Chapter 26 : White Noise
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I mean really, REALLY, bad. Worse than the time I got caught by the levicorpus jinx on my granny knickers day when that was all the rage in fifth year, worse than that time Flitwick had caught Evan and I doing something that would have been classified as 17+, worse even than that second time I kissed Lupin, willingly.
Oh Merlin, Merlin, Merlin.
There were no words. No words at all to describe how much of a pickle I really had got myself into. I would have taken a thousand detentions with McGonagall to not have to be witness to what I was seeing, listened to a four hour-long lecture by Filch detailing how he’d like to torture me with thumbscrews and the like to not have to see this. I would have even have kissed Bla-
No. Wait. I mean this situation wasn’t that bad. I wouldn’t, I couldn’t ever, ever, ever think kissing Black was a better alternative – certainly not after the revelations Cygnus had recently made. I scowled at the mere memory of that blasted night.
But I mean it was still pretty bad. I was still stuck under my seventeen year old brother’s bed whilst he unknowingly sucked my best friend’s face in the middle of his dorm room in front of his sister. Like I said; not that he was exactly aware of my presence (though I’m pretty sure at this point I could have been hollering in front of him and he would still be unable to tear himself away), but it was still his fault. I hadn’t exactly willingly scrambled under his bloody bed just for the fun of it; he’d started this all when he stole my bloody jumper!
‘What are we going to do?’ Squealed Lily from where she lay next to me.
Ah yes. The other problem that made this situation worse (and in another way slightly better – in the fact that at least I was not alone witnessing this horrific scene unfold before my eyes) was that poor Lily was stuck under the bed with me. We weren’t fat girls, but Merlin’s beard we were squished and uncomfortable as we lay on our front on the dusty, dank and disgusting floor of the seventh year Gryffindor boy’s pigsty.
‘I have no idea!’ I practically cried in a hushed voice, ‘I just don’t want to have to watch this any longer!’
I had never meant for it to end this way. All I wanted to do was go and retrieve my jumper back from his pit after he so ruthlessly took it from me last time he was in my common room (evil git). But no of course Charlie Stebbins couldn’t just bloody be in the Great Hall eating dinner like he was meant to, oh no, that would’ve been far too easy. No instead he had chosen the moment I had finally extracted the jumper from his trunk as the opportune moment to pull my best friend into his room and dry hump her as Lily and I dived for cover.
OH MERLIN WHY DID I HAVE TO BE ANNIE!?
I mean yes I saw it, heck, we all saw it. They flirted all the sodding time, but I sort of thought it was in the same way Lily kind of flirted with Potter; unknowingly and without the disgusting hair twirling associated with a woo girl. But this, well this was too far, I’m pretty sure it broke some common sister sanctity law or something. I mean she could do a lot better than my bloody brother! He was a little slag (I’m pretty sure he and Black compared notes), and filthy, and had the most vile potty-mouth, and he was foul tempered and stubborn and moody for longer periods of time than he was happy and cheerful.
And Annie? Well she was bloody neurotic! She was arrogantly smart, she hung around with Black, she too had a vast knowledge of the foulest, dirtiest words, she burped and she had a tendency to jump on you till you woke up from your once peaceful slumber, or until she was hit with a leg-lock curse.
I’m pretty sure both of them were purposely doing it to;
a) Make me feel as uncomfortable as possible around them (this situation was a key example – even if they didn’t exactly know Lily and I were there) and,
b) To piss me off
It wasn’t like I felt hurt or betrayed by Annie, or anything else, it was just weird, just plain freaky.
‘Callllll!’ Lily moaned, shoving me with her shoulder, ‘what the hell are we going to do?’
‘We need a distraction,’ I muttered as I turned away from the hideous sight in front of me to look at my best friend.
‘You wouldn’t say.’ She said icily as she raised an eyebrow in mocking.
‘Well what’s your big idea then little miss golden girl of 1977?’
Had the two other occupants in the room not been so distracted with slurping loudly as they sucked each other’s faces they would undoubtedly have heard us, but thankfully they appeared to be more interested in beginning to take off each other’s clothes.
‘Right that is definitely my signal to get the hell out of here!’ I hissed shielding my eyes from the scene in front of me.
‘Ew! Yes definitely!’ Lily concurred mimicking my own action.
We must have looked bloody ridiculous, both shielding our eyes as we laid under Charlie’s bed, me still clutching my jumper, Lily clutching her wand desperately looking for a way to escape.
