Chapter 11 : Merlin is out to get me
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“Where the fuck have you been, Rose Minerva Weasley?” She demanded, rounding on me the moment I stepped through the portrait hole.
Although making up with Scorp had put me in a good mood, it was really too early for me to deal with a pissy Alice. And also, why does she insist on pulling out the middle name when she’s angry with me?
“Well?!” She screeched. I sighed—couldn’t she wait for answers in the morning so I could just relax. I did almost have a bleeding heart attack after all.
Luckily Al took her by the elbow and gently led her away to a sofa in front of the fire to calm her down. I smiled at Albus gratefully as he sat across from Alice, who was seething and occasionally muttering insults under her breath.
Al just nodded and returned to shutting Alice up (in a nice way of course). James bounded over to Scorpius and I with Fred in tow. “So, differences aside, right?” James beamed at us.
“She’s forgiven me. Although it wasn’t even my fault.” Scorpius said, putting a hell load of emphasis on the last part, just to get his point across. It was a valid point really.
“Ok, it wasn’t your fault, I do not blame you in any way. I totally forgive you for the actions which were not caused by you, and I am ever so sorry for ever ever doubting you and your supremosity.” I said, milking it to all it was worth.
He rolled his eyes, “Alright, alright—and is supremosity even a word?”
“It is now.”
Cue more eye rolling. He rolls his eyes more than sarcastic Alice.
She has many sides. ‘The many faces of Alice; sarcastic, furious, hormonal, high’. That’s pretty much it. Don’t tell her I said that though, because she’ll get violent.
Then I turned to James, “And you have some explaining to do!” I told him angrily, prodding his chest. He took a step back, looking frightened.
“What did I do?” He whined.
“You knew the truth of what happened and you didn’t bother telling me?!” I screamed at him. He face-palmed. Like, he literally slapped his hand into his face at the speed of the Road Runner (muggle thing).
“Rose, I tried to tell you straight after I spoke to Scorpius, but you refused to listen.”
I had the decency to look at my feet. I was so bloody ashamed of myself. I should have listened to him yesterday, before Albus, Alice and Frankie got back from Prison—I mean detention.
“Oh, that reminds me!” I blurted, “Scorp, Melissa has been spreading rumours about you. Well, I hope they’re rumours.”
“Huh? What rumours?!” He said, panicking slightly.
“She was saying—well, I don’t know if you want to hear this—but she’s been talking to everyone about how you two are having an arranged marriage to carry on the line of purebloods.” Alice piped up, clearly over her tantrum.
“SHE’S BEEN WHAT?!”
“Er, she’s been saying—“ Albus began, but Scorpius let out a cry of rage.
“I’M GOING TO KILL HER! WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS SHE?!” He exclaimed, stretching his hands out as if ready to throttle her, “She shares your dorm, right?” He said, suddenly calm.
“Yeah, but there’s no point going up there,” Alice reasoned, as Scorpius started for the stairs. He turned around and looked at her questioningly, “Well, she’s been in the snake pit (you know, Slytherins) since Durmstrang and Beauxbatons arrived.”
Huh. Alice was being sensible.
“I was going to strangle her after I found out what happened in the grounds, but she must have found a little bit of sense and taken off.” She added as an afterthought.
There’s the Alice I know and love.
“I found her in the library—she doesn’t read books, she was probably hooking up with someone—and I was going to make her pay, but then Albus was there, and he stopped me.” Alice continued, saying the last part softly.
I stared in astonishment at Albus. Nobody, nobody, could calm the storm that was Alice Longbottom. He just shrugged and headed off to the dorms, taking Alice with him and depositing her in her own dorm.
Maybe Al had a chance with her then.
I hadn’t noticed until then that Fred and Frankie had started up a game of exploding snap in the corner, despite it being almost half three in the morning.
“Psst, Fred, Frankie.” I hissed, not wanting to surprise them and make the cards explode. They either couldn’t hear me or just ignored me. “FREDDIE, FRANKIE!” I barked, and they jumped, sending the cards flying through the air. They landed face down on the table silently, and I let out a sigh of relief.
