Chapter 34 : Finality
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A baby boy that was all mine.
A son. My baby boy. I had a son.
Healer Jones held him up for me and although he was covered in blood and other things, he was the most beautiful thing I’d seen. I couldn’t believe he was finally here.
They took him away telling me they had to clean him up but I just wanted to hold him. They let James cut the cord and then suddenly, a pair of hands passed him to me.
I reached out for him, feeling the softness of the blue blanket. I blinked a few times and the fuzzy image before me cleared up.
There, sitting amidst the blue blankets, was my beautiful little boy. He had big dark eyes staring up at me and had a small amount of black hair and was extremely fair, just like James. His face was still a bit red but he was perfect.
His small fists balled up and he started crying again. And I started to cry as well, but from happiness. I rocked him gently and whispered, “Shh… shh… Baby, it’s going to be okay, please stop crying.” I kissed his head lightly and looked at him again. He still looked unsettled. Healer Jones told me to feed him and I awkwardly tried to get him to drink. He wouldn’t latch on but with her help, I finally did it. Although it was clumsy and it hurt a lot more than I expected, it still felt surreal.
When he finally finished drinking, I kept him in my arms as he slowly closed his eyelids. James and I didn’t talk; we just stared at him in wonder.
“We’re calling him Ryan Jordan Potter,” I heard James say to the Healer. I nearly forgot about the name. But as soon as I heard it, I just knew it was his name.
He was a Ryan.
I hardly noticed what James was saying, I was too focused on Ryan. It just came out as garbled noise. I stared at my baby in awe and then I heard James ask, as if from a distance, if he could hold him.
I blinked and nodded, my reverie being broken. I handed him to James so very gently, and then leant back, letting out a small hiss of pain. I wiped my eyes so I could watch how James interacted with him. His face was alight and he was beaming. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched them together; it was one of the most amazing things I’d ever seen. I started to cry again but it was just a steady stream of tears. I couldn’t believe it. I was a mum. Oh my god.
James was saying something but I was so exhausted and my own eyes closed and I was asleep before I knew it.
I heard a loud cry and I bolted up but then cried out because it hurt so much. James woke up, dazed and then pushed a potion bottle towards me. “This is for you. I’ll go get him.” I drank the potion quickly and coughed at the bad taste. None of those potions tasted good. Then James passed Ryan to me and I quickly forgot about the taste.
James yawned and sat back down in the seat again, cracking his back. I wasn’t sure what to do.
“James,” I whispered. “What do I do?”
I was a terrible mother; I didn’t even know what to do when my child was crying! How was I going to do this?
“Healer Jones said he’d probably need to be fed when he next woke up,” he suggested. “And don’t look so scared, you’re going to learn.”
How did he know I was scared?
I tried feeding him again and I had a lot more luck this time. I breathed a sigh of relief and felt the tension leaving my shoulders. “How’d you know I was scared?”
“Because your eyes were the size of Aunt Luna’s,” he said, laughing. I snorted and looked down at Ryan, who seemed to be pretty hungry.
He was also a pretty big boy.
“Did the healer say how heavy he was?” I asked. I patted his soft head with the pad of my thumb. He was perfect. Absolutely perfect.
James nodded. “She said he was just over eight pounds. You’re a champion, Reese.”
Woah. I think I deserved the ‘champion’ title. Ryan then made a noise and I fixed my top up and held him more securely in my arms. I felt sticky and sweaty, and my hair was ridiculously greasy but my little baby wasn’t complaining. He was absolutely perfect.
I looked down at him. He was beautiful. I stared at him, for what felt like hours, understanding, realising that moment of connection all mothers talked about.
My baby Ryan knew who I was. He knew I was his Mum; I could see it in his eyes. He blinked up at me, shoving a tiny fist in his mouth and I started crying again because I was so happy. I was so happy I had a beautiful baby, healthy and here. He wasn’t too small like the Healers had been saying all throughout my pregnancy. I had a healthy baby boy.
And now that he was finally in my arms, I could relax. He was absolutely perfect.
I kissed the top of Ryan’s head. “He’s gorgeous,” I said, playing with his hair. He already had quite a few strands on his head.
“Yeah, everyone thought so as well. They all loved him,” James said. I looked up at him and he clarified, “Oh, just my family. Not all of them. Just Mum, Dad, Al and Lily.”
“I missed them meeting him?” I said, feeling a bit down because of it.
“Yeah,” he said. “But it’s alright, because it wasn’t that great. They’d been here for a long time. I couldn’t—”
“No, I completely understand,” I said. And I did. That didn’t stop me feeling a bit sad because I was stupid and asleep.
“Reese, you needed your sleep. You’ve had a massive day,” James said gently.
How did he keep doing that?! I understood his point though. At least I wouldn’t miss everyone else’s reactions. It just would have been great to see Ginny’s reaction. Ah well.