‘I’ve got an idea,’ she began as she eyed the couple closely (why in Merlin’s name she’d want to do that I had no idea), ‘but it will mean having to watch these two until Charlie tries to take of Annie’s top – something I’m sure neither of us wants to see.’
‘Surely there must be a better way?’ I cried.
But I felt Lily shrug next to me. There was no way I wished to stay laying under this bed for any longer than I had to, but on the other hand having to watch my best friend be felt up (willingly) by my brother was more than I could take – I could practically feel the bile bubbling in my throat. But I couldn’t think of a way to escape until either they left or (worse still), they lay down on the bed and allowed us to crawl out; but I certainly couldn’t stay under here for that long. The sheer horror at seeing the pair in front of me had seemingly knocked all of my bright, sharp Ravenclaw-ness out of me; leaving me squealing in horror and unable to think.
‘What’s the plan then?’ I sighed, admitting defeat.
‘Well, as Charlie pulls up her blouse I can set a charm so it doesn’t go past her head – thereby blocking her view of the door which she’s facing, Charlie would then be so busy looking at her blouse-covered head that he won’t notice us sneaking out. The only problem is whether it will get to that; I mean will Charlie go that far?’ She pondered in a whisper.
‘Oh please it’s Charlie! Of course it’s going to go that far!’ I hissed in a deathly tone, frustrated at the whole situation.
She nodded in acknowledgment of the naivety of her statement.
‘Could your charm her skirt while you’re at it?’ I scowled causing Lily to smirk at my discomfort.
‘Oh look now might be our chance!’ Lily whispered pointing over to the dry humping pair.
‘Smooth Charlie, smooth, she’s been in your room five minutes and you’re already taking off her top.’ I muttered moodily.
‘Shh! They’ll hear you!’ Lily whispered as she directed her wand at the pair just as Charlie began to slide Annie’s blouse up past her ribs.
‘Fat chance of that.’ I said glowering at what should be a very private matter not shared with your sister and your best friend ‘That’s my bra!’ I squealed in protest as my best friend revealed MY favourite blue and white lace bra.
‘Shut up!’ Lily hissed as she elbowed me.
‘And wearing it whilst doing that with my brother.’ I hissed icily now glowering at my supposed best friend.
‘Shut up!’ Lily repeated as she non-verbally charmed Annie’s top.
There was a pause from both Charlie and Annie, before a rough tug.
‘Why won’t this come off?’ He said in a highly annoyed tone.
Unlucky you little slut, I thought glowering at the back of my brother’s head.
‘Come on!’ Lily hissed as she grabbed my hand and began to pull us out from under the bed.
But then something worse happened, something that stopped us from our excellently planned escape (well at least on Lily’s part); the door to the dorm room suddenly swung open revealing four towering boys. Our only luck was that we had somehow (Merlin’s-know how) managed to dive back under Charlie’s bed before Charlie or Annie could turn around, and before we could be identified by the boys in the doorway.
‘Charlie, I-’ Said the voice loudly before stopping suddenly.
All Lily and I could do as we lay panting under this blasted bed once again (albeit in a worse position than we had been in two minutes before) was stare at each other; horror struck at how badly that had just gone. We were never getting out of here, we were going to die under this bed, either because we’d be stuck under here for the rest of eternity, or Charlie would find us a kill me right then and there.
Oh Merlin, Merlin, Merlin.
But we were lucky for once, someone was finally giving me a helping hand, for we were not caught, Charlie nor the others had clearly not seen our attempted escape. I heard someone let out a low whistle; clearly the revelation of finding Annie practically topless in the arms of Charlie Stebbins was enough of a distraction.
‘Well, well, well what do we have here?’
Lily and I groaned in unison.
Oh sodding hell! It couldn’t have been Charlie’s bloody roommates could it? Oh no it had to be the four bloody idiots who lived beneath my dear brother! What in Merlin’s name where they doing up here anyway?
‘Oh An, you look a bit flustered.’ Lupin’s voice spoke out loudly again and I could practically hear his smirk.
‘Oi! What the bloody hell is going on here!’ I heard Potter shout loudly.
‘Annie! Annie pull your fucking shirt down!’ I heard Black say angrily.
‘Sirius! James! Get out!’ Annie squealed loudly.
‘Stebbins step away from Annie!’ Potter shouted.
Bloody hell they were like screaming banshee’s!
In all of the commotion they all seemed to pile further into the room (Potter and Black I’m sure were leading this given their brotherly need to protect Annie), which caused someone to stand at the side of the bed next to us. Lily and I held hands in sheer terror.
‘All of you get out of my dorm!’ Charlie roared, clearly bloody gutted at the mishaps that had caused him to be unable to take of Annie’s shirt; the sly git.
