Chapter 7 : Mummy Horatio
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After Louis took the letter, the owl flew off of Louis’s shoulder and over to Horatio’s bed. It began walking across it curiously, almost as if it was looking for something. Louis ignored the owl that was now pecking at Horatio’s pillow with interest as though trying to find something underneath it. He knew that he should move the owl away from Horatio’s bed, but his mind was too preoccupied with the letter.
With his stomach twisting nervously Louis ripped open the letter eagerly, tearing it slightly in his rush. He needed to read her words, needed to know that she and the baby were okay. Being this long without any contact from her had been driving him insane. He was trying to ignore the horrible feeling that was settling in his stomach at the thought that maybe this letter would be bringing him bad news, something terrible that Freya didn’t want to tell him until now.
He looked down at the letter, happy to see Freya’s handwriting across the page. He had missed her so much.
I’m really sorry that I haven’t been able to reply to any of your letters. My parents don’t want me to contact you at all; they’re being so stupid about this all. It’s like they’ve just completely forgotten that me and you are boyfriend and girlfriend.
I wanted to send you a letter, because I knew that if I didn’t try to reply to your letters then you’d come up here and I don’t want you to face my family, they’re so angry at you. Of course they’re angry at me just as much, but they’re blaming you. They shouldn’t because it was both of us, but I’ve never seen my dad this angry before. That’s why I waited until they went out before I sent this one; it’s not been easy when they’ve had someone watching my every move. I haven’t even been able to send my friends letters.
Dad keeps telling me that I should put the baby up for adoption, how it’ll be the best thing for everyone in the end, but I don’t know. I really don’t know what I want to do, I’m terrified of making the wrong choice and regretting everything, but with each passing day adoption is sounding more and more like the better option. It’s not right being on my own throughout this, my dad says that I’ll be on my own if I keep the baby. He seems to think that you’re all talk and won’t actually be there for me once the baby is here, but I know you’re not like that.
Maybe adoption would be the best plan for us, you have no idea how hard all of this is and the baby isn’t even here yet, but I won’t make any decision without you around; it’s not just my decision. But I can’t help thinking that this isn’t what I wanted; this isn’t what I had imagined I would be going through, especially at my age. I just can’t seem to get my head around everything.
I went to St. Mungo’s not long after I went home, a Healer gave me a scan and I got to see the baby, it’s so strange to see and I wish you were there with me. The Healer printed out a picture for me though so I can show you, not that I know when the next time I’ll see you will be? I hate being away from you.
I’m not sure what we’re having yet, as apparently the baby was being uncooperative and kept turning its back, but I’m going back in a few weeks so they’ll be able to tell me then. Dad and mum say that I shouldn’t find out as it’ll be harder for me later on if I choose to give the baby up for adoption. But I don’t know what I want to do?
I’ve got a tutor that comes to my house every weekday to teach me, it’s just not the same without you around, or Horatio yelling out in class and causing trouble, either with the teacher or other students.
I miss you, I miss being at Hogwarts around everyone. I hate being here at my own, I hate it so much, and I just want to go back.
At least I can take quite a few breaks during these lessons. As it’s starting to become unbelievable how much I need to use the toilet at the moment. That and sitting around is making me feel a lot more tired than normal, speaking of which, the Healer says that I’m not getting enough Iron so that’s yet another potion I have to take. You won’t believe how many potions I need to take to make sure this baby is getting everything it needs, it’s like I can’t be trusted to care for it whilst it’s inside me, making me get fatter and fatter everyday that it’s inside me. Maybe I’m not ready for this; maybe we’re not ready for this. I don’t know how we’re going to deal with this; it’s hard enough with everything at the moment.
We need to have a talk about this, not via letter, but face to face. It shouldn’t be long until you come back for Easter so maybe we could meet up somewhere? I’ll sneak out of the house for a while or something? And we can meet up.
I’ll send you another letter to let you know, I’m not sure if my dad is going to let me read anymore of your letters.
Love you, Freya.”
Louis stared at the letter, the twisting feeling still in his stomach. Freya wasn’t happy; he knew that she wouldn’t be, being away from Hogwarts and alone. He hated that he wasn’t able to do anything to make her feel better, and couldn’t help feeling yet again that it was all his fault that everything had happened. He was the reason she was feeling like this, he was the reason she wasn’t happy, it was all him.
Louis read the letter a second time as he tried to find any other information hidden in it, sitting down on his bed as he felt sadness filling him again. She seemed so confused about everything, she didn’t seem to know whether she wanted to keep the baby or not, like she was in two minds about everything.
“Louis, are you…What on earth is that bird doing on my bed?”
Louis looked up at the sound of Horatio’s voice and saw him rushing over to his bed, waving a book at Freya’s owl that was still pecking at Horatio’s pillow; Louis wasn’t sure what Horatio kept under there that would be so intriguing for an owl. Louis knew that he should have moved the owl away, but he had completely forgotten as soon as he had read the letter.
