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Shut Up and Kiss Me by soapman333
Chapter 24 : The Bent Spoon
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 15

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Arithmancy is my one worst subject. Seriously, these numbers and the patterns they present are not comprehensible. I spoon some pudding in my mouth as I glare down at the assignment that is due in fifteen minutes. Which demon was wicked enough to come up with fractions, huh? The bigger the bottom number, the small the number?! No logical person would have come up with such idiocy.

Leo yawns next to me and rubs his eyes, “Do you think that Clearwater will go nice on our next potions exam if we buy her some chocolate frogs?” he asks me.

Scorpius is writing in his “journal” and ignoring us all together.

“Leo, it’s OWL year. The test is going to be tricky,” I say wiggling my quill in his face.

James walks over to us and stops just behind Scorpius, “What are you doing, Malfoy?” he asks.

Scorpius quickly shields his journal and looks back at my older brother. Leo answers for him, “He’s writing in his diary about his romantic afternoon with Rose.”

Scorpius whips his head around and glares at Leo, “First of all, this is a journal. Get that straight, will you? Anyways, Rose and I are just friends.”

“Tell that to her boyfriend, Daniel. The poor bloke has been miserable,” Leo shakes his head in sympathy.

Scorpius pouts, “Oi, that’s not my fault! I invite him every time we go and do things together. He’s the spoil sport.”

I ignore their bickering and turn to James, “What are you doing at the Slytherin table?”

Scorpius puts his diary away and grabs my homework from me.

James answers, “I was just wondering where Ellie is. I haven’t seen her since the train ride here.”

Oh he’s right. I haven’t seen Ellie in quite a few days, how strange.

Leo perks up from his spot and answers, “She’s around.”

James turns to him, “You look like rubbish, Leo.”

“Thanks,” Leo rolls his eyes and points at the big doors, “Did you try the library? Ellie’s always there.”

“That’s the first place I looked. She’s not with Lily either, I’m starting to get worried. You sure she’s on the grounds?” James frowns, scratching the back of his head.

“Don’t be worried. Yes, she’s...on the grounds,” Leo waves him off and puts his head in his arms.

James nods and turns to me, “If you see her, will you tell me?”

“Why?” I ask him.

Both Leo and Scorpius look up at me and raise their eyebrows. I put my hands up in defense, but my mediocre shield does not save me. Two forks hit my face.

James shifts around uncomfortable before saying, “Er, right. Well, I’ve got to go do homework...thanks.”

He shuffles away quickly while I massage the skin the forks attacked.

“Done,” Scorpius announces, handing me my arithmancy and grabbing his journal from his bag.

I stare at the finished scroll. Remind me why I’m friends with these children?

Leo throws his spoon at me, “Oi, are you completely bonkers? We’ve only been trying to get those two together for half the year.”

“STOP THROWING THINGS AT ME! I’m not bonkers, I was just wondering why he wanted me to tell him when we see Ellie and not you, Leo,” I hiss as I hide under the table.

Leo gets up and grabs his satchel, “I’m not questioning the insanity that is James. The last thing I want is to have him dance around the room, lecturing everyone about the etymology of ducks.”

“Leo, etymology is the term you use when you’re describing the origin of a word,” I correct from my hiding place.

Leo and Scorpius look at each other and roll their eyes.

Scorpius leans over and points at a spot on my face, “Er, Allie-bear, you have a bit of nerd showing right here.”

“I don’t think he’ll be able to wipe that off,” Leo says gravely.

I blush and attempt to redeem myself, “Where are you going, Leo? We have arithmancy soon.”

He shrugs, “I’ve got some business to attend to. Could you take notes for me?”

“Sure,” I frown as he walks away.

“Oi, you can come up from underneath the table now. I’m out of silverware,” Scorpius calls at me.

I pull myself back into my spot at the bench, “Do you know what business Leo is doing?”

“You don’t?” Scorpius asks, a bit surprised.

I blush again, “Well, no...not really.”

“I thought it was obvious.”

