You, you were nothing
all the hatred
wallowing up inside
Draco wandered the halls, all kinds of thoughts going through his mind.
How can I forget I was in love with someone? Was I really in love with her?
He shook his head. He wanted to wander the halls until he had to go visit his fa…Lucius. Even though he didn’t love Hermione, well, he didn’t think he did.
I'm barely an acquaintance, I’ve called her names over the past week, taunted her yet she’s still being kind to me, yes it maybe be because she loves me but maybe that’s just who she is? I’ve never really seen her being nice…well because the majority of the time, I've been nasty to her so she throws insults back. It’s just so confusing, eurgh. I must have really loved her if I told her and used her first name. The thing is, I don’t know if I want to remember as she showed me a glimpse of what is yet to be remembered yet, I looked so happy.
He turned left into a deserted corridor he knew of and slumped into one of the chairs at the end of it.
I knew what I was doing was to protect my family but it dragged me down. After what she told me about my mission it all seemed drab and dull; my life seemed to be for nothing. Then I must have fell in love with Hermione and it seems I was happy. I can't remember (ironic huh?) the last time I was happy even from the memories I do have. I know it gave me satisfaction when Granger slapped me, its cause she fought back but that’s all I remember.
He picked up the book that was planted in his lap, he looked at it as if he was frightened by it, slowly, he turned open the first page. He gasped as he saw two black and white pictures stuck to the front page. He examined the writing on the first picture, it was his birthday, he assumed it was him. He looked at the bottom picture and saw a different date, that must be my brother Granger was talking about. Draco then flipped the page and saw the star named after his brother.
A star? Granger named a star after Scor-pius? Scorpius. Huh.
He carried on flicking through the pages, a warm glow started to develop inside him, knowing he was this happy, it gave him hope that maybe he could be happy with someone if he never remembered his relationship with Hermione.
Twenty minutes later he heard a cough from in front of him, he looked up from the book, his smile faded when he saw Hermione in front of him, her eyes red and puffy.
"You have to go the Headmistress' office and she’s going to take you to Azkaban to say goodbye to your father as his sentence is today." Hermione told him, no emotion in her voice or face.
Draco’s insides churned, he hated the fact he was the cause of Hermione’s pain but he gathered it was more out of sympathy.
"Um okay…I don’t know where it is." He stood up.
"Ill show you." Hermione looked at the book, he offered it to her and she hesitantly looked at it before clutching it to her chest as she began to walk.
Hermione purposely took a few wide strides so she could be ahead of Draco. It was easier for her. It was easier when he didn’t know. It was easier for the both of them, it wouldn’t be so awkward. Draco looked at the girl that was walking in front of him.
She finds it awkward…no, not awkward…hard. Putting myself in her shoes I could understand why she is acting like this, hopefully it won’t carry on. I might try and befriend her, maybe I could try and think of her like that, maybe not. EURGH why cant I just remember. It’s all my fault plus I wouldn’t have this damn bald patch at the back of my head.
He put his hand at the back of his head, feeling the new spiky hair growing through.
Yes, maybe that is what I shall do, become her friend, make it easier on her, on the both of us, but first I have to deal with Lucius.
They soon arrived at the intended destination, Hermione gave him a small smile and turned around, Draco bit his lip and put his hand on her shoulder causing her to turn around on her heel.
"Thank you, for telling me and showing me" he nodded.
Hermione looked at him, blinking a few times, she nodded in response and turned back around, Draco watching her until she turned the corner.
Draco sighed and entered the headmistress room, knocking three times before entering.
"Ah, Mister Malfoy, five minutes early, good." She smiled at him, peering over her half-moon spectacles.
Due to Granger, punctual as always.
"Headmistress, how are we going to get there?"
"We will apparate to the carriage house then we will fly there on a carriage."
"But professor, I thought you couldn’t apparate in or out of Hogwarts?" Draco furrowed his eyebrows, taking the Headmistress open arm.
"Being headmistress does have its perks!" she smiled warmly down at him before they both felt the familiar nausea and tugging at the naval that came along with apparating, a feeling Draco was not used to.
He opened his eyes and saw they were in a carriage house, well, it was just full of carriages and other bits and bobs.
McGonagall walked him over to the desk where a middle aged man, probably in his mid- forties looked up. Draco could tell this man was highly depressed and tired; most likely due to the job
"I booked a carriage for two." She said as she lent on the desk.
The man looked up from his papers and looked at the Headmistress blankly.
"Name?" he droned.
"Carriage for two coming right up." He looked at Draco, raising an eyebrow, he walked around the desk and went to the closest scruffiest carriage and stepped in.
