Chapter 1 : Prologue
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You were a mistake.
I know that sounds bad, and letís face it, it probably would if anyone else had said it. But I guess itís better to hear that I bit you by mistake, instead of hearing that I did it on purpose, right? At least I hope so. I donít know if it makes a difference to you, Hugo. I canít remember the vampire who bit me Ė itís a part of the transformation, and because he or she ran off after me of most of my blood, Iíll never know who he or she was. Iíll never know if turning me into a vampire was intended, or accidental.
Personally I donít think it matters, either way. The hunger never really leaves me alone, no matter much I drink. The other vampires say that itís the same for them, too. Itís like being under the Imperius Curse, except that itís impossible to throw off like Uncle Harry can with the curse. All I can do to combat it is learn what my limits are; figure out that point of hunger where Iíve just got to feed or Iíll hurt someone, like I did to you. The problem is that itís always changing. When Iím stressed, when Iím overly excited, when Iím surrounded by humans and when Iím not; they all influence my thirst for blood.
Learning how to manage it takes hundreds of years to perfect, and according to the older, more accomplished vampires, I can probably expect to be responsible for a few deaths before I get to the point where I can control myself. I thought I could live with that, but I was wrong. Because every time I visualized myself killing someone Ė to mentally prepare myself for the inevitable eventuality, not because I actually wanted to Ė I always saw a stranger. I always thought Iíd taste a strangerís blood.
In my defence, though, I never imagined that anyone would come looking for me when I disappeared from the wizarding world Ė least of all, you. After all, you were infinitely more popular than I could ever have hoped to be. You and Lily, you were famous at school for being the best of friends. Sheís always been the cousin you prefer to spend time with, even though she always ditches you for whoever her latest boyfriend is, and you always let her walk all over you. Albus prefers the company of books to people, never caring when I need someone. Rose used to be nice, but since she and Scorpius got together theyíve been practically Siamese twins, and Mollyís always busy trying to pretend that everything in her life is picture perfect.
None of you cared about me, Hugo, so what was I supposed to do?
I think I knew deep down that tagging along with you and Lily wasnít a good idea. I still remember her squeals of excitement when she announced that she was dragging her new boyfriend to the Muggle cinema with us Ė Brad or Chad or whatever the hell his name was Ė and Iíll never forget the way you looked when she announced that the four of us were going on a double-date. I mean, I know it was incest she was talking about, and of course I expected you to pull a face at the idea of that even happening, but somehow, the way you looked at me with such contempt and disgust and horror Ė it hurt, even though I wasnít expecting it to.
I did expect to be the fourth wheel that night, though. If I tell you one day when youíre awake that I never expected it, then remember, Hugo, remember that Iím lying. Remember my lack of surprise when Lily made it obnoxiously obvious that she and her latest boyfriend were off to enjoy ďdessertĒ at his flat instead of the restaurant we were at? I do. And I remember how you turned to me and shrugged half-heartedly, before mumbling that since they had gone there was no need for us to stay any more Ė that we had been released from our ďobligationsĒ.
Iíll never forget how much those words hurt; how it felt as if you had picked up your knife and fork that had been lying askew on your plate and used them to carve my heart out of my body.
I guess you probably just wanted to run off to your vampire slayer girlfriend Ė how ironic Ė and sob your heart out at her about how cruel Lily was, abandoning you and forcing you to spend time alone with me. After all, I was never important to you, was I? I bet you never thought of me when we parted ways outside the restaurant and walked off in different directions. Iím certain you never considered asking why I wasnít wearing a cloak (Lily had taken it without asking while I was in the toilets) or if I was cold (because I was absolutely freezing). Iím guessing thatís how the vampire found me: he or she must have heard the sound of my teeth chattering in the cold; recognized the smell of my blood as it rushed around my body trying to warm me up; caught sight of me teetering in my best heels as I tried to find a Muggle taxi because Iíd never managed to get my Apparition licence, emitting an air of such vulnerability.
Itís funny when your entire life changes and you fall on the other side of the coin, because when I was human, I used to judge people by how confident they were. As a vampire, Iím constantly assessing how fragile they are. Itís the same thing, just from different perspectives Ė and what it boils down to is that we arenít as different from them as theyíd like to believe.
Youíre twitching now; your fingers are starting to move. Youíre starting to wake up. I could always walk away now, and youíd never know what happened. But that would mean putting you in the same position as I once was, Hugo, and as much as you were a jerk to me, I could never let that happen to you. Just because I donít remember what happened when I was bitten doesnít mean I havenít forgotten the aftermath Ė although Iíll admit itís a little blurry in my memory.
