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Chapter 1 : Lily's Love
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If you were to ask how I felt about my son, I would not tell you the whole truth.
‘I’m proud of him.’
He’s... everything I hoped. I wish I could have raised him myself, could have given him everything myself, protect him for much longer than I did. My brave, loving, wonderful boy.
‘He saved so many lives.’
I’ve seen the way he looks at them. The way they all look at each other. They’ve grown together, learnt together, and held their faith in each other when they had no one else. They would die for him, and he died for them. Those three fought the world for each other, and for all the people in the world to have the right to have each other.
‘He did what a lot of adults would struggle to even comprehend doing.’
I wasn’t like him. My boy died protecting the idea of humanity and freedom, the people he adored along with those he despised. I died because I couldn’t move. I couldn’t live in a world without him. I had already lost my husband, and I could not stand away; for my own sake. He could not die and I live. It would be a hopeless world.
I may blink away a few welling tears, and smile to tell you I’m really fine. It’s just a little difficult to talk about, that’s all.
His tears are mine. His pain is mine. His despairs, his angers and crimes, his vanity and guilt- all mine.
‘But he did it; above and beyond expectations.’
He is my only joy in this world. His happiness is mine.
‘I love him.’
I miss him. It’s a physical pain when I remember what a heartbeat is, when I remember hearing his, when I remember loving him and being able to hold his tiny hand with my finger, and able to smile and laugh with him, pray for him, able to touch him-
‘Sometimes I wish I could’ve been with him, when he’d grown up.’
My daughter in law is beautiful. Even when she looks away, he smiles. When she looks away, she’s still smiling. My grandchildren- oh, how I wish I could’ve loved them as much as they love the idea of me. That Grandma that Daddy sometimes sees, in the graveyard. He never puts lilies down. But he tells me everything.
‘But I’m so glad he’s happy.’
This other world is so cruel. This world where I am powerless and fearless, loveless and so full of love, where I cannot hope to speak to him again until the day his world will mourn. I follow him, and watch him, and have faith in him. Every day I wish he could hear me tell him I love him, and every day I wish he’ll never hear it.
He has to live: he lives where I never did. But he still chose to lose everything for what he loves, to die to protect. Not dissimilar to myself. I screamed the agonies of seventeen years when he was gone from there, and passed to here.
But there are such things as small mercies; love always saves.
My boy died... and then he lived.
A/N Love and its power to manipulate has fascinated me in the last few weeks... I thought Lily would talk about it perfectly.
Edit: I just thought I'd say again- thanks to a request, I now have this on the sister website of here- harrypotterpodcast- in audio form. You can download it and review it and stuff. Thank you so much!
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