Chapter 22 : Love Letters On Wet Paper
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I made my way down from the common room still in my pajama pants and cami with my hair pulled into a pony-tail because I had no want or effort to really get ready just yet.
“Morning,” Jade smiled as I plopped down into an armchair since her and Blaise were monopolizing the couch, “Nice outfit.”
“Morning,” I smiled back, “And its Sunday I will stay in my pajamas all day if I like.”
“So I guess you don’t have any plans for today?”
“I never have plans,” I said pointedly.
“Well I saw you talking to Tristan yesterday….” She trailed off.
“Yeah not trying to go there again,” I replied, “Besides after the way I left him doesn’t it seem kind of desperate of him to want me back?”
She shrugged, “Yeah I guess when you look through your pessimistic glasses it does.”
I chuckled, “You say pessimistic I say realistic.”
She shook her head, “With you it’s pessimistic it always has been.”
“I am always right that makes me a realist,” I said sticking out my tongue.
“No that makes you conceited,” she smirked.
I rolled my eyes, “You just don’t like to be wrong.”
“Which is why I never am,” she stuck her tongue out this time.
“The level of maturity in this room is just astounding,” Blaise interjected so we both stuck our tongues out at him, “And my point is proven.”
“Well no one asked you because you’re a boy and you smell and have cooties.”
“Cooties?” he raised his eyebrow at me.
“You heard me,” I replied, “Smelly cooties.”
By this point in time Jade at broken out into a fit of hysterics so bad she nearly fell off the couch. Blaise caught her but gave her a dirty look as he did so.
“Well I guess your best friend has smelly cooties too,” he said proudly.
“Nope she’s been vaccinated.”
“I gave her a cootie shot ages ago,” I replied.
Although you could barely hear my reply above Jade laughter which by this point in time I had to join in because it was getting too ridiculous and he was just going to keep going.
“As I said we set a high standard here for maturity in the Slytherin house.”
Jade shoved him playfully, “Lighten up.”
Just then Draco sat in the other armchair and said good morning to us. I nodded but said nothing. It was early so I wasn’t in an angry mood to snap at him but I wasn’t quite in the mood to just walk off without saying anything either. So I sat brooding for a moment.
“Earth to Lina!” Jade was waving her hand in front of my face.
“Huh?” I shook my head and looked and her.
“Draco asked how you’ve been,” she said in a tone that meant she had been trying to get my attention for a long enough time it annoyed her.
“Just fine not like he cares,” And I used that to make my exit.
I watched her walk back off towards the girls dorms and just sighed. I got rid of Selene with help from father but she still wouldn’t talk to me. I ignored the girls who tried to cling to me, and I went back and forth between giving her space for a few days and then trying to be polite like mum had suggested and that stuff wasn’t working either. I had sent her flowers twice she kept thanked me by nodding but at least she didn’t throw them out so I took that as a good sign. I spent nearly all the time I wasn’t doing school work either rereading my mother’s letter trying to figure out where the hidden secret to winning back Lina or trying to come up with my own plan to do so.
Every once and awhile I would stop long enough to have a conversation with Blaise, best mate ever, never once got annoyed with my pining. So when I say I had conversations with Blaise I mean I either cried or raged about my situation and bounced plans off of him. He told me kidnapping her again, kind of like I had done over Christmas, was not necessarily the best idea. Other ideas he had shot down was locking her in a room with me until she agreed to taking me back, using the Imperius Curse, and loudly declaring my undying love for her in front of the entire school at dinner one night. In hindsight I am glad I had him to tell me those were crap plans. However now I was left to come up with a new one.
“Why don’t you write her a letter mate,” Blaise said breaking my train of thought, which honestly was on a track to nowhere.
“Yeah like she did for you maybe you two communicate better through writing than you do with each other directly. Plus I mean she can but can’t blow off or run from a letter. Especially one Jade gives her,” Blaise raised his eyes at his girlfriend who just nodded.
