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No Ordinary Nutter by Hedwig_Pie
Chapter 12 : Of Nutters and General Loopiness
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 9

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Chapter 12: Of Nutters and General Loopiness


Ouchie. That was the single thought which flooded my mind as soon as I woke up.


Everywhere hurt. Like everywhere. My head felt like it was deflated, and I wanted to poke it repeatedly to make sure it was still circular. My shoulder seared in pain every time I attempted to move it. Oh and don’t even get me started on my knees. I couldn’t see them but I could tell that they had swollen up to thrice their size.

The rest of my body just ached. Every time I moved, even if it was just an inch, every single cell screamed in protest. So I decided not to move.

I managed to wrench my eyes open, and this was quite a task considering it felt like they had been glued together, to be welcomed a very large noise which did nothing to help my pounding skull.

‘Oh my god, she’s awake!’

‘Is she alright? Someone get her a pie!’

‘Do you reckon she’s in pain? Sweetie are you in pain?’

‘Why isn’t that pie here yet?’

‘Hold on! Make way for Madame Jett!’

Bones still unable to move, I felt a light tap to my forehead, which instantly sent a wave of relief through my body, soothing my burning muscles ever-so-slightly.

Despite lying flat on my back, I could feel the expectant stares of all the well-wishers gathered around my bed. Heaving myself up, I held my arms out zombie-style and yelled, ‘I LIIIIVEEEEE!’

Godric, I am nuts.

There was a nervous chuckle from Al, which soon had everyone laughing (in relief hopefully. Since they were grateful about seeing their favourite person in the world.)

Almost immediately I was engulfed in a huge hug from a frenzied Elle, who looked like she’d been pulling her hair out. She let go immediately when I winced and she looked stricken, ‘I’m so sorry, Halle! But I was so worried. Are you alright?’

I nodded as the memories flowed back to me. Did I really do that? Did I really just pass the first task? I DID IT! AND I’M ALIVE! I LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY! O THANK THE LORD OF PIES!

And then, in an epic moment of remembrance, the rest of the task hit me. Staring in horror at the eager well-wishers by my bed, my brain just sort of froze.

It went kaput.

Glassily staring at nothing at all, Albus waved a hand in front of my eyes; ‘Is she alright?’

Furrowing her eyebrows, Madame Jett shrugged, ‘She’s still a little broken and bashed, but nothing to create symptoms like this.’

Grunting knowingly, Dad came forward and clicked loudly next to my ears, successfully jolting me out of my trance, ‘She does that sometimes, when she’s…overwhelmed.’

After another couple of minutes of silence, everyone started looking a little concerned.

‘Halle?’ Dom asked, ‘Do you want to say something?’

‘SAY SOMETHING?’ I yelled, my eyes probably looking frenzied, ‘WHAT’S TO SAY? I KILLED YOU ALL!’ In a fit of despair, I threw myself back down onto the bed, covering my face with my sheets, too ashamed to see them.

I had actually harmed every single one of them in that arena. And that fucking terrified me.

What if things could never get back to normal after this?

‘Oh, sweetie,’ I heard Dom croon, ‘You did nothing. You hear me? Those were Boggarts. And we are humans. So you should be guilt-free,’ she assured, presenting me with her fool-proof logic.

Her fool-proof logic of LIES!

I noticed James was in the bed next to mine, but he seemed to be out cold. His arm still in a sling and his body covered with bruises. If he looked like that; I must’ve been a sight for sore eyes.

After a little speech from all of my friends and family, each saying how they weren’t affected in the slightest by what happened in the arena, I was eventually coaxed out from under my blankets with the promise of pie.

It only took two hours but they did it.

I’m a difficult person when I’m depressed. Usually it takes a whole day of moping in bed to make me feel a little better. Like the time I discovered Scorpius was cheating on me. Or when Curtin (my favourite House-Elf) caught a nasty cold, and I thought he was going to die.


So, murdering my friends and family (you know what I mean) definitely required a few days of moping to get over, even if everyone kept fussing over me.

But the grumbling of my tummy and the smell of apple pie got me to cut my moping short, and I gratefully grabbed the pie off Al and started devouring it like a rabid possum.

Freddie smiled, ‘At least we know she still likes to eat, even though she hasn’t said a word these past two hours.’

Elle patted him on the shoulder, ‘She’s moping. She never talkswhen she’s moping. It’s tradition. In fact, I’m kind of relieved, this is typical Halle behaviour. I think she’s gonna be alright.’

I swallowed a little of my pie in response.

