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Chapter 22 : Chapter 21: Confessions
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Chapter 21: Confessions
Thanks for the cakes, we all loved them. I have spoken to my friends and all of them are free over the Christmas holidays to come over – so that's Sarah, Becky and Scorpius. Albus is glad that granddad enjoyed his essay – he got full marks for it.
See you soon,
Love, Rose xxxxxxx"
I put my quill down and fastened my letter to the nearest owl. I was up in the Owlery, having remembered that I hadn't yet replied to any of my letters. The owl took flight and I sat down on a feather-covered bench and got out the crumpled letter from Aunt Ginny so I could write a response.
Oh god, I hope you're joking about granddad having something planned for us over the holidays. I will prepare for it by bringing home antidotes to every known poison and a leaflet on how to magic someone back to consciousness after being electrocuted. I have sent nana my list of friends for Christmas – all the usual suspects: Scorpius, Sarah and Becky. I'm looking forward to coming back – only a week now and we'll all be home!
Love you, see you next week,
I fastened it to the closest, disgruntled owl and got out my father's letter. There was no way I could even find the words to reply to it… I'd just have to leave it until I either found the words or went home for Christmas. I tucked the letters back inside my shirt and brushed the feathers off my bum when I stood up. The morning sickness was lessening – I was finding it easier to eat my usual weird mix of food, but being up this high in the Owlery was making my stomach do flips. Blergh, I don't like heights, despite being a Quidditch player. I carefully stepped down the stairs and found myself inside again walking along the corridor back towards my dorm. It was the weekend, and there was nothing to do. Near the end of the term the professors get bored with lessons and don't bother setting any homework unless it's for over the holidays. Speaking of which, I have an absolute mountain of revision I'd better crack on with…
"Hello gorgeous. Fancy seeing you here!" Freddie said from behind me. I snapped out of my thoughts as I turned around with a smile just for him.
"Hello" I smiled, greeting him with a kiss.
"You are looking particularly lovely this morning, if I may say so."
"You may" I said with a grin, continuing to walk with his arm around me.
"Apart from the bird shit on your jeans" He shrugged, pointing at my bum.
"Oh great," I said, turning to see it.
"What are you up to today then?" He asked with a laugh at me.
"You mean after changing my jeans? Sarah is taking me shopping. I've put on a bit of weight so I need some new clothes." I said uncomfortably.
"You look great to me" Freddie said loyally as we reached the fourth floor.
"Shh, you" I said, half-smiling. We were clambering the steps towards my common room by this point.
"Why are you coming this far up then?" I asked quizzically. It was a long way to come up just to walk me to my room.
"Albus said he'd meet me here so we could revise Muggle Studies together. I've been trying to find Scorpius so I could revise with him for some potions work but he never seems to be around – maybe he's avoiding me!" He joked with a grin as we reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. I laughed nervously as the portrait hole opened and Albus stepped out. Sarah was stood behind him.
"I was just going to come and look for you!" She scolded. "We're going to be late." She added, pulling me through without a chance to kiss Freddie goodbye.
He waved sweetly and blew me a kiss as the portrait swung shut and Sarah chivvied me upstairs to change my jeans. It would be easier to just magically remove the bird crap, but I was pretty sure the ones I was wearing were so tight that they were cutting off the circulation to my feet… which is not the look I was going for.
It seems that none of my clothes fit fat old me anymore. Greeeaaat.
"What's wrong with those?" Sarah asked as I came out of the changing room for the twentieth time, holding a pair of jeans over my arm.
"They're dreadful. They make me look fat." I grumbled, ignoring the dirty look I got from the manageress who was hovering around, and her young sales assistant, who was gaping between Sarah and me, star-struck.
"You're going to be fat" Sarah said honestly.
"Ouch" I said half-heartedly, taking the next black pair from her outstretched hands.
"It's true" She said with raised eyebrows in a fit of bluntness that would give Dom a run for her money.
"I know, but we aren't thinking about that now, are we" I said through gritted teeth, looking pointedly at the manageress, who was disappearing through the curtains into the back room.
"Just try those on. We can always put a shrinking charm on your arse, Ro" Sarah replied, sticking her tongue out at me to show she was joking.
"We don't want that! How would she cushion herself when she fell down the stairs drunk next New Years Eve party?" A voice said from behind us.
I peeped through the curtain and Sarah spun around to see Teddy Lupin stood in front of us, a carrier bag in hand. Today he was his usual 6 foot three, but his hair was a gorgeous, shiny jet black and his eyes a brilliant turquoise. They twinkled as he smiled at Sarah.
"You're looking beautiful as ever, Sare." He said with his trademark soft and dreamy smile. She was already starting to turn pink.
"Ha ha. Black hair is a bit of a change for you Teddy" She replied with a question in her voice.