Then they exploded.
“Shit.” Scorpius murmured.
“Son of a bludger! Fred, Frankie, what the hell were you thinking?! McGonagall is going to come up now, you probably woke the fat lady!” I whimpered, then stood still, and gestured for the others to stay silent.
“Silly little children—waking me up from my nap—I need my beauty sleep you know Minerva, you need to put a stop to this, or I will not guard their common room any longer. I simply won’t put up with this nonsense!”
I glanced round at the others and saw they all had the same look of horror upon their faces. Or sooty faces in the case of Fred and Frankie.
“Yes, well, instead of ranting to me about their behaviour, why don’t you let me in to sort them out?” I heard McGonagall say sharply. I could just see her nostrils flaring. She’s like a pony. Neigh.
“No, no, I must tell you first all the things they have done wrong, otherwise they will keep doing it. You can’t tell them off when you don’t know what they’ve done.” Protested the fat lady.
It sounded like McGonagall was just moments away from entering and seeing us here. We all legged it to the stairs and began to climb up, but halfway up, the stairs gave way beneath us, and smoothed out into a slide.
We crumpled in a heap and slid to the bottom, where we lay, groaning, trying to get up and out of the tangle of bodies and limbs.
“What in the name of Merlin’s beard!” Spluttered Frankie, wriggling out from underneath the pile.
“The fat lady can control the staircase sometimes. I guess she didn’t want us to escape.” James told us calmly, also squirming. He gave up, “MOVE FREDDIE, YOU GREAT BIG LUMP.” He bellowed, trying to shift Fred.
“Double shit.” Scorpius said again, under his breath as Fred leapt away from James before he was done some serious damage..
“Exactly what I was thinking.” I said. We couldn’t get out of the common room. McGonagall was going to find us, and kill us. Goodbye Jilly, Rosie will miss you.
I hope you’ll miss me too, Jilly.
I doubt it.
“That’s all well and good that you agree, but we probably need to get moving, preferably before the Fat Lady lets Old Minnie in.” James hissed, standing up.
We followed his lead and untangled myself from Scorpius, who had paled considerably. Although I’m not sure whether it was from embarrassment or fright. I let it go and helped him up, walking over to James.
“Quick, under here.” James said, a note of urgency. It was one thing facing a furious McGonagall in the day, but Merlin’s beard, it was a hell load worse at night.
The last time James got in trouble with McGonagall, he and Freddie had spiked the Slytherin’s drinks with veritserum, so they were all blurting out secrets of their own and of other people’s.
There were a fair few broken hearts that day, I can tell you.
Anyway, McGonagall tracked James and Freddie down after spending a whole day trying to find the culprits. Unfortunately, it was the middle of the night, and although we all should have been in bed, we weren’t—no, we were still up and playing a big game of Duck, duck, goose. Childish I know, but so much fun.
She had stormed into the common room and shouted and James and Freddie for at least half an hour, before forcing them to drink some veritserum. That was also the day I learnt that James had been planning to trick Scorpius into going into the Forbidden Forest, and leaving him there, completely lost.
Oh yeah, and Freddie admitted that he liked to collect mouldy food, because it made his own food seem so much better in comparison.
I think towards the end, McGonagall felt she had been a bit too rash, because she cast a simple spell, causing the effects of the potion to wear off, docked a few points, and gave the two sheepish boys detention every Saturday cleaning the Owlery for the rest of the year. That year was the dirtiest I’d ever seen the owlery, and that’s saying something.
She then turned on her heel and flounced out the common room, where Peeves Oh-So-Kindly proceeded to lift McGonagalls flimsy dressing gown, so we all caught a glimpse of her nylon undies. Needless to say we were scarred for life.
“Come on Rosie!” James whined.
I scowled at him, “You can’t call me that.”
“He does!” James retorted, pointing at Scorpius and then folding his arms and giving me what he probably thought was a threatening look. Really, it made him look sassy and a bit camp.
