Chapter 7 : Cat Puffs or Kitty Puffs
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I did it all on my ownio :)
I banged my head on the table several times then clutched at my hair. Why? Why me?
Ugh, why can’t people tell I am being anti-social today. I continue whacking my head on the table until someone punches my arm.
“Argh, Merlin!” I yell, and sit up straight away. Albus was standing over me with an amused expression on his face. Stupid Albus. Thinks he can laugh at my situation. I assure you, my situation is very tragic.
“Scorpius, please, do feel free to explain to me why you were continuously dunking your head into your very sickly looking syrupy waffles.” He said, raising an eyebrow as I look down in horror and realise I had in fact been smashing my waffles with my head.
How did I not realise.
“Eh, Rose is pissed at me again.” I said trying to wipe my face clean with a piece of parchment. It didn’t work very much.
“What did you do this time?” Albus said, exasperated. Since the Rose incident, me and Albus had become good friends. Mainly because James was over the fact that I was here to stay. He sometimes joins me and Rose in the common room. Merlin knows where Alice and Frankie are.
I sighed and stared at the floor, “I kind of… well I—No wait! It wasn’t even me!”
Albus stared at me, non the wiser. “Scorpius, please elaborate. Even I can’t understand what you’re waffling on about.”
“That’s not even funny.” I said, sulking as I glared at my Pumpkin Juice. I heard Al laughing like a seven year old on crack. “Not funny.” I grunted again.
Albus dumped himself next to me and smacked me round the head. “Stop sulking already and just tell me.”
“Ok fine!” I said, “You know how I do my essays really fast?”
Al nodded, “Yeah, like, you write them in the corridors on the way to the lesson.”
“Uh, yeah. Well I asked Rose if I could copy her Charms essay, and she said no because I accidentally kicked Jilly.”
Al shook his head at me. “Really Scorpius, I thought you would’ve learnt by now—DON’T KICK PREGNANT CATS.”
“It was an accident!” I protest, “Not my fault that Jilly got herself knocked up.”
“You should be glad Jilly wasn’t here to hear you say that.”
“Don’t care. Me and Jilly haven’t seen eye-to-eye since she dug her god damn claws into my skull. I think she punctured my brain.”
“Maybe she deflated your big head a little.” Al said, hopping off the bench before I could hit him.
“I’m not big headed.” I say stubbornly.
“You are. Anyway, please continue.”
“Well, I kind of took Rose’s notes to help me with my essay, because she wouldn’t give me her essay to copy, so then when she realised I took them, she went all ape-shit.”
Albus nodded sympathetically. Being Rose’s cousin, he had been on the receiving end of one of Rose’s rants.
“Yeah, so I stood up to escape her, and well, I stood up too fast and made lots of parchment on the table flutter off. Into the fire. Including Rose’s essay.”
Albus was looking at me with a sort of horror, “I’m surprised you’re still alive. When is Charms?”
Al laughed, “Well you’d better get your sorry arse out of here before Rose gets down and kills you.”
Hmm. He has a point. I don’t want to die yet. I stood up hastily and gathered up my things. I had just walked away from the table when I heard Al say, “Scorpius, you wiped your face on your charms essay.”
I jogged back over and took my essay he was holding out to me. It was smudged from all the syrup. And rather crumpled. I thanked Al and sprinted towards the Charms corridor.
When I got there, I slid down the wall and began to fire spells at my essay.
“Scourgify!” A stream of bubbling liquid shot out the end of my wand. (Not a euphemism you dirty little children). It didn’t do very much but at least it smelt of nice things. Like Roses. And bread.
Soap doesn’t smell like bread.
I was interrupted from my ponderings as I heard the thunder of feet coming down the corridor. I looked up and saw Rose hurtling towards me, Alice and Frankie in tow.
“Rose, I’m sorry—“ I began, but Rose cut me off, raising her hands and waving manically. She panted, out of breath.