“Just tell me, will you?” I roll my eyes at him as I shift uncomfortably in my spot.

Scorpius laughs, “Someone off his game?”

“Shut it.”

“All right, all right, calm down. You’re scaring the children,” Scorpius says, nodding at the first years a few feet away from us, “I think Leo is going to get Charlotte back.”

“Is that so? He hasn’t really said anything about her since I gave him that list.”

“What list?”

Oh, Scorpius doesn’t know.

I shrug, “Just some list. What makes you think that Leo wants to get with Charlotte?”

Scorpius leans in, “Well, I saw him the other day looking up some things in the herbology manual.”

I stare at him waiting for him to continue, but he moves back into his spot, smiling proudly at himself.

“That’s it?” I question.

“Yeah,” he shrugs.

I throw my hands into the air, “I didn’t know I in the company of a genius.”

“Oh Allie-bear, you’re letting your cynical side show,” he shakes his head at me and gets up from his spot.

“Where are you going?” I demand.

He rolls his eyes, “Arithmancy, we’re going to be late.”

“I’m finished with you lot,” I announce at his departing back.

I am surrounded by insane people, and yet they treat me as if I’m the insane one. The whole interaction reminds me of when I first met this lot...

The first year of Hogwarts could not have gone any more horribly. I was sorted into Slytherin, a choice of mine after my talk with Dad, and now my family in the castle hardly talks to me. I’m having a hard time making friends, because nobody cares about me, all they want is to talk about how my dad saved the world seven million times. To top all that off, I have a fear of heights, yet everyone is expecting me to join the quidditch team.

I’m in the common room now, doing the potions assignment that is due in a week or two. It’s best to get it out of they way. I’m surrounded by a group of students varying in years, and they’re all talking animatedly to each other, ignoring me. I even heard one boy whisper to a girl that I’m a freak.

I’ve never felt so alone.

“Do you think that bloke’s going to get that girl?”

Two boys in my year walk into our common room. The boy who spoke I recognize to be Malfoy.

“If that girl is anything like my sister, she’ll give him a shot,” a brunette boy answers Malfoy.

Everyone looks over at them and snickers. They’ve just been lectured by McGonagall for stealing cutlery from the Great Hall. I personally thought they were hilarious, but no one in our house agrees with me.

“Hey Galatian,” a particularly nasty bloke in seventh year addresses the boy with brunette hair, “still loitering in bathrooms?”

The Galatian boy rolls his eyes, “Don’t start with me, Toadstone.”

The Malfoy boy nods his head, “Yeah, don’t start with us.”

They glance at each other and smile.

“Oh yeah, Malfoy? How’s your granddad? Still rotting away in Azkaban?” Toadstone sneers at the two.

I’m no expert in bickering, but that was out of line.

“Hey,” I speak up, causing everyone, including the two boys who just walked in to stare at me in complete astonishment. My brief flash of bravery dwindles with my audience, and everyone snickers at my mute state.

Blushing profusely, I hide behind my potions manual.

Toadstone turns back to the boys, “What about you, Galatian? Has your outcast of a sister finally made a friend yet?”

The Galatian boy stares at him in shock.

Toadstone continues, “She’s so strange. It’s like she’s never spoken to a human being outside her family before. Always hiding behind a bookcase, only to come out when her dear younger brother shows his face...what species of human is she?”

“Peter, maybe you should ease up,” Toadstone’s girlfriend speaks up at him.

“Why? It’s true.”

The room has gone silent. Galatian is literally shaking, a look of pure hatred evident on his face. Malfoy shuffles around in his spot. Not sure what to do, he reaches out to Galatian, “Don’t pay any attention to him, Leo. Ellie is just fine, I promise. Just a rough start, eh?”

Rough start? So other people have them too?

Peter laughs in his spot, causing Leo to redden, “Rough start? You call two years of literal social isolation from the rest of school a rough start? She’s the laughing joke of the whole school. A Gryffindor who runs away whenever someone says ‘hi’ to her. Although, she is a very attractive girl, I’ll give her that.”

