Chapter 24 : Chapter 25-I'll Just Hold On To Love
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“Why didn’t you wake me up?!”
“You looked like you needed the sleep,” she teased handing me two pieces of toast.
I sighed, “Thanks.”
She laughed, “I wouldn’t have let you be late to class.”
“Oh I’m sure you wouldn’t have.” I said rolling my eyes.
“Sleeping beauty has graced us with her presence,” Blaise mused as he came up behind us wrapping his arms around Jade’s waist.
I just shook my head, “Yeah no thanks to your girlfriend.”
“Girlfriend? What girlfriend?” he said looking around causing Jade to elbow him in the gut, “Oh that girlfriend.”
I ate my toast while they were sickeningly cute and Draco shuffled behind us. He seemed no different than previous days and I just sighed. Morning classes went by quickly and Jade, Blaise, and Draco all headed towards the common room while I went to the Great Hall for lunch. Jade had taken my morning books to the dorm in exchange for me saving seats. I put soup into four bowls and then slid down a ways and began to eat. The other three came in when I was about a quarter through my bowl and I simply pointed to where I had filled bowls for them. Jade grabbed hers and came to sit next to me leaving the two guys together.
“Seriously you could sit with everyone Lina.”
I simply shook my head and continued to eat.
“You know you want to talk to him,” she smiled.
“I don’t want to talk to or about him,” I lied.
She rolled her eyes then began to eat. We spent the rest of lunch in silence my favorite thing on the planet, not.
Silence just let me waft off in my head and lately all that was in there was massive confusion and one handsome blonde.
“Thanks for getting my books,” I said to Jade just to get out of my own head.
She laughed, “That bad inside your own mind huh?”
I shook my head, “I really hate that you know me so well.”
“Sometimes I do too,” she replied playfully shoving me.
We grabbed our bags and got up to head off to our afternoon classes. Unfortunately unlike the morning the afternoon went by so slowly I thought time would start going backwards at any moment. Each class seemed to go on longer than the last one had. I was so tired by the time dinner rolled around I didn’t even want to go so I went straight to my dorm. The first thing I noticed when I got there was the letter was gone.
Lina was still avoiding me and I was no really thinking the letter had done anything despite Jade’s multiple reassurances. We sat down to dinner and I realized she wasn’t there which caused me to sigh.
“Cheer up mate,” Blaise said throwing his arm around my shoulders as we entered the hall.
“Not really in the mood to be cheery,” I replied.
“I have something that might change your mind,” Jade smiled and pulled an unmarked envelope from her purse.
“What is that?”
“A letter that was on Lina’s bed,” she smirked at me waving it back and forth, “So do you want it?”
“Of course I do,” I said snatching it from her as we sat down.
They piled food on their plates while I pulled the letter out and unfolded it as quickly as I could. I immediately recognized her handwriting and I smiled.
I do love you, but I still don’t want to be with you. I can’t allow the possibility of so much pain into my life again. You build me up so high and then just let me fall, hard. I know it hurts trust me I do. However the fact that I don’t want to be with you now doesn’t mean that I won’t put this pain aside once again at some point. Maybe Blaise is onto something here. I can’t talk to you right now, it breaks me down to tears but I can write you. I won’t make any promises but there is a part of me, there has always been a part of me, that won’t give up on you or us.
I smiled broadly staring down at the parchment.
“Good news?” Blaise asked.
“Of course it is,” Jade answered, “You think I would’ve given that to him if it was going to crush him?”
Blaise bit his lip, “Well you did punch him in the face.”
“Obviously I’m past that,” she replied scrunching her nose at him.
“Blaise you are a bloody genius,” I smiled at my friend and finally put some food on my plate.
“It’s nice to be recognized for my brain for once and not my incredible body,” he good-naturedly nudged Jade who scrunched her nose again but smiled, “Seriously though I’m glad my idea is working.”
“I am too,” Jade said continuing to smile, “Seeing my best friend so miserable is awful.”
I drifted from the conversation and just stared at the letter rereading it as I ate my pork chop. I was disappointed she wouldn’t actually interact with me but despite this I felt a sense of calm and relief wash over me that I hadn’t felt since she left me. It amazed me how much power she really did have over me. The fact I loved her so much had to mean something, it had to mean everything. She meant everything. If I could express that in letters maybe I could win her back. The knowledge that she never truly gave up on us was bouncing around inside my head and I knew for the first time since our split that there was real hope to make my life, and hers, right again. I was already formulating a response in my head which caused me to whip out a piece of parchment and write before I lost anything that I wanted to say. I wanted to make sure I was writing when I was full of emotions and that I didn’t hide of that from her.