“Jilly’s missing Scorp!” She said at last, her voice breaking slightly. That cat meant everything to her. No really, it did. She’d had Jilly for ages. Rose always said Jilly was like a sister to her.
Yeah, a sister who happens to be a cat. And likes to attack people.
I enveloped Rose in a hug quickly, “You want me to help find her?”
Rose sniffed and nodded. “Yes, but we must be quick, she’s meant to be having kitten things any day now.”
Ah yes. Jilly’s sprogs. They will be shooting out the womb like bullets. I’m sorry that was highly inappropriate, but I thought—
You know what? Don’t worry.
Back to the point. We still hadn’t figured out what Jilly lost her v-card to.
It could be a were-wolf.
No it couldn’t. That’d be weird. A half-wolf, half-human mating with a cat. That’s… wrong. On many levels.
“Scorp, stop dreaming you fucktart, help me find Jilly!” Rose wailed, pulling on her face.
“Scorpius, just agree and let’s go.” Alice said, crossing her arms and glaring at me.
“Yeah. Don’t waste time mate.” Frankie grinned as he mimicked Alice. She glared at him.
“Shut up Frankie.” I said, “Fine, come on then, lets find the preggers cat.”
“Don’t be mean to my cat.”
It had been at least an hour and a half, and we’d searched the first three floors of the castle, to no avail. Jilly was nowhere to be seen.
“Look, what if she’s out on the grounds?” I said, running my hands through my hair in exasperation.
“Well… I doubt it, but it’ll be easier if we split up,” Alice said, taking charge as usual, “Scorpius, Rose, search the grounds, Frankie and I will search the rest of the castle.”
We all nodded and separated. Frankie and Alice sprinted up the corridor, shouting goodbye.
I linked arms with Rose who looked miserable, “Don’t worry, we’ll find Jilly.” I told her softly. She sniffed then gave me a small smile. I grinned at her and pulled her along.
“How does it feel to be skiving classes Rosie-Posie?” I said, smirking. She slapped my arm. Vicious little shit. “I heard that.” She said, slapping my arm again.
She hasn’t half got a strong arm.
We didn’t meet anybody as we made our way out to the grounds. As we stepped outside, we split up—I’d take the bottom half near Hagrid’s hut, and Rose would take the top half, near the Quidditch Pitch.
I trudged down to the Pumpkin patches and searched around. Where was the bloody furball?
I spun around looking for whatever made the uncanny noise. A pair of eyes glared at me from under Hagrid’s hut. I flattened my self on the ground and crawled army style towards Jilly.
As I got close, she hissed at me and lashed out.
“Wingardium Leviosa!” I cried, pointing my wand at Jilly. Her fur bristled as she was lifted into the air. Keeping Jilly floating, I peered under Hagrid’s hut.
Jilly had made a sort of nest there, and it included one of my shirts and what looked to be half of Rose’s underwear. There was a dent in the nest where she had sat on her fat belly, and nestled in the dent were six snoozing balls of fur.
“Jilly, what in the name of Merlin’s pants got you knocked up?”
Jilly hissed angrily and spat at me.
I sighed and levitated Jilly into an empty barrel which was standing by the fence. She yowled and tried to climb as I conjured up a travelling basket and accioed the kittens into it. I hoped it wouldn’t hurt them. Next, I levitated Jilly back out of the barrel and deposited her into the basket, then shut the flap as quickly as I could, but not before Jilly had clawed me.
I growled at her and picked myself and the basket off the ground, and shoved my wand back inside my robes. I ambled back towards the castle. Where the flap-doodle was Rose?
“Accio Rose!” I called. Nothing happened. Damn.
“You have to know where the item you want to get is.” I heard Rose say. She was stood behind me with an amused expression on her freckled face.
“It worked!” I cried, “High five Jilly!” I held my hand out to the small window in the door, and was greeted by the back end of Jilly. How nice.
