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Psychos and Psychologists by Holly_Mist
Chapter 4 : Problem Number Four
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 9

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bathtub. at tda strikes again!

No matter what anybody says, especially those rabid fan girls who stalk their favourite celebrities or in this case - Hogwarts hottest blokes like there’s no tomorrow, stalking people is boring.

I mean, why would you want to know what someone does twenty-four hours a day? I mean, hello, privacy!

Some Hogwarts fan girls are just outright creepy. They go as far as sneaking into the bloke’s dorm and listening to them shower.


You would have had to suffer some serious brain damage if you go to such an extent.

Getting back.

Like I said, stalking people is boring. How do I know? Because, I, Coral Christina Carter, also known as Rocky (or Coco), was doing the exact same thing.


I am currently stalking Albus Potter.

Okay, not stalking per se, I was merely observing him from a distance. I mean if I had to help him, I needed some sort of information.

Although, him eating slightly burnt toast with strawberry jam with a sullen expression on his face hardly counts as information.

“Hey.” Rose sat down across me from me blocking my view of Albus. “What’s up?”

“Ro, you’re blocking my view.” I said, craning my neck to the side to get a better look.

Rose turned around to inspect what I was looking, following my line of sight. “Why are you looking at Al?”

I sighed, returning to my normal position, rubbing my neck. Clearly watching him eat wasn’t going to get me anywhere.

“I’m trying to dig up some dirt on him.” I explained.

“Like what?” Rose snorted, picking up a piece of sliced green apple, which was lying on the gold china plates. “What type of jam he likes eating with his toast?”

“It might be vital information!” I defended my actions, though Rose did have a point.

“Sure.” Rose smirked, stretching out the ‘e’.

“At least I’m not madly in love with a certain blonde who doesn’t date.” Was my pathetic attempt at an amazing comeback.

“You suck.” Rose informed me, scowling.

“You’re just jealous.”

“Of what?” Rose scoffed.

“My awesomeness.” I grinned.

“Totally.” Rose said, her tone sardonic.

“So,” I said, changing the topic. “Do you want to tell me as to why you were glaring at Nell yesterday when she told us about Louis?”

Rose’s smirk immediately morphed into an expression of anger.

“Yes?” I raised my eyebrows.

“I just don’t want her to get hurt.” Rose uttered.

Boy, if she got any angrier there would be steam coming out from her ears.

“You’ve got a funny way of showing it.” I said. Rose bit her lip, and that’s when I knew she was hiding something. “Come on.” I encouraged. “I know you’re hiding something. Spill.”

Rose sighed. “During the summer, I found Louis kissing another girl.”

My mind went blank. I stared at Rose, my mouth gaping open. “Are you serious?”

“Yep,” Rose nodded. “It was at Fred’s summer bash.”

“But he and Nell were still into the whole snogging thing!” I exclaimed angrily.

“That’s what I told him.”

Louis Weasley. You’re a dead man. Nobody tries hurts my friends.


“I’m going to murder him.” I muttered angrily.

“Let me join you” Rose said, holding out her hand.

I shook her hand and grinned. “So how are we going to carry out this extremely dangerous plan, Agent Ro?”

“We commit murder during the hours of the night.”

“Knife or wand?”

“Beater’s bat.”

I burst out laughing. “Did we just plan out your cousin’s and one of my best guy friend’s murder?” I giggled.

“I think we did.” Rose laughed. “Oh! I was meaning to ask you, why were you trying to hook Kenny up with Seth?”

“Seth likes her.” I confessed.

Rose looked disappointed. “Dang. I thought I’d date him.”

“You like Scorpius.” I pointed out.

“He was my second choice.” Rose responded, taking a bite out of her toast.

I made a face. These people have seriously got to stop hitting on Seth.

Just then, as if on cue, Seth sat down beside me, ruffling my hair. “Good morning.” He mumbled sleepily, placing his head into his arms. Fred and James joined us, both looking equally tired.

“Why are you guys awake if you’re so tired?” I asked, amused.

“Cause we’re cool like that.”

I rolled my eyes. Maybe this would be a good time to tell him about Kenny. After all, I doubt his sleepy brain could comprehend anything at the moment.

Let’s test my theory out.

“Seth, I failed transfiguration.” I said, purposely making my voice sound dejected.

“Okay. I’ll lend you money.” Came his garbled words.

