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The Perks of Being a Sociopath by PitchBlue
Chapter 13 : Boys, Boys, Boys!
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 5

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Chapter 13: Boys, Boys, Boys!

“You did what?” Liz practically screamed, thus receiving an angry glance from McGonagall who was eating at the Head Table.

“Keep it down, will you?” Olivia hissed, throwing a turkey sandwich at her friend.

“Sorry, it’s just, blimey Olivia!” Liz whispered, a gleeful smile appearing on her face. “I’m so proud,” she gushed, pretending to wipe away a tear. “Finally, you discover the benefits of handsome-looking males you have unlimited snogging access to.” She looked dreamily away in the distance, forgetting her beef sandwich.

“Yes well, he’s a bloody good kisser,” Olivia answered sagely with an appreciative expression on her face.

“Who is?” a fifth year Ravenclaw girl named Eliza Smethwyck asked, leaning their way eagerly.

“Not any of your business, Smethwyck,” Liz retorted angrily. She and the girl had been sworn enemies since second year, for reasons no one really understood. All Olivia knew was that a pineapple, the Standard Book of Spells level 2 and a comment on Liz’ Spanish accent had been involved.

“Shoo! Go ruin somebody else’s life,” Liz hissed, throwing the leftover of her beef sandwich to the girl.

“Slag,” Eliza muttered and went to sit a few places further, out of reach of beef sandwiches.

“So I’m meeting him today, around 1 pm,” Olivia continued as if nothing had happened. She frowned as a thought came up. “I hope he doesn’t see it as a date. I’ve been pretty clear about the no-strings part.”

“Good for you.” Liz nodded seriously, taking a bit of a new sandwich. “‘S not right to lead him on.” She paused for a few moments, a thoughtful expression on her face. “When did you say you’d meet him?”

“About 1, in the DADA corridor,” Olivia answered absently. Liz rolled her eyes.

“You have exactly 5 minutes to get there, then,” she deadpanned. Olivia looked at her with a blank expression on her face and then cursed violently so that a couple of first years looked up in alarm.

“Bugger. I’m off,” she said loudly, collecting her things.

“You go girl. And for Christ’s sake, get me a picture of him without his shirt on, will you?” Liz shouted after her.

Olivia groaned as several students looked up curiously from their food, and quickly made her way to the marble staircase. Her breath hitched in her throat and her side felt as if someone had stabbed a knife in it when she rounded the corner and slipped into the DADA corridor.

Evan was leaning against the wall, his broad frame coming out nicely against the light from the windows. As he smiled, his dark green eyes glinting just like they had done when she’d kissed him the day before, Olivia felt a subtle tingling sensation run through her and she suddenly wondered whether the snogging would be even better than yesterday.

“So sorry – lunch – lost track of time –“ she heaved, only to be interrupted by a forceful kiss Evan planted on her lips that made her head spin. He wrapped his arms around her waist, his hands leaving hot trails on her skin as she parted her lips to deepen the kiss. Somehow they managed to stumble into a unused classroom, the December air cold around them. Small dust particles floated in the air and covered the many chairs and tables in the room.

“So this is what they call ‘Unused Classroom Snogging’,” Olivia mused, trailing a finger over one of the tables. “I didn’t know it’d be so dusty.”

Evan chuckled and left a trail of kissed on her bare shoulder. “What, you’ve never done some good ol’ Classroom Snogging? It’s the favourite pastime of most students.” He suddenly paled, the few freckles on his nose standing out clearly and shot Olivia a stricken look. “Oh fuck, you have been snogged before, right? Merlin if I gave you your first kiss then I’ll –“

“—Evan, relax,” Olivia interrupted him with an amused smile. “I’ve snogged before, nothing serious. Don’t get your knickers in a twist.”

Evan sighed in relief and leaned against the wall. “Thank Merlin. This is crazy enough as it is – I’m your Quidditch captain, for fuck’s sake! Not to mention you’re only in your fifth year.” He raked a hand through his hair in frustration as a panicked look crossed his face again. “Fuck, I’m corrupting a fifth year! My Seeker! This is so wrong –“

“—Merlin’s pants, Evan, get your shit together!” Olivia exclaimed sternly as he grabbed him by the shoulders. “For your information, I’m sixteen and I ruddy well know what I’m doing. I kissed you, remember?”

Evan nodded and relaxed visibly, regaining some colour.

