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Chapter 18 : Revelations
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To be the most brutally honest I was very uninspired to finish the story. I really am not a fan of the beginning chapters, I think that my writing has come along since then (maybe I'll edit them :). For some reason Harry Potter has been out of my passionate interest for a while, but I re-read what I had so far for this chapter and all of your wonderful supportive reviews and I knew I had to continue! I'm planning to write lots this August, and even suprisingly more in September as I will be finally finished University.
So with no further ado....
I was late.
So bloody late.
Racing down the steps to the Greenhouses I struggled with my half open bag and messy hair flying around my face all the while cursing Luke, for it was his fault I was half an hour late for my tutoring session. Lunch in the kitchens had turned into a snog session in the kitchens and before I knew it I had completely lost track of time.
I burst through the greenhouse doors, slightly breathless and red cheeked, to find Natalie in deep discussion with the Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain, Sebastien Berger.
They jumped slightly, edging away from each other as I made my way over to the work station.
“Hey Natalie,” She waved at me, a slight blush covering her cheeks, and I turned to greet the boy beside her, “Berger.”
He offered me a polite nod before gathering his school bag, “Natalie, I’ll see you in the common room later?”
“For sure,” She shyly tucked some hair behind her hair and offered him a small grin, he returned it before exiting Greenhouse Three.
There was a beat of silence as she fiddled with the pot in front of her, when she finally looked up at me she frowned.
“Oh Lily, don’t look at me like that.” She scolded.
“You’re doing that annoying one eyebrow-judgmental thing that everyone in your damn family can do.”
“I am not.”
“You look like James.”
“You fancy Berger.”
Natalie blushed again, and smoothed out her skirt, “Yes I do. And he just asked me out to Hogsmeade tomorrow.”
There was no hiding her grin at this point and I couldn’t help but return it, “That’s so exciting! Congrats Nat!”
“Thanks.” She grinned again and then donned a serious expression, “Okay, you’re late.”
“Right. Sorry, er-lost track of time. But isn’t asking you on a date for tomorrow a little last minute? I mean-”
She shot me a dirty look,“He said he was working up the nerve, don’t ruin this for me. Anyway, let’s move onto Fanged Geraniums. There’s a really good chance they will be on your O.W.L.S”
All business this girl. “Joy.”
She rolled her eyes and pulled over two pots to our work space.
“So you and Berger...”
“Right, whatever. How did that happen?”
“Well, we’ve been mates for ages. I mean he was always that friend that I would talk to everything about and well it’s kind of turned into something more.”
There was a small part of me, a small insecure selfish part of me, that was more than a little relieved Natalie so clearly fancied this bloke. It was hard to be secretly dating a boy who had a drop dead gorgeous ex.
“He’s really fit.”
“He is isn’t he?” She let out a giggle, that surprised both of us and we both broke into laughter.
Sebastien Berger was more than fit; third highest marks in Seventh, Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain and a prefect; he was a shoe in for either pro-Quidditch or a placement high up in the Ministry.
“What about you?” Natalie asked me, digging her nails into the dirt.
“I guess I’m fit too.”
“No,” She sighed, adorably frustrated with my snark, “Has any bloke asked you to Hogsmeade?”
“Nah, thanks for rubbing it in though.”
“That’s not what I meant!”
“Natalie, I’m just messing with you. No one’s asked me but I already made plans with Roxanne to finish our Christmas shopping.”
“I’m sure there is lots of boys who are interested in you! You’re pretty, and funny and-”
“I also have two insane older brothers, not to mention a Fred, and my dad is Harry Potter. Not many teenage boys can handle it.”
“Well what about a bloke who is already friends with one of your brothers-”
“Hmm?” I could tell where she was going with this but I wasn’t going to make it any easier for her.
“Like say, someone who is friends with James?”
“You’re not being subtle, Atwood.”
“Luke fancies you Lily! I know he does!”
“He does not. Just drop it, please Natalie.”
“Come on Lily, it’s so obvious. Bloody hell we were talking in class the other day and no matter what we talked about it always came back to you.”