“Shut up,” Leo hisses.

“What was that, Galatian? You know, as a Slytherin, you should be able to see that your own sister is not worth talking to. Where’s your ambitious edge? Elizabeth won’t get you anywhere.”

“I said, shut up!” Leo says louder, more sure of himself.

Peter shakes his head, “I’m doing talking to this idiot. He’s obviously blonkers.” He gets up and leaves the deathly silent common room for his dormitory.

I watch the two boys bicker with each other before they, too, leave the common room the way they entered.

The Slytherins left chat mindlessly with each other about the commotion. Each taking sides and discussing the consequences of the interaction. No one asks me my opinion.

“Peter just put down his sister.”

“Well, it is true, isn’t it?”

“How about when he mentioned Malfoy’s granddad? I could see Scorpius shiver.”

“Those boys are really strange. Yesterday I saw Leo being followed by twenty house elves. I swear I saw him talking and laughing with them.”

“I saw that too!”

“What about when Scorpius walked around the castle in a pink dress? Something about a bet gone wrong?”

“That lot is completely bonkers.”

I sat there, listening to these stories as the common room slowly dwindled in numbers. When the last boy left me alone, I let myself look up from my homework. I quickly get up and check the dark corners to make sure that I am completely alone. When I am positive, I walk back to my stuff and pull out a picture of my immediate family. They’re shining faces smile up at me, waiting for the usual ritual:

“Hey Dad, guess what? I passed that transfiguration test I told you about yesterday. Mum, how’s quidditch? I bet you caught that snitch in under a minute. The Slytherin captain keeps asking me to go to try-outs, but I’m too scared, Mum. Lily, how are you holding up? I know you hate being alone, but I’ll be home for Christmas, I promise.”

“What are you doing?” a voice interrupts me and I jump in surprise.

“I think he’s talking to a photograph. Are you talking to a photograph?”

Malfoy and Galatian come from the shadows near the entrance. I try to hide my photograph, but Leo runs over and grabs it before I could do anything.

“He is talking to a photograph!” Leo says to Scorpius.

“They look nice,” Scorpius comments.

“They look very nice. Who’s this little girl? Is that your sister?”

“I reckon it is, you’ve seen the paparazzi pictures in the tabloids.”

“Oh yeah, she looks prettier here.”

“She’s all right.”

“Whatever, you’re the bloke who keeps looking at the ginger at the Gryffindor table, you should be agreeing with me.”

“Who? Rose? We’re old friends.”

“Sure you are.”

“Why are you looking at me like that? Leo, you know I hate when you look at me like that.”


“It sends shivers down my spine!”

“Oi, that’s just creepy.”

“You’re creepy.”

“Am not.”

“You so are! You’re the one that wanted me to prance around in a dress!”

“That was a mutual decision, Scorpius.”

“There was a nice breeze.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. My head was spinning, “Shut it, both of you!”

“He speaks!” Leo smiles, handing me my photo.

“I was worried for a minute. I thought we’d have to start yelling at each other in a foreign language to get a reaction out of him.”

“He was shocked,” Leo shrugs, sitting down next to me on the couch.

Scorpius takes the last spot next to me, laughing to himself, “Almost as shocked as you were when that girly ghost tried to chat you up.”

“I didn’t know the undead wanted to socialize like that.”

What is going on? I...I can’t wrap my head around it.

“Oh no, look. It looks like the poor boy is in pain. What should we do?” Scorpius frowns, poking my arm with a finger.

Leo waves a hand in front of my face, “Take him to the infirmary?”

“I thought I told you two to shut it!” I yell, slapping away both their hands.

They beam at each other, but remain quiet.

Finally able to organize my thoughts, I say, “What the hell are you two doing?”

“MY EARS!” Scorpius covers his ears and falls off the couch.

Leo stares at me in shock, “Did Potter just swear?”

Scorpius screams from the floor, jiggling wildly while Leo pinches himself.

