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Demented by The Forgotten Muse
Chapter 15 : Rose Tint My World
 
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Chapter Fifteen
Rose Tint My World

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Light burned like sun through a magnify glass. Sound rung as though through a great amplifier. My mouth was dry of both moisture and words, only soon to be filled with everything I had filled my stomach with the night before. I turned quickly over and emptied myself onto what I hoped was the floor.

With a groan, I rolled myself into my former position of lying on my back. I struggled to open my eyes and assess the situation. The ceiling was white and unfamiliar; I longed for the scarlet bed hangings over my bed back at Hogwarts. I threw my arms out in an attempt to gain more knowledge about my surroundings. My left arm bounced off soft sponge before settling and my palm fell into air. My right landed with a loud smack followed by a painful gasp of air that wasn’t made by me. My fingers splayed in shock and I suddenly became all too aware of the hot flesh beneath my hand.

Holy shit.

That oof certainly wasn’t female. I struggled to remember the previous night, but the last thing that I could recall was snogging Ivan. My cheeks flushed at the thought and panic filled me at the thought that he might be the shirtless male next to me. What the hell happened last night?

I carefully removed my hand, hoping not to disturb the guy further. I gingerly twisted, both trying not to disturb the bed and my aching body, and screamed when I saw a face staring back at me.

Limbs flailing I fell off the bed and onto the floor, sheets tangled around my legs. Sirius Black peered down at me over the edge. Slight panic washed over him as he leaned toward me further. His chest was lithe perfection and - thank Merlin - he was wearing his underwear. His nudeness made me aware that I didn’t know my own state of dress and pulled the covers up over my chest. A not so covert peek down confirmed that I was still wearing the camisole from the night before and knickers of my own. Still, this was a lot more naked than I ever hoped that one of the Marauders would see me.

“You okay?” he questioned.

“No! Why am I in bed with you? Did we…?” I wouldn't even let myself think the words that threatened to stumble out of my mouth.

“‘With me?’ Who were you expecting to wake up with, Elaina?” he said coldly before settling back into the pillows.

“I don’t know! Maybe the boy that I was actually snogging last night if I had to pick someone!” I yelled shrilly.

He raised a single eyebrow. “Honestly, Marshelle, I didn’t take you for the one night stand type.”

“I-I wasn’t saying that I wanted to wake up next to him. Simply that it was the logical option when I realized there was a boy in my bed!”

Sirius let out a harsh bark of laughter. “Nothing about last night was logical.”

I realised with terrible conviction that his words rang with truth. “I…we didn’t do anything…did we?” I let out in a scared whisper.

He stared at me long enough for me to feel my heart hammer against my chest at least five times. “No. Your virtue is safe.”

“Then why are you in my bed?” I murmured, ignoring his jab.

“You had a hard time walking. I was taking you to your room so you could get some sleep but you refused to let me go until I told you a story about ‘The Fountain of Fair Fortune’. I must have fallen asleep shortly after you.”

While the tale he told was embarrassing and might have been impossible to believe if he were talking to someone like Arina Terrington or Felicity Pagenaud or any of the girls in Hogwarts that were equally as fabulous, beautiful, and experienced, “The Fountain of Fair Fortune” was my favourite of stories my mother would tell me when I was younger.

“How mortifying,” I groaned, burying my face in my hands.

Sirius smiled and stretched himself back into a seated position before promptly bursting into the most ridiculous laughter that I had ever heard…and I had the most sneaking suspicion that he was laughing at me.

“What? What is it?”

“Did you know that you’re sitting in a pile of barf?”

Heart and stomach in my throat, I gave a shriek and scuttled away from the mess.The sheets still tangled around my legs hindered the movement, but I didn’t find myself too bothered by the lack of possible mobility since it was those thin scraps of fabric that kept my skin from coming in immediate contact with the matter that had once been in my body.

Still, I kicked away the bedding and freed my limbs from their sour smelling prison. Unfortunately, it seemed that by escaping the puke I exposed more of my body than intended. I knew that I had shucked off my cardigan, boots, and bra (at least I was small breasted) at some point, but it seemed as though my jeans could be thrown into that mix of missing clothing as well.

I sat in my knickers and camisole in front of perhaps the most stunningly handsome boy in the world, who himself was clothed in nothing more than a pair of boxer briefs. Not to mention the fact that we had shared a bed the night before. Oh Merlin.

