Chapter 8 : Chapter 8
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Special Thanks To: CambAngst who was awesome to Beta-Read this for me. Seriously, do yourself a favor and read Harry Potter and the Conspiracy of Blood (M), Detox (M) or any other of his stories. You're seriously missing out if you haven't read it.
The clink and clatter of cutlery was doing nothing for my nerves by this point. I could feel Wolf pacing in his cage, irritated at everything about this place; the smell, the stuffiness of the room, and most importantly the uncomfortable feeling of being under a magnifying glass. I could feel his tail in between his legs, ready to bolt if needed. As much as I wanted to do that, it was frowned upon to do such thing during dinner and unbelievably rude.
We had apparated outside the Tonks’s home perimeter without any problems. With Sirius in his dog form, it was a lot easier to walk without people taking much notice. Well, that was what I thought until we were stopped by a woman with short, curly white hair and a handbag too big for her hunching frame.
“Another boyfriend, Nymphadora?” She asked as she eyed me with great curiosity.
I felt my eyebrows arch as Tonks’ face turned a nasty shade of red. “Err, no. He’s just an acquaintance; we're heading home for dinner right now.”
“In my day, we didn’t invite ‘just acquaintances’ for dinner.”
Tonks blinked several times rapidly, her heartbeat and body temperature were rising. She was certainly uncomfortable with the situation. “I’m more like an old friend of her father’s,” I lied, trying to sound as casual as I could. “I’m visiting them for a few days but my dog was starting to get restless so we took Snuffles out for a walk.” From the corner of my eye, I saw Sirius’ head snap upward and gave me a look. I tried to hold my laugh.
“I don’t like dogs,” she apparently had been too fixated on me to have noticed Sirius by my side. She fixed her beady brown eyes on Sirius and gave him a nasty glare. Before we could even say anything else, the lady excused herself; apparently we had made her late to a game of cards with her other friends. “That was Mrs. Grobell,” Tonks explained once the elderly lady was out of earshot. “She graduated from Hogwarts like a thousand years ago.”
I gave her a look and she continued, laughing. “You don’t believe me! That woman used to be a shop owner in Hogsmeade and has the most fascinating tales of Professor McGonagall and Sprout when they were students. I honestly think she lives off rumors and gossip. Another speculation that I had brewing for a while was that she was a vampire. But one day I saw her tending her garden during a bright summer day so I had to drop that theory.”
Sirius’s laugh came out as a bark. Clearly, the Black sense of humor ran with Tonks as well because he had once thought the same of Madame Pince.
We continued our mindless and sometimes awkward chat until we crossed the barriers Mrs. Tonks had placed around their home to keep her mad sister away. Once inside, Tonks gave Sirius the all clear to change back to his human form. And that’s when everything happened.
We had barely walked a few yards when I caught a whiff of their scent. The first spell hit Sirius square on the chest. Before I got the chance to react, a few more whizzed over our heads, clearly and thankfully missing us. I took out my wand to defend myself but Tonks was already a few steps ahead of me. She had managed to deflect the other spells that were definitely meant to send us straight so St. Mungo’s or our graves. “Mum, quit it!” Tonks yelled as she blocked a spell with great speed. As bubbly as she was, there was a reason she had made it as an Auror and an apprentice to Alastor Moody. “Dad, I can see you as well. Both of you just stop it!”
I could feel Wolf snarling behind his cage, his lips turned back and his fangs showing in a mean smile. He was ready to attack but we couldn’t see our enemy. I could smell the musky sweat and the adrenaline coming from Tonks’s parents but I couldn’t quite pinpoint their standing. Then again, we were coming in terms of peace; I couldn’t just attack when the family was only trying to defend themselves from the supposedly evil Sirius Black and his friends.
The spells finally stopped and Sirius, who had landed on his behind, struggled to get back on his feet. The color had drained from his face and his robes had small traces of blood across his chest. I rushed to him, but he waved me away. “I’m fine, Moony,” Sirius said with a groan and a smile.
“Dora, get away from them!” A man with brown hair and a muscular form stepped out from one of the bushes, his wand aimed at our general direction. He was wearing a pair of gardening gloves and a hat. He had probably been tending to the small batch of fruits and vegetable plants they had when they had seen us cross the boundaries.
