Hello this is my first story so it probably won't be too great, but if you could review that would be wonderful! -Isabel
I know that you are out there somewhere. My parents said that if I wrote these letters it would help with my anxiety and stress, but it doesn’t seem to be working so far. I don’t know what to expect, definitely not a reply, but I do hope that fictional you will understand and just listen because I need someone to help. I need someone to save me.
Since the day I was born, I had always been different than my family. They had magnificent blond hair that stretched all the way until their lower back. But I was stuck with boring brown hair. Dull. Average. Boring. They said I was special because brown was the dominant hair color while blonde was recessive and everything in between was a mutation. It never made a difference though.
Overall I am a boring, but very sarcastic, person brought in this world probably only to die. I’m about as funny as a plastic bag and I have managed to score one friend. My dad is actually quite scary and my mum is… well she’s my mum so I can’t really such much more.
They would have never guessed that there only daughter was going to be a witch. And only in their wildest dreams would they have ever assumed that she would be shipped off to a magical school filled with my kind (as my dad likes to phrase it, “freak show school”).
But here I am, sitting alone in my room during one of the last summer days before being shipped off to school for another year writing you a letter not knowing what I will receive.
This summer I haven’t received one letter from my one and only friend. I actually understand why someone might not want to contact me, but I was hoping that I would at least get one letter asking me how I was doing, which was quite bad if I must say.
They started to add more stress relievers to my pills.
Yes I said it. I take pills. Not because of some physical problem wrong with my body. They’re more for my mind and my thoughts. They help me calm down before I hyperventilate and pass out from an anxiety attack.
I feel bad for my parents because they are now forever stuck with a witch for a child with mental disorders, well at least until I die.
I don’t know why but I have always been afraid of death. Not the whole fact that I was going to one day die, but I am afraid that if I had the choice of either living or dying, that I would choose to die. I’m not suicidal but if a bus came hurtling out of nowhere right now and was about to hit me, I don’t know if I would step out of its path.
I really hope that you might actually benefit me or help me either way but please do it soon.
Love for now, Sophie.
My mother called from down the stairs to tell me dinner was ready. I sighed and shoved my page long letter into my drawer as I slowly made the stairs and descended into the kitchen where cooked pasta sat on the table alongside marinara sauce and garlic bread. I sighed heavily before grabbing a plate off the table and putting little pasta and lots of sauce on it.
I sat down slowly at my usual spot at the table and began to pick at it with my fork. My stomach churned, nervous for the same reason that I was nervous every year, going back to Hogwarts.
I turned the pasta over and tucked it all into one big glob with my fork as I pushed the sauce to the outer edge of the plate.
An awkward silence settled around the table. I stared at the clock on the wall opposite to me. It read 7:30 PM. Exactly 24 hours from now I would be at Hogwarts. My breath caught in my throat when the realization finally hit me that summer is over and tomorrow I have to face my nightmares that have been haunting me for months.
“She’s not eating again.” My little brother Tucker said bluntly across the table.
“He’s being annoying again.”
He opened his mouth to retort but my mother, Amelia, was too fast.
“Oi! Shut it both of you. Tucker you will stop antagonizing your sister and Sophie you should know better! He is eight years old! Also eat your food.” She said rather quickly.
I glared at Tucker from across the table and slammed my fork down next to my plate.
“I’m not hungry.” I seethed through my teeth.
“You never eat anymore! We’ve been getting worried Sophie.” My father, Tom, said very delicately as if he could break me with the simple sentence.
“I eat loads! Also, why should you care about me? Why could you possible care about me when you have one more kid” I pointed at Tucker, “and another one on the way?” I yelled and pointed at the three month fetus growing inside my mom.
“Don’t you dare talk to your mother like that!” My father yelled whilst getting red in the face.
“But it’s true! The minute I get old enough to live on my own you all are just going to force me to leave the house because it will be too occupied with these two!” I shouted matching his volume.
“Why must things be so difficult with you? Why can’t you just be happy for once? Why do you take it out on us?” He said.
