Chapter 1 : I nearly do.
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To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do
She promised him she would always be there. So she would be. Except, from a little farther away this time. With a kiss on his forehead and one last smile, she turned around and spread her arms wide, welcoming the fate that awaited her. Because everything would be alright as long as he was okay. Everything.
In those last moments, all that trickled through her mind was him. And his father, of course. James. Dear, sweet, brave, trusting James. How she hoped Harry would be like him. She could already see the resemblance. A sleepy smiled spread over her features as she imagined his, the wide smile she knew would enchant hearts and the jet black hair that she could already tell would never lay flat.
Tears pricked her eyes as the realization that she would never be the one to admonish him for the unruly mass of hair that covered his head washed over her. It would never be her asking him if he had ever heard of a comb. No, someone else would have to fill that void. But that was okay. As long as he was safe and happy, everything would be okay.
Because he would be happy. That’s why she was doing this. He had Sirius, and Remus, and all the friends he would undoubtedly make, with his already charismatic nature at the mere age of 1 years old.
One year. That’s all she got to spend with him. But that was enough. She had gotten to see him smile 128,115 times, about. Heard his delighted laugh even more. He was going to be lovely son, brother, friend, father, role model. She wasn’t going to be there. But she would be there all the same. Because death, in all its entirety, works in funny ways. Doesn’t it?
Regrets. How many of those did she have? Too many to count, that was for sure. Sometimes, while watching James sleep in their Finite-Incantumed home, she wished she wasn’t so stubborn, and that she had given him a chance that second day in the Great Hall, when he came up to her so close each freckle was visible and told her he loved her. But, after all, he did need to time to mellow down, become less of a prat, as Sirius would have bluntly put it.
Sirius. She hoped he’d take good care of her son. He loved him, there was no doubt about that. The one thing she most wanted from Sirius was for Sirius to teach Harry. Teach him that it was okay, great even, to be the bright yellow raincoat in a sea of gloom. That it was incredible to bring even a small smile for a mere second onto someone’s face. That Harry, no matter where he was or what he was doing, would always, always be loved.
Because he would be. And then, one day, he’d learn to give love as well. And he would grow and prosper. Become a proper man, have ageless memories of friends and good times, and keep making them. Forever and always.
And maybe, in that boundless heart of his, he would save a small corner for his old mum, lock it up and give her the key. And in times of trouble and hardship, she would open the door to his heart and creep inside, and offer him some warmth, banish away the cold. And in other times, times of happiness and love, she could instead open a window, to see the world through his eyes. Her beautiful son’s world, filled with kindness and love.
She’d watch him grow. And even if she wasn’t there, she’d still be there. Right beside her little boy, invisibly clapping when he’d cast Wingardium Leviosa for the first time, watching him fall in love, and out of it, and in it again and meet people who’d change his life forever. And that was what really mattered. Because she knew, you know, that he’d be able to feel her there, in the darkest of times, the warm light guiding him to freedom and happiness.
He was her baby boy. And like every mum does, with or without them knowing it, she promised herself she’d run for his life if he needed it, no matter what, no matter when, no matter why, no matter how.
She loved him so much. It hurt her to think he’ll never hear her say that again. She hoped she’d said it enough to last him the lifetime he’d live without her. But she knew that she hadn’t, so she was grateful that he would have so many people to love him for her. Maybe they could pass on her message. But, she’d say it one last time for good measure. With a kiss on his brow, she whispered:
I love you Harry.
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
A/N: Hey kiddos, happy April! Hope you enjoyed this little snippet. Unfortunately my other stories and such are going to be on break for a while, atleast until May or June, due to some stuff I need to do *major boohoo moment* , but I'll try to get stuff out to you guys soon. The song this one-shot stemmed from is called Run, from the amazing Snow Patrol, and you guys should totally check it out if you haven't already. I was listening to Pandora when this came on, and suddenly inspiration struck and all I could see was Lily standing in front Harry's crib, looking totally strong and inspirational even in the face of death, and this baby was born. So review, review, review as usual my loves, and hopefully I'll try to get something out soon!
PS: I made a chocolate milkshake today. It tasted so good. I'll even make you one if you review :D
Oh, and major major thanks to the validators for putting up with my (probably really annoying) song fic issues haha.
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