I remember the feel of the concrete pavement I was lying on when I woke up. The first thing that I saw was Claudineís knee-high leather boots, before I actually saw her. Sheís frightening when sheís pissed off, Hugo, and that night she was absolutely furious. She was pacing the alley that we were in, barking and hissing down one of those Muggle mobile phones Ė Iíd wondered why at the time; it wasnít until later that I remembered that witches and wizards lose their magic once they become vampires Ė and I have to admit being terrified of her at that moment. And then she saw me looking at her, and I didnít expect her to Ė but she shrugged.
ďCome on. Get up,Ē I remember her saying.
ďI canít! Iím hurt!Ē Iíd wailed childishly, not acting like the responsible witch of twenty-one that I was supposed to be.
Iíll never forget what she did next; she took a couple of steps forward with vampire speed, looking like a blur but at the same time looking like she was in perfect focus, and used one hand to pick me up and throw me further down the alley, into the depths of the darkness. Thatís when I realized what I was. Thatís when I discovered that it was fun to feel like I was flying without wings, and that I wasnít in pain anymore Ė and that I was hungry, so unbelievably hungry for blood.
ďWhy the hell did you have to fight back?Ē sheíd growled.
I admit, I was confused when she said that because I hadnít understood what was so bad about fighting off someone who was attacking me (at least, thatís what I assume I did), but now I do. You see, to turn someone into a vampire, Iíve got to drink their blood and then give them mine to drink, and believe me when I say that even one drop suffices. So when I apparently fought the vampire attacking me, I tasted a drop of his or her blood and that was all it took to turn me into a vampire because he or she had my blood in their system at the time. It turns out that Claudine found me because of my screams Ė did you know that the sound of your screaming changes ever so slightly when your neckís being drained of blood, and that a vampire can tell the difference? Ė and she said that it was your name I was screaming when I died.
I called your name, but you never came. I shouldnít have even bothered Ė even now, Iím still not sure what possessed me to call for someone Iíve always known would never be the one to rescue me.
Unlike me, though, you didnít fight back despite the fact that you took me completely by surprise when I opened the door of my new apartment to see you standing right there. I hadnít even considered the possibility that someone knocking on my door at one oíclock in the morning could be anyone but a vampire Ė Iím officially declared ďmissing, presumed deadĒ in the wizarding world, after all. I mean, seriously, itís not like I could ever go back to our family, not when the desire to sink my fangs into Molly and my mum and dad wonít ever go away. Iím pretty sure theyíd notice the sun setting me on fire too, or my new blood red eyes (which I suppose could be hidden by coloured contacts, but I get creeped out at the thought of anything near my eyes) or even my inability to perform magic.
Maybe thatís why you were so easy to turn Ė even though I didnít mean to. Maybe especially because I didnít mean to. You didnít fight back; you didnít try and stop me Ė and I couldnít stop myself, not when the tangy flavour of your blood was in my mouth, tasting so deliciously sweet with just a hint of the Dutch courage you drank before you came to visit me in my little vampireís lair.
I didnít want to kill you. So that gave me no other choice.
You told me a long time ago when we were kids that no matter what mistakes someone makes, thereís still a silver lining in the dark cloud of consequences Ė something positive thatíll come out of the negative mistake. And Iíve spent the last few hours figuring it out, and you know what? My something positive might just actually outweigh the negative aspects, because you see, all my life Iíve been fighting for your attention while Ally and Lily always found it so easy to get. All my life, Iíve been lonely little stupid scaredy-cat ugly unimportant Lucy, always the Weasley outcast.
And now your eyes are open, and youíre gasping for air you donít actually need, and Iím kneeling over you, smiling at the blood red shade of your once blue eyes. Now, youíll understand what it feels like to be on the outside while everyone around you lives their lives and rubs your face in it with their endless laughter and cliques. I think just the fact that youíre feeling that now, and youíll feel it even more when you realize you wonít see our family again, just that might make it worth having turned you even if it was by accident and even if Claudine will give me hell for itÖ just knowing that youíll finally be in the position Iíve always been in is worth the price Iíll have to pay.
You were a mistake, my darling Hugo, but you were the best mistake I ever made.
Author's Note: This is waaaay out of my comfort zone :P Does the way I wrote the prologue make sense? Did I get Lucy's sometimes-crazy-sometimes-sane personality right, or does it need working on? Please do let me know what you thought of this! ♥
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