Chapter 17 : Chapter 17-We Pull It Together And Tear It Apart
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“Hey Draco!” she said waving and smiling like the little incident at the party never happened, “It’s so good to see you.”
He didn’t say anything to here just squeezed my hand.
“What Draco? Cat got your tongue? I missed you; usually I get to see you over break.” She cooed.
“Hey Selene,” I said stepping out from behind him, “He’s still with me.”
She made a disgusted face but turned around and went back to her friend shooting me a dirty look here and there. I leaned on Draco keeping him close as I watched multiple girls smile at him and felt my jealousy grow.
We made our way onto the train and found our friends already in a compartment. I would love to talk to Jade about my fears and the jealousy I was feeling but since we were in a compartment with Draco, Blaise, and the oafs and her face had been attached to Blaise’s that wasn’t an option right now. I tried to relax myself by looking out the window but the countryside whizzing by just reminded me we were getting ever closer to school. I sighed and felt eyes on me, damn it.
“You okay babe?” Draco asked he was twisting the ring on the finger.
“Yeah I just wasn’t ready for break to end,” I replied at least that was mostly true.
He nodded and pulled me a little closer to him.
“Hey you two get your own compartment, or at least have the decency to hide in the bathrooms.” Draco said conjuring a ball of paper and chucking it at Blaise.
Blaise just grinned sheepishly and Jade was bright red.
“Did you forget we were all here?” I asked.
“Kind of,” Jade replied nonchalantly.
I shook my head they were cute in that new couple way, and also obnoxious in the same way.
“Don’t you two need to breathe like normal people?” Draco asked.
Jade turned even redder and Blaise’s grin just kind of widened. I went back to the window while Draco tried to keep them in conversation so we all didn’t have to watch or listen to them dry hump.
Despite the fact being back at Hogwarts was nearly giving me a panic attack I was ecstatic when the awkward train ride was over. Draco took my hand and I followed him off the train and to the carriages where he closed the door and magically locked it.
“What about-” he cut me off by colliding his lips into mine.
He pulled away smirking, “I have been dying to do that.”
“And what your fabulous sense of decorum stopped you?”
He chuckled then grabbed me again pulling me nearly into his lap as we heard knocks on the door.
“Should we let them in,” I gasped.
He shook his head and pulled me back to him. He kept one hand on the back of my head playing with my hair and the other arm was wrapped around my waist keeping me close to him. I kind of smiled into the kiss because I knew exactly what Jade had meant about not realizing we were all there with her, because everything around was just melting away.
We could’ve been in that carriage for five minutes or five hours however the jolt of it stopping shook us apart. I pulled my shirt back on and he buttoned his then we both tried to straighten ourselves out, not easy to do from a sitting position mind you, before opening the door.
Outside the carriage Crabbe and Goyle stood with our things and Blaise and Jade stood with arched eyebrows.
“Hey at least we got our own carriage!” I protested their knowing stares.
We all laughed as we made our way up into the Entrance Hall. Draco was leaning over whispering in my ear and I was trying to push him away when I caught sight of Tristan.
“Stop or we’re both going to miss dinner,” I whispered to him not breaking eye contact with Tristan.
“Fine I guess I’m hungry enough to wait until later,” Draco chuckled and kissed my neck before standing back up.
“You are so bad,” I said finally looking to him and shaking my head.
I leaned into him momentarily before we all began to make our way into the Great Hall. All through dinner I felt eyes on me but at least they weren’t quite death glares. I only mention this because Jade was getting them from Jessica. Tristan’s stare was changing between angry and hurt and I wasn’t sure which bothered me more. So instead I tried to ignore it and focus on the group in front me.
Unfortunately they were talking about what I was trying to focus on avoiding.
“So Jade do you feel a burning in the back of your head?” Draco asked.
She flipped around and caught Jessica’s gaze then turned back to us rolling her eyes.
Blaise turned around to but Jess had quickly changed her look to a smile, “What are you talking about?”
Immediately upon Blaise turning back to the table she was glaring at Jade again causing us all to laugh.
“She’s trying to melt Jade’s brain,” I said finally chiming in.
“She is not she’s just creepily smiling at me,” Blaise said.
“Yeah when you turn around but when your back is to her she’s mentally using Avada Kedvra on Jade.” Draco replied.
I glanced over to the Ravenclaw table and Tristan half smiled at me this time. I shook my head and went back to my food causing Draco to look over and I felt him get a little tense. Jade and Blaise continued to chat but Draco and I had gotten silent and I wasn’t entirely sure why. All my fears that our carriage ride had basically erased began to surge back to the forefront of my brain. I ate the rest of my food quietly and then looked over at Draco he was pushing his food around his plate.
“Hey do you want to go back to the common room?” I whispered.
He nodded and we both got up and left without saying a word. Once back in the common room we noticed a few students were there already and headed to his dorm instead.