Like it or not (and I assure you this fell heavily into the latter category), I flashed back to the incident with Sirius and Felicity Pagenaud that had occurred what seemed like ages ago but, in actuality, had been less than a week. While this was vastly different in many ways, the partial nudity and deer in the wandlight feeling I had were still very much present. Thankfully, however, whilst Felicity was perfectly comfortable strutting around in a lacy thong, I was not and thus was I wearing much more than a scrap of a doily and floss. Still, there was something terrifyingly personal about Sirius seeing me like this even though I knew, from firsthand experience, that he had seen females in much more compromising positions and clad in much less.

But he had never seen me in such a way. And, really, that’s all that matters.

While I was still busy inspecting my own lack of clothing, a soft bundle fell over my shoulder and face. I glanced over at Sirius to see him still sitting on the bed but with his eyes turned in the direction away from me.

He’d thrown a spare blanket that must have been on the bed at me. I wrapped it around myself to feel more comfortable being in the same room as him, but still managed to be slightly annoyed.

While he was feeling embarrassed and a bit guilty about seeing me in my skivvies, I couldn’t detect even the slightest bit of attraction. I didn’t exactly want Sirius Black to be drooling over my scantily clad body, but it hurt to not have been acknowledged in any way other than the want of having me cover up. It was definitely a double edged sword: should he have looked at me like that, I would have been miffed and felt objectified; he didn’t and I felt like my femininity was in question. That while as a half-breed I was good enough to be friends with Sirius, I was nowhere near being associated with the more tender and base feelings.

“Thanks,” I said stiffly. “I’m going to take a shower. Feel free to leave now.” I walked out of the room myself but when I turned my head before completely making the way through the doorway I saw him sigh heavily then bury his face in his palms.

With Sirius still conflicted in my room and my memories of the night before flushed away with alcohol, I was more than a little frightened to begin piecing together what I could of Ivan's party.

The beginning of the soiree was unbearably vivid and shameful. When I wasn't following Sirius around like a lost child, I was tipping scandalous amounts of liqueur down my throat and clinging to Ivan like he was my saviour. But then, after the alcohol began to catch up with me and go racing into my bloodstream, things became more than a little confusing and disorienting. There were hypocritically disapproving looks from Sirius and passionate kissing with Ivan. I felt myself flush even now at the thought of our snogging. But that's where my recollections ended.

I knew that Sirius seemed certain that I hadn't done anything too intimate with Ivan but I didn't know if this could be believed. Something still felt more raw and personal about the night. Call it instinct or intuition, but Sirius's tale didn't quite add up for me. Not to say that I didn't ask for a bedtime story or he collapsed in my bed intentionally for more perverse reasons; albeit there was a slight hesitation to his words and apprehension around him when he spoke of these apparent things. He might not have been lying to me but he certainly wasn't telling all of the truth.

Even though I was fairly certain that none of my vomit actually touched skin, I scrubbed and soaked in near boiling water until my flesh turned the angry red colour of Slughorn's face when he had consumed a few too many glasses of brandy. I wondered faintly if I reddened with intoxication but then firmly decided there was no way Ivan would have wanted to kiss me should that have been the case.

Once my complexion had calmed to a not so frightening shade of pink, I stepped out of the shower and wrapped my hair and body in the hotel's fluffy towel and robe respectively. Rather than going straight to my room to change into real clothes I made a detour to the kitchen in hopes to drink as much water as I had just sent spiralling down the shower drain. I was bloody thirsty.

The kitchen was filled with Sirius's tall body and the rich smell of coffee. With a loud beep they coffee announced that it had finished brewing and he leapt towards the liquid with greed. After pouring himself half a cup, he filled the rest with amber liqueur from a decanter near his elbow that I hadn't noticed before.

"What are you doing?"

He didn't look up at me as he twirled a spoon in his drink. "Take note, the best way to cure a hangover is to drink more alcohol."

I wasn't so sure about that, but who was I to question a near raging alcoholic like him? He closed his eyes delicately and sipped his concoction as I pulled a out a glass after debating just sticking my head under the facet. Deciding it wasn't lady like in the slightest, and I needed all the class I could take after last night, I turned my back to Sirius a proceeded on my task.

I nearly dropped the fragile cup when I heard Sirius sputter loudly. A quick spin and I was facing him. "What? What's wrong?" I cursed myself for leaving my wand...wherever it was I left it.... Bugger.