“BECAUSE I AM NOT YOUR PERFECT LITTLE DAUGHTER!”
“OH HOW WE ALL WISH THAT WAS TRUE!”
“WELL DON’T WORRY TOMORROW I’LL BE GONE AND OUT OF YOUR HAIR!”
“YOU DON’T KNOW HOW LONG WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO LEAVE!”
“I hate you all!” I screamed.
The room went silent. Time almost stopped as shocked faces began to react to what I had said. And all at once, everyone came back to reality. Tucker started crying, my dad jammed his fork into the table and stormed out of the house, and my mother just sat there looking at me with sad eyes and I could see the first couple of tears fall out of her eyes.
I stood up before running upstairs and slamming the door behind me. I stood there in shock not knowing what to do as I heard the sobs of my mother from down stairs and the sound of dishes being put in the sink, my dishes. I sighed before angry tears began to brim my eyes and I ran my hand through my hair before pulling hard.
I didn’t care about how much my scalp hurt right now but I continued to pull until a chunk almost came off. I put my hands by my sides before collapsing onto my bed and screaming in frustration at myself, at my family, at the stupid baby on the way, at the potions essay that I hadn’t completed yet.
I lied on my bed, my body in agony, as I slowly drifted to sleep.
I stood at the barrier separating Platform 9 ¾’s and the muggle world. My parents, still angry at me from last night, drove me to King’s Cross and waited in the car and were watching my make my departure into my magical filled world.
I closed my eyes before running towards the barrier, expecting to hit it although I have done this several times before. I felt the wind in my hair before I opened my eyes and the scene revealed in front of me. Multiple First Years were looking scared and nervous. Some Fourth Year girls walked past flipping their hair and rolling their eyes at other girls. I huffed, irritated that I go to a school full of such shallow girls.
A group of other girls in my year, Sixth, walked by swaying their hips and laughing as guys checked out their ass’ in skin tight muggle jeans. I pulled my long sweater over my bum and made my way towards the scarlet Hogwart’s Express and stepped on cautiously.
I walked slowly towards a compartment in the back of the train, hoping to be alone for maybe just a split second before I noticed bright red hair and piercing green eyes in front of me. I smiled at my only friend Lily Evans. She began to make her way towards me.
Okay so just “friend” might be an understatement. Lily and I met in First Year after we were both sorted into Gryffindor and practically from that moment on we were best friends. She really didn’t deserve such a crummy best friend and I didn’t really deserve her but we clicked from the very beginning.
“Sophie!” She yelled over the crowd of other student separating us.
“Lily!” I shouted back.
Soon enough she had finally made her way next to me and pulled me into a hug.
“I missed you so much!” She said as she pulled away from the hug.
“I missed you too!” Maybe if she actually missed me as much as she said, she would’ve written.
“I wish you could have come to France with me! It was hard being away from you for so long.” She gushed. And it hit me that she couldn’t have written because she couldn’t travel with her owl. It also hit me how selfish I had been.
“You don’t know how much fun I had in ‘la casa de Winfield’.” I said as she pulled me in the direction of her compartment.
“Oh I bet you had a blast.” She had a smile on her face and I flashed her a small one back.
Inside her compartment was Alice, Amanda, and Lucy, all fellow Sixth Year Gryffindors.
“Hullo.” I said kind of quietly.
“Hello Sophie.” Alice said. She was one of the nicest people in Hogwarts and I envied her for it.
“Hey.” Both Lucy and Amanda replied without anything else.
I smiled slightly and sat down next to Lily and across from Alice. I tucked my bag in the overhead storage and picked at my cuticles and they talked about lip gloss or foundation or something.
“Hello ladies.” The famous Sirius Black opened the door and sat down right next to me.
“Lucy, Amanda, Alice, Lily…” He said the names of everyone in the compartment in the order they were sitting in but he stopped when he got to me.
“Must have forgotten your name love.” He said and put his arm around my shoulders.