“Shoo,” Horatio said, causing the owl to hoot back at Horatio and dodge the book. Louis put Freya’s letter down on his bed before he stood up and held his hand out for the owl to jump onto, deciding to save the owl from getting poked by the book. He walked over to the open window and held his hand out of it; the owl took flight into the fog filled sky. Louis gave a sigh as he stayed standing at the window and looked out of it, feeling utterly pathetic.
“Crazy owl,” Horatio muttered. Louis could hear him dusting off his bed and sitting down onto it, “trying to destroy my bed. Thinking that it can just walk around wherever it wants because it’s a bird, try respecting other people’s property owl!”
Horatio was silent for a few more moments, before Louis heard him sit down on the bed.
“I thought that you were going to open the letters from your family?” Horatio said, pointing down to the letters. “They’re all over the floor.”
“Freya wrote to me.” Louis stated, feeling the cool breeze from outside on his face. Still looking thinking about the letters contents. He wasn’t sure how to feel about the fact that quite possibly his baby might be put up for adoption and that he wouldn’t be able to see him or her grow up, that he wouldn’t be a part of their life and that they’ll be calling someone else mummy and daddy.
“Oh, so that was her crazy owl?” Horatio grumbled, Louis heard him stand up and felt him stand next to him at the window. “How is she? How’s the baby?”
“They’re okay, I guess. I think Freya wants to give the baby up for adoption,” Louis stated sadly, continuing to look out of the window at the dense fog that was beginning to take over the school grounds. It was hard to see much out of the window and Louis thought that it might rain tonight, a storm would be a perfect match for his thoughts right now.
“How do you feel about that?” Horatio asked.
Louis gave a small shrug, “I don’t honestly know.”
“I think it might be her parents making her think like this.” Horatio suggested. “It might not be her thinking that. Don’t forget that she’s around her parents all the time now, they’re going to try and put thoughts into her head.”
Louis gave a sad sigh as he continued looking out of the window, he was beginning to feel a bit chilly but didn’t move away from the window. “I just know that I need to see her.”
“Well, we go home in a few weeks for Easter; you can meet up with her and have an actual discussion about this instead of Freya just telling you to drop it.” Horatio suggested a concerned look on his face as he turned to look at Louis’ sad face. He didn’t like seeing Louis this upset, normally he would yell at the person who was making Louis feel this way and stick up for him the best that he can, but he couldn’t go find Freya to yell at her, she was as much a victim in this as Louis was. Horatio felt at a loss of how he could help his friend.
“I don’t want to wait that long, she doesn’t seem herself at all and it’s worrying me.” Louis told him. He was wringing his hands in front of him, Louis seemed at a loss of what to do as well.
“I know, mate. But there’s nothing that we can do about that.”
Louis gave a sigh.
“Do you think she does want to give the baby up for adoption?” Horatio asked him a serious tone in his voice.
“I don’t know,” Louis answered sadly.
“What would you do if she wants to? Would you let her or would you take care of the baby yourself?” Horatio asked him. He hadn’t asked Louis about this before as he had assumed that Freya and Louis would bring the baby up together, the idea that Louis could be a single parent wasn’t something that he had ever pictured.
Louis gave another shrug, “I have absolutely no idea. I honestly thought that we would do this together, thought that she would want this as well.”
“I think she does. I just think that she’s just feeling down because she’s on her own, so she must be thinking that she’ll be on her own when the baby comes. Especially with her dad putting all of those thoughts into her head, we have no idea what he’s saying to her or telling her. But we’ll go see her in the holidays, okay? I’ll cause the distraction which will bring her parents to me and you can sneak her out and have a chat about everything.”
Louis gave Horatio a smile at his comment. “Yeah, that sounds like a plan.”
“Are you still against the idea of adoption?” Horatio asked Louis after a few moments of their silence.
“Yes, I don’t think I could handle the idea of knowing that someone else is raising my child. Of course, it’s a lot earlier then I thought I would be having a child, but that’s not the baby’s fault, it’s mine.”
“It’s not just your fault.” Horatio told him, not liking how Louis always blamed himself for what happened, when it was just as much Freya’s fault. “Freya was there as well. You’re both to blame for this.
Louis just gave him a tight lipped smile in return, finally moving away from the window and walking over to where he had dropped the letters from his family, picking them up and taking a seat on his bed so he could open them and read them.
“Well, if Freya doesn’t want to go along with this, then I can be the baby’s mum. I could be mummy Horatio.” Horatio told him, turning to look at Louis as he leant back against the wall next to the window.
“I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.” Louis said with a laugh, not feeling as pathetic as he had done before.
He was glad that Horatio had come up to the dormitory to cheer him up slightly. In fact, he was thankful that he had Horatio in his life, yet feeling sad at the same time as he thought about how alone Freya must be feeling without anyone else around. At least he had Horatio, she didn’t have anyone else.
The Easter holidays couldn’t come quick enough for Louis.
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