I just kept gazing down at Ryan adoringly. I couldn’t believe how much I loved him. I didn’t realise it was possible to love someone as much as I loved him. My heart swelled every time he made a little noise and I just wanted to hold onto him forever. I didn’t care about all the crap I went through when I was pregnant and in labour. Because it was worth it.
He was worth it.
The next morning I could finally have a shower. James promised to not bat an eyelid away from Ryan and I hobbled off to the shower, still in immense pain.
When I came out though, I felt so much more refreshed and my head was so much clearer.
I sat back down on the bed and James passed Ryan to me again. I still looked semi-pregnant but I reassured myself my stomach would become smaller over time. Hopefully. I didn’t want to look like I was permanently pregnant.
I knew there was nothing to do about the stretch marks, though. I could try potions but I doubt that they’d ever leave.
But I didn’t care. I didn’t care if I permanently looked like I had been hit by a flying brick, because I had my little Ryan and that was all I really needed.
As if he was on cue, he started crying and I tried to settle him down. It turned out he just wanted a cuddle, which I was more than happy to oblige to.
We were told we could go home at 6 the next day. I was so scared. The day passed in a blur and Mr and Mrs Weasley visited, along with Ginny again. They absolutely adored Ryan. Not that I could blame them of course, he was the best (and cutest) thing I had ever made. I was quite proud that I made such a gorgeous baby boy.
And no, I was not being biased.
After Ryan fell asleep, we were told that everyone would visit us at our place.
“A kind of house-warming party,” Mrs Weasley had said.
It was now six and we could leave. I was absolutely terrified. I kept pestering Healer Jones about things and she laughed and told me I could always send her an owl if I ever had any questions.
We packed him up, and I was told I could Floo with Ryan. I was extremely scared but James assured me that he’d be waiting at the grate, ready to catch us. I took a deep breath and held him tightly, making sure his eyes were covered.
Ryan and I finally arrived, but only Ginny and Mrs Weasley were waiting for us. I was thankful for them because even though they’d only been with me for a few hours, they were already a major help.
Mrs Weasley cooked us all a meal and when we had just cleaned up the doorbell rang.
“It begins,” James said ominously. I laughed as he went to answer the door.
I nearly jumped out of my skin as I saw the whole Weasley family waiting at the door.
“CONGRATULATIONS!” They all chorused. James stepped aside to let them in and I felt myself being hugged, kissed, patted everywhere. I kept repeating the same two words over and over again: “Thank you”.
“So,” Dom said, clapping her hands excitedly. “Where’s little Ryan?” She squeaked in her excitement.
“Sleeping,” I said, just as he started crying. “Maybe not. I’ll be right back.” Dom nearly wet herself from the excitement, like a Chihuahua.
I went into his room, which had been painted a pale blue already. I grabbed him from his cot and rocked him gently. “Hey little man,” I said. “Are you hungry?”
He looked up at me and blinked. It seemed that it was going to be hard to communicate with him. It turned out that he wasn’t hungry, but just needed a nappy change. Which was thankfully much quicker and easier than feeding him and would allow the others to see him as soon as possible.
I gave him a little snuggle and kissed the top of his head. “Are you ready to meet everyone, little man? I must warn you, they’re a bit loony,” I said before I introduced him to his crazed family. I looked right in his eyes and I just wanted to hold him forever.
I walked out the room and said proudly, “Everyone, this is Ryan Jordan.” Their reactions were immediate. They all looked over the moon and started chattering about.
I passed him to Rose (she was closest to me, and as godmother I thought she should have gotten to hold him first), who looked over the moon. Louis waited excitedly, because he felt as godfather he should his godson second. Which was understandable. I sat back down, wincing in pain, and let people pass him around. People who weren’t holding Ryan, or weren’t breathing down the person holding him, gave James and me gifts like flowers and balloons.
Lily gave me a hug and said, “Aw look at that, you’re still fat.”
I laughed and rolled my eyes. “You’re so nice, it’s unbelievable.”
She winked. “So what was childbirth like?” she asked curiously.
“Hard. And it hurts like a bitch.” Lily grimaced.
“But you’re okay now?” she asked.
“Well, I’m okay because I have Ryan, but it hurts to do anything. Because babies just don’t come out nice and cleanly, they like to rip things up.”
Lily looked horrified. “What?”
I nodded. “That’s why I keep wincing when I sit down. It really puts you off having sex.”
Lily snorted. “Well, maybe I won’t have children then. I’ll just steal Ryan and be world’s best aunt as Al is world’s weirdest uncle.”
At the word ‘uncle’, I remembered Ryan also had Blake. I looked up at James in a panic and gripped his arm. “I forgot to call Blake!” I decided I wasn’t going to call my parents. If they wanted to know, they could call me or ask Blake. I’ve given up for good on them. I didn’t want them anywhere near me, or my son. I know that in the future some time it will cause a massive drama, but right now I did not have the time or energy to deal with it.
He shook his head. “Nah, I called him when you were sleeping this morning. He said he’d pop by tomorrow.”