“As for the whole Captain – Seeker stuff, I can be professional. This ‘thing’—“ Olivia gestured to the space between them –“is just snogging. No attachments, no rules. Now,” the Seeker looked into Evan’s eyes and quirked one eyebrow teasingly as she traced his collarbone with her finger, “snap out of it and kiss me like you want to get slapped.”


A week later Olivia sat at breakfast with Emma next to her. The Seeker felt tired – she had spent the better part of last evening snogging Evan in a broom cupboard. She yawned and stretched her arms, thinking of pouring herself another cup of coffee as Emma nudged her.

“Olivia, can you pass me the – is that a hickey?” Emma almost screamed, knocking over the bowl with scrambled eggs in surprise. Olivia reacted instinctively and casted a Silencing Spell on the petite girl, meanwhile looking around the Great Hall anxiously to see if someone had heard them. Thankfully, it was the morning of the Hufflepuff – Slytherin Quidditch match so an excited buzz filled the room, drowning Emma’s comment.

“Shhh!” Olivia hissed, forgetting momentarily that Emma couldn’t make any noise anymore. Liam, who sat a few places ahead of them looked their way with a confused expression on his sleepy face, but didn’t seem to have heard them.

“No it’s not a hickey,” Olivia whispered frantically to Emma. “It’s… uhm…A bruise?” The Seeker tried half-heartedly. Emma cocked one eyebrow and leaned back in her seat, watching Olivia with a sceptical expression. The dark blonde sighed and muttered the counter spell so that Emma could talk again.

“If that’s not a hickey I’m Celestina Warbeck,” Emma deadpanned with a smug smile on her face. “So, tell me!”

“Mind your own business, Jordans,” Olivia retorted calmly, returning her attention to the scrambled eggs that filled her plate.

“Fine,” grumbled Emma. They ate in silence for a few minutes when Liz joined them, giving Emma a curt nod.

“I’m sitting with you today, Olivia,” the Argentine girl said business – like, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “I can never remember the names of all those fit Quidditch blokes, so you have to fill me in. I’ve designed a chart” – she opened her satchel and grabbed an official looking paper out of it –“where I can fill in the physical attributes of each player, such as eye colour, smile, muscles, and general dishyness. Then” – she fished another document out of her satchel –“I can give them a score and fill them in on this paper, to compare. That should give me a decent impression of the current stats, and more importantly, who I should snog first,” Liz finished, her brow furrowed in concentration.

Emma looked utterly confused, her dark eyes flicking from the papers to Liz and back. Olivia wondered inwardly how Liz had time for all these things while still scoring high marks in lessons. She voiced this thought to Liz, who waved her hand dismissively and gave an impatient sigh .

“It’s a matter of getting your priorities straight, Olivia,” the Ravenclaw said in a dignified tone. “Which reminds me, I think Liam should help too. You don’t know every player’s name, but that Irish tosser sure does.”

Olivia emptied her plate (Liz threw her an unappreciative look) and pointed her fork accusingly to the Argentine girl. “That Irish tosser is our friend, Liz, and you should start treating him like it.”

“Oh please.” Liz rolled her dark eyes. “Liam doesn’t care that I tease him, that’s what our friendship is all about. He happens to be a pushover, I happen to be a natural leader. That’s how things are, honey.”

Olivia thought about this and finally nodded half-heartedly. “I will consider your arguments, but for now we should get going if we want to have good seats. Emma” – the Seeker turned to her teammate who had given up trying to follow the conversation –“ are you sitting with us?”

The petite girl shook her head, seemingly relieved. “I’m sitting with Troy and Andrew. We like to make fun of the players together.” She waved, threw one last confused look at Liz and walked out of the Great Hall.

“So that only leaves Liam,” Liz said as she cracked her knuckles.


A strong wind whipped around them, the sky an icy grey, already bearing the promise of snow as they made their way to the quidditch pitch. With her head wrapped tightly into a scarf Liz’s swearing was a bit muffled, which was a good thing considering the couple of second years that walked behind them would’ve been traumatised by her cursing.

“Bloody awful weather. I’m telling you, Olivia, it’s never this cold in Argentina. At least not in Buenos Aires. Merlin, I can’t wait to go back this summer.”

The girls found Liam a few moments later, and as Liz explained him the plan and his role in it he grew quite uneasy, claiming it made him uncomfortable to objectify blokes like that.

“What do you mean, ‘objectifying’?” Liz shouted angrily.

“Well, you know, as if they just exist so you can snog them. Like what you always say about men objectifying women,” Liam said timidly.