I blushed deeply but busied myself with my pods to hide my face. “Whatever.”
Hopefully Luke was a little more subtle when talking to other people, namely my brother and cousins.
When my blush finally subsided I looked up to see Natalie wearing a satisfied smile.
I made an attempt to change the subject, “So, you nervous for your date?”
She shrugged and wiped a hand across her forehead, leaving a small smear of dirt, “Not really. I mean I’ve know him for ages, I know pretty much everything about him.”
“Except what he looks like naked.”
“Lily!” She looked extremely scandalized, that paired with the mark on her forehead sent me into a wave of giggles that I couldn’t stop.
“Oh shut it, you twit. There is something to be said about dating someone you already know everything about. It’s a good foundation don’t you think?”
My laughter had finally subsided at her words, in fact they had an incredibly sobering effect on me, I was able to offer her a half ass nod. Luckily she was to focused on her pod to notice my distraction.
I realized I didn’t know a damn thing about Luke.
We worked together for another hour before cleaning up and exiting the warm greenhouses to expose ourselves to the frigid outdoors.
Natalie and I parted ways at the top of the stairs of the Great Hall, she made her way to Ravenclaw Tower and I distractedly began my way to my own common room.
Had Luke and I jumped into something based on attraction and the slightest hint of friendship? Hell, we barely even considered the consequences of what being together could cause; if people found out, specifically my brothers and cousins the fallout would be disastrous. And where would Luke and I be afterwards. Was this even worth it?
I barely even knew the bloke, we mostly just snogged and exchanged meaningless banter back and forth. We hadn’t even discussed the possibility of making our relationship public, was it just going to be some sort of dirty little secret? And what kind of relationship was that? And what did I even know? I was fifteen for Merlin’s sake, not nearly emotionally mature enough to deal with this situation.
Merlin, I needed to clear my head, I was working myself into such a state of anxiety I didn’t even notice Kyle Fitzhugh till I banged right into him.
“Lily!” Exclaimed Kyle, running a hand through his long floppy blonde hair and flashing me a smile.
“Hi?” I barely knew the bloke, he was acquaintances with Rose and Al but besides that I had never talked to the sixth year Ravenclaw.
“Are you going to Hogsmeade with anyone?”
“Well, not really but-”
“Excellent! So you’ll go with me then!” He flashed me another toothy smile.
Realizing I may have sounded a bit rude I rushed to explain, “Not that I’m not flattered! But I’ve already made plans with my cousin Roxanne to go to the village together.”
“Right of course! Another time then. She must need the quality girl time too! Wouldn’t want to take that away from her!”
“What’s that mean?”
“Well with everything with her and Davies...”
Well this conversation was officially over. “Right. Well bye Kyle.”
“Sure, see you around Lily.”
“Hope not.” I muttered under my breath, as I made my way past the broom closet the Ravenclaw had stopped me at. Much to my surprise the door swung open and I was pulled into it with a shriek.
I came face to face with a grinning Luke Wood and as my heart rate calmed a bit I poked him in the chest.
“You need to stop doing that, you scared the shit out of me.”
“So hot date for Hogsmeade?”
“With Roxa-” I stopped as I noticed the smirk crossing his lips and groaned, “You heard.”
“Well this smug mood is much more preferable than the jealous moody one from last week.” I remarked.
“Ah yes. Well Kyle isn’t my competition.”
“And Scorpius is?”
“Well maybe you have a thing for Keepers.”
“Just the one, I think.”
“Aw Lily, you care.”
“Edgar Forrester is bloody fit.”
He laughed and poked me lightly in the stomach, “And he’s got the best stats in the European League.”
“I think I could settle for you.”
“Well, you know, I am a keeper.”
I groaned at the pun and his self satisfied smile that accompanied it, “Luke, that was terrible.”
He grinned and bent down to kiss me, but my treacherous thoughts from earlier were at the forefront of my mind causing me to pull slightly back.
