Chapter 6 : But not Unending
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I stood outside the Gryffindor Common Room tapping my feet nervously. My bag of homework was at my feet, waiting to be done. I should have been doing it the whole time I was stood here, but I couldn’t concentrate.
It had been over an hour since Lily had reluctantly agreed to go in and plead my case. Hugo and Lucy had been let in during that time.
Finally the portrait hole opened and her brother stepped out.
“Well Hugo loses that bet.” He said as he saw me still standing there. “He was sure you’d have given up by now, but that’s how he sees the world I suppose.”
“She doesn’t want to see me does she?” I cut to the chase.
“Thanks.” I said and picked up my bag slouching off to my own common room.
It had been the same story every day that week and the week before.
I couldn’t really explain what I’d done that day. It seemed, looking back that my brain had set itself on a self-destructive path and had refused to let anything interfere until it was seen through to the end.
Now I was left with the consequences.
Clearly standing outside her common room every day for nearly two weeks wasn’t working, although it was now taking longer for someone to come out and tell me to bog off. This could have been seen as a good sign, but at the time I didn’t pick up on that.
Yet there I was the next evening, and the next, and the next.
Each time it took Fred longer and longer to come out of the portrait hole and tell me to give up for the night.
Finally, three weeks after the Hogsmeade weekend I found myself waiting again as curfew approached and I would have to leave without being told. I could feel my heart beating waiting for an answer as it had done for weeks. With five minutes until curfew the portrait hole opened and it wasn’t Fred that stepped out of it.
“Roxanne…” she silenced me with a look.
“Follow me.” She turned without another word and led me away from the fat lady into a part of the castle I did not frequent. She stopped by a large vase and a tapestry of some guy getting beaten up by trolls. She paced the corridor a few times before a door appeared in the wall. She walked through it and I followed.
The room was small, with two armchairs and a table next to a roaring fire. There were two empty mugs on glass coasters. Roxanne sat down and pulled out a flask from which she filled the mugs with Butterbeer. Taking her own she leaned back in the chair and drank from it.
I stood awkwardly before she raised an eyebrow and looked pointedly at the chair, so I sat down and grasped the handle of the mug. We sat in silence what must have been ten minutes. She finished her drink and refilled it from the flask.
“It was a present from my Aunt and Uncle.” She didn’t specify which one. “It’ll never run out.”
“It’s too late to apologise.”
“Then why are we here?” I couldn’t help asking.
“You’re the one who stood outside Gryffindor Tower for three weeks.” She stated. “You tell me.”
“I know you think it’s too late, and that’s my fault. I don’t know what it was, once I’d talked myself into doing it I couldn’t stop. I really regret it, you know that don’t you?”
“I do.” She sighed and took another sip of her drink. “I guess that’s why I’m here.”
There was a long pause in which we both drunk our drinks and she stared into the flickering flames while I watched the light dancing on her face.
“I wasn’t angry with you for long; I can’t seem to do it.” She paused and I felt like she was thinking about what she was going to say next so I didn’t interrupt.
“I’ve been avoiding you to try and save my pride I guess.” She gave a bitter laugh and looked across at me.
“I really thought this could work you know. I was willing to move on from what you did, and the funniest thing was that I was going to tell you I knew when we got back to Hogwarts. I was going to bring you up here and tell you that I knew.”
“I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to forgive myself for this.” I admitted in a quiet voice.
“Any of it. I cheated on you, then I lied about it, dumped you for a completely shitty reason and when that reason fell apart I didn’t stop myself. I’ve been a complete idiot and I deserve every second of you ignoring me, hating me…”
“I don’t hate you.”
“I thought I did. Then I realised that wasn’t it. I wasn’t ignoring you because I hate you. I couldn’t face you because…”
I leaned forward encouragingly.
“I’ve said it already; I’m not having you throw it back in my face again.”
I knew what she meant and suddenly my mouth had gone very dry. I took an awkward swig of Butterbeer.
“I love you too.” I said finally.
She gave me a weak smile.
“So where do we go from here?” I asked nervously.
“I guess that’s up to you.” She said downing her remaining butterbeer and standing as though to leave.
“What do you mean?” I asked as she walked past the table. I was confused by her statement and wondered why she was handing control of the situation over to me.
“Can you face explaining to everyone what happened, I don’t mean the details, but I will not be the bad guy in this.” She faced me again. “I love you, but I’ve suffered enough at your hand. Yes I’ve forgiven you, but I will be more cautious about us I won’t be able to help it.”
“I understand that.” I too stood up and moved over to where she stood, clearly apprehensive. “I’m sorry I hurt you, and made you angry and put you through all this. I hated myself for it. You will never have to go through that again, not with me. I love you.”
I put my hands gently on the tops of her arms. She didn’t move away but I could feel her triceps tense under my hands.
“I know, you might have to remind me sometimes though.” Cliché as it was I pushed her braids behind her ear.
“Always.” I tilted her chin up towards me and kissed her gently on the lips. As I did I felt her relax into the kiss, when I pulled away she sighed contentedly and rested her head on my chest, my chin rested on the top of her head and I held her there.
Whatever had happened between us, we started again. All thanks to her, my amazing girlfriend. My Fiancée, the mother of our children.
My Soul mate.
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