"Yeah, well Uncle Harry came into the pub earlier to see Ron and his hair was really cool-looking. It just changed by itself really." He shrugged, still smiling with his hands in his pockets.
I drew the curtains from around me and stepped out wearing the kick-flare black jeans. They had a little jewel pattern over the back pocket and were long enough for my longer-than-average legs. I had put my boots back on underneath and was pulling the bottom of my top down at the back as I stepped out, scowling.
"Careful with that frown, Rosie. I might just hex it so you stay that way!" Teddy teased, hugging me.
"You like them?" Sarah asked, relieved.
"Yeah, actually - they don't make my arse look like it's capable of eclipsing the sun anymore." I shrugged, drawing a laugh from Teddy and a grin from Sarah.
"Although I'm not happy abut going up a size. I haven't been a size 14-16 since I went on my post-breakup ice cream diet." I sighed. Teddy looked me up and down.
"They look a bit loose on you actually; you could still fit into a twelve, surely?" He asked. Sarah and I glanced at each other.
"I like to have a bit of give in them. Christmas is coming up after all." I shrugged it off, patting my belly as if that explained it. We walked towards the till and the sales assistant leapt eagerly to serve us.
"Can I wear these out?" I asked her. She nodded.
"Of course, Miss Weasley." She stammered. I smiled at her kindly as she waved her wand to give me a receipt.
"Thanks." I said as I paid her and we left. We stood outside for a minute.
"I'd better be getting back to the pub; I only had half an hour to buy Victoire's socks." He rolled his eyes. "That girl has such a fluffy-sock collection we're going to need a whole sock room." He chuckled and hugged us both.
"See you" Sarah called.
"Say hi to dad when you next see him" I said, hearing the sadness in my voice but hoping he couldn't. He smiled and nodded as he wandered back.
"Come on, let's get you back" Sarah said, wrapping her scarf around her neck and looping her arm in mine as we made our way back up to the castle.
"I barely see you nowadays, gorgeous," Freddie mock-complained at dinner later that night. Scorpius looked up from where he sat opposite us on Slytherin table, looking disgusted.
It was just the three of us there, nobody was even sat anywhere near us. They were huddled together in corners near the open fires, some even sitting on the floor to get closer. Most people had left as we had been late for dinner.
"You've been ill lately, haven't you, Ro" Scorpius said meaningfully, glaring at me. Freddie looked up.
"Is that why you were sick the other morning?" He asked, pushing some hair out of my face and looking concerned. I picked at my food, not looking at anyone.
"Yeah, it's just a bug that's going around." I said, in a tone that told Scorpius to shut his bloody mouth.
"The kind of bug that lasts for a long time and then puts you in hospital?" Scorpius asked faux-innocently, buttering a roll and batting his eyelashes at me. My head snapped up and I looked at him, open-mouthed.
"What?" Freddie asked, frowning. "What are you on about?" He asked Scorpius, eyes narrowed. I locked eyes with wolf-boy, glaring fiercely.
"One word mate – congratulations." Scorpius said, standing up and picking up his plate, stalking across the hall to the Gryffindor table, where he sat down next to Albus and didn't speak to anyone. We both watched him go as if in slow motion and then Freddie turned to me, looking horrified.
"Rose… Does he mean what I think he means? Being sick in the morning…ending up in hospital… congratulating me… are we… I mean…are you… pr-" He said in a hushed voice, his eyes darting between mine.
I grabbed his arm before he could choke out that damning word and practically dragged him from the hall. By the time I had found an abandoned room to lock us in and protect from eavesdroppers, tears were running down my cheeks in a torrent. Freddie clutched me to his chest.
"It's too early to know… we only had sex again like, last week" He stuttered, holding me at arms length and wiping my tears. I looked up at him, my teeth chattering from all the emotion. He studied my expression, looking shell-shocked.
"Unless you're further along than that… unless it's not mine…" He said, taking a step away from me and looking at me questioningly.
I let out a heart-ripping sob and felt the cold stone on my skin as I fell to my knees. Freddie sat down opposite me, cross-legged and scraped the hair from my eyes.
"Whose is it then?" He asked gently, pulling a hankie out of his trousers and dabbing at my tears. I looked at him, sat mere inches from me.
"I can't tell you… I haven't told him yet." I whispered. He nodded.
"You are being very calm about this…" I questioned. He turned the hankie over to get a dry patch to wipe my mascara-stained tears with.
"My sister had a baby young, remember. You need someone to be calm for you."
"Aren't you angry?" I hiccupped, the tears slowing.
"Well, you didn't cheat on me… we weren't together… I've got no reason to be angry." He shrugged sensibly.
"Aren't you upset?" I asked.