Giving me a strange look Luke grabbed at my waist attempting to pull me closer.
“Can you just give me a minute?” I snapped out and he stepped back confused.
“Have I done something wrong?” Luke asked bracingly, “I mean, you didn’t seem to mind earlier?”
“Yes. I mean no, I just...” I took a deep breath and Luke was watching me if I was mental.
“I don’t know anything about you.” I finally managed to mutter out, embarrassed I let my face fall into his shirt to hide my blush.
“Well, that’s not exactly true.” He said, his tone caught between amusement and confusion, and as if he thought the conversation was over bent down and placed his lips on my own.
Placing both of my hands on his chest I gently pushed him away, “No Luke! I mean anything concrete, or you know things about your family and stuff.”
It was hard to discern, but in the darkness of the broom closet Luke’s face seemed to close off.
I hastened to explain myself, “I’m not asking for your deepest darkest secrets or anything I just want, no, I need to know something, anything about you. Something to shut up all the thoughts in my head right now.”
Now he was really looking at me like I was mental.
“I’m sorry, I know I sound completely and utterly mad, Be-”
“I thought I was going to get Quidditch Captain.”
“Because we mostly just snog and- What?”
Luke’s face was still expressionless and if I hadn’t heard him or seen his lips move I’d swear I had imagined him speaking.
He leaned against the wall moodily, putting distance between himself and me, “You wanted to know something personal and that’s it. I thought I was going to get Quidditch captain in sixth year and James did instead.”
Luke was avoiding my eyes and I got the distinct impression that each word was more difficult to get out than the last.
“I didn’t talk to James all summer after he wrote me about it, half because I was jealous and the other half because I was so disgusted with myself for feeling so resentful. Especially when I knew that your brother was the better choice anyway.”
“Right. And if James wasn’t such a good person and forgave me for being so god damn petty we wouldn’t be friends anymore.”
I really didn’t know what to say, I had no idea that my brother and Luke had an argument last summer; they were always so ridiculously close. But I understood the petty and low feelings of jealousy, envy and insecurity. Hell, both Roxanne and I knew we weren’t getting prefect and I was still rather cold to Hugo when he got the badge and all the praise that came along with it.
At Luke’s confession I didn’t feel put off by it, I merely felt something like affection tug in my stomach.
“Still want to know things about me?” Luke muttered darkly, one of his hands was on the handle of the door about to open it.
I took two steps forward so I was almost touching him, placing one hand on his own that was covering the handle and the other on the curve of his neck.
“Yeah, I do.” He looked up, his dark eyes surprised and what seemed to be a little relieved before allowing a small smile.
“Maybe not anymore bombshells today, but eventually.” Luke let out a laugh and nodded in agreement before turning his hand over and grabbing mine. I looked at our intertwined hands and I couldn’t help but feel slightly overwhelmed. Whenever I was with Luke I felt a bit on edge but in a good way. Always a bit giddy and a bit nervous. Yes, definitely in a good way.
He moved easily pushing me up against the wall of the closet before leaning down to kiss me, this was quickly becoming my new favourite place to be, in between a wall and Luke. I couldn’t help but grin as his lips made their way across my jaw and down my neck, pulling his school shirt out of its tucked position my hands wandered underneath the material and he let out a shocked hiss.
“Agrippa, your hands are freezing.”
I merely grinned at him, “Well warm me up then.”
He let out a chuckle and pressed his lips hard against mine while removing my own blouse from my skirt, his warm hands splayed across my back and I shifted slightly as his knee moved in between my legs.
I could feel my self arching into him so our stomaches brushed and I couldn’t help but be a little embarrassed by my brazenness. Luke, on the other hand seemed to enjoy it, I could feel him smirking against my lips and I nipped his bottom lip lightly in retaliation. He let out a groan and pushed himself flush against me, kissing roughly, his one hand in my hair and the other at my waist.
