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Dear Mr. Wizard God, Why do you hate me? Sincerely, Avery Willington by Crazy101
Chapter 6 : Detentions, Kitchens, and St Mungo's, oh my!
 
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I hate History of Magic.







Dom was absentmindedly braiding her hair, Tasha was eating Cauldron Cakes, Fred was singing opera (I wish I was joking, but I'm not), and who knew Lily talks when she sleeps?



What, may you ask, was I doing?





Hopelessly staring out of the window.



But, curse my luck, Potter just happened to sit right in front of the window.





Also, curse Potter's sadly attractive face.





WAIT,WHAT?





PLEASE EXCUSE ME WHILE I PITCH MYSELF OFF THE ASTRONOMY TOWER.







So with that..... thought, I wrenched my eyes away from Potter's gorge-HIDEOUS FACE.







SHUT UP. I SAID HIDEOUS.





Anyways, I just started banging my head against my desk. Hard.



"Must-"WHACK"-get-" WHACK"- brain-"WHACK"-normal" WHACK.



Meanwhile, Binns didn't even turn around, despite me whacking my head on the desk, screaming, Tasha munching away happily, and Fred opera singing.







Next class, Potions,of course, could only get worse.



"Today we will be brewing ammortiena! Partner up with the student with a matching number!" Slughorn cheered, handing out slips of paper with numbers written on them. Merlin, he loves his job too much. Says everything ending with an exclamation point.



"Who has 12?" I called out in unision to...





Potter.





"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screeched dramatically. I threw myself onto the cold dungeon floor and refused to move.

















"...aaaand, six stirs clockwise" Stupid Potter sighed, innocently draping his arm over me and grabbing my hand and guiding it.





I sweetly slapped his arm, hard.





He now had an angry red handprint on his arm.



He yelped and backed away.



DANG RIGHT. 





later, when the potion was done, I found myself smelling lightning bugs,





DONT HATE. I HAPPEN TO LOVE THE SMELL OF LIGHTNING BUGS.





anyways, lightning bugs, brownies baking in the oven...



Oh Merlin. That was when my family was together, My mom would grin, stirring the ooey batter, me begging to lick the   beaters like a puppy. She would set them in the oven with the "I love you mom" oven mitts I got her for mother's day. I would attack the beaters ferociously, her laughing, her eyes shining, then my dad would swoop her down and kiss her, me squealing childishly, turning my eyes away.





I choked, tears blurring my vision.


"Errr.... are you ok?" Potter mumbled.

"Fine" I sniffed, blinking them back. I caught another scent, a woodsy scent. No idea where that came from, but oh well.

"Couldn't handle my looks? Can't blame you, staring last class."


My face turned absolutely red, but I caught myself (hallelugiah).

"Didn't you notice there was a window behind you? I would never be caught dead looking at your big head" I snapped.


Apparently, he didn't have a comeback.



Instead, he pulled out a sack of Bubotuber Pus (EWWWWWWWW) and dropped it in.

"Oops" he smirked.



Naturally, the potion exploded on my face.


"POTTER!" I roared, flying at him.







I broke his nose with a solid punch.




Ok, that felt good.




"DRAMATIC EXIT!" I cried, turning on my heel and booking it out of the place, like a psycho.






Naturally, both Potter and I got the same detention: polishing the trophies for a week.




Honestly, they need to come up with more detentions, because when we got there at midnight with Filch, the trophies were squeaky clean.




So, we spent the whole time having a major water fight (I know, what type of polish is that?).




So, by the end of our detention, we had identical grins plastered on our faces and we were sopping wet.




"Admit it, I TOTALLY got you" Potter boasted when we were strolling out.



"Are you kidding? Look how wet you are!"

"loserrrrrrr"

"But you are a sore loser"

"I'm huuuungry" he whined.

"Can't really help with that, mate"

"Come on! To the kitchens!" He cheered, grabbing my wrist and dragging me down to "the kitchens"



"MERLIN'S PANTIES!" I shrieked as soon as we got down there. House elves bustled around.

"what can I get master and lady friend?" A little house elf squeaked.

"Er... what do you want Avery? I'm thinking...."

" A nutella sandwich with a butterbeer with a sprig of chocolate sauce, that's my favorite" Me and Potter said in exact unision.

We blinked at each other.

"Excuse Girby for intruding, but you married? It is young, no?" he squeaked to my disgust.

"No, child. We're not even dating, silly. As if" I laughed.

"A waste" he sighed, before going into the kitchens and coming back with two orders of our favorites within minutes.

"Thanks, Girby! My name's Avery!" I said.

"pleasure serving mistress Avery" he bowed. I giggled.


I completely sucked in my meal.

"Aaah" I sighed, very content. But something felt funny.