“How dare you bring him here, Dora?” A woman, with long curly hair, came out of the Disillusionment Charm; her wand clearly pointed at Sirius. Her expression was hard to read. I wasn’t sure if she was scared of him or disappointed of what he had supposedly done. Without bothering for an explanation from her daughter, she fired another spell at Sirius but thankfully missed. I could feel Wolf’s heckles raise and the feeling of wanting to grab her by the throat for firing at a wandless Sirius only grew with the passing seconds. I swallowed a growl and stepped in front of him; both Wolf and I were ready to defend what was left of our pack.
“Mum, it’s not what it looks like.” Tonks’s wand was still pointed at her parents. Her eyes were pleading, her heartbeat racing out of her chest, and the sweat on her brow was a mixture of anxiety and fright, this was clearly not going the way she expected. Yet here she was, on our side, ready to defend us. I felt Wolf give me a sort of approving growl.
"Whatever he told you in order to convince you was a lie, Dora," Andromeda said. "He’s a lying, cold-blooded killer."
“Andy, please….” Sirius begged as he stepped past me, hands in the air to show that he was unarmed. “Please, let me explain. If you don’t like what I have to say, I’ll leave and never come back. But please…you and Nymphie are the last of my family.”
Andromeda laughed nervously, “Why, so you can just lie to me? You want to enthrall me with your words, to get me to trust you, just so you can deliver me to Her.”
Sirius shook his head. “Never. Bella is a nutter, Andy, and after hearing her rant away in Azkaban about you…I’ll never let her get near you.”
“Don’t move any closer, Black,” Ted ordered. He was an imposing fellow even in his gardening clothes, and Sirius stopped moving forward. “Andromeda suffered a lot when you turned on us. What makes you think you can just waltz in here now like nothing ever happened? We know what you’re capable of. Get out of here and leave my family alone!”
“Ted, I know you mean well but at least let me explain.”
“Explain what?” Ted asked with a sneer across his face. “The reason why you killed all those muggles? Why you gave the Potters, your friends, to You-Know-Who? There’s nothing much to explain about that subject; everything looks crystal clear to me”
“Remus was their friend too!” Sirius shot back. “Do you think he’d be standing by my side if I had killed our friends?”
“Mom, Dad, please,” Tonks pleaded, lowering her wand, a sign that we didn’t mean any harm. I followed suit even though I felt furious and wanted nothing but to hex them. “We just came from a meeting and-”
“What sort of meeting?” Ted asked without taking his eyes off Sirius and me.
“The Order of the Phoenix and-”
“Don’t tell me you’ve joined them.” Tonks nodded and Andromeda, all of the sudden, reminded me of Molly during today’s meeting. Her eyes had became teary and her lips began to tremble. The thought of her only daughter joining a secret society that fought against Voldemort had been too much for Andromeda. All she could do was hug her daughter tightly. Meanwhile, Sirius and I were forgotten and had become outsiders to a private family moment.
“Mum, please don’t cry,” Tonks said from underneath Andromeda’s massive curls. “I did it for you, Mum, who bloody well cries for the little sister she can’t see. Mind you, I honestly don’t think dear Narcissa deserves those tears.Or anyone on that side of the family tree for that matter. I also did it for Dad who was tormented when he was young for being a muggle born and almost bloody murdered just for marrying you. I did it for all muggle borns out there, Mum. But most importantly, I did it for me because when I have children I don’t want them to have the same childhood I had. I can still remember when we had to hide, when we had to constantly move in order to keep my dear Mad Auntie Bella and her friends at bay…I just don’t want to do it again Mum. I don’t want to live with the same fear. I want to stand up and fight and if I die...well I’ll be taking a lot of Death Eaters down with me.”
I was holding my breath. What Tonks said about standing up to fight and possibly die for the cause was true in all of us in the Order. I knew Sirius fought to protect Harry, to live up to James and Lily’s expectations of him. I did the same because I knew that a person like me would never have children of his own. I fought for Harry and Cedric, who had died without a chance to live his life, and every child, pure blooded or not. I had nothing to live for so I might as well die for a cause I believed in.
