for Draco to prove his dedication to the community. We have founded a new society, the Protectors of the Rights of Animals and Trees, P.R.A.T. Draco has been chosen to be the president of our new organization, because, Draco Malfoy, there is no bigger PRAT than you. Thank you.”
The crowd roared with laughter as Ron Weasley rose to begin his turn.
“I didn’t really come prepared to say anything today, but Draco…you’re kind of a git. Thank you very much.”
At last, the moment everybody had been waiting for arrived as Harry Potter took the stage to a thunderous standing ovation.
“Thank you, thank you, it’s great to be back here in Hogsmeade. I just took a portkey in from Diagon Alley and my back is killing me. And it’s great to see you here Draco, but I’m surprised your boy Crabbe isn't here standing behind you ooooohhhh too soon. Anyway, one of my first memories of Draco Malfoy was our first year on the quidditch pitch. He got his father to buy his whole team Numbus 2001’s, but he played so poorly it might as well have been a Nimbus 1973, am I right?”
The crowd cheered and laughed as Harry continued, “But my lasting memory of Draco was the time I gave him the Sectumsempra curse. That was a bloody good time if you know what I mean!”
“I’ll be here all night, remember to tip the barmaid,” Harry added as he dropped the microphone and walked off the stage.
Finally, Draco rose for his chance to respond.
“Thank you everybody for attending today, and for allowing me the opportunity to offer the following rebuttal: Professor McGonagall, you are very old and you smell like cats. Boom, roasted. Hermione, you’re an insufferable know-it-all and you have big teeth. Boom, roasted. Harry, you’re afraid of dementors and your family doesn’t love you. Boom, roasted. And Ron, you’re a ginger. Boom, roasted. As for everybody else who sat here and laughed at me….my father will hear about this!"
After an initial moment of shock, the crowd began to laugh and applaud Malfoy’s rebuttal. Draco couldn’t help but smile as he looked over to Harry, who gave him a reassuring nod. Laughter was truly the medicine that healed all wounds.
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