Liz had no retort to that and spend the rest of the way lost in thought, almost bumping into Remus and his friends on the way to the stands.

“Hi, Olivia,” Remus said as he spotted her behind Liz. “Going to watch the game?”

“Well, obviously,” the dark blonde commented. “What else would I do here, knitting?”

Remus chuckled and raked his hand through his messy, light brown locks. “Point taken. We’ve got excellent seats, if you want. There’s room for your friends too,” he added, looking at Liz who was still pondering and Liam who was wearing a quite goofy smile.

“Don’t let them sit here, Moony!” Sirius interjected, a mock frown on his face. “Olivia hasn’t talked to us in ages and she didn’t laugh at my latest joke, so she’s not our friend anymore.”

“Shut up Sirius,” Olivia retorted with a smile. The tall pureblood grinned and ruffled her hair for god measure, reaching across Remus’s lap.

The young werewolf shoved his friend playfully and turned to say something to Olivia, but his voice was drowned by an exclamation of Liz.

“Alright Liam, about the whole ‘objectifying’ thing…” – she pulled a face and made air quotes –“would it be fair if men and women just agreed to shamelessly objectify one another? Because I don’t see it happening anytime soon that blokes stop giving suggestive comments when a curvy girl walks by (“She has a point,” Sirius chortled), and bloody hell, if a man with a very admirable posterior enters my range of vision –“

“ –nicely phrased, Liz,” Olivia interjected.

“ – thanks honey. Then I will be sure to make a sassy comment as well!” the Ravenclaw finished, unconsciously having stood up in her seat and sticking her fist upward like the glorious young leader of a revolution.

“Beautiful speech Liz, beautiful speech,” Olivia gushed while pretending to wipe away a tear. Liam clapped along too, but with a mixed expression on his face as if he was still trying to make sense of the whole thing. The Marauders just stared at Liz with faces varying from politely interested (Remus) to extreme embarrassment (Peter).

“Well… that was…” Remus said slowly, a conflicted expression on his face as if he couldn’t find the words (or he had a sudden case of constipation).

“That’s Liz Ortega for you,” Olivia murmured, nodding slowly. “There’s no getting used to it.” The two Gryffindors were silent for a few minutes, until the sudden cheering of everyone around them announced that the players had appeared on the field.

“Yeah baby, come to mama!” Liz shouted, grinning excitedly as she fished a pair of binoculars from her bag. Olivia sighed weakly and covered her face in her hands. This was going to be a long match.

“Uhm, I didn’t know your friends was such a Quidditch fan,” Remus muttered with a look on Liz’ binoculars.

“She’s not. She’s here for the –“

“Helloooo, señor Caliente!” Liz shouted, drowning Olivia’s voice as she followed a Hufflepuff player with her binoculars. “Fancy giving me a ride?”

Remus cleared his throat nervously and tugged at his collar.

“You get the picture,” Olivia finished flatly.


“Godric, I really hope the Hufflepuffs win,” the Seeker muttered, trying to change the subject. “I don’t fancy playing the final against Slytherin.”

Remus nodded seriously as one of the Hufflepuff chasers flew past them with the Quaffle in his hand, a horde of Slytherins pursuing him. “They don’t exactly play a fair game, so to speak,” he said darkly.

The game went on rather ferociously, thought it was clear from the start that Slytherin was no match for Hufflepuff. They were already 80 points in the lead when Slytherin decided to play dirty.

“Oi! That was blatching!” James shouted furiously for the whole stand to hear.

“It seems as if the Slytherin Beater has blatched his opponent – jabbing with the elbows, for those who don’t know it,” the Quidditch commentator Jacob Kirke shouted. “And I think that… Yes, madam Hooch has given one penalty to Hufflepuff!”

The Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs cheered the chaser, Meg Kwan, on as she prepared for her penalty. The small Chinese girl took a deep sigh, narrowed her eyes in concentration and shot the Quaffle –

“Kwan scores! 110 – 20 to Hufflepuff!”

Olivia clapped along with the rest of the supports and blew in her hands – it had gotten quite cold and her fingers almost felt numb.

“Olivia, dishy bloke at three o’ clock!” Liz shouted as she pulled on her sleeve impatiently, her brow furrowed in concentration while she scanned the field. “Who’s he?” she asked, pointing towards a Hufflepuff Chaser flying not far away from them.

“Him? That’s, eh, Aaron De Wilde. I think he’s from the Netherlands, originally.”