Scorpius simply shrugged, “Al and Lily can call her that too. It’s not just me.”
I nodded my assent, “Yeah, you’re just jealous Jamesie.”
“Don’t call me that. And I’m not.”
“Shut the hell up before McGonagall gets here.” Raged Scorpius. It amazed me how he managed to do that with such venom and ferocious and yet stay more or less silent.
“Thank you. Bleeding prats—you’ll wake the whole tower, then we really will be in trouble.” Scorpius sighed.
“You’re so jelly Jamesie.” I muttered under my breath so he didn’t hear me. Scorpius did though, and he gave me a warning look. I smiled back at him cluelessly.
“Quick, under here, the fat lady will have alerted her by now.” James hissed, walking over to a bookcase. “It has a sort of cubby hole behind the bookcase, but you can only get to it by crawling under.”
“So you mean to say that I have to crawl under that monstrosity.” I exclaimed, gawping at the dusty medieval bookcase which was decked in cobwebs.
“Well… yes.” James said, unfazed by the thought of the giant spiders that had surely made the web. I sighed, and bent down to wipe my finger underneath the bookcase on the floor. My hand came back all thick with dust.
“You know dust is like human skin?” I told James, glaring at him.
“No, and guess what? I don’t care.” He retorted, “Now bloody get under, or do you want five million detentions?”
“No, not doing it. I’ll take my chances with McGonagall.” I said stubbornly, crossing my arms.
Scorpius and James raised their eyebrows at each other in exasperation, then, before I knew it, Scorpius put his hands on my head, shoving me down so I was splayed out on the floor. I remained there, feeling slightly dazed. I was about to get up when—
“You may want to keep your head down.” James said.
“Wait, what are you—“ I began, but he stopped my by pushing me so I slid under the bookcase, my feet touching the wall at the end of the cubby hole.
It was amazing how spacious it was in here. If there weren’t any cobwebs, you could easily sit up in here. I think it had an extension charm, but I couldn’t be sure. Then I snapped out of my stupor, and crawled to the front of the bookcase, where there was a sizeable gap.
“I’ll kill you!” I whisper-screamed, trying to get out from under the bookcase.
“Could you wait at least until we know McGonagall isn’t getting here.” Scorpius asked calmly, moving me out the way so I was further under the bookcase, and so that he could shuffle under too. I growled at him, about to scream abuse at him, but he clamped a hand over my mouth.
I licked his hand—on purpose this time—in an attempt to escape from him, but he just shot me a very amused look. I made a mental note to slip something lethal into his pumpkin juice next lunch or breakfast.
Then I felt something wet on my hand, which was out in front of me, preventing me from whacking my head against the hard stone floor. I glared at Scorpius, “Bitch did you just lick me?”
He chuckled (chuckling is for middle aged people who were no longer up for ‘making bacon’. I tried to remember to tell Scorpius this later).
“You licked my hand. So I retaliated.” He said, being a git.
“Stop doing whatever the fuck it is you’re doing, because it’s weird as hell.” James the ever so charming boy said, as he flattened on the floor and wriggled under the bookcase.
“Shut the hell up James.” I snapped, as Scorpius grinned beside me. I shot daggers at him and thumped his arm, “Stop it you bloody bastard.”
He just grinned some more until Frankie’s voice came from the common room.
“Uh guys, what about us?” He said, looking peeved.
“There’s no room under here.” James said quickly. There was. There so was room. Liar. Bet his pants were on fire.
“That’s your fault, dear cousin, or should I call you Mr-Let’s-Eat-All-The-Fucking-Pies!” Fred whined.
“I just like pies.” James said in his feeble defence. “Now, go hide you buffoon.”
“Fine, we’ll just disillusion-ify ourselves, won’t we Frankie.” Fred said smugly, turning to Fred. He pulled out his wand, and tapped Frankie on the head, and gave his wand to Frankie before he turned invisible.
“Now me.” Fred demanded.
