Chapter 20 : Chapter 20-Are You Through With Me?
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“Hey Lina!” she smiled broadly.
“Hey,” I more or less muttered.
“Awe come on Lina let’s get you happy again.” She kind of whined.
I shook my head.
“You are going to lose it hun. Can you just at least acknowledge what happened?”
“I have that’s the thing. He cheated on me and I left him. I know that and I do cry but mostly I am just….”I trailed off.
“I don’t understand,” Jade said frowning.
“Neither do I,” I replied honestly, “I know I should be a wreck but I’m just not. Maybe it’s because I was expecting this.”
Jade seemed to frown even more but said nothing.
“I just want to eat and go to bed,” I finally said to her, “Maybe we can actually talk about this tomorrow when you get back from Hogesmeade.”
“I’ll stay here if you want to spend the day together,” she smiled.
I shook my head as we approached the Great Hall, “No that’s okay we can hang out after you get back.”
She nodded and went to sit with Blaise while I slid onto the end of the bench at the furthest end of the table. I caught myself once again staring at Draco. Selene sat across from him making me scowl she looked at me and smiled. I turned my attention back to my plate staring at the bangers and mash that were on it. I poked at them a little before glancing back over Draco seemed intently focused on his plate and Blaise and Jade were both glaring at Selene. I laughed a little as I glanced back at my food and finally began eating.
I finished quickly and hustled back to the common room so I could set up in the corner. Contrary to what I had told Jade I wanted I really needed to finish this Potions essay so my weekend would be completely free. However just as I sat down the door opened and I knew who it was before even looking up. I had been expecting this and was honestly surprised it had taken him so long. I had sincerely expected him to be begging me every chance he got.
“I don’t have anything to say to you.”
“I didn’t think you did,” he paused, “But I’m sorry and I love you.”
“I’ve heard this before somehow it never turns out well for me.”
“We can fix this.”
“Obviously we can’t Draco we tried and we failed. We can’t be in an actual relationship no matter how much we want it.”
“So you still want it?”
“I never said that.”
“So you don’t?”
“I didn’t say that either,” I muttered staring at my Potions book.
“So what are you saying?”
“We’re over because that is what’s for the best all feelings aside.” I sighed just wanting him to go away.
My strength was slipping away and I could also sense pain breaking through the numbness. I felt a few tears slip down my cheeks and watched them fall onto the parchment causing the words I had written to blur together. Seeing that made me cry more, heavy sobs, and I knew my meltdown had finally come.
I watched her cover her face but I was frozen to the spot where I stood. I didn’t really think she wanted me to comfort her anyway. The last week had been beyond miserable. Besides not having Lina Selene had followed me around like a lost puppy despite Jade threatening to basically eviscerate her. Every time I heard her voice it grated on my nerves so I had taken to completely ignoring her. Now as I watched Lina finally completely breakdown I was feeling a whole different level of pain and guilt. I had been hoping she was okay even though I knew she wasn’t. However since she hadn’t just dropped to the ground in tears I figured she had found a way to deal with this. I was very wrong. Maybe I should of never talked to her but I had to try. It was selfish but I needed to try and get her back.
She continued to ball her entire essay had become a black smear. I pulled out my wand and fixed it before moving it away from her. She looked up at me her eyes red and watery and long streaks running down her face. I felt an ache in my chest but ignored it as I pushed some hair out of her face. She was beautiful even like this and I felt a lump form in my throat. It was killing me not to kiss her but I kept rooted to where I stood.
“Thanks,” she muttered looking away.
I just nodded even though she couldn’t see me. I rubbed her back as she continued to cry not knowing what else to do. She tensed a little but didn’t shrug me off; I wondered if she needed the comfort as badly as I needed to be close to her. After a few more minutes she looked up again.
“I do love you Draco but we just don’t work,” she seemed conflicted.
“I know we could Lina.”
“You are making this so much harder,” she suddenly snapped, “You are the reason this won’t work. I know I need to better with certain things but you really are the reason this cannot work. I need to communicate better you need to not sleep around! Those are drastically different problems and obviously you can’t overcome yours. I don’t think I could ever fully trust you.”
Her anger only seemed to cause her to cry harder. I stopped rubbing her back and just stood there kind of awkwardly but I figured she didn’t want me touching her.
“I really am sorry.”
