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I'm Sorry, But I'm Beginning to Hate Your Face by marauderslover15
Chapter 4 : How to Not Trust Girls
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 8

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James rubbed the back of his neck, the pads of his fingers going deep into his skin, pressing on the stressed spots of skin. His hand slid up into his hair, ruffling the black untidy tufts. Fred threw himself besides him on the scarlet velvety couch as James paid him no mind. He was staring thoughtfully at the fire crackling and hugging the wood. He tried to push Aries’ face scrunched with hurt and her eyes swimming in tears. He knew that look too well. Her face was haunting his mind, but Fred’s slight cough of clearing his throat saved James from the damnation of his mind.

“She lettered me,” Fred said quietly, slapping an envelope in his hand repeatedly.

Although James did not look away from the fire, his face hardened and his eyes went cold. “Did she now?”

“She did…” he whispered, leaning forward and peering at James. Fred was examining James and he could feel his cousin’s stare burn into the side of his face.

“What is it?” James snarled finally.

“I was waiting for you to act touché. What to know what she said?” asked Fred.


“Merlin, didn’t even hesitate. She asked for you, you know… She still wonders about you…”

“I don’t want to talk about her…” grumbled James.

“You loved her once,” pressed Fred.



Time warp into a flashback

“You’re really cute!” James started into the blue eyes as light as the bright cloudless sky. Her long lashes batted as her supple, full lips slowly smiled. Her cheekbones of rose against the beige skin became more defined. She continued to talk, “Great game by the way. I was cheering for you the entire time. Do you think you’ll ever go pro?”

“Er—” He had nothing to say. Words were caught in his throat, but he nodded.

“Do you mind if I sit?”

James bashfully shook his head quickly and nervously. He had expected her to sit beside him, but she climbed onto his lap, her soft cushion butt sitting right on his crouch. He blushed profusely, glancing everywhere, but her. She looked down at him, smiling.

“So… do you have a girlfriend or anything?”

He shook his head.

“Do you even know who I am?”

He nodded.

“Who then?” she grinned, cocking her head to the side, her blonde waves falling into her face.

“Chanel,” he croaked. “Chanel McLaggen… You’re in your seventh year.”

“And you, James Potter in your fifth… Kinda of young, but you don’t look so young… I wonder if you’re young or older in other places.” She bluntly was looking down at her lap and rubbed her bottom against his crotch teasingly. She titled her head back at him, grinning. “Would you ever let me find out?”

He nodded, but the only question burning in his mind was, ‘Would you ever let me find out more about you?’ It was unfortunate he really would find out more about her. It was the most dangerous thing he could do.

He was staring right into her eyes again, those blue clear eyes. It was so bright like Caribbean waters and he felt like he would swim and get lost in those eyes forever. She removed the quill clenched between her teeth, setting it down between the valley of the opened book. Strands of wavy blonde hair fell from her bun into her face.

“Came back for more?” she whispered teasingly.

He leaned on the cubicle on the opposite with arms folded, looking down at her. “Not necessarily,” he smiled. “Not for the same thing you thought I came back for.”

“Hm…” She cocked her head to side, twirling the quill between the pads of her fingers in both hands. “So, what did you come back for?”

“I want to get to know you.”

Her lips twitched into a smile. “For what?”

James laid his head on his folded arms. “Because you give me confidence.”

“We did it once and I gave you confidence?” she chuckled. “I can’t imagine if we would do it more. Your head will be so inflated you won’t be able to keep it up while flying on a broom.”

He laughed, earning him a hard glare from Madam Windtin. He pressed his lips together, but continuing smiling. He shook his head. “You’re pretty funny.”

“You’re pretty social. You weren’t like that a few nights ago.”

“Because I was nervous… Everyone has a crush on you…and then you speak to me? And not only that… All night you told me how strong I was. How you never saw a more beautiful man than me?”

“Merlin, did I really say all those things?” Chanel giggled. “I did, didn’t I? I shouldn’t have. You’re broom will fall from the air from how big I made your head be.”

“I already have a big head, so if my broom lasted this long, I’m sure I’ll be fine…”

“Do you mean in the perverted sense?” she smirked.

“I’m not the pervert here, you are,” he joked.

She continued to smile as if she could never stop smiling. Her smile burned into his mind, a picture he always returned to because she smiled with such force. It was a force that could make his head spin. It was a force that made his heart beat wildly. It was a force greater than that. Her smile was a force to make the sky glitter with rainbows. Her smile was a force to stop his entire world.

