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I Just Can't Help Myself... by Hazel Bludger
Chapter 11 : I Just Need to Deal
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 2

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Hey! So, we're back with another installment! I praise and worship you if youve lasted this long through my everchanging updates, I hope I don't upset you too much. So, we should get to the story? Yeah. Sounds good. :)

Disclaimer: No.

Chapter Eleven: I Just Need to Deal



James and Dorothy broke apart violently as they turned to the origin of the question. Before them stood Jen, and although her voice sounded angry, hurt and confusion were evident on her face.

"Jen—" James began, his hand shooting up into his hair.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "Just...just don't."

She turned and ran from the room, James hot on her heels. "Jen!" he called after her, his voice desperate.

Dorothy felt as though she couldn't breathe. Tears streamed down her face as people stared blankly at her, not sure of what to do or say.

"Thee?" Roxanne asked as she broke through the crowd, her bright smile slowly fading from her face. "Thee, what's going on?"

Dorothy could feel herself about to lose control. The world was spinning. Her hands began to violently shake as her breaths became shallow and labored, unable to provide her body with the oxygen she so desperately needed.

Suddenly, a hand wrapped around her wrist and yanked her through the crowd. She stumbled into the corridor, the pull on her arm violent. Dorothy crashed into the person's back and blinked twice, realizing she was with Hope.

"Drink this," Hope said, shoving a glass at her friend. "It'll take the edge off."

Still shaking, Dorothy tossed the liquid down her throat. Her insides ignited as the smooth drink burned its way down to her stomach. "What was that?" she spluttered.

"Firewhiskey," Hope replied. "Are you drunk?"

"No," Dorothy responded, wiping tears from her eyes. "Why?"

"Just asking before I yell at you," she snapped. "What the hell was that?"

"Huh?" Dorothy asked.

"You kissed James!" Hope cried. "We talked about this! I thought you were over him!"

"I am over him!" Dorothy shot back.

"Oh, really?" Hope scoffed. "Because I go around snogging taken boys that I'm 'over' as well, too, especially when their girlfriend is in the room!"

"I—" Dorothy stammered, her thoughts swirling. "I don't know what happened. I saw Freddie having sex and he yelled at me and then James was there and apologizing and he looked at me that way that only he does and I was so upset and then he was kissing me and I wasn't thinking and I just broke Jen Brady's heart all over again and I can't breathe—"

"Hey," Hope said, her tone softer. "It's going to be okay. Look at me."

Dorothy looked at Hope, her bottom lip trembling. "I'm going to take you back to Hufflepuff so you can sleep this off. Just...try not to think too much tonight. You need some sleep. We'll...we'll deal with this tomorrow."

Dorothy nodded, following Hope down the corridor, shame bubbling up in her stomach and making her feel sick.



Those words were still echoing in Dorothy’s mind, hours afterwards. Sure, it had been a good question at the time. But the real question was what was Dorothy doing?

She had been fully convinced that her feelings for James had flown out the window. She also knew there was no way she had already forgiven him for being such an arse to her, no matter what may have popped out of her mouth. But even before then. Going to find Freddie when she knew fully well where he’d be.

Dorothy groaned, pulling the covers on her four poster up over her head, wishing she were asleep like Hope was. She had created such a scene on Rox’s big night. The crushed look on Jen’s face was burned into her thoughts. As if kissing James wasn’t bad enough, his girlfriend that probably poops rainbows of perfection was there. She’d already been cheated on once by James, but twice? She’d looked devastated. James had gone after her so fast he hadn’t spared a word to Dorothy. And he’d left her in the center of a silent crowd where every single pair of eyes was on her.

Dorothy looked over at Hope's bunk, thankful that she had been there. A selfish part of her brain told her that it should have been Freddie who saved her. If Freddie hasn't been so busy with his latest bimbo, this never would have happened.

But Dorothy knew better. She knew that this was her fault, and that if she hadn't wanted to kiss James, she wouldn't have. She was weak and pathetic. She was cruel.

Hot tears began to roll down her face once again, and Dorothy rolled over in bed, clutching the stuffed bear her father had given her back when she was six years old that had been hidden away in her trunk since fourth year. She wanted someone to lie to her and tell her this would all turn out alright. But she was smart enough to know that tomorrow was going to be one of the worst days of her life. She knew the entire school must've heard by know, for there were never any secrets around Hogwarts.