“Mum, Dad, please…you have to listen to what Sirius has to say.” Tonks broke from her mother’s embrace and smiled a reassuring smile to Andromeda. “Dumbledore trusts him and I think you should, too”
So Sirius told his tale: the one where a young boy with a terrible disease befriended a jokester, a prankster and a tagalong. After much talking on Sirius’s behalf, and a few interjections on mine, we finally told the tale of how Peter Pettigrew, not Sirius, had betrayed the Potters and handed them to the Dark Lord.
And now we were here, having dinner at the Tonks’s house as if the earlier standoff had never happened. Despite Andromeda’s nonstop apologies, there was something about this house that was putting me on edge; more nervous than angry. I stared at my plate as Sirius, Ted and Andromeda caught up with life after fifteen years apart. After dinner the conversation had then moved to the drawing room leaving Tonks to clean and prepare tea.
“Don’t forget the biscuits, sweetheart.”
I sat awkwardly on my chair wondering what I should do. I figured I could join Sirius, Ted and Andromeda but I knew I would feel like I was interrupting their moment. I had only known Andromeda offhandedly for a couple of years before her graduation. For me, she had been one of Sirius’s older cousins; nothing more, nothing less. I could still remember, however, the day Sirius broke the news that she had run away with her very secret Hufflepuff boyfriend to get married the moment she turned seventeen. James, Peter and I had been shocked to learn that a “Lady” from the Black family had married a muggle-born chap while Sirius, on the other hand, had only rejoiced at the chaos his favorite cousin had brought upon the family.
I offered to help her clear the table but Tonks refused, saying that I was a guest and that she had it under control. I stood to the side and watched as my empty plate levitated from the table before flinging itself across the room in a poor attempt to land in the sink. She gave me a sheepish grin and tried again. After the third broken plate, I flicked my wand to end the charm Tonks had used to cause the plates to become suicidal.
She chuckled a bit, her round cheeks turning bright red. “Sorry ‘bout that…I just can never get the proper wrist movement…”
“It happens,” I said. “Luckily for you for, I managed to get this charm down after my own set of broken tea cups.” I levitated the plates and without any problem, sent them to the sink where they began to wash themselves without any problems.
“Thanks for the help.” There was an awkward pause as she began to prepare the tea kettle. “Can I ask you something?”
“You already did,” I joked but immediately kicked myself in the arse for saying it. What was wrong with me today? She gave me a playful look but asked her question regardless. “How much do you remember after the full moon?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “It varies. I constantly hate what I am. I hate what the beast is and what he does those nights he’s out, so I mentally shut down that part of me that I would still consider human.” I paused for a moment, trying to gather the right words to describe what it was like. There were no nice words, that was for sure, but I didn’t want to be rude with such company. “When I was young, there were some nights where I was fine with remembering so I would try to stay conscious through the whole thing.” I stopped myself from remember those nights at Hogwarts; even now those memories were painful.
“The best way to describe this is when you wake up from a dream and the harder you try to remember the details, you just forget. Then there are nightmares you can’t just easily forget.”
“Do you still run through the Forbidden Forest?”
That was a question I hadn’t expected. “How did you know-“
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude in your personal life. It’s just that when I was little, Sirius would tell me these stories of him running with a werewolf when he was at Hogwarts. I didn’t believe him but now that I’ve met you, I just wanted to know if those stories were true.”
I sighed. There was no way I could lie my way out of this one. “He definitely wasn’t lying, but due to recent chain of events, it has been quite difficult to get out at night and howl at the moon. Besides, it’s not one of my favorite pastimes. I would much rather sit with a small glass of Firewhiskey and a book during the full moon than go through that pain.”
She nodded, I was sure that she didn’t know what to say. I started to panic. Was she scared of me? Was she disgusted? Whenever people found out about my disease, those were the reactions they gave me before asking me to leave.
“What to hear something funny?” she asked, I nodded. “When I was really little, I thought we had a pet named Snuffles. I would get upset when I couldn’t find him but when I did I would get so excited. It was after Sirius was sent to jail and the war had ended when I understood what Sirius was. He was sort of an inspiration for me, well, his ability that is.”
