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Beneath by keyty
Chapter 26 : do i wanna know?
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 8

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Have you no idea that you're in deep?


I dreamt about you nearly every night this week

How many secrets can you keep?

Do I Wanna Know? -- The Arctic Monkeys


Sirius’s head hits the table with a thud, awakening him with a start.

“Wazgoinon,” he mumbles.

Much to his dismay, he soon realises he is still in the Divination classroom, but his disappointment fades when he notices his last class of the day is almost over. He looks around to see if anyone has noticed his mishap, but his fellow students seem to be in a similar state. Most students are asleep, some snoring. He notices a particular ravenclaw with a puddle of drool forming by his mouth. He grins and lays his head back down, letting Professor Imago drawl on in his signature monotone.

Sirius likes Divination, he decides. He doesn’t really know anybody in this class, which means he doesn’t feel obligated to stay awake and chat. Rarely does he get alone time outside of this class, and he enjoys having time to himself. Usually he thinks back to his most recent conquest, or a new target for a snogfest in a broom closet. There are days when his thoughts are filled with pranks, or possible quidditch strategies he can suggest to James for an upcoming match. Lately, however, his mind is filled with thoughts of Rainne.

He thinks back to last night’s dinner, when Rainne ran off after hearing about the ball. Is she afraid to meet James’s family? Or is she afraid to dress up in fancy evening wear? And Ben… Ben came back after less than five minutes. How could he leave her in that state? He’s her bloody boyfriend! He’s supposed to be there when she freaks out! He is also, Sirius reminds himself, supposed to notice when his girlfriend nearly offs herself. There was no way everyone bought that appendicitis scam. How thick can you get?

The bell rings and Sirius snaps his head up, still in a daze. Though physically he’s ready to take a nap, his mind is wide awake.

Rainne Rainne Rainne Rainne Rainne.

He needs to talk to someone about this, but he can’t tell any of his friends.

He sighs and picks up his rucksack, following the sea of students as they all make their way down the winding staircase. Most of them are still half asleep, but two ravenclaws are buzzing with conversation.

“So glad that’s over,” says one, “Want to go to the library? I need to finish that assignment for Arithmancy.”

“Sure,” says the other, “But not for long. I have my session with Dr. Bonham.”

“Who?” asks the first, confused.

“The new counselor,” clarifies the second, “She’s brilliant. She’s helping me deal with stress over all this schoolwork. Honestly, I don’t know how I’ve gotten along without her.”

Sirius’s eyes widen.


Counselors are supposed to keep everything confidential, right?

He catches up to the ravenclaws and, after asking where Dr. Bonham’s office is, runs down the corridor.

Rainne Rainne Rainne Rainne Rainne.

He runs as fast as he can, nearly toppling into several students when he turns a sharp corner.

“Sorry!” he calls without looking back.

“Padfoot!” James calls a few feet ahead, “Why the rush?”

Sirius whizzes past him, “Can’t talk! See you later!”

He turns another corner and runs up a flight of stairs.

“Sirius?” asks a confused Carmen, “Where are you going?”

“Catch you later!” Sirius says, ignoring her completely.

He turns another corner.

“Sirius, mate, where are you running off to?” Ben asks, his arm draped around Rainne’s shoulder.

Sirius stops in his tracks, staring at them.

“Nowhere -just -erm -Peeves,” he stumbles over his words, wincing at his terrible coverup.

“Peeves?” Ben asks with raised eyebrows. Sirius looks at Rainne.

Rainne Rainne Rainne Rainne Rainne.

She looks at him pleasantly, giving him a small smile.

Rainne Rainne Rainne Rainne Rainne.

“Yes,” Sirius says, tearing his eyes away from her, “Peeves. Well, gotta go,” this time, he doesn’t run, walking swiftly past them instead, “Catch you later, yeah?”

Ben shrugs and leads Rainne in the opposite direction, not giving his fellow Marauder’s behavior a second thought.

Finally, Sirius reaches the small wooden door beside the Peakes portrait.

“Glenmore,” he salutes, keeping up his fast pace.

“Mr. Black!” Peakes returns the salute, “Always a pleasure to see you.”

Sirius nods and reaches the door, skidding to a halt.

Is he really going to do this? He stares at the door. Dr. Ruth Bonham is AVAILABLE, reads a small plaque in bold letters. Sirius takes a deep breath and knocks twice on the door, which opens almost immediately under his fist.

“Hello there,” says Dr. Bonham, “Can I help you?”

Sirius stares at her before realising her question requires a response.

“Right,” he says slowly, “Could I speak to you?”

She smiles, “Certainly,” she pushes the door open and steps aside, “Come on in.”

He obeys, taking a seat on the sofa opposite her armchair. She smiles, tapping the plaque with her wand. As she shuts the door behind her, the word UNAVAILABLE fades into the end of the sentence.

Sirius taps his foot nervously, his fingers tangled with the straps of his rucksack. Should he really be doing this?

He watches as Bonham takes a seat at her desk, rummaging through a top drawer. She pulls out a fresh manila folder and what looks like a brand new quill, but leaves the drawer open.

“What house are you in, dear?” she asks.

Sirius straightens his robes and motions to the golden lion on his chest, “Gryffindor.”

“Ah,” she nods, taking a maroon ink bottle out of the drawer before shutting it, “And your name?”

“Sirius Black,” he says, “That’s S-I-R-I-U-S, like the star.”

“Of course,” she smiles, writing his name on the top of the file. Once she is finished, she returns the ink bottle to the drawer, taking out a notepad and a black ink bottle, “Do you mind if I take notes? Just for my reference, of course,” he shrugs, and she smiles once more, taking her seat in the armchair in front of him.

“So, Sirius,” she says after a long pause, “What would you like to talk about?”

“Well,” Sirius thinks, trying to find a way to express everything running through his mind, “I’m in a kind of predicament.”

“And why is that?”

He takes another deep breath.

“Well,” he says again. What the hell, just dive in, “Okay, so, there’s this girl all my mates and I have recently befriended. She’s really quiet, but I think we’re getting her out of her shell. Anyway, she’s dating my best mate, Ben. They’ve been together for a few months now. At first I thought they were fine together, but now I’m not so sure.”

“What made you change your mind?” Bonham asks, taking short, concise notes.

“I… I kind of found her.”

“What do you mean, you ‘found her’?”

“She tried to… kill herself. And I found her,” Sirius is rambling now. The words seem to just fall out of his mouth, “Just in time, too, or she might have died. But she doesn’t know that. And she can’t. And I can’t tell anyone because, well, it’s not my place.”

Bonham’s eyes widen slightly, but only for a moment, before returning to their normal size. Sirius continues without noticing.

“But now that I’ve realised how bad things are, I don’t know how everyone else just goes on. How is it they’re not noticing the signs? And last night she ran out of the Great Hall and I don’t think he even tried to comfort her. Can’t they see she just needs someone to be there for her?”

He finally stops, panting lightly. Bonham thinks for a moment.

“Why can’t you be there for her?” she asks him.

Sirius closes his eyes as if in pain, grimacing. He speaks only after reopening them.

“That’s where my predicament lies,” he says, “I don’t trust myself.”

“What do you mean?” Bonham asks.

“I can’t be alone with her,” he says, staring at his feet.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m in love with her. I’m in love with my best mate’s girl and I can’t even do anything to save her.”

author’s note: hello there lovelies! sorry for the short chapter, but i think the ending kind of makes up for that!

what did you think? were you expecting this? did it catch you by surprise? i know some of you are shipping sirius/rainne so those of you that are will be quite happy, i think!

please leave me a review, i’m dying to read your reactions!

thanks for reading!

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