"Too much coffee, too little rum," he croaked reaching for the bottle again and turning his attention towards making his drink stronger. I was thankful that my hangover had left my body when I lost my cookies, leaving me only with severe thirst.

I was halfway through my third glass of water and Sirius nearly done with his rum and a splash of coffee when our eyes finally focused on each other for the first time since he informed me that I was sitting in my own regurgitation.

Perhaps it was because my eyes weren't fully working earlier or that I was just too preoccupied with both of our partial nudity, but I hadn't realised how terrible Sirius looked. He had circles under his eyes and his dark hair was plastered to his head with grease. But whatever he saw on my person was presumably worse by his reaction.

"Mother of Merlin, Marshelle!"

I nearly choked on my latest gulp of water. Here it was...I was waiting for him to make some snarky comment about me prancing around in a robe but, you know, he could-

"Your bloody neck."

I opened my mouth in shock and the remaining water tumbled down my chin and onto my chest. Was my neck torn out? Surely I would have noticed some sort of pain if that was the case. My hands flew to my neck groping for wetness or a cut or something that would explain Sirius's reaction.

While he sat in silent horror, I scampered over to the ultra reflective toaster and used it as a mirror.

And then promptly dropped the cup I was holding, faintly aware of it breaking into hundreds of pieces. Circular multicoloured splotches covered the span of my throat. The horrid purples, browns, and yellows made it look I had been strangled. Hickies.

I felt faint. I wasn't the sort of girl to have a hickey much less a neck full of them. There had to be at least four... There had to be some sort of cure. Oh why didn't I read Witch Weekly like every other female in existence?

I pressed the bruises gently. Perhaps Sirius could stop judging me and tell me a solution. I knew he'd both had and given out his fair share so the least he could do was help me now.

I turned to him angrily but that dissipated rather quickly when I saw the lost look on his face and aura.

"What?" I frowned at him.

"Did...did I-?"

My eyes narrowed. Did he what? Unsure of how to proceed, he ran his tongue over his lips nervously. He didn’t answer but by that point he didn’t need to. Because everything from the night before washed over me in a frightening memory that I wanted nothing more than to forget once more.

Apparition was hard when intoxicated. At least that's what Sirius kept trying to tell me as he attempted to separate me from Ivan.

"Jus' leaves me here," I slurred. "I can fin' my way back by 'yself." I was having far too much fun with Ivan to be ready to go back to the hotel already.

"She can sleep here. I don't mind," Ivan put in. I beamed up at him.

"See, Siri? It'll be fiiiiine."

His grip on my wrist tightened at the nickname I'd given him. His eyes moved from me to Ivan in a way that would have frightened me typically.

"Elaina, the party is over." This single line seemed to shock me. I blinked around to see only the three of us, a couple stragglers throwing on coats and shuffling out the door, and two girls kissing passionately on a loveseat in the corner while Ivan’s roommate Marco leered over them. When did everyone leave? "You guys can see each other tomorrow. Come on, Marshelle, I'll buy you some food. Something fried."

I hadn't realised how hungry I was until he said those words but then I was quick to agree. "No. Pizza."

Sirius gave a sigh of relief and loosened his grip slightly. "Deal. Pizza."

I shook away from him and reached to Ivan for a goodbye snog. Perhaps it was too deep considering that Sirius was standing next to us but then again maybe Sirius shouldn't be right there.

"Tomorrow," Ivan whispered into my hair. I gave a wide smile before scurrying back to Sirius.

"Pizza," I said simply. He gave a chuckle and led me away from the party. I waved my fingers to Ivan and pranced happily away towards food.

Sirius didn't seem to be one for talking just then so I took upon the task of making up a song to go along with our impending food. Even though it was mainly just chanting the word pizza over and over, I was unable to convince Sirius to sing along. I did succeed, however, in getting the owner of the street cart and the other patrons to join in.

After shoving nearly the entirety of the slice into my mouth in a single bite, Sirius pulled me around to a dark alley. There were snickers and catcalls from the people of the streets who wrongfully assumed we had other intentions than vanishing into thin air.

Sirius grabbed my hand on one side of the void and when we emerged on the other I was grateful as it was the only thing preventing me from falling flat on my face. He sighed and I giggled.

"Let's get you to bed."