Draco offered his hand to McGonagall and helped her in then got in himself, sitting the opposite side to the Headmistress. Looking out the window, he could see the great prison in amongst the clouds, as he neared the exit, he came over nauseous.
What do I say to him? Do I have a go at him for what he did to Granger? This…all of this is confusing.
Draco held on to his chair as the carriage started taking flight. He looked out the window, the prison suddenly a lot closer.
Maybe I should ask about the way he felt and why he felt the need to hurt her. I mean, she did nothing wrong? Did she? All she did was fall in love with the wrong guy.
Draco dragged his hands down his face then put them through his hair, he couldn’t understand why he was nervous; he had stood up to him before so why was he nervous now when the man would be behind bars? He didn’t have to go in the cell? Did he?
He looked back outside and saw that they were descending. Draco closed his eyes, the events of the day running through his head. He felt a bump and he presumed they had landed. This was it, this was his final goodbye.
Hermione sighed and looked at the man in front of her, he would never know how proud of she was of him.
"So Hermione, why did you want to meet me?" Harry asked, sitting down on the Heads' sofa.
"I told him Harry." Hermione felt weight of her shoulders release.
Harry beamed, "that’s good! Does he remember?"
"No" she pursed her lips.
"Oh." Harrys smiled faded.
"But I showed him the photo album and then some memories. The broom cupboard at that party, when he asked me, when he left, and then when he admitted he loved me and then what happened afterwards. It was weird, seeing the memories again, with him, but a different Draco if that makes sense."
Harry’s brow creased, "yes, but think how he feels. No offence intended but he was told he was in love with someone that he hated for years and he was shown all these memories to prove it, plus he’s forgotten the past three years of his life, the war, his parents, his mother, everything. Sometimes, I know this sounds horrible, but sometimes I think he’s lucky he doesn’t remember the grief, the amount of death and the pain that came with those years." Harrys face hardened.
"Maybe you’re right, it’s just after these past few years, I wanted to be able to have one disaster free year at Hogwarts, when I'm older, I’ll be able to look back and say I had one good year."
"I suppose you’re right, but Hermione, we wouldn’t even be here if it wasn't for you. Never listen to those who tease you for reading, cause without you we wouldn’t have been able to get the horcruxes, we would have been caught by snatchers or killed by a werewolf. I’ve never really thanked you Hermione, so, thank you." He smiled at her.
There was an eerie feel about the prison, it felt like death to Draco.
Well apparently I should know how that feels why didn’t I end up here if I was a war criminal? Was I even a war criminal? I’ll have to ask Granger about that.
He made himself a mental note.
They soon got out and were led to the guards at the main door.
"Minerva McGonagall and Draco Malfoy, here to see Lucius Malfoy." McGonagall said to the guard standing to the left.
The guard nodded his head and slid open the door allowing them access to the prison. Once inside Draco looked at his surroundings, the walls were plain white and the floor was made out of many plain white tiles that had gone slightly off colour. It was a wide room that went in a T-junction. Distant screaming could be heard, making his insides churn. The guard nodded at them again and started to walk, Draco and McGonagall followed.
"I don’t know how long you are going to be in the cell for Mister Malfoy, I just want you to be careful. Don’t forget he was the man that caused you to forget the past three years and if I'm right, you know what he has done in the past year, I'm sure Miss Granger has informed you. Now, I am aware of yours and Miss Granger's relationship before you forgot and I think it is a bad idea to say that you don’t remember your relationship with her as he would have got what he wanted, do you think you could do that Mister Malfoy?" she looked at Draco while they turned a bend.
Draco looked at the ageing woman, could he do it? "Uh, I could try Professor." Draco looked down, knotting his hands.
I’ve lied to him before, with many things? Surely I can do this?
There was no time to think about it as they stopped in front of Lucius cell.
"You have half an hour before he goes to be put to death from now."
The tall, beer-bellied man opened the dirty white cell door, revealing a man sitting in the corner of the cell.
Draco looked at the guard nervously and cautiously stepped in, half expecting his father to attack him.
"Knock three times when you want to get out." The guard said before shutting the door behind Draco.
Draco turned from the shut door to his father, he peered at him, taking in his features.
Lucius had gone from a proud looking man to a man who was rugged in the face with a beard that was unshaven, his sunken eyes raising to meet Draco’s own, a small smiled creeping across Lucius face.
"Son, you came to see me." Lucius slowly rose reaching out to Draco.
Draco suddenly filled with hatred towards the man standing in front of him. "How dare you call me your son, I am not your son." Draco said through gritted teeth.
Lucius smile faded, an evil smirk replacing it. "There you are, I wondered if you would visit me before I was sent to die."
Draco’s breath sped up. "Do you know what you did to me, what you did to me and Gr-Hermione?"