His hands were everywhere and all of a sudden all thoughts and insecurities flew out of my mind. All that I could focus on was him, and how he was kissing up my neck, one hand in my hair the other reaching for the buttons of my blouse and slowly undoing each one with practiced ease before he had slipped it off my shoulders. His hand then moved across my ribcage drawing abstract lines across my skin before brushing against the lace of my bra...
“Luke!” I squeaked, and put both my hands on his chest to push him away.
He moved back suddenly, looking completely confused and slightly dazed, “What?”
I blushed deeply, feeling so incredibly awkward and at a complete loss of words. I bent down scrambling for my shirt and haphazardly pulling it back on.
“Lily.. Lily stop, what’s wrong?”
“I-um-well, the most I’ve done with a bloke...is well...”
He looked at me expectantly, clearly what I was trying to communicate was not getting across very clearly.
“The most I’ve done with a bloke is what I’ve done with you, and well I know you’re more...fuck..experienced? But I just, I don’t know. This all seems just a little bit fast.”
I squeaked out again, I sounded like James did when he was going through puberty.
“Okay,” He put up both his hands slowly and took a step back, as if backing away from a terrified animal and not his girlfriend.
“Lily its fine, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done anything without making sure it was okay with you first.”
“I’m-I’m sorry.” Merlin, I felt close to tears, what was I even apologizing for? Was I feeling guilty cause I wasn’t letting him go as far as clearly he wanted too? Bloody hell, I was mortified. Should he have to ask for permission? I seemed like such a bloody prude.
“Lily, you have nothing to apologize for.” He grinned, and reached forward, calmly and gently doing up the buttons of my blouse.
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and looked up into his warm hazel eyes.
“Don’t worry about it, really, it’s no big deal.”
Luke placed a gentle hand on my jaw and pulled me into a chaste kiss before releasing me once more.
I still felt like I was going to cry, if anything his understanding smile and calm demeanor made me even more emotional. I felt so young, and god damn it I hated that feeling.
“Hey, look at me, Lil. What can I do or say to convince you that this is completely okay with me? That I’m not even the slightest bit upset and you have no reason whatsoever to be embarrassed.”
“That’s a start.”
He grinned again, “Okay.”
Luke tucked in his shirt, ran a hand over my hair to smooth it and was about to open the door before he looked back at me, “Hey Lily?”
“Yeah?” My blush had only subsided minimally.
“Thanks, you know, for making it easy for me to talk to you.”
“Ready to go to real Transfiguration tutoring.”
“I can’t believe you’re such a terrible liar.”
“I think you should find that reassuring.”
“Aldridge knows about us!”
“Right, he won’t tell anyone. As long as we actually do work today and get the tutoring done he can’t penalize us for anything.”
“He knows my Dad.”
“I promise he won’t say anything.”
“If you say so.”
“Lead the way then.”
Luke held the door open for me and I tried not to grin like an idiot when he took my book bag and slung it over his shoulder, his arm returning to its former resting place across my shoulders.
We found a table in the corner of the library, thankfully Friday late afternoon wasn’t a busy time and we laid out our things. Luke began to go over the next unit Aldridge would be covering in class throughout the next few weeks but I could hardly pay attention. Our previous conversations were running through my head, plus those based on my knowledge verified by my oldest brother, made me certain that Luke was much, much more experienced than I was. And that made me feel a combination of nervous, insecure and embarrassed. Because he had most certainly had sex, with at least one girl and that thought made me feel so young and immature.
“Okay so this is the technique for Inanimatus Conjurus Spell, you'll need to know it for a brutal essay Aldridge will assign-”
Suddenly, all of these thoughts and insecurities were forefront on my mind and true to my nature I couldn’t keep them contained.
“I’ve never done it.”
Luke looked surprised at the interruption and very confused, “I know, that’s why I’m teaching you.”
I blushed, stricken that he didn’t pick up on it right away,“No, it.”
“I’m missing something.”
Merlin, I thought they said all boys thought about was shagging.
“Sex.” I managed to hiss out.
Luke grinned, still slightly puzzled, “Didn’t we just have a similar conversation half an hour ago?”
“Yes, but well I just wanted to be clear.”