I wanted to protest that I wasn't tired but after being away from the magnetic lips of Ivan and now having a full belly, my head felt heavy. He led me to the room I had dubbed my own and watched me struggle to take off my boots and pants at the same time. I did manage though and then, again, Sirius began to lead me on my wobbly legs.

I don't think, however, he expected me to flop down so heavily that he would come tumbling along with me. I found this inexplicably hilarious and began with ridiculous laughter. It was only when Sirius joined in infectiously that I knew he was hardly sober himself.

"Tell me a story," I said as sweetly as I could manage once we'd finished guffawing. "The Fountain of Fair Fortune."

"Surely you know it by heart," he teased, but he continued on with the tale anyhow. His mouth moved attractively with the words and he even gave each of the characters their own voices. He grinned at the more amusing parts and turned his voice more sinister when it was appropriate. I was delighted but not paying attention so much to the story as how prettily Sirius told it.

"You have a beautiful mouth," I interrupted, unaware that alcohol was proving to be the world's second most potent truth potion. "Especially when you smile." I used a bold hand to reach out and touch his lips. "Actually," I amended moving my hand to stroke his cheekbones and run along his jaw, "you're quite lovely in general."

"You rather overestimate my self control, Miss Marshelle." And somehow, with an efficient flick of his body, we were kissing. I don’t know why I didn’t pull back but the simple fact was that I didn’t.

His lips were just as soft and pillowy as they looked. Every bit as wicked and intrusive as his smirk. They moved deftly across my mouth...my face...my neck....


I stumbled back at the memory. If that's what it could be called. How was I to accept that such a thing had happened with Sirius?

He had no right. No right to take advantage of me in my drunken state. No right to kiss me with such fervor. And certainly no right to lie to me about what happened. The latter was what surprised me most. As much as I knew Sirius to be a womanizing prat, I hadn't known him to ever lie to me.

"You...you complete wanker!" I shook with anger and stood strongly against him. "You said nothing happened."

"No," he countered with insufferable patience. "I said that your virtue was intact. Which it is. We only kissed."

"You destroyed my neck," I hissed. He scoffed.

"You don't know that was me. That ridiculous Ravenclaw chap was gnawing there half the night."

I pressed my eyes closed and tried to forget that there were two boys that had claimed my lips the night before. Only one mattered to me in a tender way and he certainly wasn't standing in this room. I took a deep breath and pushed aside my own tangible frustration to try and see what he was feeling. While he did have some guilt and shame, it seemed that, at the heart of it, he mostly wanted to just erase the memory.

And I was fine with that. We could write it off as us both being drunk and making mistakes that neither of us really wanted in actuality. I would use magic to get rid of the evidence and no one would ever have to know about it.

But there was just one point I couldn’t help but make. Even if we did lock this in a box and never speak of it again, there was one thing that I wanted him to know. That this, at the end of the day, was his fault for not being able to control that ridiculous labido of his. "You shouldn't have kissed me, bottom line."

"You shouldn't have pulled me into your bed, caressed my lips, and called me handsome."

And with that one sentence...that one utterance, every emotion that I pushed down to be logical and fair came rising right back up. I snorted in anger. He made me sound like some sort of mynx. A seductress rather than a drunk. That fact that he thought of me being so ridiculous and cunning was appalling. I wasn’t a particularly violent person, but at that moment I could have punched him like an angry Muggle for being so callous.

He must have seen my rising frustration as he pinched the bridge of his nose and gave a heavy sigh. "Look, why don't we just forget about it happening?" His attempt to appease me came too late. I’d already offered the olive branch and he’d tried to give it back to me charred and damaged. At that point, I didn’t want his bloody attempt at keeping the peace.

"Gladly," I snapped, stomping out of the room, set on leaving both the boy and broken glass behind.

"And, Elaina? I really am sorry about your neck."

I turned for a single moment before continuing on my way. Another thing that was the right response but came a little too late. I wondered if that’s how it was for Sirius. He always said the right things but never had the right timing...at least with me anyway. "Don't you dare take credit for that."

My exit was inelegant with the combination of terror and disgust that I accented even further with a healthy slam of my bedroom door. I quivered with fervent rage at Sirius’s indifference that still clung to the air around me. I rushed to a mirror and examined my throat more thoroughly.

At least, I gave a sigh of relief, it seemed that the metal of the toaster distorted the size of the marks; they were smaller in reality. But they were darker too....

