Chapter 7 : nuclear seasons
| ||Rating: Mature||Chapter Reviews: 5|
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Now I'm facing this on my own
'cause you tasted the blast and it shook your bones
I'm a warrior all alone, in the field of lies, I won’t go home
Nuclear Seasons -- Charli XCX
Rainne sits at Gryffindor table, eating more than usual. She pretends she doesn’t notice Remus eyeing her. She is way too excited.
It’s been a week since her visit to the Hospital Wing. She has been eating a lot, but never lets it digest.
Floating pumpkins and candles decorate the Great Hall. Rainne looks up to admire the sunny morning sky on the ceiling. Halloween is only a week away.
Everyone is talking about what they plan on wearing. Rainne doesn’t really know what she’ll dress up as, but she doesn’t really care.
As long as she gets to be someone other than herself.
She considers asking her grandmother for an old flapper’s dress when the evening post arrives. Her usual school owl drops a letter in front of her.
Rainne cheerfully opens the envelope, but as she reads the words in front of her, her smile fades. Tears stream down her face and she runs out of the Great Hall, letter in hand.
Ben looks after her, then looks back to his friends.
“Does anyone know what just happened?” everyone shakes their head.
He runs after her.
When he enters the hallway, it is empty. He looks around. Rainne’s sobs can be heard from here. He follows the sound and finds her sitting at the foot of the stairs.
She wails violently, gasping for air, her grief impossible to control.
“No!” she screams, “No!”
Ben picks up the wrinkled letter and reads it.
My dearest Rainne,
I don’t know how to tell you this. I still haven’t come to terms with it myself.
Thursday night, your grandmother had a heart attack. She was admitted to the hospital, but later that night
The ink is smeared. The words have been scribbled over several times. Ben can’t read the end of the sentence.
She is no longer with us.
The funeral will be on Tuesday. If you cannot make it, I understand. But I would greatly appreciate you being here. Please respond as soon as you know.
All my love,
Ben drops the letter and runs to Rainne’s side. He tries to hold her, but she screams, violently hitting his chest.
“Shhh,” he says, hugging her tightly. Her arms go limp against his chest and she lets him embrace her.
Her sobs slowly fade into quiet whimpers as he sits there, rocking her.
How could this be real life? Why is everyone she loves being taken from her?
She looks up at Ben through teary eyes. He looks down at her, wanting nothing more than to see her smile.
“Rainne...” he says. She shakes her head, looking down at her feet. He pulls her closer and she leans her head against his chest.
Ben strokes her hair. She pulls away, looking up at him again.
“Ben,” she says, “Thank you.”
He looks at her lips as she speaks. They are pink and wet with her tears. He wipes one from her cheek, holding her face in his hands.
Rainne looks up at him, her heart racing. His eyes are back on her lips. She licks them self-consciously.
“Rainne,” he says softly, “Can I kiss you?”
He looks into her eyes. She nods slowly and he closes the gap between them.
The kiss is salty and wet with her tears. Rainne doesn’t know what to do with her hands. She doesn’t know if she’s kissing him right, or if her head is turned the way it should be.
When he holds her face in both hands all her thoughts fade away. He is like a drug. A drug that numbs her thoughts. She puts her hands on the back of his head and pulls him closer, deepening the kiss. Her hearts slows down. His lips have a calming effect on her.
He pulls away, panting.
“Rainne,” he breathes.
She looks down and puts her hands in her lap so she has something to look at.
Ben looks at the letter, still crumpled up on the floor.
“Do you want me to go with you on Tuesday?” he asks. She shakes her head.
What has she done? She had one friend, and now she’s gone and ruined it.
Everything seems to be falling apart around her.
Her breathing becomes heavy.
“I. Need. Air.” she croaks. She gets up, grabbing the letter, and runs outside.
She swallows the fresh oxygen.
Ben follows her outside. He doesn’t know what to do.
“Are you okay?” he asks. Rainne nods.
“I’m going to class,” she says, walking past him. This time, he doesn’t follow her. He has a feeling she doesn’t want to be around him.
“So, you kissed her?” James says. Ben nods.
The Marauders sit in their dorm, their stomachs full after dinner.
Rainne hasn’t spoken to Ben since that morning. He has come to his friends for help.
“What did she do?” asks Sirius.
“She kissed me back.”
“Did she pull away?” asks James.
“So she wanted to kiss you?” asks Remus.
“Yeah, I mean, I think so.”
“So what’s the problem?” asks James.
“I don’t know!” Ben exclaims. They aren’t helping, “Hell, it hasn’t even been six months since her parents died and now her grandma’s gone, too! She’s going through a lot of shit right now and I’ve gone and kissed her...”
“That is pretty bad timing,” Sirius says. Ben glares at him.
“What the fuck do I do?” Ben asks.
There is a quick pause as they think.
“Give her until Wednesday,” Remus says, “Let her go to the funeral. She needs closure. Then she’ll start worrying about you.”
“Wednesday,” he says, “Okay.”
author’s note: please please please listen to the songs at the beginning of each chapter. i might make a playlist somewhere with all of them in order and if i do i’ll provide a link or a way to find it.
so what did you guys think of this chapter? hmmmm drammmaaaaa..
as always, thanks for reading.
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