“Of course,” Jade replied, “You two need to get back together already this whole avoidance thing is killing the group dynamic, especially on Hogesmeade trips. Do you know I actually have to go into the Quidditch shop with Blaise because I have no one to stand in the street or wander off with since she just stays in her dorm?”
“Oh yes the Quidditch shop must be agonizing,” I teased.
She rolled her eyes at my sarcasm, “You really have no idea. Well you going to go write the best love letter ever written or what?”
I smirked and then smiled before rushing off to my dorm pulling out an ink and quill. My mother had sent me the secret to getting her back in the actual method I just never realized it. I couldn’t even figure out how to start though. Did I write ‘dear?’ Should I call her a pet name, or Lina, or her full name? I stared at the blank parchment and it began to hurt my head so I sighed this would not be as easy as I hoped. I scrapped about a dozen pieces before realizing not only was I was I failing miserably but I could magically erase and didn’t have to litter the entire dorm which Blaise would teasingly make me clean later. I reread my mother’s letter for the umpteenth time but it didn’t inspire me. Then I remembered another letter and I pulled Lina’s letter out from under my pillow and reread it trying to take some cue from her on how to do this. It gave me the inspiration I needed and I began to scrawl away across the parchment.
I had been sitting in my dorm for what seemed like ages. I had thought of a million better things I could’ve said before leaving but isn’t that how it always is? You always come up with something better you could have done or said later, hindsight is 20/20. Just then Jade walked into the room and said nothing just handed me an envelope and left. I recognized the handwriting on the envelop immediately and I dropped it onto my pillow and just stared at it.
I was determined not to read it. I would not give him the satisfaction of figuring out a way around him ignoring him, which I was sure he had come up with using help of Blaise as a Draco plan would’ve involved a love potion or locking me in a broom cupboard with him until I took him back. I grappled inside my own head for at least an hour and then of course my heart got involved to over complicate my thoughts even further. I mean I could just read it he would really never know if I read it or not. That thought was very tempting so I finally flipped over the envelop and opened it laying the folded letter on my pillow. My thoughts than began to intrude again about even if he didn’t know I would know that I gave in and I needed to keep some dignity. I ran my fingers over my name written across the now empty envelop and sighed. Jade came in and sighed.
“Just read it Lina,” she said, “You know you really want to.”
“Why as my friend would you bring this to me?”
“Three words Hogesmeade Quidditch Shop,” she smiled then got serious again, “Because I am your friend and sick of seeing you in misery.”
“I am not miserable I am perfectly fine.”
“You keep telling yourself that Miss Realist.” She rolled her eyes, “You are wasting something here and we can all see it even you. Just read his letter its not like you have to reply. Just stop being so stubborn that you let yourself get hurt.”
As she walked out I shook my head hard and unfolded the letter closing my eyes and slowly opening them and beginning to read.
I am not even sure you are going to read this but in case you do I want you blame Blaise (haha.) He suggested maybe we could communicate better through writing than by words at least for now. If you could ever find it in your heard to take me back maybe we could try writing out our feelings and easing into talking since obviously we are both awful at straight up talking. I still read that letter you gave me and it was NEVER my choice to let you go. I want to keep you as mine forever. I love you I truly do. I am obviously messed up but I can change I promise. I had my dad have Selene sent to a different school and I just want you. Only you forever and always. I will always love you even if you never speak to me again, even if you never read this, even if you never know, I will always love you and only you. I worked so hard to get you back and am willing to work harder to do it again. Please Lina at least speak to me again. Let me prove to you (again) I want to be with you and this time I will not mess it up like I always do. You owe me nothing you gave me a second chance and I threw that away. But they say third time is the charm right? Please just consider this Lina, consider you, and me and our misery. I love you.
I just sat in silence studying the letter. I could tell his handwriting was a little shaky, not unsure just nervous, I had seen it like this before when he wasn’t sure of an answer for an essay. I could also see several blotches where he had obviously paused before continuing on. Finally, I could see where his tears had smeared the ink in spots and my tears began to join them.
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