I placed my hands over them and pressed as hard as I could without choking myself. It was all too easy to imagine myself wrapping my hands around Sirius’s neck at the moment. It was almost as though if I pressed hard enough, the skin would return to normalcy and the bruises would sink away. They didn't, of course, but it certainly didn't stop me from checking.

Okay, I wasn't a witch for nothing. Try as I might, I couldn't think of a single girl in my year (or any year for that matter) who had been teased for similar marks. Which meant there had to be some sort of cure.

But, I thought running a finger across the largest, were they not just bruises? I knew a simple healing charm. I'm sure that the one every other girl at my school knew - straight from the glossy pages of a frivolous magazine - could leave the affected area smelling like roses or lilac. Better safe than fragrant.

"Episkey," I said with certainty after grabbing my wand that had been delicately placed on a standard cut dresser. I nearly squealed at the blinding heat then searing cold, torn on which hurt more.

I'd only used the charm once before. Shockingly, it was because of a cruel prank courtesy of the Marauders that left me with a skinned elbow. While the skin stretched and regrew back then, now it seemed as though to absorb away the colour.

I repeated the process until my neck was once again blemish free. And even though this changed nothing but my physical appearance, it suddenly felt as if a troll had clamoured off my shoulders. I could almost pretend as though the past night included events I wasn't ashamed of. Oh, Merlin. What would my mother say if she'd known how far I'd fallen?

I then realized with a jolt as I recalled her own misgivings that she didn't deserve to know about my romantic happenings if I couldn't even know she'd gotten engaged. And, for now at least, there was no need to dwell on things that would make me more miserable this morning...afternoon? Bullocks, I didn't even know the damned time!

After locating the blasted hotel alarm clock that had fallen off the nightstand and onto the floor (I didn't even want to know what caused that to happen) I learned that it was promptly 2:37 in the afternoon. Ugh. Practically a whole day wasted.

I dressed myself quickly and found myself feeling a bit calmer with every article of clothing I slipped on. By the time I stuffed my feet into my trainers, I was simply highly annoyed with Sirius and, even though I didn't want to admit thinking about it, my mother.

In a want to discuss my feelings and for absolutely no reason involving his lips, I decided to visit the only person I knew in London who hadn't let me down and the sole human I could talk to without sounding completely mental.

Mayhap I should have told Ivan I was going over to his place before I Apparated into the middle of his kitchen but I had neither Floo powder, nor an owl, nor even a two way mirror. Either way, I was now standing in his apartment that was still completely trashed from the party.

Broken red cups crushed under my feet. The whole room smelled of stale beer and when I rested a hand on the counter to steady myself I found a spilled drink that left a sticky residue.

"Ivan?" I called out tentatively, suddenly less certain of what I was doing here.

Well, obviously he wasn't in this room. Might as well look in the others. There was a steady level of filth across the entire apartment. More cups crushed by feet other than mine, stale abandoned drinks littered every open surfaced, and it seemed as though one of the drinking games from the night before included a feature of leaving pools of alcohol for other more innocent souls to wet their trainers in. Those were the more harmless of the obstacles. The more fearful involved swarms of vomit and, I nearly added my own disgorgement to the pile, several apparently used condoms.

This gave the flat a rather ominous feel. Well, that and the steady snore coming from some dead looking bloke on the couch. He snorted in his sleep just as I placed my hand on a door that I was fairly certain wasn't the bathroom and had the high possibility of being either Ivan's or his flatmate Marco's. I jumped about five feet in the air at the sudden noise, but the motion at least gave me the forward momentum to open the door I was too nervous to muster.

And it was Marco's room. I closed the door as quickly as I opened it. Not only was he very naked but so were the two girls next to him. Thus, I turned my attentions to the entrance that mirrored Marco's love shack. Of course - a slight streak of fear coursed through me - who was to say that it wouldn't be an exact replica of Marco's? Who was I to know that Ivan hadn't found another straggler to take to bed?

I had entered the house in a flurry of anger but this thought and the eerily abandoned scene left me questioning my purpose and more than a little apprehensive. After a long contemplation on whether I should go into Ivan's room or back to the hotel to ignore Sirius, I decided on the former. A deep breath gave me the strength to press into his room.

"Hello?" I called softly. The announcement was more for my own comfort than warning someone (or someones?) of my arrival. Much to my relief, however, there was only a single lump cocooned in a blanket within the large span of bed.