‘No! Annie you’re coming with me!’ Black roared and I could see a pair of feet step closer to the couple.
‘Oh get lost Sirius! Why on earth did you lot come charging in here anyway? Haven’t you ever heard about knocking?’ She said and I could tell she was highly un-amused by the present situation, though in all fairness to her she was standing her ground and refusing to move.
‘Well I’m bloody glad we did come in! We stopped something before it got too out of hand!’ Potter exclaimed.
‘And please explain what you mean by “out of hand”’ She asked.
‘I’d say coming in and finding Charlie Stebbins taking off your shirt.’ I heard Black say furiously.
‘Trying too,’ Charlie muttered quietly.
I couldn’t help but snort from our position under the bed, and I felt Lily’s shoulder’s shake from her own suppressed giggles.
‘And as if I haven’t caught you doing worse.’ Annie said loudly over Charlie.
‘Well, that’s different!’ Black protested.
‘How exactly is that different Sirius?’
Smooth Black, what an excellent comeback.
‘I think what Padfoot is trying to say is that it’s you Annie! You’re like our little sister! We don’t want to see that, no one wants to see that.’ Potter chimed in.
Saving Black as ever – those two really were a match made in heaven.
‘Just because you haven’t got any in ages James, because your too busy pining over Lily, doesn’t mean that anyway else can’t do stuff! And anyway this is a private room; you had no right barging in here!’ Annie said loudly and I could tell she was eager to shut the four boys up in any way she could.
‘That’s not true.’ Potter muttered sulkily, highlighting even more painfully how true Annie’s statement was.
Lily shifted uncomfortably next to me.
‘Leave Prongs’ love life out of this An’!’ Black said warningly.
‘Fine, then leave my love life out of your concern.’ She replied icily.
‘Annie we’re not leaving to let you two carry on!’ Potter exclaimed.
‘Well you are!’ She said back just as loudly.
‘She’s staying!’ Charlie piped up.
‘Stebbins you stay out of this!’ Potter said warningly
The situation, however dire it was, made me realise how close Annie, Potter and Black were, and how much they considered Annie to be a little sister of theirs, and so, understandably, why they were not about to take seeing Annie trying to have her shirt taken off lightly. If there was anything I respected about those four boys it was their comradery, their need to protect their friends, and even me more recently. Yes I despised them for a lot of things, but having sat with them on a number of occasions in the Great Hall they were beginning to slightly defrost the hate I held for them.
‘How about you four get out! It’s none of your business!’ Charlie retorted.
‘None of our business hey? So if you caught either one of your sisters in the same situation you’d happily just walk out and leave them to it?’ Black said cockily, clearing knowing Charlie would have no reply to this.
‘I, well-’ Charlie stuttered.
‘Exactly.’ Potter said smugly.
‘Well I nearly caught you and bloody Isla!’ Charlie said, as though desperate to have one final word in the matter, ‘the king slut of the whole school, with my sister!’
‘Least you never had to worry about Pads and your other sister.’ Pettigrew offered like the utter moron he was
I squealed at this comment; I couldn’t bloody help it. I mean I would have squealed and a hell of a lot more even before my, err, “conversation” with Cygnus, but now, after those revelations the comment touched a nerve. I felt Lily stiffen next to me at my noise, fearing the worst. But apparently the six people above us were too absorbed in their own conversation to hear.
Well, all except one. It was as Charlie forcefully agreed with my Potter (well at least you’ve got my back on some level bro) and tried in vain to think of another argument to come back with that I saw the movement; seemingly Lily saw it too as I felt her grip on my hand tighten. The individual who was standing next to Charlie’s bed had shuffled his feet, in an almost nonchalant manner, but then, oh Merlin THEN, I saw their knees bend as they lowered their body closer to the ground, closer to Lily and I.
All I wanted to do at that point was run and squeal and leg it (I was a Ravenclaw after all – I wasn’t bloody brave), but Lily held me firmly in place – clearly frozen in fear. My breath hitched in my throat as I saw the side profile of Lupin’s face appear at our side as he pretended to tie his shoe lace before turning his head to look directly at us.
He raised an eyebrow in surprise to find both Lily and I in the rather uncompromising position before Lily quickly pressed a finger to her lips before swatting him away with her hand. I knew if I had been alone that certainly wouldn’t have worked for me (especially considering our recent altercations) but for Lily, Lupin did as he was directed and slowly pulled himself back up, allowing Lily and I to breathe an audible sigh of relief.