“You’re able to change your appearance at will,” I pointed out. “How can Mister I’ll Just Write My Transfiguration Essay The Night Before have had some sort of inspiration on you?”
“I’m able to change my appearance at will, yes, however he inspired me to go beyond the normal hair or eyes changes.”
“Just because I’m Auror, it doesn’t mean that I like to play by the bloody book.” She smiled as I tried to understand. Before I could ask her anything else, Andromeda asked us how the tea was going.
“Almost ready, Mum!” she shouted. “Bloody hell, I bet not even the muggle queen is this bloody demanding.” I tried not to laugh but a chuckle betrayed me.
“Can I ask you something else?”
I hesitated. I didn’t want to talk about being a werewolf anymore. It just didn’t feel like the sort of conversation we should be having. It was a nasty disease, that was it. Nothing more, nothing less. I shrugged my shoulders and allowed her to ask away.
“What’s it like? You mentioned pain...I just didn’t know...”
I blinked, unsure of how to answer that. “I wouldn’t say it’s a thrilling experience. It’s like having your body ripped apart and then put together in a very unnatural way. And when you’re starving, a raw deer leg is the most tantalizing thing you can only think of. It sounds positively disgusting but Wolf likes it.”
“Sirius asked me to stop calling that side nasty names because he got along with the beast. So I gave him the most simplest of names.” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s as if you know you have a split personality. I can feel his moods, thoughts and sometimes his own desires. I like to think of it as two flat mates who abhor each other but there’s nothing we can do to go our own separate ways.”
“That’s…interesting. More than any book at Hogwarts can teach. Even in my Auror training there was no real information about werewolves.”
“I could write a book about my experience- several, actually.”
“Why don’t you?” Tonks asked as she started to put everything on a tray. “Most people consider werewolves, whether they’re in their human form or not, as dangerous creatures. Inhuman and therefore they should be feared for something they have no control over. It would be nice to read a book about someone who goes against that stereotype, you know.”
“You don’t consider me as inhuman?”
Tonks looked up and down before circling once around me. “You look quite human to me, Lupin. You have two legs, two arms, opposable thumbs, and intelligence… Just because you have a slight health issue, it doesn’t give me or anyone a reason to think otherwise.”
I couldn’t help but to smile at her. Part of me wished that were true, that writing a book would help people understand people like me. However, after hundreds of years of fear and ostracism from society, I doubted a single person could change the masses way of thinking. “Thank you.” It was all I managed to say.
She smiled. “Could you fetch the biscuits, please?”
I followed Tonks to the drawing room to find Ted, Andromeda and Sirius having a big laugh. After everything that he had gone through, I was glad that Sirius was enjoying some normality in his life. However, some sadness began to creep on me as I knew that this laughter and normality was going to end the minute Voldemort made an attack in the open.
“Oh bloody hell!” Tonks exclaimed as soon as she set the tray down.
“What is it?” Andromeda asked. “Did you break something again, dear?”
“No, no. I’ve been having such a great time that I completely forgot about Charlie. I’m suppose to meet him in the Leaky Cauldron in five minutes.” Tonks explained as she fetched her jumper hanging on the coat rack. “I really don’t wish to leave, trust me, but I don’t wish to be rude…” She looked at me apologetically.
“When will we get to meet this Charlie?”
“Don’t pretend you don’t know who Charlie Weasley is, Dad. And relax; it’s just a date we’re not getting married.”
I saw Andromeda smile slightly as she brought the tea cup to her lips. “Not yet anyway…”
And just like that I felt irritated. I looked at my watch and noticed that all this irritation and nervousness were perhaps side effects of the oncoming full moon. Then again, Wolf had never wanted to rip someone’s throat out just for going on a date or mentioning marriage.
“She’s way too young to think of marriage, Dromeda.” I nodded vigorously, agreeing with Ted. Why? I wasn’t exactly sure myself.
“Says the man who married at seventeen,” Tonks grumbled with annoyance. “Now where is that bloody satchel of mine?”