Rose giggled in the background, while James and Fred looked on amused

Okay, so this was working so far.

“Can you lend me a galleon?”

“I don’t like yoghurt.” He whined, his head still on the table.

His brain must be seriously messed up in the morning if these are replies he comes up with. I mean, they aren’t even remotely close to what I said.

“Kenny bro-zoned you.” I spoke quickly.

His head snapped up. “What?” He whispered.

Oh great. His stupid brain decided to comprehend that.

“Um,” I say uncomfortably. “Just what I said.”

“She bro-zoned me?” He said, louder this time.

“Yes.” I said softly.

James clucked his tongue. “Bad luck man.” I saw that James looked extremely tired, guessing from the dark circles under his eyes. I’m guessing he didn’t get a lot of sleep due to last night’s events.

“But why?!” Seth wailed.

“Because she see’s you as her brother.” Rose said, oh so helpfully. Does no one in our group have any tact?!

James and I patted him on the back, while Fred decided to look on the bright side of the situation. “Well, you can now date other birds mate.” Fred said.

“But I don’t want to date other girls! I want to date Kenny!” Seth bawled.

From my observations, the seventh year boys are secretly teenage girls (sans Fred).

“There, there.” Fred said, pulling out a Kleenex from his pocket and handing it to Seth. “It’s okay. Kenny doesn’t rule your life! You’re a strong independent man who don’t need no woman!” Fred declared, while Seth accepted the tissue, dabbing away his non-existent tears.

Clearly I was mistaken by excluding Fred. I mean, I’m sorry, but which bloke carries a Kleenex in their pocket?

“You guys are so weird.” Rose said, shaking her head.

Rose’s statement was met by a number of responses.

“We’re not weird!”

“You’re weird!”


Sick of my brother’s whining (yeah, patience is not really my thing), I snapped. “Listen here cry baby.” Seth stopped whining, looking hurt. “Suck it up.” I continued. “It’s not like you were in love with her. And you didn’t even do anything yourself to pursue her. You asked me to do your work. So really, you haven’t even been rejected. Get rejected first, by actually asking her out or something and then whine. Right now, you’re just really hurting my ears.” I finished my rant, breathing out angrily, while Seth looked on perplexed.

I should really learn not to get angry easily.

“Are you PMS-ing?” Seth asked unsurely, looking scared. “Is that why you’re so angry?”

Really, after being my brother, since I don’t know, oh, forever, he still feels the need to ask stupid questions. Doesn’t he know I have a low tolerance level?

How I became school counselor, I’ll never know.

I glared at him. Fred looked at me, taking in my expression and whispered, “Yeah, she’s definitely PMS-ing.” James nodded his head vigorously in agreement with egg hanging off his lip.


Rose, thankfully, spoke before I could yell at the three of them. “No you twats. She’s pissed because Seth’s whining without any reason.” She addressed Seth. “Ask her out or something. Or actually, why don’t you start with talking. I’m sure that would be more helpful.”

“Thank you!” I exclaimed.

Seth looked thoughtful. “Maybe you’re right. I should try the whole talking thing first. I mean, I can’t just ask her out without knowing how she feels about me!”

“Great idea.”

“I’m going to go now!” He said excitedly, getting off the bench and heading towards the door.

“Don’t go now!” I protested. “She’s sleeping!”

But Seth had already walked out. I gulped, fearing the life of my brother. If he attempts to wake up Kenny before noon on a Sunday – he’s screwed.

“If you want your best friend alive, I suggest that both of you go after him.” Rose said, drily.

Fred gave his breakfast a parting look while James sighed muttering ‘lovesick prat’ under his breath, and then proceeded to leave the great hall.

“My brother is such an idiot.” I said, thinking of his broken body in the hospital wing, thanks to Kenny.

“But a hot idiot.”

I shoved toast in her mouth. As long as she didn’t speak, I wouldn’t throw up.

* * *

“Louis bloody Weasley.” I stormed into common room, heading straight towards the fireplace where Louis was doing his potions homework (which I unfortunately had yet to start), thankfully alone.

“Oh, hello Rocky.” He smiled at me.

“Don’t you ‘hello Rocky’ me.” I snapped at him.

Okay, so maybe I was being a little mean. I mean he didn’t deserve to be treated that especially when he didn’t know what he was doing wrong.

Louis frowned. “Are you PMS-ing?”