"Well, we best be going. Get your lazy buttocks off that couch" I ordered, quickly turning into Mother Avery (not that I'm a mum!).

"You have something right there" he laughed, pointing at my butterbeer mustache.

"Can I keep it? I feel manly!" I whined.

"No." and he got a napkin and smudged it off my face.

"Hey! You took away my machoness!" I protested.

"Come on, you" He grumbled.

To my utter shock, my legs wouldn't budge.

"Hey,look, my legs aren't working!" I mumbled before I passed out.


00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000


I awoke, but my eyelids hurt too much to open. UUURGH. EVERYTHING HURTS.

 

Since I couldn't move, I listened to a conversation by my really comfortable bed.

 

"S-She didn't make it" a woman voice that I didn't recognize said shakily. I heard Rose scream and Dom break out in a sob.

 

WHO DIDN'T MAKE IT? SHOULD I CRY?

 

pshh. Like I could do that. I can't even open my eyes.

 

I heard someone drop to their knees, I think.

 

"W-when will be Avery's funeral?" Lily trembled.

 

WAIT, I'M DEAD?

 

Heh. It's kinda fun being dead. Just like, dead. But it hurts. And people cry. SWEET MERCY, THEY NEED TO STOP CRYING. MY EARS HURT.

hurhehehuhe, I'm like James Bond.

 

 

Next thing you know, I'll be calling my hobby ressurection and burning down my house.

 

AVERY CHILD. YOU NEED TO OPEN YOUR EYES. OR SPEAK. OR DO ANYTHING.

 

I mustered up all that I got (and that was hard, try talking when you're dead)


"Chooooooooocolate" I groaned, my head hurting. I blearily opened my eyes. 

 

I missed the fact that Rose fainted.


I tested my legs. 

 

"Hey look, my legs work!" I cheered.

 

I looked about in this tiny white hospital room. Potter was gaping, still on his knees.

 

"007, reporting for duty" I said weakly. Heck, I'm James Bond.

"Where the heck have you been?" Grandma Weasley demanded to my delight. Since when did a grandma witch watch Skyfall?

 

"Enjoying my death" I said, grinning.

 

"But, you were dead! Like an axehead! Your heart didn't pump! As alive as a tree stump!" the nurse stuttered.

 

"Errr.. sorry to dissapoint, ma'm" I mumbled.

 

"what now?" my dad asked.

 

"WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?" everyone asked at once.

 

"Thats....um... my dad?"

 

"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Willington. I'm Harry's Wife..... Ginny, and this is..."

 

I tuned out the list of names quickly.

 

HMMMM I WANT CHOCOLATE.

 

CHOCOLATE. PERFECTION. BEAUTIFULLNESS. 

 

Mommy made me maash my m&ms....

 

MASH.

 

 

DO THE MONSTER MASH!

Except.... how do you do the monster mash? Ah, oh well. So today I decided to ressurect. How did you spend your day?

 

I want to breakdance right now.

"Err... Avery?" Dom squeaked.

OH MY GOOBER, DID I JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD?

"Yes."

ALL OF IT?

"Duh, yes"

Ah... nobody asked your opinion, Legillemens.

"Hey!"

Oopsies.

"well, anyways, what do we do now?"

"Not get poisoned?" I added helpfully.

"I suppose she is free to go... how she is alive I do not know..."

"Oh yeah, why is the nurse speaking in rhymes?"

"cursed, it's the worst"

"ook....well I'm just gonna....goooooo..." I said slowly, getting out of my bed.

 

Back at the front desk, the woman just gave me a potfull of ash, so OF COURSE I HAD TO FLOO. UURGH. SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT I NEED MORE FUN TIME.

 

 

 

 

Apparently, the professors decided that I needed to catch up on the week I was in there.

 

 

BUT I WAS DEEEAD!

 

 

COME ON! LISTEN TO DUMBELDORE! PITY THE LIVING, PITY THE LIIIVING!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

                                                            ~~~

 

I wearily stumbled out of the library and headed to the kitchens.
 

 


 ....only to find Tasha's face centimeters from Fred's.

 

"MOTHER MERLIN! HOW COULD I HAVE NOT GUESSED! OH WAIT, I DID GUESS! BUT OH WELL!" Word vomit spewed out of my mouth before I clapped my hand over it.

 
They flew apart.


"I'm so stupid!" I cried, banging my head against the wall. Both of them looked frightened.

 

 

 




 




 




 




A/N: OH MY CHOCOLATE, I HAVENT WRITTEN THIS IN FFFFFOOOREEEEVVVVEEEERRRR! FORGIVE ME, CHILDREN! James bond isn't mine, no matter how much I hope, he and all other quotes go to Iam Flemming. I'm thinking about a new title... LOOK OUT Y"ALL!!!!!




 




 




SO YEAH, ABOUT THAT REVIEW BOX.....




 


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