Chapter 11 : the waiting game
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A/N I am so sorry for the major delay; my current pregnancy has taken a major toll on me and whenever i'm not stuck in class or at work i am simply exaughsted and fall asleep thank you all for waiting as long as you have here is the latest chapter <3 i really hope you like it
I waited for hours in the common room; hoping to see Sirius walk through the portrait hole in Merlin knows what kind of condition.
After he left to go find Lucius i sat in classroom trying to figure what this means for us.
But i couldn't imagine what's going through his mind.
How disgusting do i seem to him now?
Would he even want to try and figure out what we are or simply dismiss the notion all together...
i can't take this
I walk out of the common room with my head spinning.
All i need is some air a smoke and time to mself to think but apparently Alex disagrees.
"Hey Dren where you headed?"
"Not now Alex; i've had a shitty day and i'm having an even shittier night"
"well maybe a friend is what you need right now"
"what i need is time to think"
he puts his hand on my shoulder and i stop walking; turning to face him
"ever think you think way too much"
leaving me standing outside of the great hall he turns to go into dinner where as i choose to continue outside to the lake. Lighting my cigarrette i try my hardest to stop shaking.
but i cant.
All i want is to see Sirius and sort things out and ywt here i am debating whether or not i should meet Lucius.
Things between us may very well be over so why not?
i can't think of a good enough reason to go
then again i can't think of a good enough reason not to go....
I can't think.
All i see is his hands on her; his mouth on her skin .
I close my eyes and all i see is hers closed in submission;
all i hear is her sigh of pleasure because he knows what she likes.
Lucius; my pathetic excuse for family knows how to kiss her; how to touch her. he knows how make her feel good.
And i hate him for it.
"Pads! Hey padfoot where you going?"
"for a walk"
"you alright there mate?"
"Look prongs i really dont feel like talking about it."
he cuts off my path; standing in front of me with his hands on my shoulder.
"Sirius; if this is about what happened at the club..i'm not upset ok"
"excuse me?" how could he know i didn't tell..she wouldn't tell him. I know Remus wouldn't.
"you and dren; i saw you guys"
"it's ok; we were drunk, we were high. shit happens mate, i mean you guys weren't in your right mind." he laughs a little and begins walking. "Merlin knows it's the only reason lily let me kiss her and quite frankly better you then some random; after all we both know how dren can be, so don't sweat it alright."
of course he wouldnt be angry about seeing that but would he be angry if he knew it's happened before
that i count the days til it happens again;
would he be angry if he knew about her little tryst with Lucius.
would he be angry if he knew all i want is to tear my cousin apart for touching the one part of my life that i thought he couldnt get to?
for ruining her.
"thanks mate; i needed that."
i have to tell him...just not now.
i argued with myself the whole way back to the common room; telling myself it wouldn't be worth the trouble. telling myself i dont want to go; i dont want to sleep with him anymore
i dont want to fuck things up anymore then i already have...
and still i found myself outside of the room of requirement. i know he's already in there by the door thats always there when we meet. i've been standing outside this door for fifteen minutes trying to will myself to walk away but all i've managed is keeping myslef from walking in
"merlin what the fuck am i doing?"
"looks like you're on the verge of making another mistake"
"Shit!-" i turn to see the very person i was looking for before i ended up here; "what the hell are you doing here?"
"same as you..minutes away from making a mistake."
"Sirius...I...i was just trying to clear my head; i didnt even realise i was here and when i did i just-"
"couldn't think of a reason to leave or a reason to go in?"
Sirius leaned against the wall near the tapestry staring past me at the door i have so often walked through before walking forward.
at first i was afraid he'd go in there and do something foolish in his anger until he ran his fingers through my hair pulling me forward; wrapping me in his arms.
and breathing him in i found the reason not to go inside that room; i found the reason i never bothered with anyone else for more then fun
my reason is him.
his face is so close to mine when he pulls away one hand in my hair the other resting in the curve of my waist fitting perfectly to my body as i played with the hair resting at the nape of his neck.
waiting...for any sign that he still wants this as badly as i do.
"dren.." his voice was barely a whisper but thats all i needed to press my lips to his and lose myself in his kiss; feeling nothing but warmth in the pit of my stomach.
"lets go back to the common room and talk"
"we dont need to talk dren; this is it..this is us and i'm in this if you are."
i smiled lightly as we walked hand in hand back to the common room leaving lucius waiting for some one who will never come
"what about james?"
he sighs "lets not think about him right now lets just focus on us first"
his hands running through his hair; i say nothing else about james, i say nothing else about anything but i know just like he does that we'll have to tell james eventually
he's right though for now we really should just enjoy the fact that we chose us that there is an us and thinking of james and how this might ruin our little family is just another problem we dont need
not just yet.
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