Chapter 29 : Chapter 29 - Is That It?
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Sirius’ eyes analysed my face and a myriad of emotions flickered past; fear, panic, worry.
“What is it?” he asked apprehensively.
“It’s better if I show you…” I replied, averting my gaze from him because I didn’t want to see the hurt and anger on his face.
“Guys, we’ll be back in a minute.” Sirius announced but no-one was listening, they were all talking about the exams looming over us. We walked in uncomfortable silence as I led him towards the prefect’s bathroom, it was now or never.
“Why are we going in here?” he asked, the worry and curiosity plainly obvious in his voice now.
“You’ll see.” Was all I replied, when we entered there was no-one in there thankfully so I told Sirius to turn around as I undressed. My hands were shaking and once or twice I stopped and thought about just running from the room. Okay, maybe more than one or twice… probably every five seconds. When I was stripped of clothing and the bath tub was full of water, I slipped in and transformed.
“Okay… you can turn around now.” I barely whispered to Sirius’ back after a few minutes of debating whether or not to get out and run. This was a stupid idea, what was I even thinking? He slowly turned around, took in the clothes lay on the floor and confusion passed over his face until he looked at me.
His face was impassive as we stared at each other for a few seconds, and then his gaze was directed to my tail that was keeping me balanced in the water. He continued to stare then turned back round slowly, his face was still impassive and I was worried about his reaction… he wasn’t giving away anything and I was beginning to panic.
He was going to leave me. I quickly got out, dried and dressed and stood behind him scared to say anything. I reached a shaky hand out to touch his shoulder, and to my surprise, he recoiled away from me.
“Sirius…!” I breathed shocked but he still wouldn’t look at me. He thought I was monster and now he was regretting being my boyfriend and asking me to move in with him. Stupid me for ever thinking he would accept me and, for the first time ever, Remus was wrong.
“Sirius… say something…” I whispered but this seemed to jostle him out of his thoughts and he turned to face me before exiting the room. I stood there in shock, mouth gaping open after Sirius’ retreating back.
“Sirius… I… I…” I ran after him. When I saw him, his hands were deep in his pockets and he was walking as if nothing had happened.
“What did you expect?” he asked hollowly, his voice was what shocked me the most and it made me angry. He accepted Remus straight away, why couldn’t he do that with me?
“I didn’t expect you to react like this, that’s for sure!” I shouted, it was almost dinner and I could hear chatter about what they were going to eat.
“What do you want me to say?! Yeah, my girlfriend has a frickin’ tail, isn’t that fine and dandy?” he shouted back, obviously not expecting me to get angry.
“I wanted you to at least understand! You did with Remus, why not with me?” I yelled back just as furiously. He was silent. We both glared at each other until his face turned impassive again and he spoke quietly,
“I just need some time.” And turned around and left me in the middle of a deserted corridor. Was that it? Had we broken up? I knew this would happen but why did it hurt so much? It was like someone had taken a blunt knife and was pushing it deeper and deeper into my chest, twisting it round and round.
It was like someone had knotted a rope around my lungs and was squeezing tighter and tighter until I couldn’t breathe anymore. My feet were stuck to the ground, unable to move as I tried to run, anywhere but to stand here. I’d read about people being heartbroken in novels, it seemed so stupid and clichéd to feel like that and I never understood it… but now I do. Now I knew exactly how it felt to fall in love and have someone rip your heart out and walk away with it.
I didn’t even want to say his name. Eventually, after what felt like hours, my feet cooperated and I ran as fast as I could towards the Room of Requirement. As I ran up the last set of stairs, tears fell down my cheeks and blurred my vision.
“Ry, what’s up?” Lily’s concerned voice found me as I approached the room but I only had eyes for one person.
“You!” I pointed menacing finger at Remus with my tears fast flowing now, “You said he’s understand, that he wouldn’t walk away. And now… it’s done, it’s over.” I crumpled on the floor with my head in my hands as I wept. Lily and Marlene instantly came and supported me.
“What happened Ry?” Lily asked softly, brushing my hair away from my face and helping me to stand. As soon as I was upright again, I collapsed onto her shoulder. I could tell that Remus was still loitering around whilst Lily had shooed everyone away except Marlene and Remus.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Lily coerced me gently once I’d stopped crying.
“I told him… I showed him and he… he recoiled from me! Told me… he… he… needed some time!” I sobbed into her shoulder again, overcome with another wave of nausea and grief.
“I’m sorry Ry… I didn’t think he’d react like that!” Remus apologised but Lily was leading me to the Gryffindor dormitory, or at least that’s what I was hoping she was doing. However, my hope diminished when she started towards the stairs.
“No.” I simply said, refusing to set foot in the Great Hall. What if he was there?
“Ry, you need to eat.” Lily admonished gently, her eyes were full of pity and I couldn’t take it.
“I’m not hungry.” I replied monotonously, span around and headed towards my bed where I could lock myself away. I know this sounds incredibly childish but… I wish my Mum was here. She’d calm me down, cry with me and we’d comfort eat like we used to.
But the fact was, I was 18 years old, practically an adult now and I was about to go into the real world, where a raving maniac was out killing people like me. When I reached my bed, I just collapsed into it fully clothed and a mess.
I curled up under the covers, facing away from the door and closed my eyes hoping I could just wake up and everything was a dream. I was about to get on the train on Platform 9 and ¾, a nobody with no friends, I would go the whole year by myself and drop off the edge of the Earth like I’d originally planned.
But no, Lily just had to come and change everything. Sigh. No point in being a cry baby over it, was my last thought as I drifted into a restless sleep.
A/N: Thank you so much again!
Lots of love, Aimee
His eyes were blazing in anger or in confusion or with something else… I couldn’t tell, whilst his face remained stoic.
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