Chapter 1 : Fading Fast
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It wasn’t meant to happen to Regulus. The one who bent to the rule of other’s too easily. He never disobeyed like Sirius did; he never challenged anything like Sirius did. He was the good one. He was the other one. The one who didn’t burn so bright.
He was failing now, the spark had gone. He couldn’t cope with the demands and expectations placed upon him. Perhaps if he was like Sirius and challenged people he wouldn’t have ended up fearing for his life. Fearing the people he once trusted and loved. He might have still been burning bright.
Regulus grew more and more scared for each day that passed. He thought the shadows were following him; they were lurking around every corner, ready to snatch him. He wanted to fight the shadows and the creatures which were found in them, but he was too weak now. He was too weak for everything. The star inside of him had begun to dim.
He only joined the Dark Lord to please his parents. They always talked about how he was saving the world, and bringing the brightness back to dark times. Regulus wanted to do the same for them. Ever since Sirius left the Black family, they only grew blacker. He wanted to be the star which continued shining, even when the other one went out. Like the Star of Bethlehem, he would guide them to better times.
How quickly his views changed.
The things he had witnessed and the things he had done showed he wasn't leading anyone to brighter times, only darker.
The nightmares haunted him every time he closed his eyes. He would be forced to listen to the echo of people screaming, over and over again. Their desperate cries and their desperate pleas. He had to live with the knowledge that he either committed those crimes, or didn’t do anything to prevent them from happening.
Stars were meant to help people, not to ignore them like he did.
His cousin, Bellatrix, laughed at how weak he was. She mocked him. She said he couldn’t be a true follower of the Dark Lord if he reacted like that. Whenever she killed, her eyes lit up excitement and she seemed to revel in the screams she could produce from the victim. He was meant to be like that. It was what the others were like.
Regulus gradually grew scared of her. She had changed so much from the kind Bella he once knew. Now she was this vindictive Bellatrix, who feared and loved no one except for the Dark Lord. He was supposed to induce fear in the mudbloods, and adoration in the pure. It was the reverse for Regulus. He had never loved the Dark Lord; he only felt fear for him. Even when his name was uttered, Regulus grew nervous.
There were other Death Eaters like him, who feared the Dark Lord. Feared for their lives. Feared they would face retribution for what they did. They didn’t say anything. It would be too dangerous. Everything was too dangerous. Regulus was already arousing enough suspicion by being a weakling. He had always been weak. He could never be strong like the others.
The fear meant he faded faster.
If he had been strong, he hoped he would have been like Sirius. Sirius fought for the good; he was brave though. Sirius burnt brightly and that brightness cheered on others. Regulus didn’t know how to be brave, or how to burn brightly. He had always followed the commands given to him and never questioned anything. He wasn’t used to having free will.
A feeling of resistance had been burning steadily away inside of him for months now. He didn’t know how to act upon it. He had no one to turn to. He was marked. Branded. Sirius would not want to help him now. He already felt he was tainted enough with the name ‘Black’ attached to his own. If he helped his brother he would be viewed as a traitor by his side as well as the opposing.
Regulus thought he could write Sirius a letter, pleading for help, begging for it even. He didn’t have any pride left. The boy who once viewed himself as superior to everyone was reduced to nothing; like the letters meant for Sirius, which were now strewn across his room. He had given up hope, on faith, on burning bright. Now he just wanted to live, even if it meant he would have to lurk in the shadows where the terrifying creatures lay.
He couldn’t turn to his parents. Orion and Walburga were proud of their son; he wasn’t a misfit like the other one. In their eyes he fought for the good. The worthy side. The side which shone light. Now that he was slowly changing his views, how could he go to them for help in doing so?
He felt lost. There was no one to help him. No one to talk to. He wasn’t even living anymore, he was existing. With each day that passed, he deteriorated more and more. He was slowly losing his sanity in his isolated world.
He clung to the rooms of his house knowing he would be safe there from the perils of outside. If he faded away, he would be forgotten. People would wonder where he went at first, and then his name would just be left to hushed whispers.
“Regulus Black, the boy who couldn’t fight the tide coming against him. The boy who didn't burn brightly.”
He had tried to make Sirius proud. He really had. Regulus didn’t want to be remembered as the boy who floundered and failed. Who burnt down to nothing. Reduced to coal. But nothing could save him now. His brother would never know that he tried to resist. Sirius would never know he tried to shine.
He just couldn’t carry on fighting, he was fading. Fading fast. He never burnt bright like Sirius did; he was merely a flicker of light trying to evade the dark. Now the darkness was closing in on him, and he had stopped struggling. He was conceding defeat. The flicker faded. The star had fallen.
Author Note: I've always wondered what Regulus was thinking in the last days of his life, so that's why I wrote this. I've always hoped that he wanted to change, and to make Sirius proud, so I hoped you liked that part.
I would love to hear your thought about this, so if you want to be lovely you could leave a review :')
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