Draco took a step closer, he realised he was now slightly taller than his father, he took advantage of this and pushed out his chest, hoping to intimidate the man.
"No, why don’t you enlighten me?"
"I died, twice." Draco snarled, "but mine and Hermione’s relationship is stronger than ever. Although I have been in a coma for two weeks because some wanker charmed my wand, I know you did, you had an evil look on your face, not that you usually don’t, but this…this was different, it was worse. I know it was you, you made my wand backfire and now some of memories are lost." His face scrunched up.
"But not your memories with Granger?"
"No." he said, a little too quickly, but he hoped Lucius didn’t notice.
Lucius cursed under his breath. "Why did you even come here?"
"To be honest, I don’t know." Draco flung his arms open. "All these years I’ve tried to protect the family, what you did to mother..." The anger started to build up again.
"Your mother was a bitch, cheating on me!"
"SHE WASNT CHEATING ON YOU AND DONT YOU DARE CALL HER THAT!"
"I never wanted another child, I only wanted one for the Malfoy legacy, to grow up being against all Mudblood’s. She has, like I’ve said, tainted you from third year. I thought the obliviate spell would be enough but your mother went and told you anyway, but never did I think you would ever grow to love one. I wouldn’t let that happen again so I got rid of it I knew your mother wouldn’t, so I had to take care of it myself."
Third year? I have to go along with it.
"What you did was just wrong, horrid, and I hope I will make a better father than you ever will."
Lucius laughed. "It runs in our blood Draco, my grandfather was cruel to my father. Naturally he did the same to me, so out of honour and pride, I had to do the same to make you the proper Malfoy you should have become."
"Well I’m glad I didn’t turn out how you wanted me to, hopefully I can turn the Malfoy name into a good one, instead of people being frightened when they hear it. They will know that that name belongs with something good." Draco thought about what he said, it was the truth, maybe he was a better person like Hermione said, he just didn’t know it yet.
Lucius blinked at him. "Well, with the last few minutes I have left living, these are not how I wanted to spend them."
"Good. I just wanted to say my goodbye and that I will never forgive you for what you have done." And with that Draco turned around, knocking three times and leaving the cell, knowing he would never have to look into those eyes again, weirdly enough, he felt lighter in himself.
They soon left Azkaban, as the clock struck eight, silence fell as the chimes went, signalling the death of Lucius.
Draco didn’t look back as he stepped in the carriage and he didn’t look back when he arrived back on main land, nor when he took the Headmistress' arm and apparated back to Hogwarts.
Draco said his goodbyes to his Headmistress and made his way back to the common room, remembering what he had to ask Hermione. He soon arrived back, seeing the portrait of the ex-Headmaster, said the password that had intrigued him since he found out what it was and entered the common room, he saw Hermione with her head buried in a book.
"Hello." He said, sitting in the seat opposite her.
Hermione looked up from her book. "How are you?" she asked him.
Draco sighed, thinking about how he truly felt. "Confused, angry, happy, frustrated and hungry."
He laughed slightly at his last feeling. He didn’t know how he felt about his father, was it harsh to say he didn’t care?
"Well, an elf called Delra came round about half an hour ago telling me that if you needed her just snap your fingers and she will ask you what you wanted seeing as we both missed dinner" Hermione started to feel uncomfortable.
"Uh, thanks." He snapped his fingers and a small house elf appeared in front of him.
"Delra at your service Mister Malfoy, would you like something to eat?" said the small elf, she was dressed in an old 60s curtain cut in a shape of a dress, with an ill-fitting tea cosy sitting on her head.
"Um yes, Delra, could I just have a sandwich please?" Draco looked at her.
"Yes, anything for Mister Malfoy." With one last bow and a snap of the finger she apparated away.
"How’s the studying going?" Draco asked Hermione, sitting back in the arm chair.
Hermione looked up from her book and eyed him suspiciously. "You don’t have to try and make small talk with me or be nice to me now just because of the information I told you."
Draco was taken aback. "Pardon?"
"Well, all of a sudden you’re being nice to me and making small talk with me ever since earlier." She peered at him.
"I suppose you are but what’s so wrong with trying to fix my mistakes? Being nice is the first step." He looked at her smugly. Hermione just rolled her eyes. "Granger, there are something’s I need to ask you."
"Go ahead." She nodded.
"Was I a war criminal?" he said bluntly.
Hermione went wide eyed, thinking of the best way to answer. "No, you were branded one by the papers but someone gave evidence and their evidence helped set you free, although you were fined for damage."
"Do you know who gave evidence?"
Hermione took a deep breath. "Yes"
"It was me." Hermione looked at him, not knowing how he would react.
"Did I know before?" he looked at her, gratitude growing inside him.
