Chapter 21 : Chapter 21-I Need You Now Put Me Back Together Make Me Right
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“What do you want?” I asked.
He pretended to look surprised, “Oh Lina didn’t go to Hogesmeade?”
“Oh you know I didn’t so don’t even pretend,” I said leaning back in my chair, “What do you want?”
“You think I was sitting here waiting for you?” he replied still feigning ignorance.
“I don’t think,” I narrowed my eyes, “I know.”
He shook his head but not in a dismissive way, in a knowing he was caught kind of way which caused me to smirk a little.
“So again I ask what do you want?”
“You, the only thing I have ever really wanted,” he replied barely above a whisper.
“Well that’s not going to happen,” I replied, “We are done Draco forever.”
“That’s not fair!”
“What you have done to me now twice is not fair!” I snapped, “How many chances should I give you!”
“As many as it takes,” he was angry too.
“How is that fair to me to just keep getting hurt, you are so unbelievably selfish!”
“We have something amazing Lina. We have everything together.”
“We have nothing because you always tear it apart!”
“I love you and I was afraid to lose you,” he looked down and I saw he was beginning to cry, “My heart aches every time I see you.”
“You were afraid to lose me?! So you ran off and slept with someone else! You are utterly insane.”
He just nodded, “I know it was stupid but I came right to you and told you hoping we could work it out.”
“Work it out! You do remember why I left you the first time right? Or did you forget that?”
Now he shook his head, “No I didn’t forget.”
“This conversation is over I am going back to my dorm and wait for Jade,” I sighed, “You want to do me a favor get rid of Selene I am sick of seeing her face and obviously Jade is too.”
I had snapped the last part out of pure anger before storming back to my dorm.
Was that a test? I wondered watching her back as she left. If I got rid of Selene would she take me back? I rushed back to my dorm and pulled out a quill, ink, and a piece of parchment. I furiously wrote one letter to my mother telling her what was going on. I was hoping she would not only write back with wisdom but maybe also write to Lina. I then pulled out a second piece of parchment and wrote a letter to my father. I told him what had happened and what I needed his help with. I gathered both letters and rushed off to the Owlery. After sending the letters I went back to the common room to wait.
After about an hour I decided to go back out onto the grounds since owls couldn’t really deliver down to the Slytherin common room. I paced near the lake for a while watching the giant squid sometimes surface. Several times I saw merpeople pop up, they really were not as attractive as muggle stories made them out to be. I swore I even saw a Kelpie but that would be insane no way would they allow something that dangerous to live on school grounds. As that thought ran my mind I laughed out loud, actually they probably would, and after all we did have a werewolf as a teacher for a year. I had probably wasted about another hour by the time I was or wasn’t hallucinating Kelpies. I went and sat down on the steps glancing down the road towards Hogesmeade, wishing I was there with Lina.
I was angry she wouldn’t just give in. Yet I was even angrier at myself for what I had done. Plus how did I ever expect her to just forgive and forget this. I knew how long it had taken me to get her to take me back in the first place. Everything I had to do all the time and effort that was put in and I just expected her to cry and then be fine? I was an idiot. How did non relationship challenged people deal with fearing love and loss? I should ask Blaise later since I had never actually gotten to talk to him last night. By the time we got back to the common room I just wanted to sleep my face hurt pretty badly and I had no energy to chat with him about the pain I was in.
I finally felt a tug on my sleeve however it wasn’t an owl.
I looked up to see Selene smiling at me.
“Oh merlin what do you want?” I snapped.
“To talk about us,” she said not missing a beat.
“Shouldn’t you be in the hospital wing?” I replied looking at her pretty bruised face.
“Madame Pomfrey healed all my broken bones said I could go,” she said sitting down, “I told her I fell down some stairs.”
I just nodded but said nothing. I guess she thought I would praise her for not ratting out Jade.
“So anyway can we finally, actually be together?” she asked.
“ARE YOU ON DRUGS!” I jumped up, “I DO NOT WANT YOU! I WANT LINA!”
She shook her head, “Lina doesn’t want you I think she’s made that clear I am fine with being option B.”
“You aren’t even an option! Lina is the ONLY option. You need to leave me alone now.” I stormed down the stairs, “Don’t speak to me again.”