Closing her eyes, she tried to push away all the thoughts about that night. She curled herself up into a tighter ball and prayed for sleep.


“If I was less hungover, I would yell at you, Jacobs," Fiona declared the next morning as she entered the dormitory. Dorothy looked up from her tie that she was attempting to knot and raised an eyebrow.

"Potion's under the sink," Hope said, not even bothering to look at her best friend.

Fiona made her way to the bathroom, loudly rummaging through the cabinet and complaining about the loudness of the noise that she was making until she pulled out a small vial. "We need to get more of this," she muttered, tossing it back. She pulled a face and jumped around a bit, obviously disliking the flavor. "Still tastes like fish wearing sweat socks," she groaned.

"Don't care," Hope said sweetly. "Now, why are you yelling at me?"

"Ah! Right," Fiona said, pulling off her party dress as she made her way over to her closet to pull on her school uniform. "Not only did you abandon me in Gryffindor Tower, but I woke up in bed with Albus Potter! Really?!"

"Dorothy said that he wouldn't care you were in his bed," Hope said.

"Well, did she mention that he would just decide to climb in with me?"

Dorothy snorted. "He got in bed with you?"

"Yes!" Fiona cried. "Said he was tired or some shit. I told him that he couldn't just climb into bed with people, and he had the audacity to tell me that it was his bed and he’d do whatever the bloody hell he liked!"

Hope was trying to reel in her hysterics as Fiona exclaimed, "He tried to cuddle with me, and then told me I wasn't his type! What the hell?!"

"He only likes red heads," Dorothy explained.

"Ha! Suck it, slag!" Hope exclaimed in excitement.

"Some Potter thing," Dorothy continued.

"What, did James miss that gene or something?" Fiona snapped, tossing the strapless bra she'd donned for the party over her shoulder and adjusting the new one before turning around. "I haven't seen him with a real ginger yet."

"Oh, speaking of James," Hope started. "Dorothy has something to tell you."

"Bloody hell," she cursed, throwing herself back on her bed and burying her face in the pillow. "You suck."


"Oi, home wrecker," Fiona said with a cheeky grin. "Eat something, would you? You're just playing with your eggs."

Reluctantly, Dorothy took a large spoonful of eggs and shoved them down her throat, pleasing both Hope and Fiona. But Dorothy wasn't hungry. She was so uncontrollably nervous. Her eyes kept darting to the doors of the Great Hall, waiting for one of them to walk into breakfast.

"Dora, are you alright?" Hope asked.

"Peachy," she responded distractedly.

"Dora, stop thinking about it," Hope said with a sigh. "Just...just lie back and think of England."

Dorothy's attention snapped back to her friends across from her. "What?"

"Oh, Merlin, she's here," Fiona said quickly, immediately looking down and shoveling food into her mouth.

"Circe, why the hell do I even hang out with you?" Hope snapped, slapping Fiona's hand. "Take a moment to breathe, would you?"

"I'm a nervous eater!" she said defensively.

"No, you're just an eater."

Dorothy's eyes hadn't left the table since Fiona announced Jen's arrival into the Great Hall. Her heart was pounding a mile a minute, knowing Jen was coming straight towards her.

"Thee?" Jen said from behind Dorothy, her voice concise and cutting.

Dorothy looked up and turned to Jen, biting her lip. She stood up off the bench and said, "Hey, Jen. I think we should talk. I am so sorry about last night—"

"I don't really want to talk with you, Thee," Jen snapped. "I heard quite enough from James."

Dorothy's eye widened. "Oh."

"Yeah," Jen said, bitterness and anger biting in her tone. "Oh. Oh, sweet little Thee Longbottom is just trying to help her friend fix things with his girlfriend. Oh, silly little Thee Longbottom is just having a summer romance while he's trying to fix things with his girlfriend. Oh, stupid little Thee Longbottom can't keep her filthy hands off of him now that he's fixed things with his girlfriend. Oh, slaggy little Thee Longbottom doesn't give a shit that he has a girlfriend! Thank you for helping me get back together with such an upstanding bloke, Thee! I really appreciate the well wishes when I know you only wanted him for yourself!"

"I'm sorry!" Dorothy cried over Jen's gradually increasing volume. "I'm sorry, I made a mistake! I let my emotions blind my judgment and I hurt you and I'm so, so sorry, Jen."

Jen didn't even flinch. "You should be sorry, Longbottom. You're just a slaggy little tart. I hope everyone else can see it."