“I am so writing him down. Did you see how cute he is? Maybe I should get his attention when he flies by – ”

“You are not distracting Quidditch players when they’re in the middle of a match, Liz!” Olivia interrupted sternly. She had meant for it to come out much more menacing, but her clattering teeth ruined the effect. She rubbed her fingers against each other, trying to get some warmth in them, but as they were already turning white it didn’t seem to help much.

“Here,” Remus said quietly as he unwrapped his scarf. “Take my scarf. I’m not that cold.” He watched her with a undefinable expression in his amber eyes, seemingly waiting if she’d accept it.

“Uh, thanks,” Olivia muttered waveringly. The dark blonde wrapped the scarf tightly around her head, sighing slightly as the warm wool soothed her cold skin. It smelled rather nice, too. “Are you sure you’re not cold?” she asked quickly with an unbelieving glance at the exposed skin around Remus’s neck and shoulders.

The young werewolf grinned and shook his head. “Nah, I’m good. I don’t get cold very quickly.”

“Oh. Well, thanks anyway,” Olivia said, feeling a bit uncomfortable. She didn’t like accepting help in any form from anyone, preferring to deal with things herself. It made her feel like she owed something to people, seeing it as a weakness, and she tried to avoid that at all costs. It was very cold though. She snuggled a bit deeper into the scarf and smiled contently.

“You’re welcome.” They watched the game for a few minutes, although nothing interesting happened. The Hufflepuff Seeker had just made a dive and seemed to have seen the Snitch (Olivia wasn’t impressed though because she’d already noticed it had been the light bouncing off someone’s watch) when Remus nudged her slightly in the ribs, asking her attention.

“Isn’t that your captain a few rows below us?” he asked frowning. Olivia looked where he was pointing and saw Evan shooting them a bit of an annoyed glance before turning back to view the game.

“Yeah, that’s Evan,” the Seeker answered. “Why?”

Remus shrugged, ruffling his messy light brown hair. “He keeps giving us those annoyed glances, I was wondering if something was up.” As if on cue, Evan chose that moment to quickly glance over his shoulder, indeed seeming to be very frustrated with something.

Olivia shrugged and rolled her eyes. “He probably wants me to pay more attention to the game, analyse the formations and such, to be more prepared when we have to play against Hufflepuff.” The Gryffindor grinned broadly. “Evan’s pretty serious about Quidditch,” she said, nodding slowly. “But it doesn’t really matter if I pay attention or not, he will go on about the Hufflepuffs’ formation for hours anyway next training.”

“Impressive.” Remus cocked one eyebrow and tried to keep his smile back.

“It’s a brilliant sleep remedy. Pomfrey’s Sleeping Potion has nothing to it.”

Remus laughed out loud at that, a deep laugh that Olivia thought suited him and that she hadn’t heard often.

“Holy Circe and all her knickers, who is that?” Liz cried suddenly, pulling Olivia out of her reverie. She pointed towards the Slytherin Keeper, who was indeed rather dishy and had just made a very impressive save.

“That’s Hamish O’Riley, I think,” Olivia answered sagely.

“Oh really?” Liz commented with a sassy grin as she wrote his name down on her document. The Argentine shook her dark hair out of her face, wet her lips and shot the Slytherin Keeper such a seductive look that it made Olivia blush.

“You’re wasting your time though, he’s driving on the on the other side of the street, if you know what I mean,” she murmured, preparing herself for Liz’s reaction.

“Rowena be damned, you’re kidding me! He’s gay? SON OF A BANSHEE!” Liz shouted, throwing down her quill in anger. Remus looked rather startled, and watched the Ravenclaw apprehensively.

“What’s up with her?” he asked Olivia, but before she could answer Liz leaned past her to have a good look at Remus.

“Hey, you’re not bad either!” Liz said, a gleeful expression appearing on her face. “What’s your name again? Lupos?”

“Ehm…” Remus swallowed audibly and turned red, shooting a pleading look at Olivia, who tried to hold back her laughter. “It’s Lupin.”

“Brilliant.” Liz picked up her quill and made a note on her paper, the tip of her tongue sticking out of her mouth. “Are you by any chance a Quidditch player?” she asked, watching Remus shrewdly. When he answered negative, she sighed dramatically and threw a sad look at her document. “Shame. You could’ve gone to third place easily.”