“What are you two doing?!” I don’t understand it.

“The apocalypse, it is upon us!” Scorpius shouts.

“I”m not dreaming, I can’t be awake!” Leo screams, getting up and running around the room.

I place my face in my hands and count to ten. When I surface, both boys are watching me in amusement.

“Are you done with your theatrics?” I ask them warily.

“Are you done swearing?” Scorpius asks, pouting a little bit.

Leo elbows him, “He’s a Potter child, he can swear whenever he wants to.”

“My dad says that swearing shows immaturity.”

“Your dad also told you that you needed to brush each of your teeth a hundred times.”

“So? What, do you only brush them ninety-nine times? That’s completely barbaric.”

“You’re barbaric!”

“Take it back!”

I groan and get up. They stop bickering and stare at me as I pack up my things.

“Where are you going?” Scorpius asks.

“Up to bed,” I answer.

“Why?” Leo asks.

“My head hurts.”

“Why?” Scorpius asks.

“It’s obvious why, isn’t it?” Leo tells Scorpius, “Look at all those school books he’s holding. He’s been doing homework!”

Scorpius mock faints, “Homework? That explains everything now doesn’t it?”

Leo takes his satchel off and searches through it while Scorpius takes my books out my arms.

“Here it is!” Leo announces, unfolding a piece of parchment.

“Is that what I think it is?” Scorpius asks.

Leo nods, clears his throat, and reads, “Three onions, five newt tails, two egg shells-”

“What is that?” I cut him off.

“He’s an impatient one,” Scorpius shakes his head in disapproval.

“It’s the cure for your homework headache,” Leo thrusts the parchment in my face, kicking his bag over in the process. A pile of spoons fall out of his satchel.

“What...are...those...spoons?!” I can’t control my surprise.

“No, Potter, those are forks,” Leo rolls his eyes, “of course they’re spoons.”

“But...what? Why? How?” I sputter.

Scorpius glares at Leo, “You’ve gone and buggered them up! Now we’ll have to go get clean ones.”

“You’re overreacting,” Leo says to Scorpius.

I point at them and shout, “You two! You two are completely bonkers!!”

“That’s not very nice, is it?”

“No, not very nice at all.”

I scream in frustration and bend down to the floor, inspecting the silverware. It’s just as I suspected, they’re from the Great Hall. Those rumors are right, I’m in the presence of insanity.

“And to think of how nice we were, saving him from going insane,” Leo waves his hand and sits in an armchair.

“I know, the poor bloke was talking to a photograph for heaven’s sake,” Scorpius agrees, sitting in another armchair.

I’m the insane one? Me?! I grab the nearest spoons and hurl them as hard as I can at the boys. Both yelp in pain and jump up from the armchairs.

“What the bloody hell was that for?” Leo moans, holding his head.

Scorpius runs and clings onto Leo, “He’s gone mental! Save me from his madness!”

Leo pats Scorpius’ head and glares down at me, “Violence is never the answer, Albus Severus Potter.”

I get up and sit on the couch, completely exhausted. If you’re the only sane one in the company of insane, are you really sane? The boys kneel down next to me and stare at me.

“What do you want?” I groan.

Leo shrugs, “You don’t look very happy.”

“We were wondering why that is, exactly,” Scorpius adds.

“Why do you care?” I ask them.

They exchange a look of confusion.

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“Yeah, isn’t it obvious, Potter?”

“Isn’t what obvious?” I sigh.

“We’re friends.”


I get up from the Slytherin table, gather my things, and walk for Arthimancy. As I walk across the hall, my foot comes in collision with a small, metal object. Upon further inspection, I notice that I had kicked a spoon. I race over to it and pick it off the ground. It’s a bit bent, but usable. I slip it in my bag to give to Leo and Scorpius later. The bent ones are their favourite.

A/N-More questions being answered! Be proud of me. This chappie was a long time coming. I knew you guys were secretly questioning the origin of the spoon throwing, because of course that is the only thing this chapter is about ;).


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