“So we’re clear?”
“But you have?”
We both went awkwardly quiet for a moment before he looked up once more, “Lily, I’m not with you to shag you.”
I blushed. I must resemble a tomato at this point.
“I mean, yes I’d like too, eventually. But I don’t care about that. I’m with you cause I fancy you, not just cause I think you’re fit.”
Not the most eloquent explanation, but I’d take it.
“And if or when you want to sleep together, or talk about it, just tell me. I’m fine with not rushing anything. Okay?”
I took a breath and returned back to the textbook chapter we were going over until Luke spoke up once more.
“Want too now?”
I couldn’t help myself, he was giving me a goofy grin across the table and I let out a loud laugh before chucking my quill at him.
He laughed as well, grabbed my knee for a moment before returning back to the subject material.
Satisfied, I happily devoted my full attention to learning the theory. Everything would work out, I could just feel it.
Roxanne was flipping through a magazine on her bed when I returned from my uneventful tutoring session with Luke. Louis and Damon had joined us at the end, effectively ending any possibility of flirting or snogging.
“Finally, I’ve been bored stiff with you gone all day. Who knew you were such a Ravenclaw.”
“Shut it, I’m exhausted.”
She rolled her eyes and returned back to her magazine, “Sam and Edie are in the boys dormitory if you are looking for them.”
“I’m not. Why didn’t you go with them?”
Roxanne, sighing dramatically turned onto her back, eyes still on the magazine.“Our friends bore me.”
“You’re such a snob.”
“So I was thinking tomorrow we could get our brother’s presents first and then our parents?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Hogsmeade? We are doing our Christmas shopping?”
“Oh shit, Lily I completely forgot. I can’t.”
“I have a date.”
I groaned and sat on the bed next to her.“You can’t go ditching me for a date Roxanne, we made this plan ages ago!”
“But it’s Brandon Murphy from Slytherin Lily! He is so dreamy.”
“Don’t you think its a bit soon Roxanne? I mean with everything that happened with Ashton...”
“What happened with Ashton?” She said innocently, eyes wide and her tone light.
Roxanne had taken to pretending like her complete break down didn’t happen and she kept on looking at me like I was the crazy one.
“Christ Roxanne, everyone would understand if you just wanted to take some time to yourself. You don’t have anything to prove to anyone.”
She rolled her eyes and looked back at the magazine, “And that’s where you’re wrong Lily Bean, you always have to prove yourself.”
I stood up, hands on my hips and glared at her. “Cancel your date,we are going Christmas shopping.”
“Leave it be Lily! I really don’t want to row with you, it’s innocent, really I promise. He’s cute, and we are going to the Three Broomsticks. I’ll tell him to keep his hands above the table at all times!” She had thrown down the magazine in frustration and made a mocking gesutre with her hands.
“No you’re not. Honestly sometimes you are too pushy for your own good. Mind your own business.”
“I’m telling Fred.”
“No you’re not. Or I’ll tell James you’re snogging his best mate.”
She shrugged, re-focused on the glossy pages of the fashion spread, attempting airs at nonchalance. “Just like you wouldn’t tell Fred. Guess we’re both liars.”
“Merlin, I need some air.”
“By all means” She motioned to the exit of our dormitory and I turned on my heel, before sighing and turning back around.
“I’m not cross with you.”
Roxanne finally looked up and gave me a small smile, “Nor am I with you.”
“I’m just worried.”
“You have no reason to be.”
“Yes I do.”
It seemed at this point even Roxanne didn’t see the point in lying so she shrugged once again.
“I’m still going to take a walk, want to join?”
“No, I think I’m going to paint my nails. How about we go Christmas shopping in the morning and I meet Brandon for lunch?”
Roxanne wasn’t one to admit she was wrong, nor one to compromise so I saw this as her raising the white flag. “Sounds perfect.”
“Great, see you at dinner Lily.”