Dorothy nodded and sat back down on the bench to finish her breakfast. Hope and Fiona shot her reassuring smiles, trying to tell her she’d handled the situation as well as she could have on her own, something both Hope and Fiona believed she had to do.

Fiona's eyes widened as Jen said, "Oh, one more thing, Thee?" Dorothy looked up just in time to see Jen pour the large pitcher of iced orange juice over her head. "Stay the hell away from me."

Dorothy was frozen in her seat. Orange juice dripped down her head and onto her soaking uniform, turning the white Oxford shirt slightly transparent. Hot tears began to spill from her eyes as Hope and Fiona jumped up from the table to get her out of there.

"She said she was sorry," Fiona spat at Jen. "What more do you want?"

"For her to learn her lesson," Jen responded, making her way over to the Ravenclaw table.

"Let's get out of here," Hope said quickly, leaping over top of the breakfast table and leading Dorothy out of the hall. Fiona looked after her best friend who had literally just stepped on the table top, shrugged her shoulders, and followed her path to get to Dorothy's side of the table. She ran to catch up to Hope and Dorothy as they pushed through the doors of the Great Hall.

"Hey, ladies," Freddie said with a grin as he saw them enter the corridor. "Where are you going? Breakfast just started." He got closer to the three of them and laid eyes on Dorothy. "Whoa, Dor...what happened?"

Dorothy looked up at him and glared. "Where the hell have you been?!"

"What?" he asked, taken aback.

"I have needed you very desperately in the past twelve hours!" she snapped, tears pouring down her face. "But you were probably busy with some bird. Wouldn't want to fuck that up too, right?" Freddie stared blankly at her, unable to respond, but Dorothy just continued. "But hey, next time you're looking for a slag, you've got one right here."

"Dor, what the hell are you going on about?"

"Why don't you ask James?" she shot back. "Or, better yet, go to the source of my new citrus wash, Jen Brady!"

Dorothy then tore down the corridor to the set of stairs leading down to the Hufflepuff Common Room, Fiona tight on her heels.

Freddie looked to Hope for some sort of explanation. "You guys could use a chat," was all she said before hurrying after her friends.


"You can't blame Fred," Hope said as the girls entered their dormitory.

"I know," Dorothy lamented, trying to undo the buttons of her sticky shirt. "But I don't really give a shit right now."

"I know," Hope said calmly. "But it looked like you really upset him."

"Well, he really upset me!" Dorothy snapped, groaning in exasperation as her buttons remained closed through all of her tampering. "And this damn shirt won't come off!"

Fiona picked up her wand and vanished the offending article, leaving Dorothy standing before them, crying, just in her skirt and bra.

"I've never heard you curse this much before," Fiona commented.

"Well, no one has ever dumped orange juice on my head before," she said, grabbing a tissue and blowing her nose. "And now I'm crying again because I'm frustrated and sticky--"

"Go hop in the shower, hon," Fiona said. "You won't be sticky anymore, and you won't be able to tell if you're crying or if it’s just the water. It's what I do when I'm really upset."

Dorothy nodded, mumbling apologies for her behavior as she went into the bathroom. Fiona and Hope shared a concerned look and then went to sit on Hope's bed to wait.


"What the bloody hell is that noise?" Tabitha growled from her bunk.

"Dora, I swear to Merlin, if that damn journal goes off one more time, I'm burning it," Hope threatened.

"I'm not opening it!" Dorothy declared. "I don't want to talk to him!"

Fiona leapt out of her four poster and stalked over to Dorothy's bed, growling. "I don't give two shits what you want to do," she snarled. "That bloody book has been going off for over an hour now, and I've got an exam at nine o'clock tomorrow morning. I will maim you."

"Thank Merlin," Tabitha mumbled.

"Get out, Bruce," Fiona snapped.

"Fine," Dorothy said, lighting her wand wordlessly and pulling the book from her bedside table. "Go to sleep." She flicked her wand, closing her bed curtains to block the light from her wand.



Please wake up.

I'll keep doing this.

Fiona will wake you.

Bloody hell, just hear me out, will you?

I'd like to have a conversation, you crazy bint.

I know you're ignoring me.

Merlin's beard, you're obnoxious.

You were the one who walked in on me, you know. That was a very private moment.

Circe, Dor.