“You being sorry has never been our issue. You need to not do things that make you sorry!”
Her tears had now formed a puddle on the table. She noticed this as well and used her wand to clean it up. However she continued to cry just making me feel worse. How could I have messed up so badly once again?
Just then the common room door opened causing her head to snap around. She looked back at me and sighed.
“I’m done Draco. You need to let this be.”
As she gathered her things and walked off I shook my head. I thought about the letter she had given me. Selene wasn’t my choice, ending this wasn’t my choice. I wanted to fight for this no matter what it took.
I turned and went up to my dorm knowing I didn’t want to be in the crowded common room. And I definitely didn’t want to be anywhere near Selene. I twisted the ring Lina had given me on my finger, I hadn’t taken mine off.
As I sat on my bed I realized once again when it came to Lina I had no idea where to start. I had gotten her back and lost her again. I obviously needed to figure out what was going on with me first because that was the only way to do anything with her. I thought long and hard about why I was the way I was. Every time I had cheated it was because of a lack of communication and obviously that was a poor way to deal with it. I needed to work on that so I decided I would talk to Blaise about it whenever he got done being with Jade. I know their relationship was in that shiny new stage but I could always talk to Blaise and expect honesty so he was my best bet.
I suddenly heard some yelling and commotion from the common room and considered going to check it out. Even if it was only to get some temporary relief from my own thoughts.
I was still kind of crying as I sat curled up on my bed with the curtains drawn. Why did he have to talk to me? Why couldn’t he just leave well enough alone?
Over my crying I suddenly heard a bunch of yelling and despite my state my curiosity got the better of me so I took a few deep breaths trying to calm myself. I wiped the tears from my face and went down to the common room. There was a circle of students and I was getting a sense of déjà vu until I finally got a good look at the center. Jade was pummeling Selene in the middle of the common room. I glanced over at the boys’ stairs and noticed Draco coming down causing a momentary lapse in my worry for my friend.
“You slut!” Jade screamed snapping my attention back just in time to see her hit Selene in the gut.
“Okay babe that’s enough,” Blaise stepped forward wrapping his arms around her and pulling her back.
“Not nearly!” she shouted struggling against him.
“Calm down!” he snapped, “She’s not worth getting expelled.”
Jade said nothing but continued to struggle against him so I pushed my way over to them as did Draco. He got there first but instead of calming her down this made her angrier and she socked him in the eye before Blaise could get a better hold on her.
“You’re an arse!”
Draco kind of took a step back.
I finally got over there, “You okay.”
“Oh Lina!” she smiled.
I nodded wondering if she had gone mental, “Yepp that’s me.”
She laughed as Blaise drug her outside the circle and sat her in a chair. I perched myself on the arm and Draco stayed back putting an ice pack he had conjured on his eye.
“Any reason you have become so violent?” I asked.
“Stupid little whore asking where Draco was,” she snapped and made to jump up but Blaise pushed her back down.
“Oi someone get her somewhere!” Blaise bellowed and a few girls in her year began to gather her up.
“She deserved it,” Jade said then eyed Draco, “So did he.”
“Well I won’t argue with that,” I muttered.
“Not helping,” Blaise whispered.
I shrugged but then looked at Jade, “No more hitting.”
“What about kicking?”
“No, no kicking and also no biting,” I paused, “Also no hexing.”
“You are no fun!” but at least she was laughing now.
It seemed that most of the students seemed have dissipated or had at least lost interest in the situation. Draco had sat down on the couch kind of eyeing Jade critically like she would come for him again. As funny as I thought it would be if she totally beat him I knew Blaise wouldn’t allow it so I turned back to her.
“You beat them up thank you for defending my honor,” I smiled.
She laughed, “What are best friends for?”
“Oh don’t encourage her,” Blaise said.
Jade shot him a dirty look and I laughed, “I’m not encouraging her I already told her not to do it again.”
Blaise turned to Draco, “You gonna live mate?”
He nodded but said nothing.
“Why don’t we all get some sleep?” I suggested wanting to get away from the situation before it got even more awkward.
Jade slowly nodded and stood up kissing Blaise. As we walked away she kicked Draco in the shins causing a slew of curse words to come from him and me to snicker.
“Thanks,” I whispered as we walked up the stairs.
“What are best friends for?” she repeated.
We laughed all the way to our dorm and for once in this past week I felt happy.
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