“It didn’t work, I finished searching and went to find you.” Rose said, taking the carrier from me, “Lets go to the dorms.”
We were sitting in a circle, me, Rose, Alice, Frank, Albus, Fred and James in the girls dormitories. We had cast a shield around the circle so Jilly couldn’t escape.
“What the fuck.” James said as Rose took the furballs out of the carrier. Hmm, that was initially my reaction too.
All of the kittens were basically balls of fluff. I’m not exaggerating here. The first one was a brown tabby with a very squashed face. The rest were all plain brown with tinges of pink with faint stripes.
“Eh, anyone have an idea of what these are?” Rose said. We all sank into deep thought. All of them had squashed faces like Jilly. Jilly wasn’t a circle anymore though…
Something was tickling my leg. I squirmed then looked down. The brown tabby was staring up at me with big round green eyes. It was actually quite adorable.
“You think they’re adorable?” I heard James laugh. I looked up. I had been saying what I was thinking again. Merlin, why do you hate me?
“They are.” I said indignantly. I hugged the tabby cat on my lap. It was so darn cute. I sound like a poof. I’m not a poof.
We all turned to stare at Albus. Had he lost his mind?
“They’re cat cross Pygmy Puffs. Hagrid got a bunch of them this year, remember?” Albus said, picking up one of the kitten puff things and examining it closely.
“Yeah, pygmy puffs.” He said.
“That settles it then,” Rose said, smiling like a goon, “Now they need homes.”
I gave her a look. She gave me on back, “What Scorp?” She said.
“You can’t give them away!” I plead, thrusting the tabby in her face. She batted my arm out of the way, “I have to, I can’t keep them.”
“Yeah but, we can.” I said. I stroked the tabby with my index finger. “I could look after one” I said.
Rose looked down at the pygmy puff cat thing that had begun to climb on my head.
“It’s making a nest in your hair.” She told me. I grinned, and hooked the tabby down.
I smiled at Rose and put on my puppy dog eyes. Rose tried to stand her ground but relented. I punched the air, “Yay!”
“I question your sexuality. And manliness.” Alice said. I scowled and she laughed. “Anyway, I’d be happy to keep this one” She said, indicating a furball that had crawled into her shoe which was neatly placed next to her.
“Do you all want to keep one?” Rose asked, picking Jilly up and plopping her onto her lap. Jilly purred and curled up on Rose’s lap.
We all stared incredulously at Rose. “Just take one.” She said. “But you have to look after them and name them. We can’t keep calling them furballs.”
“This one’s a girl,” I said, peering at the tabby’s butt, “Her name is Bea.”
“This hasn’t got a gender.” Fred said, looking at the nearest kitten puff thing in confusion. He narrowed his eyes. “Oh wait, it’s a boy!” I raised my eyebrows and took the cat off him. “It’s a girl. That was a tail.” I said, handing the cat back.
Fred frowned, “Oh.”
“WHAT’S THIS ONE SCORP?!” Alice bellowed, thrusting her shoe at me. I took the pygmy puff cat out. “Boy.” I said, “Alice, please do not throw the cat things.”
She laughed like a mad child. She needs to go back to the asylum.
I ended up finding out all the genders. So I basically touched cat bums for half an hour. Nice.
That was sarcasm, I don’t enjoy touching cat bums.
There were two girls and four boys. Me and Fred had the girls.
“And that’s how we all know you’re gay.” Albus stated. I threw Alice’s shoe at him.
“Ugh, I can’t come up with a name.” Frankie groaned. “Wait I know! Daisy!”
“Your one’s a boy.” Rose told him.
“I know. But Daisy suits it.” Frankie argued.
“It’s true.” Fred stated.
We let him have his way, and Fred and Frankie fist-pumped the air. Looks like we got a new bromance occurring over here.
James called his one Catron, Albus called his Squirm, and Alice called hers Shoe. I thought that was quite cruel.