“So,” whispered James with a goofy grin as he leaned forward. “Madam Windtin is glaring at me. Do you want to ditch this library and go for a walk?”

“Yes,” she said gratefully. “Let me finish these couple of sentences on the essay. Merlin forbids if I get anything lower than a ninety.” She smiled one last time before bowing her head and scribing on the parchment.

“Would you—JUST GET OUT! OUT!” boomed Madam Windtin.

James jumped with fright, his eyes darting madly about for the crow-like woman as if was the culprit. He noticed on the left, a girl with red-orange hair speedily walking with a petite, girl behind her.

“OUT!” screeched the Madam.

“Harley, hurry!” whispered the petite girl in a whine.

“Aries, calm down. What the hell is she going to do? Throw—?”

A book came flying their way on a spin, slicing through the air towards the girl. Aries turned on her heel, aiming her wand at the book. She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for impact, but murmured a spell. The book exploded, its pages and shreds of paper floating nonchalantly in the air. Through the whirlwind, of book pages was Madam Windtin, her arms spread and her long cloak lifting from the floor like wings ready to fly and attack.

“SHIT!” drawled Harley. “Aries, the fuck?”

“MY BOOKS!” crowed the Madam with a screech that trembled the windows.  

“ARIES!” cried Harley, turning to run with the other girl named Aries at her heel. “You are the bravest, but stupidest person I know!” The girls scurried out of the library in a flash with Harley’s last words, drawling, “THHIISSS ISSS WHHYYY I LOOOVVEE YOOUUU!”

James stared after them in shock. The images of the girls flashing through his head especially the petite one, named Aries. The memory of her wavy brown hair flying through the runner’s wind and her wide eyes was fresh in her mind. He swore he saw her lips twitch in a smile after the aftershock of the Madam’s darkness erupting in her and spilling out.

Chanel looked behind her at the library doors with a smile. “Pair Aries Evensong with Harley Valentine, you’ll get a completely different girl. She’s always so quiet, but Harley’s her confidence…” Her eyes now lifted up to James. “Like you said that I’m yours. Anyway, done…”

“OUT!” screeched the Madam at the two.

“Going! Going!” pleaded Chanel with a smile. She stuffed the parchment away into the bag, capped the ink bottle and threw her quill carelessly into the back. With a flick of her wand, the bag vibrated and zoomed away. “Come,” she said to James.

James scrambled to her side of the cubicle and she interlaced her hand with his. She pulled forward and she led him out of the library. She was several steps in front of him, their arms outstretched as he was behind her. He watched their hands in a daze and his cheeks were hot with a blush. Her hand felt right in his. It was like fate was sending electricity through their hands to send them a message. They were meant to be. The winter air hit him, the harsh and fullness of it filling his sense. He looked up from their hands, squinting at the burning sun in the cloudless sky as blue as her eyes. Dead grass crunched between their feet as they headed toward the lake. In the distance, there was a tree that was picture perfect and a shadow sitting between its shades, but he didn’t pay any mind to who it was. They halted at the edge of the lake and her hand dropped to her sides much to his dismay. Chanel began peeling off her shoes and socks and rolled up her pants. She stepped into the water, walking slowly until its dark water reach her knees.  

“What are you doing?” he hissed. “That water has muck and seaweed. And it must be freezing!”

She shrugged with a grin. “I’m not the prissy girl you like to think that I am.”

“So, what kind of girl are you?”

“Well, you’ll just have to find out, don’t you?” she smirked.

And he did. It was the really most unfortunate thing to do. The most unfortunate thing he ever did was getting to know her.

Every night was something different. She would take his hand and led him to a world of thought and curiosity. Moreover, she was leading him into a world where everything was much brighter because he was falling in love. On some nights, it’ll be conversating to the paintings, asking about their life stories and how they all seemed so grand to theirs. On other nights, it’ll be prowling through passageway, opening their eyes to strange wonders of the castle like the forest-filled room no longer used. Other times, it was lounging around the edge of the lake, feeding the squid and showing it humanity. Some nights, they were tucked away in between the bed sheets, indulging themselves in the vices the body has to offer. On others, was spending some alone time, loneliness feeding on James. But on this particular night, the castle was without life as they stood in front of a glass stained window.

Her hand spread against a window of yellow and she closed her eyes as if she felt something. “I love these,” she whispered. “They tell stories… They always have been my favorite part of the castle. The most beautiful part…”

His eyes which were on her, looked up at the window. “I find you the most beautiful part of the castle…” He now looked down at her again.