Al stared at me expectantly, ‘Feeling any better, m’dear?’

I cleared my throat, attracting everyone’s attention (Connor and Jordin had even started playing Exploding Snap, since I was being such a Silent Sally) and I stared down at the apple filling to give me something to.

‘So you guys don’t hate me for, you know, murdering you?’ I asked, tentatively.

Dad hugged me, swiping a bit of my pie on the way, ‘Why would you even have to ask?’

Smiling at the supportive faces looking down on me, I felt monumentally better. It was quite a nice moment, you know. All sappy and shit. So of course, Freddie had to go and ruin it.

‘STACKS ON HALLE TO SHOW HER WE LOVE HER!’ he yelled, jumping on top of me.

I groaned.

Not because of the pain or anything. But because he squished my pie.

And nobody squishes my pie.



I think things will go back to normal just fine.


After three hours of coddling and cotton-wolling, some of my entourage decided to leave.

Yeah. That’s right. I have an entourage.

And we’re going to ignore the fact that it mainly consisted of my family.

Bob, Derek and Dad along with Mr and Mrs Potter had to head back to their jobs, which disappointed me a little. But my family promised to be back for the second task.

And then; with the help of a little green powder, they were gone.


Now I know what betrayal feels like.

James had woken up as soon as his parents had left, which I had found a little suspicious. Did he pretend to be unconscious so he wouldn’t have to talk to them?

He is a bad son.

But he’s a pretty good friend, since he quickly informed something which everyone else seemed to have forgotten about.

‘HALLE!’ he yelled, turning to face me, ‘YOU SCORED THIRY-EIGHT!’

There were whoops of appreciation from around the room and I nearly dropped my (fourth) pie. ‘Did you just say thirty-eight?’

He grinned and nodded, ‘Thirty-eight.’

I then did some sort of victory dance/squirm inside my bed, but considering my muscle movement was limited; it wasn’t one of my best victory dances/squirms.

And trust me; I’ve had quite a few.

‘Are you lying? Are you serious? You can’t be serious,’ I muttered, face flushing from excitement.

James giggled a little, ‘I’m not Sirius. I’m James!’

There was a groan from everyone in the room.

‘That joke was old even when your grandparents were alive,’ I commented dryly, turning to Al for some serious feedback.

‘It’s because you used the Ridikulus charm on a creature that was meant to be immune to it. That’s some powerful magic, Halle,’ explained Al, beaming at me in pride.

I blushed, ‘Aw, shucks. Y’all are making me blush.’

James snorted, ‘That accent was horrible. Never do it again.’

Feeling slightly offended, since I’d spent at least THREE FREAKING HOURS perfecting my Southern accent in the holidays, I turned back to Al and grabbed him by the shirt.

‘WHY DID THE RIDIKULUS CHARM WORK FOR ME, M’BOY? TELL ME! TELL ME!’ I screamed, shaking him violently.

What? I was curious. And the best way to deal with curiosity is to scare people.

Yes. That sounds true.

Squeaking slightly and running behind a chair, he answered, ‘I DUNNO, WOMAN! DO I LOOK LIKE THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC?’

I was disappointed by his answer. And we all know what happens to people who disappoint me…


You know, sometimes.

Freddie then pushed James’s bed right next to mine, and we all formed this huge hippie circle in the middle of the Hospital Wing.


I bet.

I turned around to see all my friends, who were sitting on the ground below our beds. How the Gryffindor Gaggle and the ‘Claw Crew had somehow wormed their way into the Hospital Wing at such early an hour, I’ll never know. All patients were meant to be left alone for 24 hours, and yet here they were. Being loveable idiots.

But all other visitors were still denied. I found it hilarious that Connor, who wasn’t a blood relative to either James or I, was allowed inside but Lily, James’s little sister, was not.

The system is whack.

During the course of the day, the rest of the Wotter clan eventually showed up- Lily, Rose, Louis, Hugo, Molly, Lucy and Roxy- all to check up on James.

So while he had practically every Wotter ever to exist fawning over him, I had Elle and Jordin.

I think we know who won the popularity contest here.

(It was me, obviously.)

Distancing myself from the conversation I was previously eavesdropping on between Jordin and Lucy, I fondled the impressive array of Potions which were laid out on my bedside table. It totalled in twenty-four different concoctions. The nurse; Madame Jett, told me to take one per hour and then I was free to go.

But each Potion made me feel so much better; I ended up taking three per hour.

Or four.


No, it was definitely ten.

Well actually, I downed all of them in forty-five minutes.