“Nah… You made the cards collapse.” Frankie’s voice said from somewhere near one of the couches.
“JUST BLOODY HIDE BEFORE MCGONAGALL GETS HERE!” Scorpius yelled at Freddie, before whacking his head on the floor. What an idiot. Any chances of McGonagall thinking nobody was in the common room, were now most probably gone.
I slapped him up-side the head, “Moron.”
Freddie, who had been watching us with some amusement, suddenly went rigid, and we shut up to hear voices floating out from the portrait hole.
“…And the time Sirius Black slashed my portrait!” We heard the Fat Lady shriek indignantly.
“Yes, but he wasn’t a student was he?” McGonagall replied, sounding pretty pissed off.
“No, Professor, come back here, and listen.”
We heard McGonagall groan, and we heard her footsteps retreating, until we were met with silence.
“Damn that was close.” James said.
Fred burst into action and ran all around the common room looking for somewhere to hide. He settled on hiding behind the sofa we had last heard Frankie.
Just as his foot disappeared out of sight, the portrait hole creaked open, and James pulled on my foot so that I couldn’t see what was going on, and so that McGonagall equally would not be able to see me.
“…And about Sirius Black, he used to be a student, didn’t he?” Sulked the Fat Lady.
“Emphasis on the used to be.” McGonagall said, with an air of impatience as she stepped into the common room, and slammed the portrait, effectively cutting off the Fat Lady’s impatient voice.
“Thank Merlin.” She sighed, as she walked in a tight circle, scanning the room. I had wriggled forwards a bit so I could just about see her, despite James’ protests. Her eyes lingered on the exploding snap cards which lay face down on the table and surrounding floor innocently. She sniffed incredulously before tapping out the room with her clumpy heels.
“They must have left an exploding snap tower.” I heard her say as the portrait swung shut.
We all let out a sigh of relief.
I squirmed, making my way out from under the bookcase, before the others had time to react. I brushed dust off myself, “Well this has been fun, but I think I’ll go hit the hay.” I waved to nobody in particular and charged off up to the dorm, and thankfully, the stairs had changed back from a slide.
I really didn’t want to face Freddie and his rage at having to hide behind a couch.
I’d had enough drama for the day.
I woke the next morning in a much better mood, and shuffled down to breakfast on my own. I was busy stuffing my face with pancakes and honey when Albus walked in.
“Hey Rosie Posie.” He said cheerfully.
I scowled, “Drop the Posie and I’ll let you live.”
“Sure thing, Nutcracker.”
“Shut up, only my dad calls me that.”
“And what a lovely name it is.”
My nose twitched as I refrained from punching him. Instead, I picked up the nearest object—which just so happened to be a buttered croissant—and threw it at Al. I jeered when it slid off his shocked face, leaving a trail of crumbs and melted butter.
His face suddenly grew dark, “Oh, you’ll wish you never did that.” He then proceeded to pick up an open yoghurt pot, and before I could react, he launched it right at my head.
The contents splattered into my hair, and dripped down into my eyes, practically blinding me. I wiped as much as I could away, then slammed my palms on the table, standing up, “THAT’S IT!”
Albus stared at me, startled at my outburst, while I scanned the table for the messiest thing I could find—honey. I slyly pulled out my wand whilst pretending to keep looking around, and pointed it at the honey, levitating it out the jar and over Albus’ head without him noticing.
“Al, the post!” I exclaimed, pointing at imaginary owls. Albus, being the gullible prick he is, gawped skywards, saw the fist sized gloop of honey, and gawped at that instead.
Then I removed the charm, and laughing manically when it dropped right onto Albus’ gormless mug.
He screamed like a a goat or drugs, leaping up and flapping his arms about whilst snorting as to get the honey out of his nose.
Like flapping his arms was going to help.
I was too busy laughing at Al’s expense, that I didn’t notice somebody behind me until they whispered right in my ear, “Food Fight?”