“I’m not a part of it,” she giggled.

“Yeah, you are. You bring life to it. I hear you in it even when you’re not around. Your laugh. Your voice. Your footsteps…”

It was strange sight to James to see her not smiling, but her face strangely grave. His insides froze to ice with fear and through the silence, only his hard-thumping heartbeat could be heard. He wondered, his eyes searching her, if he had said something wrong.

“You’re very romantic, James,” she said gravely. “But don’t fall in love with me because it won’t be love that you feel.”

He never understood what she meant, but he soon did.

With a grumbling stomach, James like a zombie walked slowly down the flight of stairs of the boys’ dorm. He was such in a trance from the craving of caldron cakes, he didn’t hear the slight ruffles of blankets and the low moans of pleasure. When he stepped on the last step, it creaked loudly.

“Who’s there?”

A shadow popped up from the couch, peering over as James squinted his eyes. His eyes adjusted to the low light the fire was casting and it was— “Chanel,” he gasped with a smile. He walked over to her with a wide smile, “I’m hungry. Do you want to go—?” He stopped mid-sentence, seeing her naked back. A seventh year student, shifted to see him. His chest of muscles were bare other than the little curls of black hair.

“Really?” he asked accusingly. “Had to interrupt?”

“Wha—What are you doing?” James stuttered with wide eyes.

“Trying to fuck,” spat the seventh year. “We made it our mission to fuck everywhere.”

James stared at Chanel, searching for something. A sign that this was not real, that is was a prank, that it was a dream.

“James—it wasn’t like we were going out.”

Her words set his body on fire, burning with the pain of her words. Those words she said was a knife, twisting into his heart then pulling it out and stabbing his heart again. His stomach knotted in protest, forgetting its hunger.

James swallowed the overwhelming feeling to cry. “But I…I love you…”

“James,” she sighed. “It’s not love you feel. It’s infatuation. You like me because I’m new, refreshing, different. But I’ll become boring soon enough. It always happens. We’re too young to know any better. We always think we’re in love, but we aren’t. It’s always infatuation…”  

 He swore it wasn’t infatuation in his heart. It was real, raw love. Infatuation though would have been a lot better because it wouldn’t hurt as much as it did now.


James’ footsteps echoed in the corridor. Birds chirped about the arrival of summer as the warm breeze swept from the courtyard through the open windows into the corridor. The sunlight dipped through the same windows, its rays touching James comfortingly with its warmth. Laughter from students hung in the air with celebration of the end of a new year.


James halted, sighing and preparing himself to face her. He turned slightly, cocking his eyebrow. He saw her graduation robes whip around her ankles and her blonde hair flowing in the runner’s wind. Her blue eyes…her blue eyes twinkled with an intensity of happiness. She stopped in front of him.

“James,” Chanel breathed.

“Congrats,” he whispered sadly with sober eyes on her.

“Thanks,” she gasped with a grin. “It’s over now. I’ll be heading out… Ministry for Sweden. I’m excited.”

“Good for you,” he mumbled.

“Listen, I know these last few months we barely spoke, but…” she sighed and continued, “I want you to know that you gave me some real unforgettable memories. I don’t want to leave with any hard feelings.” She put out her open hand. “I want to leave here and you think of me fondly. Not some bitch that broke your heart.”

He stared at her hand. “You didn’t break my heart… It was just infatuation, remember?” He gravely looked at her as her grin disappeared completely. He slowly took her hand, shaking it vaguely. “Good luck to you, McLaggen. Wishing you the best.”

She forcibly smiled. “Thanks. I’ll letter, okay?”

“Do whatever you want,” he smirked with cold eyes.


Both dropped their hands, looking at a girl with full curly hair and dark skin. Her hazel eyes shined mischievously as had a grin to match her eyes. James shot one last smirk to Chanel. “Good luck, McLaggen. I’m coming, Gigi!” He turned, striding away to the girl with swagger. He laid his arm lazily around her shoulders, waving Chanel, his first and last love, goodbye without a glance back.

Blackhole back to reality, meaning end of flashback


“Yeah,” whispered James to himself. “Once I loved a girl, but never again.”

A/N: What do you think so far? I would love to know.

The next two chapters will be flashbacks to understand the character’s backgrounds. And that there is a lot more to them than your first impression.

Please leave a little review down in the bottom box (yes, that one…right there…okay, yeah thanks.) XOXO =D 

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