She looked dumbfounded but didn’t start crying until I was a few more steps away. I should’ve felt bad but I didn’t. A part of me wished Lina had been there to witness it.
I had actually finished the last bit of my essay. It had been the only thing in my dorm to do to keep myself calm after storming off from Draco. It had taken every bit of concentration I had to write only about my topic. As I didn’t think the professor would care to read about what a git I thought Draco was. I proudly put the essay back in my messenger bag and lay back on my bed. Only to realize how boring the top of the four poster bed was. I sighed wondering if he was still in the common room or if I could at least sneak past and get out into the castle. I pulled on my coat and tip-toed down the girls’ dormitory stairs carefully peeking about when I got to the bottom. I didn’t see him anywhere so I walked and little further out and scanned the room again, definitely not here.
I smiled and wandered out of the common room into the dungeons. The faint smell of mold was kind of immediate and I wondered for a moment why the Slytherin common room and dorms didn’t smell of it. I shook my head realizing it was probably a simple charm, one they should use throughout the dungeons I might add, and continued on my way. Just as I reached the entrance hall a bruised girl who looked an awful lot like Selene rushed past me in full blown hysterics. I don’t even think she noticed me with her hands in front of her face the way they were. I watched her disappear down the stairs with a faint curiosity but it soon faded and I went into the Great Hall hoping there would be some food available since it was nearly lunch.
I was relieved when I saw sandwiches and soups had appeared on all the house tables and few students were dotted around the hall eating. I was however not relieved when a few short moments after I sat down Draco entered the Hall and sat not too far from me. I tried to ignore him as I put broccoli cheddar soup into a bowl and grabbed a turkey and pepper-jack sandwich. He made himself hard to ignore though when his large Eagle owl swooped in with a letter on each leg. I tried to eye him in an inconspicuous way. Although I was pretty sure they really wasn’t such a way to stare at someone without sunglasses or a newspaper or some other prop. He checked both letters and opened one with intent. It seemed short but he had a broad smile on his face from whatever contents it held. The second letter was much longer and his expression was quite unreadable as he went through it.
When he finished though he was smiling again and that was when I noticed he was still wearing his ring. Seriously? I sighed at least I knew he really did love me. He put the letters back in their envelopes before stashing them in the pocket of his robe. He glanced at me and I quickly looked away feeling myself blush. (At getting caught of course not because he looked at me!) I however did have a burning curiosity to know what was in those letters. My only option though would be to wait until later and then go off with Jade so Blaise could chat with Draco. Hopefully Draco would tell Blaise who would Jade who would tell me about the letters. As I ran through that in my head I had a brief moment of insanity where I considered just asking Draco would be easier. I quickly shook the thought from my head and finished my lunch before going back to the common room.
Jade and Blaise got back from Hogesmeade shortly after I finished lunch which was a relief because I thought I may have another run in with Draco. I pointedly told Jade in front of Blaise about Draco’s letters before dragging her off to our dorms.
“Why do you care about the letters?” Jade asked.
So I went into a detailed account of my morning with her.
“That still doesn’t explain why you want to know what’s in the letters.”
“Because I want to know whatever ludicrous plan he is concocting! Don’t you remember the last time I wouldn’t take him back!”
It seemed to dawn on her suddenly, “Oooooo.”
“Do you not miss him at all?” she asked catching me off guard.
“Of course I miss him,” I sighed flopping onto my bed, “I love him I can’t just stop that.”
“Now I know what Draco did, multiple times, was and is horrible,” she paused, “But he will grow up, he is growing up. You two were coming along so well. You can’t expect perfection out of a guy anyways.”
“So in a roundabout, nonsensical way you are saying I should give him another chance?” I said rolling over and lifting and eyebrow at her.
“You were so happy,” was her defense as she looked at her feet.
“And now I am so miserable because he did the same thing AGAIN.”
“Just forget I said anything.” She said lying back on her bed.
I shook my head but did the same. I wish no one would say to give him another chance. Because despite my tough front I did want to. At least a part of me wanted to. I was going through a range of emotions that were all too familiar to me and I didn’t like this déjà vu not one bit.
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