“Must have forgotten your manners at home.” I said and took his arm off of me. The others were speechless, never have heard me say anything rude before.
“Offense taken.” He said putting his hand over his heart.
“Must’ve packed too much ass-hole then.” I said and by now Lily’s mouth had dropped.
“No need to be a bitch.” He said the playful banter on his part gone.
“Sirius…” Lily began but didn’t get to finish.
“No need to judge pre-maturely. You don’t even know my name.” I cut Lily off and glared at Black.
“No need to steal my comeba-” He began to retort but was interrupted by James Potter coming into the compartment followed by Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew.
“What’s going on here Padfoot?” Potter asked.
“Just sharing a nice conversation with what’s-her-name over here.” He said whilst jabbing his thumb in my direction.
“Does what’s-her-name have a real name?” James asked.
“Do you feel the need to talk about me as if I’m not here or are you just naturally annoying? It’s Sophie by the way.” I shouted.
“Well anyways, Sophie here was just finishing being a bitc-” Sirius began but I cut him off,
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence Black.” I said as calmly as I could.
“Last name now, eh? Well I can’t really be on a last name basis with someone I don’t even know that last name of.”
“Why would I possible want you to know my last name?”
“I’m just interested.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s Winfield.” Peter said from behind James.
I glared at him with all my might and sat down in my seat and turned my back on them.
“Sophie Winfield. It has a nice ring to it. Don’t you say Prongs?” Sirius said.
And before James could answer I cut him off,
“You can leave now no one really wanted your company in the first place.”
Sirius glared at me before stalking out of the compartment. The rest followed in suit and Lily gave me a “we need to talk” look. Lucy, Amanda, and Alice knew they should probably go too so they got up and left after the Marauders.
A silence settled around the room as Lily looked at me and as I avoided eye contact with her.
“What the hell was that?” She said.
“I don’t know.”
“Since when did you manage to yell at Sirius? You couldn’t even look at him last year and you even had a fat crush on him!”
“I guess I changed over the summer.” I mumbled.
“You guess? You are a completely different person!”
“Maybe if you had tried to contact me during the three months we hadn’t seen each other you would have realized that I’m not the same person! I’m not some innocent, quiet, little person anymore!”
“What are you even mad about?”
“How could I not be mad when I come back from a nice summer vacation to see what my best friend has turned into?” She yelled.
“What am I not the same person anymore? Are you mad that for once I’m the silly sidekick? That now I actually have a voice and I don’t just live through you? That I don’t depend on you for every little thing in my life?” I screamed.
She looked at me and I saw that she had begun to cry. She pushed past me and started to leave.
“Lily…” I began but she just exited, leaving me all by myself.
My breathing got heavier and my vision started to go blurry as the world started to spin around me. It hit me in all of my confused thoughts and emotions that today I forgot to take my pills.
“Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.” I thought.
I felt my body hit the ground. I tried to call out for help but I stopped myself before I could knowing that if someone came to help word would spread to Lily and I would finally have to tell her how mentally unstable I am. What a great friend right? I haven’t even told her about the pills I have to take every single fucking morning.
My breathing increased and I could feel my chest rise and fall rapidly as my panic attack wracked my body.
“Focus on slowing down your breathing.” My mother’s words ran though my mind. She told me this the last time I had a panic attack, about a year ago, on a plane coming back from America during Christmas.
I began to calm down and I turned my head to see the exterior of a field the train was going through.
My eyes finally began to focus again and I was able to stand up and get my pills out of my bag. I swallowed them dry and sat down on a seat closest to the windows as I pressed my cheek to the cool glass.
I began to cry. It started slow at first but soon enough sobs wracked my entire body and my mascara was running down my face and I couldn’t stop. The tears came faster and pummeled out of my eye sockets and down my face mixing with snot from my nose.
After I couldn’t produce any more salt water I took five deep breaths and started to wipe my face on the sleeve of my jacket as the train moved faster and faster towards Hogwarts.