I slowly turned and found myself staring into Scorpius’ stormy grey eyes. His pupils seems so contrasting in comparison to his iris, and I couldn’t help but lose myself in them. In all honesty, it felt like I was falling into a pool of black, similar to his pupils.
I know that sounds weird, but his eyes were just so mesmerising. I gaped, opening and closing my mouth like a fish, whilst trying to bring myself back to reality, and away from the cliché land.
“Uh, yes?” I mumbled, not liking the mischievous grin on his face one bit.
“Do you know what that means?” He asked me teasingly, picking up two slices of toast. I shook my head as he ate the first piece of toast. He ate it so fast he was practically inhaling it.
He had such bad table manners.
And all the while, he still managed to look hot as.
WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!
I just said… I can’t believe I just thought that. Oh Merlin… I snapped out of my stupor, in time to see Scorpius swallow his last mouthful of toast. He then crumbled the remaining slice of toast in his hands, raising his arms. And he dumped it into my hair.
The crumbs stuck to my hair like glue, thanks to the yoghurt that was streaked through my hair.
“FOOD FIGHT!” Scorpius bellowed loud enough for the stream of students that had entered the great hall (Durmstrang and Beauxbatons included) to hear.
The shrieks that followed surely could have killed anything, like Slytherin’s Basilisk. Bagels, Jam, Toast, Pancakes, BASICALLY ALL THE FOOD, was lobbed over students heads, occasionally making contact with a pupil or wall.
The foreigners looked on from where they were huddled in the doorway, evidently unsure of what to do.
Scorpius had run off somewhere, probably so I wouldn’t kill him. I’ll kill him later though. Albus was standing on the other side of the table still, “Oh Rosie!” He trilled merrily, holding up a treacle tart in one hand, whilst wiping cornflakes and chocolate sauce from his eyes with the other. He lobbed the treacle tart at me, but I was ready, and ducked before it could hit me.
It made impact with something behind me, and I picked up and orange, and was about to squeeze it to a pulp ready to throw at Albus, when pretty much everybody froze and gasped.
No really, it was like a staged, collective gasp.
I felt my stomach drop as I turned around to see what was behind me. Or should I say who.
Somebody was towering over me, with treacle tart all over their surly face and muscular torso. I gulped, as I realised who it was—Igor Krum. A seventh year at Durmstrang, and eldest son of Viktor Krum.
And Albus just threw food at him. Well, me, but I ducked, so really it was my fault that Igor Krum had pudding on his lovely face.
Viktor Krum must have felt some sort of… feeling for his old headmaster, as he named his first-born after him. There was a second son, Sven. I think he’s in my year, but I can’t be sure. He’s not as publicly known as his Quidditch-mad brother. In fact, he’s barely mentioned at all.
“I vos just vondering vezzer you vere Hermyown’s daughter. My Father speaks very highly ov your family.” Igor said in his thick Russian accent, “Although after that performance, I cannot see vy he vould think that.”
Merlin’s saggy yellow Y-Fronts.
“Oh I—“ I gave a hacking cough, my throat tight with fear, then tried again, “Ahem, sorry, um yeah, I am Hermione’s son. Uh, daughter I mean. I don’t know. Oh Merlin.” I babbled, before fear got the better of me, and I sprinted out of the room, barging past McGonagall and the other professors, who must have been informed about the food fight. I dodged another treacle tart and ended up getting hit by a tomato, before making my way into the corridor. I kept on running though, until I turned the corner and barrelled straight into somebody, sending them and myself flying.
I sat up from where I was sprawled on the cold hard floor, dazed, and saw the person I had knocked flying sit up and rub there head.
Then I almost had a heart attack when I saw who it was.
MERLIN, WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME?!
I am so so so so so sorry. I don't think I've updated in about a month. There are lots of reasons for this, one being the holdiay the staff took-- I would have had this one validated weeks ago, but the image for it was too big, and I had to re-submit, but by that time the queue was closed. Then I had my laptop taken away, so... yeah. I'm sorry, but I have lots of chapters written ready.
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