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Chapter 5 : Hey Teacher, Leave Those Kids Alone
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Hermione was very late, scratch that. She was so late that Snape may decide to make good on his threats and actually poison her this time. Nearly smashing into a few second years, Hermione ran back to the castle and headed straight towards the dungeons. She knew she shouldn’t have gone down to Hagrid’s. Remus had tempted them to stay longer with sweets to gush about his son Teddy. However, she had missed the friendly half-giant and let the boys drag her down to his hut after saying goodbye to Professor Lupin. As Hermione came to the conclusion that chocolate was to blame for everything, she skidded to a halt in front of Snape’s office and knocked twice before letting herself in.
“You’re late Miss Granger”
‘Am I or are you just terribly early?” she grinned as she walked to her usual seat at the front of the room. Although the front seats were for the bookworms (or Ravenclaws) Hermione found that it can be quite helpful when trying to annoy certain professors if she was in a close proximity at all times.
“Ms Granger, tonight you will be cleaning out these cauldrons” he pointed at 20 or so cauldrons covered in green goo that were sitting in the corner “without magic”
As he was going to go get the toothbrush that she would use, Hermione broke the silence, ‘I hope you realise that you are implying that cleaning without magic is a punishment and since that is also what muggles must do in order to clean, I have discovered that you are a racist Professor Snape”
Severus crossed his arms and glared at her from afar “Your point Miss granger?” he drawled.
“The point is I will not tolerate racism in this classroom” she shouted.
“I do not care if you tolerate it or not, the more important aspect of this conversation is that I do not tolerate you speaking”
“Fine!” Hermione replied hauntingly “If you don’t want me to talk about the way I feel then I will express it through interpretive dance”
She began to prance around the room, doing a series of pirouettes accompanied by weird waving hand gestures which looked like a mix of amateur ballet with the occasional spirit fingers.
While this monstrosity was “dancing” around his classroom Snape was watching with a look of horror. Finally when the psychotic witch starting her own rendition of Saturday Night Fever he knew he needed to think fast.
“She has obvious mental damage from the loss of her parents. Should I give her my best glare, the one that makes first years wet their pants? The potions Master mused to himself, “No better not, for some reason she isn’t scared of me anymore, oh well Plan b”
Snape grabbed out his wand and with a flick of his wrist had her in a full body bind before she even realized.
His last thoughts before leaving the classroom was that if anyone found out he could easily say she was having a fit. From watching her horrendous dance moves he wasn’t quite sure he knew the difference between the two anyway.
Meanwhile in the Head’s common room
“For the last time you and your stupid weasel are not staying in my common room” Draco yelled from one side of the room, while Harry and Ron were sitting on the couch pretending he didn’t exist.
“Did you hear something Ron?” Harry grinned
“No I didn’t Harry, but if I did, let’s just say I would tell that person to go to hell” Ron began to go red in the ears while trying his best to look unaffected by the “weasel” statement.
After a glaring at each other for a few awkward minutes, Draco broke the tense silence “Yeah well if you freaks are sleeping here tonight, then I can have a friend stay over too”
Harry and Ron replied with approving grunts and whispers, not really caring what the Blonde haired Slytherin did.
“Blaise is staying over and we are going to have the best sleepover ever” Blaise was trying to protest but Draco was stronger than him. He pushed his friend into his room and slammed the door shut.
“You have gone mental Draco if you think I am sleeping in this bed with you”
“Shut up and act happy, we need to show these idiotic Gryffindor’s that we are having the greatest sleepover in the world” Draco glared as Blaise scoffed and rolled his eyes.
“But we’re not” Draco nudged him in the ribs “I mean this.. this is the best sleepover ever” Blaise shouted trying not to sound like he was in pain.
They could hear Ron’s muffled voice from behind the door “Yeah well we are playing exploding snap with our eyes closed like real men”
Draco tried to say something just as masculine back but all he could think of was “Well we have pink lemonade and cauldron cakes so beat that” Blaise smacked himself in the head while Draco winced realizing he had dug himself a hole.
“Pink lemonade is for girls pansy boy! We are doing manly stuff like punching each other in the face and drinking fire whiskey out of a flask, and not talking about our feelings because we are manly and not blonde headed gits and Zabini” Harry yelled abandoning the couch and pulling Ron to stand up
Draco wrenched open the door and faced the two Gryffindor’s “DID YOU JUST CALL ME A PANSY, SCARHEADED?’
“Yeah” Blaise added, pushing in front of Draco “and you didn’t even put in the effort to insult me. I resent that. I mean, I would have done that for you two. Not cool man, not cool”
It seemed like the fight had temporally stopped as Harry and Ron looked at Blaise astonishingly, while Draco mouthed, “you are so embarrassing”
“What? You’re not the one getting ignored”
“Why do I even bother with you?”
“Oh there you go again hurting my feelings and making me feel insecure” Blaise crossed his arms and whined “like I haven’t got enough problems man.”
