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Loving the Fire of a Goddess by The squib who dreamed
Chapter 1 : Intro
 
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Red hair that dances like flames; burning powerfully like that of a phoenix’s, yet so soft and smooth one can barely restrain oneself to stroke each strand. Each strand cuts my heart differently, leaving its mark that finds its way into my dreams.

My dreams, my haunted dreams. Haunted by a love so strong, my young heart can barely comprehend it. Her voice nearly breaks me every time. Just when I thought I could handle it; just when I thought I was in control, I hear her voice, and everything inside of me morphs. Images of me, throwing myself at her feet and proclaiming of my love for her, flash through my mind like a broken picture-film, repeating over and over.

Of course, like many love stories, the love can never be. I’m a Slytherin. My love? Lily Evans. A Griffindor.

My life is hell, to say the least.

I watch her, growing more beautiful every day (something I thought to be impossible). Of course, my watching will never grow to be more. Lily believes that I am interested in the Dark Arts. I am. Our friendship didn’t break there. No, it broke when I did the unforgivable: I called her a Mudblood.

I regret it with every ounce of my being, and wish that I had never learned the term in the first place. Something so hideous a name should never be given to this amazing beauty, and yet I was the one who did it. I labeled her something lowly. I do not forgive myself. Apparently, she doesn’t forgive me either. I understand and don’t expect her too, but my foolish love-drunk brain hopes that some day she will.

This year, I plan to get her back on my side, away from the Potter fool, who she seems to enjoy more and more time with. Potter does not deserve her love. Oh Lily, if only you knew who you truly belong too.

If my plan goes accordingly, she will.

 






I sat on the edge of my bed, trying to think of how to put my plan into action today. So many things depended on whether or not she even showed up for breakfast, and there were so many what ifs. It didn’t help that I could hear Bellatrix’s annoying laughter; she seemed to be taunting me specifically; laughing at my weak plans to bring Lily back to me. I heard her cry out my name.

I rose from my bed stiffly, not exactly sure how I should respond. What would greet me when I opened the dormitory door? She called me again, with the same mocking sweetness as before. Hating myself, I went to see what she wanted.

“Yes?” I held my hands behind my back, trying to hide the nervous shaking.

“Oh Severus, join us!” She beckoned to me like a predator would, trying to lure in prey. Her dark hooded eye lids flittered at me, putting on a show of false cuteness. She stuck her bottom lip out, trying (and failing miserably) to look playful and seductive. It took me a moment to realize she was straddling a fourth year, whose eyes roamed every inch of her bodice, which was dangerously close to his face. I guessed she had pounced on him.

Bellatrix was a tease; going from one boy to another, yet never actually offering anything more. She lured them in like prey, and I admit they came willingly enough. She did happen to be the most attractive Slytherin girl.

“No. Thank you.” I was curt, border lining rude, but what else could I say?

She groaned exasperatedly and pushed herself off of the fourth year, who looked bewilderedly around for the cause of her sudden lack of interest in him. Spying me, he sat up and attempted to adjust his shirt, which had been unbuttoned.

“You’re no fun.” She pouted and slouched into the couch, crossing her arms. The pout was not very becoming. She looked around the room for a moment, and then looked back at the fourth year, who had been watching her every move.

“What are you looking at?” She spat at him. She suddenly turned to me and smiled.

“Sit. Breakfast doesn’t start until an hour. We have some time to catch up.” She patted the spot next to her. The fourth year looked completely confused and seemed to be trying to make his mind up if he should leave or not. She chose for him.

“Leave us.” She nodded at him and watched him leave with a less than warm look at his back.

“Sit, Severus.”

I didn’t move.

“I said sit.”

I didn’t budge.

“Please?” She sighed, as if the politeness actually hurt her.

I still didn’t move.

“Honestly, what is with you? You’re acting like I upset you are something.” She rolled her eyes at me and spread her legs out on the couch.

“Did I?” She didn’t sound nervous; instead she sounded slightly hopeful. She loved pushing my buttons.

“Oooh… was it the Conner thing? Oh, he’ll be fine. And really, you need to learn how to have fun. You always act like you have a wand up, well, you know what I mean. You’re so stiff. Honestly Severus, relax.” She emphasized her point by wriggling into the cushions on the couch; trying to show me how nice it was to relax. I avoided her legs and sat down.

“No, it isn’t the Conner…thing. And are you sure that’s his real name? I wasn’t aware you tried to even learn their names first.”

She laughed off my insult.

“Yes, that his is name. And of course I learn their names, so I can keep track of who to kill off first.”

I stiffened at her remark. She sensed my revulsion and laughed.

“You know I’m joking.” She paused. “Well, sort of joking. But that’s not the point. The point is I want to know what you have been up too; you’re so secretive now. Avery says that you have been avoiding him.”

“I haven’t been avoiding Avery. I just happen to have a lot of stuff on my mind.”

I was seriously uncomfortable with this conversation. Bellatrix loved gossip. I wasn’t sure why she chose to interrogate me for information on the happenings of school. I think she just liked making me uncomfortable. Unfortunately, she was very good at it.

“What type of stuff? Are you secretly in love?” Her tone implied she was mocking, yet I had a sudden convulsion of panic. Was it that obvious? It couldn’t be obvious. I felt my Adam’s apple move, as if trying to get comfortable under my skin. I forced a laugh a little too late; she noticed.

“Oh god you are in love. Ew. I feel sorry for the poor girl already.” She wrinkled her nose at me and grimaced. “It is a girl right?” Her eyebrows rose skeptically.

“Yes, it is a girl. Oh…wait, no! I’m not in – I mean…if I was in love, which I’m not –“ I stumbled over my words, trying so hard to grasp on to clarity and make a decent come back. She held up her hand to silence me.

“Spare me the gibberish of the love drunk. Merlin’s beard, it makes me sick. I don’t even want to know who it is. God Severus you are so weird.” She shook her head, clearing her head of my words, and stood up. She adjusted her black shirt and ran her hands through her hair, making it stand on end and look like a wild fire. Except, her hair was black. It would never compare to fire of my love’s. Not even in a million years.

“Get up drunky. Breakfast needs our attendance.” She walked away, not even worried about whether or not I was going to follow.

Of course I was. I am a follower. It’s what I do.
 

 

Author's note:

I hoped you enjoyed it! Next chapter will be up soon. Please don't forget to rate and review; I would really appreciate it. Thanks! <3


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