I grinned slightly at his aloneness but then wished I had indulged in some of Sirius's morning cocktail. It seemed as though I was only capable of seduction whilst intoxicated. With a sigh, I decided that the least stalkerish option would be to wake him.

Walking to his bed wasn't quite the obstacle that it was in the Marauders' dorm, but I still found what appeared to be his clothes from the night before on the floor. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw his bare shoulders hugging the pillow and a lone leg poking out from under a sheet. I really just hoped that he was still wearing his underpants.

I sat on the edge of his bed and touched his hand gently, saying his name. He stirred as I ran my fingers over his fine blond hair and pried open an eye.

"Elaina?" His croaking voice was filled with disbelief that I was truly there. I smiled weakly. Until then, I hadn't been aware of how eager I was to hear my name escape the lips of someone other than Sirius. I also wasn't aware of how hungry that debacle with Black had left me until I tasted the welcome happiness of Ivan.

In a way that was slightly frightening with how easily it came to me, I scrambled closer to him and pressed my mouth to his. Whilst he might have seen this bold display as a show of affection or lust, I was simply overcome with the need to feed. And this certainly was a way more widely approved of than breathing weirdly in front of the boy you quite possibly fancied.

As it typically did, I didn’t become aware of how controversial my actions could have been taken until after I had feed. I pulled away from Ivan and tried not to look too affected. But apparently I did a piss poor job and he looked at me sharply, suddenly completely awake.

“What?” he demanded. I was taken aback even more by the stronger still fierceness of his emotions - tinged anger, annoyance, and an overwhelming amount of lust.

I tried to start talking several times but how was I supposed to explain to Ivan what I just did without getting into the ridiculous story of what I was? He grew more irksome while I thought so I burst out the only thing that was on my mind that could have possibly also been applicable in this situation. “I kissed Sirius. Last night. On the lips.”

I expected him to laugh at the ludicrous sentence I had just uttered. What would it matter if I had kissed Sirius on the cheek? Or perhaps even shrug it off as me being a lovable drunk. What I did not expect to happen was him to flip me over so that I was the one lying on the bed and he was crouched over me.

He then attacked my mouth with a hunger and ferocity that left me reeling. Unlike the other kisses, this one was hard but had no passion, his emotions had gone dark and held no warmth. I wondered if a normal girl would find this as odd as I did. What was a fierce mouth when you couldn’t feel the emotions behind it. When his teeth hit mine in a sharp clash of pain, I jerked back again.

“What are you doing?” I hissed. He was so different from last night. When his movements had seemed so smooth and easy then, he moved with a calculated precision that reminded my of Regulus and made my skin crawl. Without waiting for an answer, I attempted to roll out from under him but his body made such a tight band around me that I couldn’t. I thought about trying to push him off, but he had a fairly solid build and I was an average sized girl that wouldn’t have been able to budge him.

“You can’t come crawling into my bed and tell me that you fucked someone else when you wouldn’t even let me have you. Don’t worry. You wanted this last night. You’ll want this now. I’ll be better than that Black prat. I’ll make you scream so hard.”

My heart fell into my stomach and my voice caught. Where was the charming boy I knew Ivan to be? This...this had to be someone else. Someone that was removing my jumper and clad in only his own knickers. I felt like crying. Like screaming. Like curling up and waiting for someone...anyone to come save me.

As he sucked and bit my neck, I realized I was on my own. Marco and his two girls wouldn’t care and Sirius didn’t even know where I was much less would he come after me now.

“Stop,” I pleaded, pushing at his head.

“Oh, come now, you can pretend I’m Black. I won’t mind.”

“No. No no no no,” I chanted while my voice truly broke. He grunted and ignored me as he shifted me as to get a better angle at the top of my jeans. In the movement, I found something poking me in the back. My wand.

It silly that I hadn’t thought of it earlier. The problem was, I couldn’t reach it without being totally obvious. The only other weapon I had was surprise.

I didn’t even allow myself a deep breath to gather my courage. I simply raised my hips into him as a crude mocking of enjoying this torture. When he gave a distinct groan and pressed against me harder, I nearly started sobbing. But I placed one hand on his back in hopes of distracting him from my other which was quickly behind me groping around for my wand.

My sweaty fingers grasped the wood and I pulled it around. The problem was, as I was bringing it past the crook of Ivan’s arm, the tapered point just barely grazed him. He looked down immediately and yanked the wand out of my hand.