I was cursing Jade as I waited in my dorm for her to get done with dinner. I hadn’t been completely sure I wanted to give that to Draco. I had written a letter to my parents as well. However, I had finished that one and put it up. I fell asleep on Draco’s and of course Jade’s nosey butt found it and I am sure by now gave it to him. Maybe subconsciously that is what I wanted though. It was kind of like the choice had been made for me, like fate had intervened. Honestly if I had written the letter to my parents second and Jade had found that one she would’ve tried (and possibly succeeded) to talk me out of sending it and writing Draco back instead. Maybe this was just how things were supposed to be.
Everything always seemed to point back to Draco and maybe it was just time for me to stop fighting it. All my free moments my mind would drift back to him and memories of when we were happy.
“Missed you at dinner,” Jade said as she dropped onto the bed.
“Thank you,” I replied kind of absent mindedly still in my thoughts.
“For missing you?” she asked.
I rolled over to face her, “No for giving him the letter.”
“I figured you wouldn’t that would sit and argue with yourself for days maybe longer,” she chuckled as she flopped onto the bed.
“It’s not that,” I paused, “I had written two letters last night. One to him and one to my parents telling them the engagement was off. The fact that I wrote the letter to him second and you found it and gave it to him made me realize maybe this is how things are supposed to be.”
“Like fate?” she asked arching an eyebrow.
“Exactly,” I smiled at her.
“Hmmm,” she smiled back, “I could be fate that seems pretty cool.”
I chucked my pillow at her, “You have been hanging around Draco too much. You are catching the narcissism.”
She chuckled as she threw my pillow back, “Well with that insult I bid you good night.”
“Good night,” I said and closed my curtains before rolling over.
For the first time in a while I fell asleep quickly and fell into a deep and restful sleep. I woke up thanking merlin it was Saturday. I deduced from the fact I only heard silence that the dorm was empty. I stretched and made my way to the bathroom to take a quick shower. After I showered and dressed I sat on my trunk. I was wondering what to do with my day while my best friend was at Hogesmeade. I scanned the room and sighed I knew another reason why I was just sitting here was because I was nearly certain Draco would have stayed back. I was fairly certain he wouldn’t try and speak to me but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to get his response to my letter either. I checked the alarm clock on the bedside table it was nearly eleven and my stomach growled. Breakfast would be over by now but I could go down to the kitchens and get some food.
I made my way down the stairs trying to be quiet so if Draco was in the common room I could sneak past him.
However to my surprise the common room was Draco free just younger students milling about chatting or doing homework. I made my way towards the kitchens lost in thought about Draco once again. Where was he? Was I upset he wasn’t sitting there waiting for me? As I shook the thoughts away I ran into someone and fell back but before I hit the ground they caught me.
“Sorry-” I started to apologize then looked at who was holding me, “Tristan!”
I quickly jumped up and brushed myself off even though there was no reason for it.
“Hey Lina,” he smiled, “How ya been?”
“Uh fine but I’m hungry so if you don’t mind-” I tried going around him but he blocked me.
“You’ve been avoiding me.” He said pointedly.
“Not avoiding so much as,” I paused but couldn’t think of a good excuse.
“That’s what I thought.” He said raising his left eyebrow, “I just want to hang out like we use to.”
“That’s not going to happen,” I replied again trying to step around him only to be blocked.
“I miss you,” he said quietly, “And since you and Draco aren’t together I thought maybe we could pick back up together.”
“Listen Tristan just stop,” I said, “There is no us and if you have just been sitting around waiting for Draco to screw up that is sad. You need to move on.”
“Oh like you did?” his tone had hardened.
“Yes, like I moved on from Draco and from you,” I was lying about Draco but he was making me angry.
“You will never move on from the piece of shit,” he said shaking his head, “Even now after he’s broken your heart again you are debating taking him back so he can screw you over again.”
I bite my lip and tried to keep the tears back.
“Oi Rhodes harassing girls in empty corridors now?” as much I didn’t want to hear his voice I was grateful for it at this moment.
“This is none of your business Malfoy.” Tristan snapped.
Draco ignored him put his arm around me and smiled, “Come on let’s get you some breakfast.”
We walked past Tristan who just had a nasty look on his face.
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