"No." Hermione said bluntly.
"Because I was afraid that if I told you, that would be the only reason we dated." She told him the truth.
"Granger, did you trust me?"
"Yes, with my life, and that was shown numerous amount of times."
"Do you still trust me?"
"I don’t know."
Draco thought about it for a minute. "What happened in third year with my memory?"
"Your father found out you had grown, fond of me, so to eradicate all feelings of me, he obliviated your memory, erasing the feelings that came with it."
"Sounds all too familiar" Draco raked his hand though his hair.
There was an awkward silence between them which was broken by the house elf arriving.
"Mister Malfoy, your dinner." Delra bowed and apparated away leaving behind a salmon and cream cheese sandwich.
“I’ll be going to bed. Night Malfoy."
She gave him a small smile and got up, picking up the photo album and her revision book.
"I didn’t tell him, I pretended we were still together and I remembered. He shouldn’t have known that he got what he wanted."
Hermione stopped in her tracks and turned around. "Thank you, I suppose."
Hermione looked at him, and turned in for the night.
Two steps forward one step back. This thought wandered through Hermione’s head as she sat herself in her bed, she wasn’t tired but she kept finding it awkward that the man she was in love with, knew her feelings towards him. She half expected him to laugh in her face or say some cruel name and tease her, this is what she guarded herself for, not him being nice to her. She sighed, and clapped, turning the light off and watching the fairy lights twinkle and make shadows across the walls.
Hermione woke with a start, she could hear load moans coming from Draco’s bedroom.
Is he having a nightmare? Should I go? It’s not my place, but I guess it wasn’t my place before and that didn’t stop me so why should it stop me now? First I have to make sure it is a nightmare.
Hermione rubbed her eyes and shuffled her legs out of the duvet. Slipping her feet in her slippers, she made her way to Draco’s room. She hated being up and about at night, she felt like her nightmares were real.
She walked up his steps and knocked once, feeling a strong sense of de ja vu. She knocked on his bedroom door once but there was no answer. She twisted the brass handle and slowly opened it. Peering in, she saw him thrashing around, she immediately remembered when the same thing happened back in September. She walked into his bedroom and slowly walked over to his bed, listening to what he was moaning.
"No, no don’t touch her, please, for me, don’t hurt her. Not again, she’s had enough, we’re looking for Potter, not her, please! NOO!"
Hermione froze, he was remembering, he’s remembering! She smiled to herself, progress. She walked over to the side of the bed she use to go on and thought of the memories that were made here, she shook her head, time and a place.
She perched herself on the bed and spoke to him.
"Draco, its fine, it’s not happening again. It’s over and done with." She said.
She carried on soothing words too him, but they carried on haunting his dreams. Hermione sighed.
Why isn’t it working?
She looked back up and Draco was sat upright in his bed, with a raised eyebrow.
"Granger? What are you doing here?"
Hermione felt a blush creep up on here. "You were having a nightmare, so I thought I would do what I used to do before. Don’t worry, when we weren’t even friends you would wake me up every night with your nightmares…well…memories and I think they were memories tonight. I'm sorry but you sounded like you were in so much pain."
She really does care for me…huh
"I remember something." His brow creased.
"You…but you were being tortured by my aunt, I think with the cruciatus curse." He said, his voice getting smaller as he saw Hermione’s face grimace. "I'm guessing it happened then."
"Yes, that’s how I got this." She lifted up her naked arm and he traced the scar with the pad of his finger.
Hermione flinched at his touch, she wasn’t used to people touching it, Draco had never done it before, she never let him.
"Do you remember anything else?" Hermione’s little glimmer of hope started to resurface.
Pop went Hermione’s bubble.
"But I'm trying." He looked at her, his face hard.
Hermione nodded, too many emotions for two in the morning. "You don’t have to, but thank you."
"Is this how it all started before?"
Hermione sadly smiled. "Well, sort of, you had nightmares so I would come in every night at two and they would stop about half an hour after I arrived. I would stay until about 5 in the morning, then go back and you would wake up at seven, waking me up again. One night I heard and then one night I got up at my usual time but I met you in the common room, I told you, then you remember the second memory?" Draco nodded. "That’s what it lead to. They stopped after that."
"Oh, did I ever thank you?"
Thank merlin he can’t see me properly.
"Well, now you’re awake, I’ll go back to bed, night Malfoy."
A/N: I just want to apologise once again for not updating! I even got asked if i was abadoning it! O: im not!
By the way, this has 35 chapters, so it's nearly all over :( but i have a one shot (nothing to do with this) that im going to upload XD so hopefully you guys will like that :p
Do, do you guys want the next chapter? say so in a review my lovlies <7
Until the next time!