“All I’m saying is that Charlie Weasley is a good boy,” Andromeda explained. “He comes from a good family, has a stable job and it doesn’t hurt that he’s quite good looking.”
Very deeply, I began to feel jealous of Charlie.
“Will you two leave the country if things go from bad to worse?” I asked. I needed to change the subject, even though the subject I had chosen was not the happiest. The conversation started but I wasn’t really paying attention.
After finding her satchel Tonks bid all of us goodnight and headed out the door. She was probably going to the edge of the perimeter where she would be able to disapparate to the Leaky Cauldron. After her departure, I felt myself relax a bit but at the same time, I wished she had stayed behind to chat.
Wolf released the loudest howl he could manage to the beautiful moon above him. He could barely recall the last time he had seen her, let alone enjoyed this time outside the large wooden cage he had been trapped for many full moons. There had been no fresh kill, only small pieces of stale meat. And instead of fresh water form a pond or river he had a tiny bowl with old water. Most importantly, however, was that he had been alone. There was no one to share his stale meat and old water; no one to try to escape from the wooden jail.
Another howl joined his.
The Black Dog had returned; the last member of his pack. Wolf had been overjoyed when he saw him waiting for Wolf to come. Now they both could go and enjoy a run and a hunt together since the Other One had brought him to the old den and territory. He joined the Black dog again for a third howl, his large body shivering with pure exhilaration.
He let his tongue lag out of mouth, panting deeply as he wondered what he should do first. A noise behind Wolf startled him from his thoughts. Something was stalking them, sizing them up. He turned; lips pulled back, fangs showing and a low growl building deep in his throat. This was their first and only warning for Wolf had no patience today for other predators. The bushes began to shake, there was definitely something hiding there.
He took a whiff of the air and caught a faint but familiar scent. The Dog next to him took initiative and happily pranced towards the bush. Wolf barked at him, ordering him to get back from the danger behind the bush. The dog turned and gave Wolf a playful yelp, almost as if he were inviting him to play with whatever was hiding. The Black Dog had not seen what was coming out from behind him from the bushes, but Wolf did. He saw a large dog- no, wolf- appearing menacingly behind the Black Dog.
The She-wolf was larger than the Black dog but slightly smaller than Wolf. She had soft brown eyes with black fur and a white underbelly. Wolf tucked his tail in-between his legs and crouched, he was ready to attack the trespasser. He would’ve leaped in and attacked but his pack mate stood defiantly in front of her; his own lips curled into a snarl. Wolf felt his fur stand out at an end. How dare he defy him? It was not his position to question Wolf’s actions.
He barked at him once more; get out of the way. But the Black Dog wouldn’t budge. He pounced once, to get Wolf to back down and relax, to get him to see that the She-Wolf was no danger to them.
Wolf uncurled his lips and stared at her. Challenging her to do anything that would allow Wolf to rip into her throat. The She-wolf, however, never met his gaze; she kept her brown eyes down. Wolf could tell that she was afraid, her own tail tucked between her legs. To show Wolf that she couldn’t didn’t mean any harm to him or his pack; she got on the wet ground and showed him her belly. This was the biggest sign of submission anyone could offer Wolf. Wolf felt his muscles relaxed bit but he was still on edge and ready to rip her to pieces just in case. He nudged the Black Dog aside and went over to the She-wolf.
He sniffed her, took in her scent and filed it in his memory for future reference. When she looked up at him Wolf felt those brown eyes were quite familiar. He shook his head, getting rid of the thought. Once he got what he wanted, wolf walked past the She-wolf and trotted into the woods beyond them. He looked over his shoulder and saw the Black Dog and his friend staring after at him; unknowing what to do. Wolf whined softly to himself, he was annoyed at the other two. He barked at them a few warning barks; if they didn’t move, he was going to leave them behind.
They ran. Fast; hard.
They jumped over the roots that had made their way above ground. Ducked when a tree branch had been too low. Nothing seemed to stop the trio. They just continue to run, enjoying the warm breeze in their faces and the dirt underneath their paws.