I let my feet do the thinking for me and meandered around the castle, reflecting on my conversations with Luke and my concerns over Roxanne, I half considered writing my mum about my cousin but I knew it would get back to Aunt Angelina and Roxy would straight up murder me so that was out of the question. But maybe Dom was worth a consideration.
Mind made up, I changed my direction and began my way to the owlery. When I got there, only Scorpius Malfoy was present, tying a letter to his owl.
“Hey Scorpius!” I said cheerfully as grabbed a piece of parchment to craft a letter to my elder cousin.
He nodded at me politely, “Potter.”
Malfoy wasn’t know to be very chatty, but unfortunately for him I was and try as I might I really couldn’t stop myself from subtly inquiring about his obvious feelings for Rose.
“So, have you got a date for Hogsmeade?” I chirped and he looked slightly surprised I was talking to him still. His expression of surprise quickly changed to one of ill disguised horror.
“Um-Lily, you’re nice and all, but-”
“Oh god, oh Merlin, I wasn’t asking you out. I promise! Oh bugger this is so awkward.”
He burst into laughter and it was my turn to be shocked, I had never heard Scorpius Malfoy laugh before. Truth be told he had a nice laugh, a bit hoarse but it seemed to fit his whole persona. I managed to half heartidly join in laughing, still blushing and still feeling awkward.
“Sorry, I figured you weren’t but I just wanted to be clear.”
“Yeah, of course, I mean fair enough. Sorry.” I squeked out, attempting at remaining casual as I searched for a quill.
Noticing my struggle, Scorpius handed me his, “Here I’m done with it, you can use it.”
“Thanks, kind of just decided to write a letter and clearly I’m very unprepared.”
“Not a problem.”
I bent down to begin writing Dom when Scorpius cleared his throat, and I turned to find him shifting rather awkwardly near the door.
“Listen, I know that it’s really none of my business, and I really don’t want to get involved...like at all, but you should tell Albus.”
“Tell him that I almost accidentally asked you out? No offense but I think he would fail to see the humour in it.”
“No, that you are Wood are together.”
He said it so casually and so simply, it took me nearly a minute to comprehend and all I could do was blink at him. “W-we’re not together.”
“I’m always red. I’m a ginger.” I cringed at my own excuse. I am so not a ginger.
“Shut up Malfoy.”
The handsome blonde boy only rolled his eyes, managing to look cool and aloof while doing so, “Look, I won’t tell him but you should.”
I sighed and gave up all pretenses of pretending what he was saying wasn’t true. “Why wouldn’t you tell him?”
“It’s none of my business, I just know he’d want to know.”
He nodded and turned to walk out the door but I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, “But how did you know?”
He shrugged, “I didn’t know for sure, but I know Wood fancies you, plus your reaction just proved what I thought.”
“But how did you know that?” I could feel my blush deepening but I was curious, also having this knowledge could potentially prevent other people from finding out.
"Pretty easy to tell when you're suffering from something similar."
"Oh." He was talking about Rose... that he fancies Rose. "You know if Rose knew what Clar was like, how he treated you, she'd never be with someone like that. You could tell her."
He shook his head and gave me a sort of twisted half smile, "Its none of my business."
"Okay, well if you're sure..."
"Its none of your business either."
"I know that."
“So don’t meddle.”
“I don’t meddle.”
The disbelieving look he gave me made me frown, “You hang out with Albus too much.”
“Did I hear my name?”
I only just managed not to jump as my brother stuck his head in the door, “Hey Malfoy, ready to go fly for a bit?”
“Sure, I was just coming down now.”
“Why were you guys talking about me?”
I was fumbling with my words and Scorpius smirked, “Lily asked me to Hogsmeade, I turned her down of course. You’re my date tomorrow.”
“I know you’re joking, but it’s not funny. Let’s go Malfoy so I can kick your arse on the pitch and not in the owlery. See you Little L.”
I managed a faint goodbye as the two boys exited the tower leaving me alone to my even more anxious thoughts. The letter to Dom would have to wait.
AN: Already working on the next chapter! Check out my author page to get in touch :)!
You are all the best!!
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