I didn't mean what I said, you know I love you. I was drunk. I know they say ‘drunk actions are sober thoughts,’ but I was just irked because you were watching me have a shag.

You saw my bare arse.

Come on, Dor.

You're a real pain in the arse, woman.

You're not a slag, Dor. James said he's going to talk to Jen. She was way out of line.

Merlin, woman, what do you want from me?

Dorothy bit her lip, unsure whether or not to respond.

I know you're reading this. There's no way your room mates would let the beeping go on.

Sighing, she reached her hand out of the curtains and grabbed a quill and ink pot.

She wasn't out of line. I deserved it.

Dorothy watched the page, waiting for his response, something she knew would be coming soon.

Hippogriff shit. No one deserves to have orange juice dumped on their head.

I...Merlin, I'm not having this talk not face to face. I'm on my way.

Dorothy closed the ink pot and tossed it and the quill in the drawer. Flipping her braid over her shoulder, Dorothy pulled back her curtains and placed her feet on the warmed stone floor. She smiled slightly. That was one thing she loved about Hufflepuff. It was never cold.

She turned back to grab her journal to see Freddie had replied.

Bring ice cream.


Crack! Dorothy let go of Winky's small hand as she attempted to regain her balance in front of the Fat Lady's portrait.

"Thanks, Winky," Dorothy said. "I really appreciate the lift."

"Winky is happy to help, Miss Thee," the elf whistled pleasantly. "She hopes the Miss feels better!"

Dorothy smiled weakly at Winky, who Disapparated with another loud crack.

Dorothy turned to the sleeping Fat Lady and knocked on the bottom of her frame. "Um, ma'am?"

The Fat Lady groaned, her eyes fluttering slowly open. "What do you want at this unholy hour, Miss Longbottom? If I recall correctly, you are not in my house."

"I know, and I'm really sorry. Novum inde?"

The Fat Lady grumbled, "If you must," and swung open. Dorothy scrambled inside, unsure if Freddie would be waiting in the common room for her. He wasn't and she scurried to the staircase, frowning as her bare feet froze against the icy floor.

Damn Gryffindors, she thought to herself as she climbed the stone steps to the seventh year boys's dormitory.

Quietly, she snuck over to Freddie's bunk and pulled back the curtain to see him lounging lazily against the headboard skimming a Wheezes catalogue.

"Don't you have that memorized by now?" she asked.

"Course I do," he said smiling. "Doesn't matter. Come on over, I promise the sheets are clean."

Dorothy clambered onto his bed, chucking the tub of ice cream at him to open. "How'd you get here so fast?" he asked, ripping the top off.

"Winky gave me a lift," she responded, dipping her spoon into the ice cream.

"That's just not fair," he whined, taking Dorothy's spoon from her hand and taking a scoop for himself.

"Arse," she muttered as she pulled out a second spoon.

"So why do you think you deserve orange juice on your head?" Freddie asked.

"I snogged her boyfriend, Fred. I would take orange juice every day if I could take that back."

Freddie growled a little bit, taking a violent spoonful of ice cream. "You and James are just trouble," he said, mouth full of ice cream.

"There is no ‘me and James,’" Dorothy said. "It shouldn't have happened. And it won't again."

"So you're telling me you have no feelings whatsoever for James?" Freddie asked.

"None that I'm aware of," Dorothy responded. "What about you? I wasn't the only slag at Rox's party."

"You walked in on me," he said defensively.

"I didn't know where you were!" Dorothy shot back. "I hadn't seen you in ages; I wasn't expecting to see you, well...doing that!"

"I don't need your permission to have sex, Dor."

"I know," she said in a huff. "But still. What did you mean that I ruin things for you?"

Freddie looked her, eyes pained. "Dor, I didn't mean that. I...I don't know what the hell was running through my head."

"You've never yelled at me like that."

Freddie grabbed Dorothy's hand and squeezed. "I'm sorry, Dorothy. I don't know what else I can say."

"I know," she said. "Me too. Can we just eat our ice cream and be happy again? I have a lot of unhappiness in my future, I'd like to be happy and forget with you."

Freddie pressed a kiss to her temple. “Sounds good to me.”

And there's another chapter! Rate and review! Tell me if you like it, hate it, or whatever.

What'd you think of Jen? Freddie and James? Dorothy?

Oh, and just remember, they are teenagers. They will do a whole lot wrong before they do anything right. :)

Peace, Love, and Potter,


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