He gave half a laugh at my attempt and promptly threw the wand on the floor. He then gathered both my wrists in his one hand and pinned them above my head, his knees tightened around my legs in yet another trap. I swallowed hard and then released the tears that had been threatening to fall. With my bra gone, I began hiccuping from the intensity of my sobs. Perhaps I could become so ridiculously unattractive that he would abandon his work.

A last hope of a plan entered my mind. If I could Apparate I would be able to get away. Albeit, his hands were all over me so he would come too through inadvertent side along Apparation. But, perhaps if I could make it to Sirius he could help me....

Ivan’s hands slid over my breasts and I whimpered in fear. No. As much as that may have been an option, it wasn’t. There was no way that I would be able to concentrate enough to make it back to the hotel in one piece. Perhaps half of me would make it back and that wouldn’t help the situation any.

This all looked so bleak. I’d tried my hardest to escape and nothing seemed like a real possibility. I’d thought earlier that it was my mother and Sirius that were so similar, but in this situation, it was me. I was practically living out her life when she was 17. She’d stupidly gone into a dangerous place as well. This was all going to end in the same way too - rape.

And then I suddenly got a crazy idea. Brought about by thinking of how I came to be and how I’d managed to survive for as long as I had. It wasn’t fully hashed out nor did it seem to be all that plausible as an escape. But anything was worth a shot at this point.

After taking a period of time to calm myself enough to seem believable, I pulled his lips back to mine fighting every urge in my body that yelled at me to pull away. When his hands started to fumble with the zipper on my pants, I knew it was now or never. “If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it right.”

He smirked and I felt like throwing up. “I knew you’d come around.”

Then I kissed him. Not the kind that I had been giving him before. Not a real kiss. A Dementor’s kiss.

Or at least my version of it.

There may not have been a soul that was available for my taking, but there certainly were emotions.

When I fed from Ivan before, it’d been something like a natural absorption. This...this was forced. It was like when I fed from the people around me. There was the guilt in my stomach and the rattling noise that came from some unknown place. But it was different at the same time - when I fed, it all went to that odd place that kept me hungry sometimes; here, I was trying to weaken him. Take away enough of his life force - not his soul but...his will...his emotions? - that he wouldn’t be able to continue.

And it worked.

It was a terrifying mix of emotions that tasted even more horrible going into me than they did in the air around us. There were several times when I nearly pulled away but I forced myself through it. And, at a point, Ivan noticed that something strange was happening; thankfully, though, I was able to get enough strength out of him that I could free my arms and keep his face pinned down. And suddenly he collapsed on top of me.

High on adrenaline, I was able to push his dead weight off me. I didn’t even bother with grabbing my wand or clothing before Apparating back to the hotel. Those were material things that could be replaced. All that mattered currently was me leaving Ivan’s room before something even worse happened.

Sirius was in the shower when I returned. I wanted his comfort but even just the space between me and that horrid place was helping. I sat outside the door, folded in upon myself and trying to find some small sense of safety by listening to the rhythmic sound of water and Sirius’s off key singing.

It didn’t help. I was so absorbed in my thoughts - the replaying of that event - that I didn’t even notice that Sirius was standing in front of me until he touched my shoulder gently and said my name with a voice full of concern.

I didn’t need to tell him what happened and he didn’t need to ask. He simply knelt on the carpet and took me into his arms. Despite the fact that I was in jeans slipping down my legs and completely topless while he was in nothing but a towel around his waist, there was nothing even remotely sexual about the act. Nothing could hide the bruises I’m sure that were marked around my wrists and various other places.


*****



Okay. So. I’m so so so sorry about all these stupid computer problems that I seem to have in July/August. Mark your calendars for next year, I’m sure something will happen then too. And here’s a nice long chapter to make it up to you :)

Anyway, DRAMA, amirite? Raise of hands, who didn’t like Ivan from the start? What will happen next? Who knows...keep reading. Also, you guys are amazing. I can’t believe that I have over 500 reviews...my first stories (no longer available for public eyes for good reason) got only like 5.

Like my writing? I guarantee that you’ll love my bff serenade’s more. She recently came back to fan fiction after a hiatus and could use some more readers. You can also check out the story we’re collaborating on (currently restarted as well)- Miss Marauder by Lady Marauders. It’s in my favorites page :)



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