For Wolf, this night was different than any other full moon. His old pack couldn’t keep up with him. The Dog and Wolf always had to wait for the Stag to catch up for he tended to get stuck with the branches. And the Rat always rode with the Stag, so half of the pack was always behind. Tonight however, he was at the lead with the other two only a few paces behind him. During the run he caught a whiff of prey and slowed down to a trot. His mouth watered at the smell of warm blood and fresh prey. He could have continued to run, to find a better spot to hunt but when his stomach gave a low rumbling protest he put his nose to the ground and began to look for the trail.
He motioned the other two to follow him. The trail led Wolf’s pack and the She-wolf to a small clearing where a herd of deer had decided to make its home. Even though it was dark, Wolf managed to see several large stags, does and a few fawns.
His mouth watered at the thought of digging is sharp fangs into one of stags. Wolf pictured the blood pumping out of the fresh wound as his victim tried to struggle free. He ducked behind a bush and waited for the best moment. Two large stags walked around, probably on sentry duty while the younger stags, does and their fawns tried to get some sleep. He tried to focus on the largest animal, like one of the stag or a doe but if things went bad, he would have to settle for a fawn. Anything was better right now than the stale meat he had been fed in the past.
He licked his muzzle, and looked behind him where the She-wolf and the Dog were waiting for him. Wolf took one silent step after another, holding off on his attack as much as he could. A small gust of wind, however, carried his scent to the stags quickly giving him away. The stags immediately alerted the rest of the herd to evacuate. With no time to waste, Wolf leaped and tried to catch one of the sentry around its hind legs. Their antlers, however, were troublesome. The stag had anticipated Wolf’s attack and moved his head to hit him with his antlers.
Wolf, who had enough experience around stags and their antlers, had just enough time to avoid the attack. The moment he landed back on the ground, he immediately pounced again at the stag but was met by a kick to the head. If he had been a normal wolf, he would’ve been killed by such blow. But his size, strength and rapid healing, he recovered quickly. He realized that alone he couldn’t do it, so in the end he opted for a weak fawn that had been left behind by its mother.
One of the stags tried to protect it but it was too late. Wolf took one giant leap and seized the fawn by its rear. Once he knew that there was nothing to do, the stags left, leaving Wolf alone to finish what had been a member of his family.
Wolf gleefully tore into the flesh and enjoyed his catch; the fawn by now was long dead.
Once was full, Wolf moved aside to allow the She-Wolf and Black Dog to eat. The Dog took one whiff of it and snorted with dislike. Clearly, nothing had changed. Wolf watched as he trotted to the small body of water, tail wagging behind him, where he drank until he was full before jumping in for a night swim.
The She-Wolf on the other hand was sniffing at the carcass timidly; she was unsure of what to do. Wolf used his blood stained muzzle to push the fawn towards her, an offer of peace. She looked at him with those brown eyes that seemed to be full of amazement before digging in.
She stopped through her mid chew before darting towards the lake to drink water. The Black Dog made a loud whining noise that almost sounded like a human laugh to Wolf. The She-Wolf trotted back and Wolf offered more of the prey to her but she shook her head, refusing to touch it once again.
Once he had finished his meal, Wolf relaxed by the lake and watched as the She-wolf took a swim while the Black Dog rolled over grass, tail wagging and paws up in the air. The full moon was still high in the sky and Wolf had no intentions of leaving anytime soon.
I woke up the next morning in my little raggedy shack with a massive headache. I groaned as I felt the small bump on my forehead and slowly remembered what had happened: the running, the fight with the stag, the encounter with the She-wolf. I paused as I tried to remember everything about the She-wolf we had encountered. In my younger years I had seen Roman and Zane, the two brothers that had been conceived by a couple of werewolves that had mated during the full moon. Their pack kept to the other end of the Forbidden Forest and rarely ventured to Wolf’s side, so there was no way the She-Wolf belong to their pack. Also their mother, long gone by now, had been the one to make sure that no one crossed their path.
I could recall how Sirius had been too keen on protecting her and how her big brown eyes were full of fear when it looked like Wolf was going to tear her to shreds. Then it dawned on me. I shook my head, throbbing and all, refusing to believe it. Yet I needed to make sure that Sirius wasn’t that stupid.
