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Advanced Potions for the Pathetically Dimwitted by NaughtyLittlePotato
Chapter 8 : Eight
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 1

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Alvera Zabini is…

A wunderkind quidditch seeker

The kid who punched James Potter in the family jewels aged 6

A born smart arse

Totally expert on broken bones (she’s had that many)

Sad that she’s an only child

Incapable of making Viktor Krum her boyfriend (she fancies him, maybe even more than she fancies James!)

A certified crazy person

Not above reading her best friends diary for fun

That girl who set fire to her own hair in first year



Yup. That’s right.


I mean, I knew she was going to say it but it still took me by surprise, and had I not already known what she was going to say, I’d have had to ask what she blubbered through her tears.

I stare at her while she sobs into her hands.

“I’m pregnant.” She repeats, solidifying this fact.

She looks up at me, repeats again, “I’m pregnant.” Less shaky this time as though it’s starting to sink in. Like a nail sinking deep into a rotten plank of wood.

I take her hands in mine and stare into her dark, currently red rimmed eyes, trying to see what she’s thinking, feeling, wishing. Her hands are wet and I refrain from pulling back when I think about all the liquids that she’s wiped on them from all her facial orifices.

I squeeze them tightly, not letting go. I’m afraid that she’ll slip away from reality if I do because she looks like she wants to be anywhere but here. I knew she was going to say it but no matter how long I’d known I couldn’t have prepared myself for this.

Her eyes shut tight, her breathing uneven, tremors wrecking her tiny body. I don’t know how I can help her, what I can say to make this all ok.

I realise then that there is nothing I can say, nothing I can do.

“Are you sure?” Is the only thing I can think to ask.

She nods solemnly. She withdraws a hand from mine and reaches into her nightstand. What she lays in front of me is definitive proof that she’s pregnant.

She’s taken 4 tests and all are quite clearly positive. So positive in fact that each one seems to strike a hard blow to my gut.

She puts them back and breathes in deeply, then out again. She takes one long blink and when her eyes open they seem to have glazed over.

Like she’s just covered everything up with a single blink. She looks at the clock then back to me, smiles and says, “Guess I’ve missed herb.” Laughing lightly.

I shake my head and stutter, “Alvie…”

“Come on. I’m starving, lets go up to the kitchens.” She begins to pull me off the bed.

“Alvie.” I repeat more forcefully because she’s acting crazy.

“Hm?” She draws her lips into her mouth and waits for me to say something.

I squeeze her hand, “We need to talk about this.”

“Talk about what?” I stare at her, bemused. “Look, I want to get something to eat before I have class at 10.”

“You know, Alvie, denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.”

A flash of something crosses her face, but she blinks and it’s gone, replaced by that eerie blank stare again.

“Cass, you’re being weird, come on.” She tugs on my hand but I refuse to move.

I push her shoulders so she’s sitting down on the bed. She raises a quizzical brow at me when I sit down beside her, like I’m the crazy one.

“Did you talk to Albus?” I sigh when she doesn’t answer, “About that night?”


“Alvie,” I don’t want to have to spell this out because it’s awkward, even more awkward given her current state of emotionless-ness. “Did you and Albus use protection?” I swallow and she shrugs casually like I’ve just asked her if she knows the whereabouts of a book in the library.

I groan, “Oh my God.” I drag a cold hand down my hot face. I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall, a muggle one, because some magical ones have been known to talk back!

I look up and she’s just staring at me like a robot whose emotions haven’t been programmed into the system. I regret what I do next but in that moment I felt like it might help.

The sound of skin on skin resonates through the room. I was right, slapping Alvie pulled her out of her trance but not like I’d hoped. She slaps me back twice as hard and shouts, “WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!” My face snaps to the right from the force. It stings; I place my hand over it and feel it burning. Fuck!

I decide I can’t deal with this anymore and leave her sitting there.

I plan to find Albus instead. Then James.

