Chapter 1 : Raven
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Et deux par deux, sans compter nos morts
They were rushing past you, eyes averted from the scene, hardly daring to look. To them, you’re gone. But I can’t believe it. I won’t. This isn’t real. It’s only a nightmare.
I have to wake up, but my mind is frozen. Numb. Then, all at once, it hits me, realization stinging my entire body like a white hot knife.
Then, my feet are moving without knowing where they are taking me; my voice screaming louder than I ever have in my life, yet I was unaware of the piercing shriek escaping my lungs.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. It was only a game.
Et trois par trois, dans nos cœurs essoufflés,
Des secousses se forment, on réfléchit plus tard, mais n'arrive faut rêver
More and more people began to rush down from the stands, with rapid breathing and howls of fear.
Shock. Shock and pure terror.
I’m not even able to think properly, my thoughts turned into only animal-like instincts, feeling only pain but not even understanding its source. But now isn’t the time to try and calm down. Right now, I have to help you.
Months later, even years, I dream. That’s all I can do. There is no way to think clearly anymore. Still, the horror of that day weaves itself into my darkest nights, flashing his contorted smile with those grisly hands wrapping around my lungs. It knows my deepest fears, regrets, faults; everything I wish I could have told you and all the words that I wish I could summon back to my lips as if they were never spoken.
Et je ne sais plus à quoi penser, c'est dur d'être libre comme toi
Et je ne sais plus à qui penser, c'est fini, rhabille toi.
They try to help, but I just want to be alone. Thinking is almost so painful that I can hardly bear it anymore. You never leave my mind.
Memories. Memories burst through my mind like water flowing through the cracks of a dam that was about to give way. I remember the night we went to the Yule Ball and danced all night. I remember how happy I was when you defeated your dragon. Even those secret little hiding places we used to share, the late walks in the snow come to my mind just to torture me.
That day, so near yet so far away, permeates my very soul and won’t let go. It’s like a disease. Not one that kills you, no, that would be too easy, too quick. This is like a creature that take hold of your mind, your heart, your being. You.
But it doesn’t stop there.
It’s paralyzing yet you can still walk, numbing but you can still feel, agony with no proof. Misery that takes away who you are and all you love, even when they are standing right in front of you.
Right after you… left me, I was overcome with grief because I hated what happened to you. I miss you, just as I always have, but now it’s different. Now, I envy you. No longer do you feel pain, you are in a better place.
You always talked about wanting to be a hero. Well guess what? You were. You died a hero, fighting against Voldemort. But I-I’m a coward. I’m only fighting against myself, my mind. There’s nothing heroic in that. Your death had glory, but if this... thing kills me, it’s nothing but cowardice. There would be no honor in my death, only scorn.
Et deux par deux, on avale nos mots.
C'est dure d'oublier ce que l'on connais et ce qui imprègne nos peaux.
Slowly, years later, I’m starting to escape that creature with such strong hold in my heart.
Forget, no. I can never forget what happened, how I felt, the pain.
Even when I’m old and gray, laying on my deathbed, I will never truly have forgotten what we all went through.
But none of them speak of you anymore, they just have their memories of a brave, brilliant wizard who gave his life. It’s hard to forget something that had such a devastating impact on so many lives.
Harry said that they didn’t even have a reason, you were just there.
Life can be cruel. No, not life. Life can beautiful and bitter. It’s the people in it that can be cruel.
Et trois par trois, nos cœurs d'la partie.
On joue au couteau et on peut partager le même lit.
I am sick. Dying.
It’s the 42nd anniversary of the night you left our world forever. Years ago, I found a husband. I love him to the end of the earth, but he never really filled that hole in my heart that you left. I know it’s silly, a grown woman still attached to a boy from ages ago, but I can’t forget you. It would hurt more to wipe everything about you from my mind than it would to keep all of those horrible memories. Those are a part of me now.
It’s silly, but I hope that it will happen tonight. Not that I have a wish for death, but I know that it’s coming anyways, whether I want it or not. Now would be a peaceful time to die.
I could go happy tonight, being so close to you. One day, I hope I’ll see you again.
Thank you for never completely leaving me.
Authors note: Here is the translation of the French lyrics: (Not the complete translation of the song)
Et deux par deux, sans compter nos morts- And two by two, not counting our dead
Et trois par trois, dans nos cœurs essoufflés, -And three by three, in our breathless hearts
Des secousses se forment, on réfléchit plus tard, mais n'arrive faut rêver –Some tremors build up, we reflect on them later, now it’s time to dream
Et je ne sais plus à quoi penser, c'est dur d'être libre comme toi –And I don’t know what to think anymore, it’s hard to be free like you are
Et je ne sais plus à qui penser, c'est fini, rhabille toi. –And I don’t know who to think about anymore, it’s over, redress yourself
Et deux par deux, on avale nos mots. –And two by two, we swallow our words
C'est dure d'oublier ce que l'on connais et ce qui imprègne nos peaux. –It’s hard to forget what we knew and what permeated our skin
Et trois par trois, nos cœurs d'la partie. –And three by three, our hearts in the match
On joue au couteau et on peut partager le même lit. –We’re playing with knives and we can share the same bed