The game ended a few minutes later, won by the Hufflepuffs after a rather spectacular dive of their Seeker. As the yellow – and – black supporters flooded the field to congratulate their team, Olivia was lost in thought. The Hufflepuffs had played an impressive game, and needed to be considered as an important opponent. She briefly wondered what Evan would think up for their next training, and had just come to the conclusion that it’d be something particularly exhausting, when she noticed she still had Remus’s scarf.


As predicted, Evan had been worried about the Hufflepuffs brilliant flying, and had insisted upon two extra trainings a week. Therefore Olivia hadn’t found the time yet to write her usual letters to Katie, and taking into account that it had been a full moon the previous night, she decided to write a quick letter on her way to the Owlery.


Sorry that it took so long, but life has been absolutely mental around here! My Quidditch trainer has gone completely bonkers, not to mention the teachers are flooding us with homework. Either way, I’ll be home in a week! It seems so long again since the last time I saw you. Liz (the crazy friend I told you about) insists on doing some Christmas shopping, so I reckon you just have to come along. Don’t worry, I’m sure you guys will get along just fine.

Olivia briefly compared the quiet, timid Katie and the loud, sassy Liz in her mind and chuckled softly, reasoning that at least she won’t be bored.

Either way, I’ve got some stories to tell, but they require eye-to-eye contact. Let’s just say I once again received confirmation of my infallible logic reasoning. I hope the full moon went well last night, you know how much it bothers me that I can’t be there to look after you.

See you soon,


She whistled for a school owl to come down and take her letter. As she watched the large barn owl fly away through the inky sky, a cold breeze bearing the promise of snow tickled her bare arms. The Seeker thought longingly of home, where the cliffs would be covered in frost and the snow would disappear into the ocean, creating that magical atmosphere only complete solitude could provide. However much she loved her friends, and as much as she had enjoyed getting to know Sirius and his mates, the Gryffindor longed for some privacy and time alone. She looked forward to taking out her broom and flying along the cliffs again, wrapped in a warm cloak and scarf.

As it began to get colder, Olivia sighed and closed the door to the owlery behind her, shutting out the soft hooting of the owls. She hummed on her way down, oblivious to the world around her, until she turned a corner and found herself face to face with several Slytherins, including Mulciber and Avery. The dark blonde gripped her wand tightly inside her robes, and quickly let go any hope of getting past them. Their whole attitude made clear that they were looking for a victim.

“Well well, blondie,” Avery sneered. “Someone’s up late. Don’t you have other people’s business to interfere in?”

“Avery. Gang,” Olivia nodded towards the little group that stood around him. “As much as I’d love to chat, I should be on my way. Astronomy essays don’t write themselves.”

Avery smirked as he slowly approached her, his friends following him on the heels. “You won’t be going anywhere, mudblood,” he threatened softly.

“Halfblood, actually,” Olivia muttered, slowly backing away. Her mind worked quickly to take in the situation. Seven Slytherins, mostly younger, except for an intimidating seventh year and Avery and Mulciber. Combative spells are no option. Seventh year limps: try a Tripping Jinx on right leg. Avery’s adept at attacking spells. Mulciber is overweight and already heaving a bit. Best option: delay and outrun them.

“Whatever.” Mucliber was speaking (or rather, growling) now. His thin lips curled into a menacing sneer and he slowly drew out his wand. “We haven’t forgotten your little interference in Hogsmeade - ”

The group of Slytherins roared in surprise as they were thrown back by Olivia’s silent Shield Charm. She lost no time and ran through the first door she could find, almost slipping on the smooth tiles. Rounding a corner and racing through a long hallway, she pushed her body to move faster, inwardly thanking Evan for having made her run laps around the pitch.

“Get her!” The sound of pursuing Slytherins didn’t exactly reassure Olivia, but the Gryffindor managed to keep her head cool. If she could only reach the secret passage a few corridors from the marble staircase, she’d be able to shake them off. It pained her to admit it, but her combative spells were still quite pathetic, and the Slytherins were sadly enough very adept on that subject.

Olivia burst through a door and saw the marble staircase ahead, gleaming in the moonlight that shone through the windows. Her breath hitched in her throat, only a few more strides –

With a roaring shout and a flash of light, something caught her around the ankle and she was hurled forward, her momentum making her unstoppable, down the marble staircase. She crumpled into a untidy heap at the bottom, clutching her pounding head. Through a upcoming haziness, she could hear distinct voices.

“Just leave her there,” a hoarse voice said, and the other one grunted in agreement. As they moved away from her, Olivia felt a stickiness spread where she had hit her head, and everything turned dark.

Author's Note: You know the drill *cough review cough*

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