“You know, if you call it that, when you look for your shoes and are all like ‘Oh my Merlin where is my Shoe?!’ Shoe will run out and get confused.” Albus said.
“HA! You called him Shoe, therefore.” Alice said.
“Do I have to expand?”
“Well I’m not going to.” Alice glared at Albus, who glared back.
“Enough you two, that’s not even a proper argument!” Rose shouted. “Fred, please call yours something normal.”
Fred frowned, “Twoo.”
“Are you kidding?”
Rose sighed. “Scorp, I’m hungry from looking for Jilly and stuff, so could you…?”
“Er, what?” I asked.
“…Get me a sandwich.”
Rose crossed her arms and glared, “Get me a sandwich. Or else.”
“You don’t need a sandwich, fatty.” James said. Bad move. Rose leapt at him and whacked him round the head. “I surrender!” James cried, swatting blindly at Rose as he protected his eyes from Rose’s claws. I mean fingers.
“Get me a sandwich then.” Rose yelled at James, who nodded and sprinted out the room.
We all sat in silence for a while as we all ‘oohed’ and ‘ahhed’ at the furballs.
“Well, we just skived a whole days of lessons, so I’m going to go and find someone to copy notes off of.” I said, standing up and walking out the dorms with Bea in my hands. She licked my thumb as I reached the top of the stairs. On the ceiling was a small opening, which I put my hand in.
Immediately I began to tingle all over and I raced down stairs before the effects wore off and turned the stairs into a slide. Teddy had created the opening in his third year. All I knew was that if you stuck your hand in it, it’d prevent the stairs from turning into a slide.
There was one at the bottom too, but under a ledge attached to the stairs.
I dread to think what actually happens when you stick your hand in the crevice. I don’t want to find out either.
I heard someone thumping down the girls stairs behind me. I span around, Bea still clutched in my hands and saw Albus running down with Squirm climbing all over his face.
“Get it off, get it off!” He squealed, running in circles and flapping his arms about, “It’s going to eat my eyeballs!”
“Shutup and keep still you tit.” I told him, prying Squirm off of Albus’ face. I dropped Squirm into Albus’ hands. “You need to train Squirm or he will claw your eyes out in your sleep.”
Albus shuddered, “I know… anyway, GOOD NEWS!”
“What?!” I said, covering my ears and trying to soothe my (now most probably broken) eardrums.
“Quidditch practise tonight!” Albus shouted loud enough for the common room to hear.
“Albus, why didn’t you just put a slip up on the notice board.”
Albus stopped short of his yelling and thought about it. “Oh yeah!” He laughed. “Accio parchment!” Parchment flew down the stairs and into Albus’ hand. He dug a quill out of his robes and scrawled ‘Quidditch practise you guys, get yo’ asses down to the pitch at 6.’
“You need to improve on your formality.” I said, slapping him on the back. I shuffled over to the fire and fell into a chintz-y armchair. I let Bea crawl up me and curl up on my shoulder. She was like an ear warmer. That breathed.
Someone should totally make breathing ear warmers.
On second thoughts, the breathing would get annoying.
“What’s the time-o.” I mumbled incoherently.
“Time to get speaking lessons!” Albus chirped. Yes, chirped.
“Albus mate, I think you’ve lost your mind.”
“What?” I asked, confused. I’m James or he’s James?
“James.” Albus repeated.
“I’m not James. Nor are you.” I said slowly. What was this kiddo on?
“No! James!” He yelped, pointing across the common room.
James was back, with a tray full of sandwiches. He trotted to the stairs, balancing the tray carefully on his knee as he tried to find the crevice to shove his hand into.
“Uh, James, levitate the tray.” I said helpfully.
“Oh yeah!” James said, whipping his wand out and causing the tray to fall to the ground with a clatter. “Shit.”
Albus laughed like a loon, then pulled himself together and levitated the sandwiches back onto the tray. “5 minute rule.”