"Ro…" He took my chin gently and I looked up at him. "I love you. You need someone here for you. I am your man – I am going to look after you."
I looked at him, stunned, and then promptly burst into tears again.
"Why are you so good to me?" I sobbed. He chuckled breathily.
"Because you're my Rosiekins and I love you. I understand that the father situation will be complicated, but we don't have to talk about the future right now. All you need to know is that I'm here for you right now." He said bravely.
God, he's so perfect. Why couldn't he be the father… he's my rock.
"Thank you." I said, wiping my tears in shock at his cool reaction.
"Now, do you want me to help you to your dorm? Because I think I need an early night" He said. I looked at him. He looked drained by the information. I shook my head and after he helped me to my feet, he kissed me on the forehead and left.
"Slytherins are fucked in the head." James declared when I told him and the girls later that night.
"What the hell did Scorpius shout his mouth off for? What a dick move!" Dom said, shocked.
"He's a grumpy bastard." Becky mused.
"Who knows why he did it." Sarah shrugged, looking at James as if the two of them had some sort of idea. I ignored it. I'd know if they knew – they'd tell me.
"Don't say anything to him about this. I want to talk to him first." I implored of the four of them.
"Get a move on then. Albus is on his way up here now. Scorpius'll be wondering why he hasn't been invited along up here too if you don't go and see him." James said wisely.
"Alright." I said with a hard look in my eyes as I got up from the floor and waved at them.
I stomped determinedly down the hundreds of steps from my common room to his and was momentarily surprised when I found him sat, leaning against a glossy black pillar outside the common room portrait. He looked up at me when he saw me and for a second before he disguised his expression, he looked intensely upset. It didn't stop me grabbing him roughly and dragging him into the closest room before setting up the protective wards and rounding on him like a starved lioness.
"What… the… fuck is wrong with you?!" I demanded in a screech. He leaned against a desk and surveyed me through wary blue eyes.
"We're meant to be fucking mates!" I yelled, glad no-one could possibly hear us through the sheer amount of spells I had cast.
"Not to you Rose, I'm just a one-time fuck buddy to you." He shot back acidly.
"And you're taking that out on him?" I asked, throwing my arms up.
"No, on you. You didn't even have the decency to tell me you were planning on getting back together with him!" He spat, his eyes glittering.
"What difference would it have made? Why do you care who I'm with?!" I asked, and the second I did I wish I could have taken it back. I bit my tongue so hard I tasted blood.
"You fucking know why, Rose. You fucking know!" He yelled, sweeping some glass jars from a nearby table and running his hands through his hair. I'd never seen him this angry. I bit my lip.
"I'm sorry." I said quietly, sitting on a nearby desk, not realising I had got to my feet.
"Yeah, well" Scorpius growled, my apology having taken most of the wind out of his sails.
"I don't want to talk about why anymore. It's not… I just can't right now, alright?" He snapped defensively, as if I'd held him at wand-point demanding the truth.
"I don't either." I said, looking down, still scowling.
"He deserved to know that he was going to be a father." Scorpius said after a moment of silence. "If it was me, I'd want the truth." He added unwittingly. I bit back on the tears that were about to waterfall down my cheeks.
"I just wasn't ready. I'm still not. It wasn't fair for you to take that decision out of my hands." I said, looking up at him.
"All right… I know I was a total twat. There aren't words to describe how much of a prick I was." Scorpius admitted, not looking at me.
"I need you now, Scorpius." I confessed. My heart had decided to take the lead on this one without running it past my brain. "I need you more than anyone else in the whole world. If I don't have you… I don't… I don't…" I stammered, tears falling down my face as my voice got higher and higher with the futile struggle to keep them in.
"I – don't have –anyone – without you," I sobbed, gasping for breath. Scorpius looked positively alarmed and crossed the room swiftly to take me into his arms like he always used to.
"I am still here. I've always been here. Shh… dry your eyes… I won't do anything like that ever again. I let whatever I was feeling go to my head. Come on, give us a smile" Scorpius said, tilting my chin up to look at him as he pulled me onto his lap. I sniffed and looked up to see his eyebrows pulled upwards pleadingly.
"Forgive me?" He asked quietly.
"Don't do anything like that ever again, Scor" I sniffed, still managing to sound stern, burying my head into his chest. I felt his hands in my hair, stroking the wavelets down my back.
"I promise I won't. Shh Ro-Ro. You've got me. You've always had me… you'll always have me." He said soothingly, rocking me slightly. I sobbed my last few tears out and looked up at him eventually.
"I need you." I blurted.
"Come here." He replied, wrapping his arms around me. I didn't know which side to put my head on for this hug and neither did he. We bobbed around awkwardly like pigeons for a second, and then…
…And then he kissed me.
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