I breathed a sigh of relief and said, “Thank you.” James grinned at me. He looked tired and had a slight shadow on his jawline.
It seemed that the both of us would be very tired for a very long time.
Lily then got up to go sort through the presents. I looked for Ryan in the ridiculously large crowd – there was really no other way to explain it – and saw Fleur holding him. The males of the family had bunched themselves together in the corner and were talking as Roxy was trying to find vases.
Then, Roxy grinned. “Oi, Al! Pay up!”
He slumped his shoulders. “I’ll pay you tomorrow, I don’t have it on me,” he grumbled.
I cleared my throat. “Erm, guys. I hate to break this to you, but he was born on the 3rd at 12:06 am.
“NO!” Roxy exclaimed loudly as Al shouted, “YES! BIRTHDAY BUDDIES!” They were shushed immediately, everyone turning to Ryan in worry but he seemed to be fine. He was blinking up at Fleur. It seemed he was already used to loud noises. Thus making him fit perfectly into the family already.
Al looked like Christmas had come early. “Reese, couldn’t you have just pushed him out a bit quicker?!” she moaned.
I rolled my eyes. If only. “It doesn’t work like that.”
Roxy laughed and said, “If I ever have kids, I’ll try to push them out as fast as I can to prove you wrong.” If there was one thing Roxy was, it was competitive. She liked to beat everyone.
Angelina laughed. “Oh Rox, you won’t know what’s hit you. Roxy stuck her tongue out at her mum and Angelina rolled her eyes. “I swear you aren’t my daughter sometimes.”
George laughed. “Well they obviously don’t get their immaturity from me, do they?”
I think the whole room snorted at that comment.
It was quiet for a few minutes as we watched Ryan get passed from Dom to Victoire.
“Aw, he’s so beautiful, guys,” Victoire said, looking down at him. She rocked him gently as he started to make some noise. I tensed, making sure he was okay but Victoire settled him. She smiled down at him. “I want one,” she sighed.
Fleur clapped her hands and said something in French. Bill let out a small scream. Teddy choked on his pumpkin juice. “Come again?” he spluttered.
“Look at him, Ted! Tell me he isn’t the most adorable thing in the world,” she said, looking up at him. He peered over and a reluctant grin unfurled on his face.
I felt myself grin as he admitted, “He is adorable.”
“I know,” James said proudly. I couldn’t help but melt at that statement; it was phenomenal seeing James look at Ryan. Even though he assured me he’d always be around, I still had that little voice in the back of my mind saying that he wouldn’t stick around, he wouldn’t give a toss about us but it all disappeared when I actually saw him with Ryan.
I knew he wasn’t going anywhere.
It was hard being a mother. Waking up in awful hours of the night. Dealing with vomit, poop, wee, snot, and spit. Sticky hands grabbing at your cheeks. Having your hair pulled and chewed on. Getting screamed at right in your ear drum. Being constantly tired. Not being able to go anywhere without worrying or stressing. Fighting with James more often because of certain decisions or choices. It was tough; there wasn’t any doubt about that.
And yeah, there were times when it got overwhelming. There were times when I just wanted to get away from it all. I’ll admit it.
But then I would look at Ryan, see him giggling and growing by the second, looking so much like James, but with my smile, and I would be filled with such a huge amount of love and pride I never knew I could feel.
His jet black hair and big brown eyes was the most adorable combination and combine that with two little dimples, he was literally the cutest baby a mother could ask for. And yeah, he could cause a little trouble, but he was too cute to ever get mad at him. He helped me with my depression, which was a surprising turn of events. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for my beautiful baby boy.
For a long time, I thought I was made to be an Obliviator. I never wanted kids. I didn’t think being a mother would be fulfilling. But now that Ryan was here, I realised I was made to be his mum. He was always meant to be in my life. I didn’t need anything else except him. And that was the most fulfilling thing I could ever have. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’d never been significant. If something had happened to me when I was fifteen, people would be sad for a while, but they would eventually move on and forget about me. But with Ryan, I knew I would always be the single most important person in his life and that was all the significance I’d ever need. I may stop being James’ girlfriend, I may get new friends, I may start a job with new people but I would never stop being Ryan’s mum. That was all I needed really.
And although I had a tough time before he arrived, I didn’t care. I would go through it a million times if it meant he was safe and perfectly happy. Ryan was my whole world.
And I wouldn’t change a single thing about that fact.
I would like to thank every single one of you who has ever read, reviewed or favourited this story. Without you guys, I probably would have abandoned this story but I'm so glad I didn't. ♥
I want to specifically thank potterfan310 and imacullenpottergirl. Sophie for reviewing nearly every single chapter (thank you so much) and Abhi for egging me to keep going and not abandon it.
But I love you ALL and I couldn't have done it without you!
Also, a MASSIVE thank you to the validators who dealt with my annoying edits and things like that. :p
So yeah, another thank you for everything. It's been a good experience for me!
So for the last time, thank you for reading and remember to review with your thoughts!
- Kayla. ♥
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