“Actually, it’s 5 seconds, not 5 minutes.” I said.
“I think it’s 5 minutes.”
“Ok, but you’re a strange person.”
“AM NOT!” Albus shouted. He grinned. “10 to 6.”
“It’s 10 to 6. Accio Quidditch gear!” He said, catching his Quidditch stuff as it hurtled towards him. “See you later alligator. Last one there does 10 laps!”
And with that Albus pranced off. I stared in his direction then snapped to my senses. I dashed up the stairs to Rose’s dorm, “Quidditch practise now!” I said, then sprinted to my dorm to get ready. I had to beat Rose. I changed then almost flew down the stairs, only to see Rose leaning against the sofa waiting for me. I’ll never win.
We returned back to the castle after four hours of practising in the rain. Albus pushed us tonight, but at the end he had told us that was just a warm up. What a stupid di—
“What a dick.” Rose snapped as she shuffled along the corridor dripping mud onto the floor
“You don’t say Rosie-Posie, my dear.”
She thumped me and groaned, “Filch is going to murder us in our beds!”
“I don’t think he’d be allowed.” I said, pondering.
“WELL OBVIOUSLY HE’S NOT ALLOWED TO MURDER US!” Rose screamed in my ear.
“Merlin Rose, if you want to live, please do not attract Filch’s attention by screaming like a banshee.” I said, dragging Rose along as she leant against a wall. She held her ground and glared at me like I was stealing her sandwich or something.
“Rose, not only are we out after hours, but we have dripped mud all over the floor. We need to go before Filch finds—“ I began, but my sentence trailed off as the tapestry opposite us fluttered.
“Don’t. Say. A word.” I whispered to Rose. I felt her tense up as she stared at the tapestry in horror.
“Scorp!” She whisper-yelled. I put a finger to my lips and pulled her towards the corner silently. We had almost made it out of sight of the tapestry, when we heard something pad towards us. We spun around and gazed into the yellow, bulbous eyes of Mrs Norris Junior.
“Rose…” I said calmly, gripping her hand tightly, “RUN!”
We turned on our heel and sprinted for the Gryffindor Tower. That god damn cat has like a psychic connection with Filch. Wherever the cat is, the ape will follow. And boy, can that bloke run fast.
Soon enough, we heard Filch wheezing behind us, screeching obscenities at us. Rose was up ahead of me and disappeared round the fast approaching corner. What a shit. She abandoned me!
As I turned the corner, a hand grabbed out at me, and pulled me behind a statue of a hump-backed witch. I peered into the darkness and saw Rose’s eyes glinting mischievously. She never has said, but I think she gets thrills from being chased by Filch. Maybe it’s the prospect of being hung up by her feet in chains and most probably diced if Filch catches her.
She’s rather strange.
“Rose, what are you..”
She pulled her wand out and tapped the witch’s back and muttered, “Dissendium.”
A passage way opened up, and she jumped through as I stumbled in. “Be quiet.” Rose whispered as the passage way sealed. We heard Filch’s enstranged cry as he realised he’s lost us. He cursed and stalked of. The skittish padding that followed told us Mrs Norris Junior had followed.
We left it another 5 minutes before we emerged and ran up to the tower. We didn’t see Filch again, thank Merlin. We burst through the portrait and collapsed on the sofa, breathing heavily. We sat there for a while, and stared at the fire. At some point, Rose left, and I was on the sofa on my own.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the flames which flickered in the fire place. Soon, my eyelids drooped, and I fell into a dreamless sleep, my butt aching from sitting on a wooden stick.
A/N ARGH! Sorry for the wait, I thought I had a chapter waiting to be validated, BUT I DIDN'T! I'M A PRAT. Anyway, I'm excited because there's almost 1000 reads! Thank you to Lol, AriesGirl40, TheGoodLife, and go hannah abbott for reviewing, it means a lot xx
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