Then maybe I’ll stop being in denial about the possibility that she’s carrying my child, too.


“Excuse me, Mr. Longbottom?” I pop into the herb greenhouse where Alvie’s supposed to be.

“Yes, Miss. Malfoy?” He looks up from a wriggling purple plant; he has leaves in his unkempt hair.

“Professor Marion wants to speak with Albus.” Dom gives me a look over a particularly bushy plant like she knows I’m up to no good.

He nods at Albus who looks confused but gathers his things and walks over to the door.

“What does Marion want? I don’t even do Alchemy.”

“She doesn’t.”

He rolls his bright green eyes at me and we start to walk up the gravel path, away from the greenhouses. I reason that he can’t be too pissed with me because he’ll have only missed 20 minutes of the lesson. And lets face it, without Alvie there he’ll have only been moping anyway.

It’s fairly cold and the wind is making my hair blow everywhere, so I pull the hood up on my coat. Through this one action I feel like everything just got increasingly more secret. I kind of feel like I’m dealing drugs or something, like I should be pushing a badly wrapped package into Albus’s chest and saying, “Give me the money!” in a gruff voice.

“What did you want?” Albus finally asks.

“You know that night of James’s party?” I decide to just jump straight in here. No beating around the bush, Merlin knows Alvie and Albus didn’t.

“Yeah.” A shy smile appears on his face and I have to stop myself from smiling at his boyish features.

“Just a question, did you and Alvie…”

“Have sex? Yes!” He says sounding somewhat affronted, like the question emasculated him considerably.

“I know you slept with her you doof. I’m her best friend, we tell each other everything.” I roll my eyes at him, because it’s totally girl code that you tell your best friend everything and Albus should have known that.

Speaking of girl code, does that mean that I’ve broken ours because I didn’t tell her about Miller? Or about James? No. I’ve just avoided trouble because she didn’t need to know about James, it would have only upset her.

“What’d she say about me?” He sounds intrigued and scarily like Dom.

“That’s not the point and I couldn’t tell you even if I wanted to, girl code.” This is a lie, mostly because Alvie didn’t say anything about him at all.

He looks away, “Oh right, sorry.”

Poor Alby. “Did you guys you know, like,” Awkward turtle, I nod because I don’t want to finish this sentence at all.

He raises a brow then smirks when he realises what I’m talking about, “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He totally does, he’s just being a prick, just like his brother. “Albus.”

“What? You’re giving a very vague description!”

“Did you use protection?” I blurt. Why is this so awkward to ask when talking to Albus?

The humour goes from his face, “Erm.” He shakes his head and nods at the same time, my vision blurs at the sights of his head rolling around. “Yeah. No, definitely.” He nods.

“So that’s a yes, you definitely… covered your stump, bagged your mole, protected your fish, sheltered your snake, packaged your meat, dressed your d-”

“YES! YES! That’s enough! Please! No more condom euphemisms! Merlin, save us all! Please, Cassie, if you ever have kids, never ever say any of the aforementioned euphemisms to them.”

I laugh a little in light of the current situation, which I’ve now realised I’m in.

“Good, you know, just wondering. Can’t be too careful these days. What with you boys.”

“Oh Merlin. Cassie, stop. Please. You sound like Grandma Molly.” He shudders, I shudder too because I’ve met her before. “So you dragged me out of herb to ask that?”

“Erm…. Yeah… I was saving you. Knew you’d have been really bored without Alvie to ogle.”

“I don’t ogle her! And anyway, where is she?”

“Women’s troubles.” It’s not even a real lie.


I shrug, “You asked.”



“Jesus Christ, I’m freezing my fucking tits off.” Dom announces, rubbing her arms.

We’re sat in the bleachers, waiting for the match to start. We’re in the Gryff stands, despite the whining from all our Slytherin friends.

Why it mattered where we sat when Slytherin weren’t even playing was beyond me. I lean forward and grab a pumpkin wand from Albus, who’s sitting in front of us.