‘In all fairness Charlie, McGonagall does want to see you. She was asking at dinner where you were.’ Lupin said loudly over the bickering.
There was a long pause in which I’m sure Charlie was considering whether to carry on the argument or go running to his beloved head of house.
‘I, oh, oh ok, well I guess I have to go. Sorry An’. I’ll see you later?’ he said finally.
‘You will bloody not!’
‘Sirius shut up for once in your life!’ Annie said loudly, ‘yeah Charlie that’s fine, I’ll see you tonight?’ I could hear the eagerness in her tone.
‘And I’ll see you two idiots at practice tomorrow!’ He said with a stern final word clearly directed at Potter and Black.
‘I’m erm; I’m going to go too!’ Annie said in her usual awkward high-pitched voice, ‘Probably best I go and find Callie and Lily,’ she said laughing awkwardly.
I heard Lupin snort from above us, though he mercilessly kept our hiding place a secret. It was only after Annie had hurried out of the room and Potter had made a suggestion to go and find some poor unsuspecting first or second years to bully (I felt Lily practically crackle with fury next to me) that Lupin finally gave the game away.
‘However much I’m sure I would love to get bollocked by McGonogall for not stopping you two idiots from tormenting those younger than us, unfortunately your plans have already been thwarted Prongs.’
‘Huh?’ Potter said in his usually moronic voice.
Lily practically sprang from our hiding place like a lethal lion, ready to pounce on her poor unsuspecting antelope. Potter, seeing most likely only the swish of red hair, instantly knew he was in for it, even Black looked a little wary of what was about to happen; Pettigrew looked like he’d already wet himself.
‘Where the bloody hell did you come from?’ Black exclaimed.
Good work Black – stop Lily before she can begin her rant by asking questions – he was clearly a pro at this.
‘Oh bloody Callie wanted her-’ Lily began.
‘Stebbins? Stebbins is here?’ Black said suddenly, looking around the room like an eager little mongrel.
‘Unfortunately.’ I piped up as I withdrew myself from under Charlie’s bed.
Black couldn’t help but snort.
‘Slick.’ He commented a smirk growing rapidly onto those devilish features.
‘What on earth are you two doing under the bed anyway?’ Lupin asked scratching his head in confusion.
‘Oh gross it wasn’t like you were getting some weird pleasure out of watching those two at it was it?’ Potter said pulling a grotesque face as he did.
‘One of those two was my brother you great buffoon.’ I growled.
‘You never know with you Stebbins,’ Black smirked goading me to react and shout back.
And I was all set to give him the berating of his like, heck I’d even opened my mouth to suck in an extra gulp of air before I began my rant, but something stopped me. It was the look in his eyes, the little twitch of the left corner of his lip that alerted me to it; he was doing it, doing exactly what Cygnus had said he and Lupin had been doing for all these years; goading me into getting a wonderful dramatic reaction, revelling in it. And so I resolutely clamped my mouth shut, glaring at him as I did so before turning to Lily, causing him in turn to look at me questioningly; clearly he had not forgot my outburst two nights previous.
‘We should go.’ I said pleasantly.
‘Sounds like an excellent idea Cal,’ She smiled as she linked arms with me.
‘Woah! Woah! Woah!’ Potter and Black said in unison as they blocked our exit.
‘You’re not getting out of it that easily. Now spill,’ Potter said assertively.
‘Came up here to get my jumper,’ I said holding up my grey jumper and waving it in front of Potter’s face, ‘we were just about to leave when that came tumbling into the room throwing off ties, kicking off shoes – Lily nearly got knocked out by one of Annie’s flying shoes.’
Lily nodded resolutely.
‘Now can we go?’ I said eagerly.
‘That’s not even your jumper though!’ Black said suddenly pointing at the garment in my hand.
‘What?’ Lily screamed turning on me in the same manner she often reserved just for Potter.
‘It is!’ I tried to protest.
‘It’s not! It’s Charlie’s! Admittedly you’d have it for a couple of years, but I mean, it’s still his.’ Black smirked.
How in Merlin’s name did he know this?
‘Callie, are you telling me I just witnessed the single most horrifying, graphic, disgusting, x-rated moment of my life for a jumper that belongs to Charlie in the first place.’
I smiled innocently.
I know you’re smart
You spin me round like a knot
White Noise – Disclosure
Reader: Man, I'm getting good with the faster updates aren't I? Well feel free to shoot me! I know this isn't what everyone wanted, but I honestly felt that a lighter chapter was needed after the Cygnus chapter, and the constant Callie/Sirius bickering. Please read and review, I'd love to know what you think :)
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