This is the second time someone’s asked me that today. Either I have irrational anger issues or these blokes are just sexist.

I’m going to go for the sexist theory.


“I’m not PMS-ing!” I cried, hitting him on the head.

“Okay, okay. Sorry!” he yelped.

I crouched down to his level, “When exactly were you planning on telling me that you kissed another girl while you were kissing Nell?” I hissed.

Louis face whitened. “Look.” He said, his voice low. “I didn’t mean to okay? I was drunk.”

“That’s no excuse! How could you even think of doing such a thing?” I said, taking in his expression. He really did look guilty.

“I’m sorry okay!” He cried. “I’d drunk nearly ten glasses of firewhisky. What more can you expect?”

“Cry in the corner about how no one loves you?” I responded.

“Look,” He said urgently. “You can’t tell Nell about this okay?”

“Give me a reason not to.” I say, coldly.

“Please.” He begged. “I really like her.”

“Fine.” I say, after thinking about it for a bit. “But on one condition?”

“What’s that?”

“Ask her out.” I say, “On a date. A proper date. Not some snogging session”

“I can’t do that.” Louis protested.

“Why the fuck not?” I asked, getting up, putting my hands on my hip.

“Because…” He trailed off, running his hands through his blonde hair, which admittedly looked very soft. Maybe I should ask him which conditioner he uses. Merlin knows I desperately need a new one.

“Because…?” I prompted.

“I can’t talk to girls okay!” He cried, throwing his hands in the air. “Snogging? Yes. Talking? No. Especially Nell, considering the fact that I like her!”

“You talk to Rose, Kenny and me.” I pointed out.

“That’s because I see you guys like my sisters.” He replied.

My expression softened. “Look, you’ll be fine! Nell likes you for who you are. Not for your snogging.” I wasn’t too sure about that part, but I knew she liked him, so that’s all that mattered right?

He sighed, “Fine. But you gotta give me some time okay?”

“Two weeks, lover boy.” I say with finality. “Two weeks.”

* * *

Scorpius, Jake and I were sitting under the shade of the great elm tree that stood near the lake slogging through our Ancient Runes homework. Well, they were slogging. I was pretty content with my almost done essay.

“Ugh.” Scorpius groaned. “Why can’t Rosie just let us copy her homework?”

Jake, who had completely given up on the essay, was fiddling with his camera and trying to take pictures of me, snorted. “Ro? Give us her homework? Please.”

“Oh come on,” I rebuked. “She normally does help us. She’s not helping us today because the essay was given two weeks ago.”

“A friend in need, is a friend indeed.” Jake said, pretending to stroke his imaginary beard.

“Jake,” Scorpius said laughing, “That was not wise enough for you stroke your imaginary beard.”


I rolled my eyes. “Jake, do your work.”

Jake gave me a mock salute. “Aye – Aye captain.” Instead of going back to his essay, he snapped a picture of me.

“You take my picture again and I swear you’ll never see the sun again.” I threatened. I absolutely hated pictures being taken of me. Mostly because of the fact I was extremely un-photogenic, so I looked like crap. But it was also because of the fact that most photographs were liars. Take a picture of my mother, Seth and me for example. It was an old photo (which was hidden away in my drawer). We all looked happy. Smiling, playing around. My mother was laughing in that photo, looking as merry as one can be. But she wasn’t. If she were, then she wouldn’t have left us.

And if I was going to be in a photo, I’d damn right make sure that the expression on my face was real.

“Ouch, princess.” Jake grinned. “Don’t like your photo taken?” He knew I didn’t and yet he found the need to question me every time I snap at him for taking a picture.

“Evidently not.” Scorpius mumbled.

“But why?” Jake pressed on. “Being in photo’s is fun.”

“I just don’t like it, okay?” I replied, trying to concentrate on finishing my essay.

“But-“ Jake began, his voice concerned and that’s when I knew he wanted to talk seriously. Oh, no. Not happening.

“Who you guys taking to Hogsmeade?” I asked, cutting Jake off.

“You know that girl I’ve been dating? Marissa from Hufflepuff? I’m taking her.” Jake answered dreamily.

Oh, yes. Marissa Cook, Hufflepuff’s resident slag.