“Oi!” He says but doesn’t do anything.

“Why do we even bother coming to these things?” I ask Dom because neither of us really understands quidditch. I mean I play it from time to time when Alvie forces me, but other than that I’m not much of a fan. I take a bite of the chewy pumpkin wand.

“To provide moral support and there’s one more reason…” She trails off as the teams fly out.

“The boys.” We drool in sync.

“Hey!” Oreo nudges me and I shrug.

“Sorry. I mean, ew! Those sexy quidditch boys are so gross!” I hold the wand up for him to take a bite, he does, swallowing almost the whole thing in one go.

“That’s better.” He smirks and kisses my nose, making me wrinkle it.

“Please, guys. Little less PDA thanks.”

“That was hardly PDA.” I quirk a brow at Alvie.

“Right. Well, just keep it PG, very PG. Like family.” I roll my eyes and look straight up at Oreo, biting my lip.

“No problem, Alvie.”

She gags and Albus laughs at her, then gazes at her like she’s the reason he’s on the earth.

She rolls her eyes at me and turns back around so she’s facing the pitch again.

Saffi and Charlotte are with us too, but Raven is sitting in the Huff stands with a few of her Huff friends because Georgie is the Huff seeker.

The players fly up to their positions and I have to put Dom’s tongue back in her mouth when she sees Mason. I wonder for a moment why she hasn’t been with him before given he’s James’s friend.

Oh. Right, James’s friend, that’s why she hasn’t been with him. That and I think she’s in denial about actually liking him because he’s a bit of a player, although not on James or Miller’s level. Well, that and because he has blonde hair and Dom goes for dark haired guys.


People throw balls; people catch balls, people dodge balls.

I don’t understand much about quidditch.

I start to drum my fingers on the bench because I’m incredibly bored, despite the roar of the crowd and the pulsing atmosphere around me.

I decide that right now is time for a little snogging session, so I turn to Oreo and lean up to kiss his neck. He doesn’t react but just keeps staring at the pitch, not blinking, seemingly immersed in the action.

“Mm. Babe, I’m trying to watch.”

“I’m bored.”

“Shh.” He says, so I just continue to kiss him. “Can we schedule this for later? I was to see what their tactics are.”

Schedule this for later? He’s kidding, right?

Nope, not kidding.

I click my tongue and turn away, crossing my arms.

“You can make out with me, if you like?” Dom whispers in my ear. I glare at her and she chuckles.

“Cassie got pied!” Char starts to whisper chant into my ear from behind me.

Soon both Saffi and Dom join in and they’re all chanting it in my ear.


James is comparable to God when he’s on that damn broom of his. After a while I get bored of being bored and decide to just watch instead. He wants to go professional and I honestly believe that he could. Well he could if he didn’t get distracted and fly up to girls in the stands like he’s doing now.

He’s got that annoying smirk on his face while he hovers near some Slytherin, the quaffle tucked neatly under his arm. His teammates have looks of annoyance on their faces, apart from Fred who’s just shaking his head, smiling at his idiotic cousin.

The Huff’s don’t waste any time and take advantage of James’s stupidity, one of their chasers flies up behind him, hits the ball from behind and catches it as it soars through the air. James looks conflicted, whether to continue talking to the pretty brunette or actually play the game. In the end he decides that the game is more important, that is after half the team, and the teachers, are shouting at him.

“He’s such a cocky bastard.” Alvie mutters, crossing her arms over her chest.

I understand her annoyance, he’s going to be a father, he can’t be acting like this! I mean, obviously that’s not why she’s annoyed but still, I share her distaste right now.

Oh my God.

He’s going to be a fucking father.

He’s going to be the father of my child, wait, Alvie’s child? I don’t know. SOMEONE’S CHILD!

And Alvie thinks its Albus’s.

And he fancies her.

And she fancies James.

I think I’m dying.