I jumped out of the bed, stubbing my toe in the process and hastily got dressed. There was no way that she had been there. I flat out refused to believe it. I ran down the stairs and found more than one person sleeping peacefully on the couch.
“What the fuck?” This was oddly familiar.
Sirius opened his eyes first and grumbled. “Told you he was going to drop the f-bomb, Nymphie.”
“Next time you call me that, Black, I’m going to hex you to next year.” I heard Tonks grumble from under the pillow she had on her face to block out any light from the outside.
“What the hell, Sirius!” I felt my hands shake by my sides.
“Remus, relax,” said Sirius as he stretched. I wanted to strangle him. Or hex him just like Tonks wanted to. My hand twitched towards my pocket where my wand was, but I had to calm myself. “It’s my entire fault. She asked me what it was like to run with a werewolf so instead of just telling her about it, I asked her to join us.
I looked at Tonks, her heart-shaped face looking up at me with embarrassment. “Do you know in how much danger she was in?” I was too angry; the full moon was still in my blood and I felt Wolf looking out through my eyes. I knew that the irritation, the anger and the betrayal I felt was not abating anytime soon. “Do you know what would’ve happened if the animal had bitten her?”
“But he didn’t!” Sirius exclaimed. “Believe it or not, he has accepted her. You on the other hand are too bloody chicken to allow anyone else in. You’re afraid of hurting people.”
“I’m sorry for taking other people into consideration, Black,” I shot back. “Because clearly I’m the only one here who is. You’re too bloody thick and only think about the fun in everything. Running with a werewolf is not bloody fun; it’s dangerous. And you clearly didn’t have any consideration about that. What would Andromeda have said if I had bitten her or even worse, killed her?” I paused for a second but didn’t give Sirius enough time to defend himself. “Why would you do this?”
“Err…Can I say something?” Tonks chimed in and part of me gave her props for not shrinking from my angry stare. “I knew the danger I was in, Remus. I made the decision, not him and-“
“Shut it, Tonks.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. She looked taken aback by my rudeness but I didn’t care at this point.
Sirius growled from his spot.
“You want to know why I asked her to come?” he spat as he bolted from the couch. I felt my shoulders tense the second he got close to me; my entire body was shaking by this point. “Just like you said, Lupin, we’re at war; we don’t know what’s going to happen. You mentioned how one day I may not be here for Harry but at the same time I would also not be here for you. You’re like my brother, mate, and after all these years it hurts that you still don’t see that. I know you say that you can cope with being alone during the full moon, however, I’ve seen what you do when that happens. The scars on your face, hands, arms…Mate, you do horrible things to yourself and I’m afraid that one day an entire bottle of dittany won’t be able to heal your bloody arse. If I go, who is going to run with the Wolf, keep him company during those nights?”
“I can handle-”
“No you can’t.” Sirius’ heart rate was speeding, his own hands shaking with anger. “You say you can but in reality, you just don’t. You choose to be alone, and I honestly think that’s bullshit because you have people who are willing to be around you and all you do is push.”
“I didn’t tell you because I knew you would say no. And the fact that I still would’ve done it after you had said no is far worse than doing it without telling you.” Sirius gave me a challenging look. Wolf stirred behind his cage but I calmed him down. “I don’t want you to be alone, Moony. We were a pack once, the Marauders, just because we’re the last ones left it doesn’t mean I’ll stop looking out for you. If I were to not be around anymore, I know that Tonks will be here for you.”
I saw Tonks look at Sirius with shock, apparently she hadn’t been told of Sirius’s real plan either. But after a few seconds, she looked at me and nodded in agreement; a small smile across her face.
I let out a shaky breath; I was clearly defeated in this conversation. Two against one really wasn’t fair…And the way Wolf felt with Tonks around, it was almost as if I could feel his tail wagging with happiness right now. I rolled my eyes; I was too confused and needed to clear my head before making a decision.
“I can’t believe you did that…” I heard Sirius whisper to Tonks as I grabbed my cloak from the rack.
Sirius laughed. “Eat that fawn!”
Tonks made a noise that sounded like a mixture of a laugh and cry. “Let’s not talk about that, Sirius.”
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