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Regulus Arcturus Black by slytherinchica08
Chapter 1 : Now I Was Gone
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 14

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There she was, standing right in front of me after all this time. She still managed to get my heart to beat faster at just the mere sight of her. I knew in my head that this was not a good meeting, if it was, she would not have brought her companion along with her. But still my foolish heart couldnít help but hope that maybe, maybe, she would come back to me. Maybe things could go back to the way they were before I had admitted my deepest secret.

I blinked, and in my mindís eye, I was just meeting her for the first time. It was my first year at Hogwarts, and when I sat down at the Slytherin table, she was the first one to congratulate me on being sorted into Slytherin. She was a year older, and I remember thinking as we all laughed during that first dinner, that she was beautiful. Her blonde hair and blue eyes gave her a small sense of innocence, something that she played up to the professors, but over the years, I would learn that there is nothing innocent about her.

Blink. The first Hogwarts Quidditch match of my first year found me accidently sitting next to her. Or maybe it wasnít so accidental that I ended up next to her, but I at least acted surprised when she tapped me on the shoulder. The way that the cool breeze played with her hair and stained her cheeks made me think that she would never be more beautiful than that. But I would find over the years that somehow she was always able to top it, she would always become more beautiful. It was the end of the Quidditch match, when Slytherin beat Ravenclaw by 120 points that she threw her arms around my neck in celebration. I knew in that moment, that this is where I always wanted to be, right next to her.

Blink. Apparently, I wasnít the only one that wanted her affections. By my second year, she happily proclaimed me as a good friend, and Rookwood had managed to come in and sweep her off her feet. She no longer sat next to me at meals or at Quidditch games; instead, I would only get a brief smile flashed in my direction before she continued on with Rookwood. I had hated him, hated him for coming in and taking her from me, hated him for being able to kiss her as he did. I hated him for being able to be with her whenever he wanted, and I was only given a smile. I didnít think that I was going to be able to hate him more, but when she had come running back to me because he had broken her heart, I saw red. Even now when I look at him, I can still see a slight bend in his nose from when I broke it.

Blink. We were studying together, papers thrown about the table, and I let my chair tip too far backwards and crashed to the floor. My face was a brilliant shade of red as her trilling laughter reached my ears. I remember thinking about how embarrassed I was but when her soft lips touched my cheek, everything else went out the window. I remember feeling that twist of my stomach, and having a smile that wouldnít go away for hours after.

Blink. We shared our first real kiss as a couple in my fourth year, her fifth. If I had known that this kiss was going to set me up for the horrors that in a few short years would become my reality, Iím not sure I would have ever kissed this candy coated misery. But at that time, I was amazed that she felt the same way. I was still yet a child in many ways, searching to become a man. She had made me feel like maybe I was becoming one. Though it wouldnít be until I made my most difficult decision years later that I knew I was truly a man.

Blink. I was gentle. It was my first time, though I knew that years ago Rookwood had charmed his way to getting the only innocence that she had ever had. She thought it was sweet that I was inexperienced, I thought it was embarrassing. But she was patient and guided me. I knew as I laid next to her that I loved her, and just like that the first time we had been together also became the first time that I had uttered those words to her. The silence stretched between us and I can remember that sick feeling that came over me as I waited to hear her say something, anything, after my admission. Finally, as she laid her head on my chest, she uttered them back.

Blink. My sixth year, it was the year that it all changed, and I just went blindly after her. Voldemort had been gathering followers for years and while I agreed with my parents about blood superiority, I had never done anything about it. But she was so excited that he wanted her, that he had a part for her to play and power that she would gain if she succeeded. I agreed to become a death eater with her, after all I did like his ideas, and it would give me a way to see her after she left at the end of the year. Searing pain like I had never experienced shot through my arm as he branded me as his. I was now to do his bidding, but I smiled along like this was the best thing ever, which I really had thought it was at first. Little did I know what was in store for me now.

Blink. She had changed, but I ignored it. There was no innocence to her now, not even her blonde hair and blue eyes could make her seem like she had even the tiniest bit of innocence. Her eyes still held a twinkle to them, but this one was more sinister. I was in love though, so I didnít take any heed to these changes. If I had, maybe things would be different now. Maybe she wouldnít be standing in front of me with pure hatred in her eyes.

Blink. Death, blood, and screams, those were the rewards for a Death Eater. My stomach turned as I took in the newest scene. The innocence of a young child taken with a single spell, the screams of torture piercing the otherwise quiet evening, the ravage of a house, was this what I had signed up for? I remember the first time I went on a mission for him, I got sick in the bushes after. She had been waiting for me when I got back, wanting to know what I had done for our Lord, she wanted to know about the blood and the screams. Love does strange things though, because even though I could see her bloodlust, I still wanted to be with her and wanted to please her. I still thought that she was mine.

Blink. I wanted out. My dreams were haunted with the screams of all the people that I have had to kill over the past two years. The flashes of green took over every time my eyes shut. It was Kreacher though that was the last straw. Kreacher was mine, every memory I have of my childhood consists of him, and he left him to die. I approached her, I told her that I wanted out, I told her what I was going to do, that I wanted her to come with me, and we could be happy. She screamed at me. This was the happiest she had ever been, she had no plans to leave and if I was smart I wouldnít either. If I was smart, I wouldnít have told her. I would have realized how far gone she was, and that she hadnít been mine since we got those stupid marks.

Now here I was her standing before me, with the Dark Lord next to her. I knew what was coming; I had been expecting it ever since I had turned away from her those few weeks ago. No one could walk away from the Dark Lord. She was the only unexpected part of this whole evening. But Iím sure that this was my torture. I got to see her one last time, I got to remember how much I loved her, and how I lost her. I got to know that she didnít care what happened to me now. She was going to watch me die and not shed a single tear over the seven years that I had been there for her. I was eighteen and now I was gone.

AN: This oneshot was written for my awesome friend ShelbyBlack, I hope that you liked it! Please note that I still have to get a beta for this oneshot so there might be some mistakes but I will hopefully have those fixed soon! Thank you for reading.

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