Or maybe I’m already dead and this is hell.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Definitely in hell. I thought the weather was a bit warm for Britain.

“You ok?” Dom asks from beside me, I’m suddenly aware that she’s holding my arm.

“Hm? Yeah. Fine. Just feeling a little weird.”

“You look pale.” Her light brows furrow together. “Do you want to leave?”

I nod and then shake my head, then stand up. “I’m going to go, you stay here.” I smile like I want her to stay there, which I do.

“You’re sure?”

I nod again, “Wouldn’t want you to miss Mason, now would I?” I turn to Oreo before she can retort, “I’m going to head back up, I don’t feel so good.”

It takes him a second to draw himself away from the action. “Do you want me to walk you up?”

“No, that’s ok.” I smile but what I actually meant was ‘Yes, I’d very much like for you to escort me back to the castle.’

“Right, well, have a safe trip.” He kisses my forehead and slaps my arse when I pass.


I take my time walking because I’m in no rush to sit and cry in the dorm. I haven’t been walking that long when someone shouts my name and I hear them running behind me.

“Cass!” I turn and find Alvie slightly breathless before me. “Thought I’d walk up with you. After James’s stunt I’m not much into watching the match anymore.” She confesses and falls into stride with me.

“Are you ok?” I ask her because she doesn’t look as perky as normal. But given the parasitic bundle of joy growing in her womb I’m not that surprised that she’s looking a little off kilter.

She looks at me with sad eyes then sighs. “James is just so… ugh!” She groans.

“That’s not what I’m talking about. Can we just talk like normal people for like two minutes, please?”

“Can we not, Cass?”

“I’m going to be blunt with you, honey. You’re pregnant. You’re going to have to do something, this can’t be ignored.” While saying this I can’t help but feel that I should actually be talking to myself because given Albus is pretty sure he hasn’t knocked her up, which would leave the only conclusion to be that the thing in her womb is mine.

Tears flow over her eyes and I fight with myself not to hold her and tell her this is going to be ok, to tell her every comforting lie in my arsenal.

Alvie blubbers, what I catch is roughly translated to, “I can’t deal with this, what am I supposed to do? I can’t tell Albus and if I do James will never get with me because I’ll forever be that girl who got pregnant with his brothers baby!” She’s totally hysterical by the end. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Alvie hysterical before, panicked, yes, but never hysterical.

“Calm down. You don’t need to tell him, either of them!”

“What am I supposed to do? Just pretend it’s not his!”

“What do you mean ‘pretend it’s not his’?”

“Well, Albus isn’t stupid! He’ll figure it out.”

“Hold on. Don’t tell me you plan on keeping it!” Call me heartless but I’m seventeen, I couldn’t look after a child, I can’t look after myself nor can Alvie. And I’m also far too selfish, I’d want to have the life of someone without a child.

In essence, I’m not my mother. How she kept twins at this age is beyond me. But I guess I wont understand because I’m not the one with a group of cells in me, tugging on my heartstrings whimpering, ‘Keep me, mummy! Keeeeeep meeeee!’. But this is as good as, given that baby has 50% of my DNA!

“What else am I going to do?”

“You know…” I don’t want to sound harsh and tell her to get rid of the soon to be baby that she already seems attached to.

“No.” She shakes her head and looks at me seriously, and kind of angry.

“Alvera! You’re seventeen! You…” I trail off with a groan because I know I can’t tell her what to do with that bunch of cells, even if it is mine.

I need to tell her, but I can’t.

We walk back to the dorm in a stony silence. As soon as we enter the dorm Alvie goes straight to the bathroom and slams the door to show her annoyance with me. The first thing I want to do is talk to my mum, so I grab the mirror and check to see if she’s there, unfortunately she isn’t, but just as I’m about to put the mirror down Maddison walks by. I call her and she skips over smiling brightly.

 “Is mum there?”

“Well hello to you too.” She rolls her eyes, “She’s at aunt Pansy’s.” Aunt Pansy is going to freak. I mean her daughter’s best friend has somehow put the embryo of her child into her daughter’s womb.