Draco looked at his best friend and felt bad, “I’m sorry Blaise, I’m taking you for granted aren’t I? You know I think you did an excellent job helping me insult Potter and Weasel”
“Thank you, I tried really hard” Blaise sniffed, he couldn’t stay mad at Draco no matter how infuriating he acted.
“I know you did, come here man” Draco stretched his arms and the two of them hugged it out, (In a manly way! We can’t go insulting their masculinity too much in one chapter).
“Cough, cough” Harry and Ron really wished they were somewhere else right now; they didn’t like it when Slytherin’s showed that they had feelings. It gave off the impression that they were humans too.
“Oh right, where were we?” Draco scratched his chin and then leaned against the door with a look of mild concentration. “Oh that’s right! Fuck you Potter! Don’t insult Blaise by not insulting him”
“I’ll do what I want Malfoy, what are you going to do about it?” Harry said pulling out his wand while Ron did the same, pointing it at Blaise.
“We’ve had enough of you two and your freak show” Ron added behind Harry in an instant.
Draco looked at Blaise and gave him the nod. The one that said “Let’s do this” and all at once their wands were out and the fight was on.
In Hogwarts somewhere…
Hermione had no idea how long she had been paralyzed on the dungeon floor but hoped to Merlin that she hadn’t missed the sleepover. Most students would not have been so calm about their teacher hexing them, but to Hermione she thought of it as a reward for getting under dear Professor Snape’s skin. As she reached the statue that guarded her common room Hermione could already hear muffled yells and groans coming from inside. Knowing she would find something very entertaining waiting for her she spoke the password and took a look around.
Draco and Harry had now given up on hexing each other and were tangled in a brawl, punching one another in the face and stomach, while Ron and Blaise sat on the couch stuffing cauldron cakes in their mouths, trying to egg their friends on, cake crumbs flying in the air as they tried to form identifiable words.
“Ron” Harry said breathlessly “How are you helping exactly?”
“I’m eating all their food therefore depriving them of sustenance, that way you can kill Malfoy quicker” Ron stated as if it were obvious.
Harry just rolled his eyes and took another swing at Draco’s head.
“And Blaise?” Draco huffed, trying to glare at his friend and duck at the same time.
“Well there my cakes, I don’t want him eating them all” Blaise and Ron death stared one another, forcing more cakes down their throats like they were in a cake eating competition.
“So who’s winning then?” Hermione questioned while sitting on an arm of the couch.
Both the boys shouted angrily “I am” they were about to continue their fight when they both realized who’s voice it was.
Hermione scoffed and stole a cake from Blaise as he was just about to put it in his mouth.
Ron yelled “Hey Hermione, you’re here” but due to the cake in his mouth it sounded like “Hrr Herrirrne hor herr” No one really understood him so they just nodded in agreement.
“Mione where have you been? Me and Ron have been waiting for an hour” Harry had a black eye and was having trouble standing straight.
‘Yes and it seems you started the party without me and ended up in a fight, look at you” Hermione had a smirk on her face but was trying to look angry.
“You should see the other guy” Harry gave her a crooked smile with blood covered teeth.
She looked from Harry to Draco “The other guy looks fine”
‘Hey that git broke my nose” he glanced at Harry who looked satisfied “I mean, yes I am completely fine, haha Potter, you suck”
Before Harry could retaliate, Hermione cut him off “Okay so now that you two have shown to us how much testosterone you both have, how about we work on your undeveloped friendships “ They all looked at her like she was crazy, there was no way in Hell they would become friends.
“Let’s do some trust exercises” She gleamed with eagerness to help this bromance flourish.
A couple of hours later..
Fred and George decided it would be a good idea to see how Hermione was doing with the pranking war with Draco, so they made their towards the heads common room.
“I hope it’s brutal in there” Fred laughed to George as they made their way into the head’s courtyard.
“Hopefully she used that colour changing potion we gave her, it’s had some very entertaining side effects” George replied gleefully.
What the two red headed twins didn’t comprehend when walking into Hermione’s common room was finding Blaise, Ron and Harry standing in a semi- circle catching Draco as he fell backwards into them.
“See, aren’t you starting to trust each other?” Hermione smiled from her position on the couch.
George looked at Fred horrified, while resisting the urge to throw up.
Noticing that they hadn’t seen them yet, Fred whispered “No, no no no I can’t do this” while slowly backing out of the room.
George nodded in agreement following his brother “I’m too sober for this”, which prompted them to start running.
And we’re back people!” Magic shouted through a microphone
“Nice to see you all again’, Tragic added, “Did you have enough lines in that Potter?”
Harry made a very rude hand gesture while walking off set, prompting Magic to yell “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!”
“What do you mean? You aren’t paying or feeding us” Hermione commented, “and now that you mention it..”
“Get out Hermione” Tragic intervened before Magic could slowly slip away
“Besides we are paying you with acting experience, you should buy us flowers as a thank you gift” She told the brunette as she grumbled and walked away.
When everyone had left, Magic and Tragic were able to reflect “Well that went well” Tragic commented while eating one of the cakes Ron left behind
“Surprisingly” Magic muttered while laying on the couch ready for a nap.
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