“We obviously need to talk.” I said as I flopped down on to his bed.
He bit his lip, “Now that we’re here I would rather not.”
I rolled my eyes at him, “We need to talk first Draco.”
He lay down next to me, “I know Lina, this is just the part of relationships I am not good at.”
“It’s not like it’s my specialty,” I joked and then we fell into awkward silence.
“Do you think I’m going to go back to Tristan?” I finally asked.
“I don’t know to be honest I guess the thought is there,” he genuinely seemed conflicted; “Do you think I’m going to cheat on you?”
“Yes,” I answered quickly knowing if I thought on it I may lie to spare his feelings.
We fell silent again we really were no good at having a real relationship. Besides the obvious fears of infidelity and other people getting in between us I had worried about this. We had never had to talk before never had to try and work out our problems or potential problems. This was completely new territory and I wasn’t sure we could handle it. We had spent all of break learning how to be honest with each other and actually connect with each other but now both the connection and honesty had to be put to use. Would we fight? Would we just slowly fade to how we use to be? I didn’t think I could handle that heartbreak again. I glanced over at him and he seemed to be deep in thought too. I did want this to work I wanted to be able to lay here next to him and not feel anxious. I wanted to be with him and just be happy but I remembered Narcissa’s words about how happily ever after is something you had to work for it didn’t just happen. I guess this is what she meant.
Suddenly his voice broke into my train my thought, “I won’t Lina. I know that’s hard to believe and I know just me saying that won’t make you feel any differently but I won’t.”
“And I’m not going back to Tristan.”
He nodded, “A part of me knows that but another part-”
“Isn’t sure how we can make this work outside of the bubble created at your house?” I cut in.
He again nodded, “Yeah everything was basically stress free we didn’t have to deal with any of the issues that became blatantly obvious from the moment we stepped onto the platform.”
I was lost at what more to say. I wanted to convince her we would be alright this time that I would do everything in my power to make this work because I loved her. I had no desire to be with anyone else but I knew just saying that wouldn’t ease her mind. It was the same with her saying her and Tristan were done since that didn’t necessarily make me feel better, when I saw him smile at her at dinner I realized how insecure about the situation I truly was. Which isn’t easy to admit, I am never insecure no girl would choose anyone else when I’m an option, right? Unfortunately even my ego wasn’t easing my doubts. I glanced over at her face and she looked on the verge of tears.
“Don’t cry darling,” I kissed her forehead.
“How can this work Draco?” the tears began to fall, “How can we make this work? The fact we love each other isn’t going to get us through ever time like this.”
“We will learn how to get through times like this. Do you think every couple just knows how to do everything perfect when they get together? No they learn and we will too.”
She sighed, “I hate it when you’re right. It makes my continual stress much less logical.”
I laughed, “Then stop stressing.”
“See this is a problem,” she said.
I looked at her puzzled.
“We are getting off track we would continue joking until we buried the serious crap and it will never get talked about."
“You know I hate it when your right,” I sighed, “So neither of us can make the other more comfortable just by saying we won’t, what are we going to do?”
“I guess we just need to communicate with each other. Like if one of us is doing something that makes the other uncomfortable we need to say something not just push it aside.”
“Basically do the exact opposite of our last relationship,” I smiled, “What can I do to make you believe I won’t cheat on you?”
“I don’t know,” she said, “You kind of have a flirty personality and I guess I need to adjust to that.”
“Well I will try to not flirt with anyone.”
“I know sometimes you can’t help but I appreciate that.”
“I also won’t be talking to any of the girls I have slept with in the past.” I volunteered trying to make an impact on her.
She smiled, “Then you can talk to me and Jade?”
“That’s a low blow,” I said winking at her.
“I won’t talk to Tristan at all,” she said getting serious again.
“Thank you.” I leaned in and kissed her lips gently.
She pushed me back and lay down on my chest and I ran my hand up and down her back. Maybe we could make this work.
I felt secure if only for the moment. Most of my fears had at least retreated to the recesses of my mind for now. I was hopeful after our exchange that we could make this work as long as we continued to communicate. It had been awkward but I was sure it would get easier. Being honest had been terribly difficult at first but now it was easier and I was optimistic these serious conversations would be the same way. I wasn’t afraid to share things with Draco and I wasn’t necessarily fearful of how he would take things. I wasn’t sure where my issues with talking with him were coming from other then it was just unknown. I didn’t know if it would work so doing so was risking our relationship and in essence my heart. But now that I had let him back in and things had gone so far I had no choice but to push forward and try with everything I had to make us work and hope he would do the same. I sighed as the fears began to surge again and I had no way to quiet them. I glanced over at him and he seemed to be at peace with our exchange he smiled at me and I wished I could feel the same as he did right now. Only time would tell if we could figure this out and waiting may just drive me insane.
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