I. Am. A. Life. Destroyer.

“I suppose you’ll have to do then.”

“Thanks for making me feel special, Cassiopeia.”

“Is Nate there too?”

“He’s playing quidditch with dad.” What is it with guys and quidditch! Nate is twenty-one, you’d have thought he’d have grown out of it by now! And dad’s like thirty-eight, I swear he hasn’t grown up. How he raised three kids is beyond me.

“How’ve you been?” I ask.

“Great!” She spiels off this story about working for some fashion company or something. I don’t pay too much attention. “How’s school, or more likely James, treating you?”

“He’s been alright, still a grade A arse though.” And the father of my child.

“Mum says you’ve gotten yourself a boyfriend too!”

“Well she lied to you, kind of. Last time I spoke to her I didn’t, but I might have now...” I can’t help but smile.

“Ooo! What’s he like?” She squeals, flipping her brown curls over her shoulder.

“He’s funny, tall, han- that’s beside the point, that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. Actually, I didn’t want to talk to you at all.” She’s my sister; I’m allowed to be mean to her, ok? It’s what sisters do.

“Alright, Mrs. Bloody PMT.”

“So, there’s been a little bit of a-”

“Yeah, I’m going to go, seen as how you didn’t want to talk to me, I don’t really want to listen to you. I’ll tell mum to owl you when she gets back, maybe. See you later, hun!” She grins at me and throws the mirror onto the couch and skips away, giggling.

And I’m the Slytherin!



The door to the dorm crashes open and a breathless James hurtles inside like as though death was chasing him.

“Alvie!” He shouts and she’s up like a shot from her desk where she’s been sat silently and furiously scribbling on some parchment. They ignore me completely.

He grabs her shoulders and they stare into each other’s eyes for a good minute.

I hope that she’s not expecting a huge proclamation of love from him but I already know that she is. She’s gazing at James in the same way that his brother gazes at her. And he’s looking at her the same way she looks at his brother, complete and utter cluelessness as to the others feelings.

Her lips are slightly parted and I can practically hear her heart beating like the wings of a humming bird.

She starts to lean into him and stands up on her tiptoes. I have to look away because I’m embarrassed for her. I shouldn’t be, but I am.

“What’re you doing?” James asks with a look on his face that Alvie will remember forever. It’s the face she’ll link to rejection every time she so much as thinks of him, or any boy. It’s a face that to her says ‘As if I’d ever kiss you.’ It will taunt her at night. Because every girl has experienced this and if they say they haven’t, then they’re lying. She’ll repeat this over and over in her head and scold herself for being so dumb, for thinking that she’d ever have a chance with him. She’ll convince herself she’s nothing, worthless.

Guys just don’t realise the effect they have on girls.

“Erm, nothing.” She mutters, giving him a look like he’s going crazy.

“Just, for a minute there I thought you were going to like, kiss me, or something.” James laughs uncertainly.

“Fuck off. Not everyone wants to kiss you, Potter.” She scoffs and turns away, I notice her eyes fill with tears that she hurriedly blinks away and her cheeks are as red as James’s quidditch robes. I look away again because this is verging on painful to watch.

“What did you want?” She asks, not looking at him but busying herself with things on the desk.

He stops her, makes her look at him, then looks at me, then back at her. Alvie looks at me confused, then hurt because her brain is working a mile a minute and she’s probably thinking up all types of scenarios. She looks back at him and he says, “We need to talk. All of us.” Then takes one final glance my way before he returns his gaze to her, then her stomach.



Oh lordy. I need to stop ending chapters with these ‘need to talk’ type deals, but I guess you guys aren’t complaining ;)

So much INNER TURMOIL! Poor Alvie and of course, Cass!

Hope you enjoyed this chapter, leave me a review and let me know what you’re thinking (: Thanks for reading!

Toodles! xo

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