“Oh, that’s nice.” I say, lamely, ruffling his brown hair. Jake was a type of person who fell in love easily. Or so he claimed. If he dated someone for a month, he immediately claimed to be falling in love. Eventually he did get dumped (or vice versa), but it was only a matter of time before he found someone else.

This is what led to girls taking advantage of him. And the sad part is, he only falls for the girls like Marissa, not someone with substance.

“What about you, Scorpius?” I asked him.

“No one.” He shrugged.

I groaned inwardly. If I was going to hook Rose up with him, I at least had to know if he was straight or not!

“What if, some one asked you out?” I ask, hoping for the preferred reply. “Then would you go?”

“Maybe.” Scorpius said.

I internally smiled (if that’s possible). At last, there was a spark of hope.

“Why?” Scorpius asked, looking mildly interested. “Do you anyone who wants to go out with me?”

“No,” I feigned innocence. “I don’t know anyone who wants to go out with you.”

* * *
“Ro.” I grinned, dropping down beside her on her bed where she currently laid reading those trashy witch weekly magazines, which I too very much enjoyed reading.

I’m a hypocrite. So what. Who isn’t?

Rose gave a non-committal sound, her eyes glued to the riveting article that had captured her attention.

“What you reading?” I asked her, lying down, closing my eyes.

“Ten ways how to get a bloke to go out with you.” Rose recited.

“That’s a rather long title.” I remarked conversationally. “Find anything interesting?”

“No.” Rose grumbled. “Just a whole bunch of crap.” Then her tone changed. “Maybe I should just give up. The guy I like doesn’t like me and no one else would want to go out with me anyway.” She let out a humourless laugh. “I mean I’m no Miss Popular, I don’t have the looks or the charm.”

I scooted next to her and gave her a tight hug. “Don’t be stupid, Ro. You’re bloody gorgeous.” And I wasn’t lying. Okay fine, so she didn’t have the best hair in the world, since it was slightly bushy and was frizzed up all the time. Her face wasn’t flawless and neither was her skin. But if she did anything to change those things, she just wouldn’t be Rose anymore. “And charm? Don’t even talk about that. You’re damn right charming and who ever says you aren’t can go shove themselves in a rabbit hole.”

Then, I paused for a moment.

“Speaking of Scorpius,” I say, “I just found an opening for you.”

Rose broke away, her blue eyes shining, but her expression disbelieving. “You did?”


“So, what’s the great idea?” Rose asked.

“Erm, well, I spoke to him and he said maybe he would go out with a girl to Hogsmeade if she asked him out.” I say, rather hesitantly. After all, the plan wasn’t full proof.

Rose bit her lip. “So I ask him out?”

“That’s sort of the idea.”

“But what if he rejects me?” Rose looked scared.

That’ll be a right bummer then.

“We’ll figure something out?” I reassured her. “After all, you’re the only redhead in our year. Who can say no to that?”

“Excuse me!” Rose cries affronted. “It’s auburn.”

“You want to call yourself ‘auburn-head’ then by all means go ahead.” I smirked.

Rose looked at me for a second and then let out a ripple of laughter, pulling me into another hug. “You’re bloody awesome you know that?”

“I know, I know.” I say, laughing along with her.

“Group hug!” I heard Nell yell from the doorway.

Oh no.

But before I could pull away, Nell had already engulfed her arms around the two of us squeezing us tight.

“I – can’t – breathe.” I choked out. Rose laughed while Nell just hugged both of us tighter.

Great, thanks for the concern guys.

“Why is everyone having a group hug without me?” Kenny entered, sounding hurt.

I rue the moment when I decided to spend Sunday evening in the dormitory.

“Come and join us then!” Nell said her voice muffled.

“I will!” And then Kenny decided it would be a good idea to squeeze my left kidney.

How wonderful.

“Seriously,” I choke out. “Let go.”

“No.” The three of them reply simultaneously, and they just squeezed tighter. You know, if that’s possible.

Merlin, help me.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that for, but my bitterness for group hugs eventually melted away. All I felt was happiness. Because I knew, that no matter what happens, those three will always be there for me.

A/N: So, here's chapter four! It's a wee bit of a filler, but at least there was progress on other characters right? I also wanted to give a little insight on how Rocky really was, so i hope i managed that, although i found it a bit hard :/ I'm not entirely sure why since she is the protagonist! Please leave a review on your way out it would mean a lot :) 

PS - i'd love to know what face claims you have in mind for all the characters :) 

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