Suffice to say, I was more than a little bit loopy.


Is that a butterfly?

Nah, it’s just Freddie.

Freddie looks like a butterfly. No shit, he really does. Do you rekcon if I told him that, he’d get offended?

‘Freddie, would you get offended if I said you looked like a butterfly?’

He stroked his imaginary beard. It was a bit of a mind-fuck, when he did that. I wasn’t sure whether he had a beard or not. Sometimes there was a beard and sometimes there wasn’t.


‘I don’t think I’d be offended,’ he replied, after much deliberation, ‘I would take it as a compliment.’

‘What about me, Halle?’ screeched Connor, ‘Am I a butterfly?’

‘Hey, I wanna know too!’ joined in Dom, ‘Am I butterfly?’

Soon everyone in the room was asking me if they were a butterfly.


There was then an appreciative applause at my inspirational words of wisdom.

And then I think I fell asleep; but I can’t remember. Coz you know, I was loopy.

I was having a lovely nap, dreaming about rainbows and sugar, when I was suddenly sucked from the world of dreams and thrust back into reality as a booming thud resonated throughout the Wing.

Walking with a jolt, I turned to see an over-excited Erica slam the door behind her. And to top it all off she was still sporting James’s Quidditch jersey.

Not that I cared.

‘Jamsie!’ she shrilled, before throwing her body on top of his, earning a pained grunt James. And then, with no warning whatsoever, she began eating his face, in front of everyone.


Well, OK, Lily and Hugo were fourteen, but still. CHILDREN!

Everyone watched the progressing porno in front of us with a sort of horrid fascination, bar Molly Weasley, who had subtly pushed her nose back into her book.

She was sneaky, that one.

After a good, solid twenty seconds of strange sucking noises, Erica pulled back a little. Her lips left his with a resounding pop, a sound so gruesome it made me want to burrow my head in my pillow.

Still on top of him, she swooned, ‘Oh, I was so worried! But you looked so hawt fighting those monsters! If you weren’t my boyfriend already, I would have seduced you all over again.’

Turning a bright red, James nervously tugged the collar of the hospital gown, ‘Would you be inclined as to tell me when we started dating?’ he asked in a condescending tone, causing Erica’s face to fall.

She hopped off his bed angrily, her arms crossed tightly around her chest and a scowl on her dainty features.


I coughed, just to contribute to the general awkward atmosphere. Rose looked at me and stifled a giggle when my nonchalant cough turned into a violent coughing fit.

‘You alright, Halle?’ Al asked nervously, his eyes not leaving the overly-dramatic scene which was playing out before us, which looked like it belonged on some sort of Muggle soap opera.

I nodded earnestly towards Al, pitying Erica slightly. She seemed to have been stunned into silence, confounded by James’s general douche-baggery.

Boy. She sure looked angry.

My potion-addled brain somehow cartoonified the girl before me, and I was now staring at a caricature version of Erica.

She looked funny.

Red-faced, with little devil horns and smoke coming out of her ears.

I blinked a couple of times to see if cartoon-Erica would go away, but she was still there. As cartoony as ever.

That settles it.

I’m bonkers.

Let’s just blame it on the potions.


Either one, really. They’re both detrimental to my health.

Then, out of nowhere, Erica’s mouth dropped and formed this comical little ‘o.’


Right then and there.

I started pissing myself in my little hospital cot.

Everyone’s head swivelled towards me, the crazy brunette having a schizophrenic attack in her bed. I spazzed out so much, I knocked a glass of water clean off my bedside table, giggling like a maniac.

Any normal bunch of people would have told me off for spilling water all over the floor.

But the Weasley/Potter/Jordin/Elle clan started laughing with me.

Soon the hospital wing was filled with absolutely hysterical teenagers. Erica and James included.

The tension had simmered down sufficiently, and finding the right moment, I called out, ‘MY BRAIN MADE ERICA LOOK LIKE A CARTOOOON CHARACTER. ‘TWAS FUNNY. THAT’S WHY I LAUGHED,’ I explained, looking straight as Erica as I did so.

She sent me a little smile, and if I didn’t know any better, she seemed really grateful. My laughing fit had shifted the attention away from her public rejection to my obvious insanity.

If I were her, I would’ve been mortified if James Potter had turned me down in front of his entire family.

But Erica is evidently not me, coz you know what she does?

She slaps him right on the face.

On. The. Face.

There was like an unspoken rule that you don’t touch James Potter’s face unless you’re snogging him. I’m not sure who made up that rule. It’s a silly rule. I’m glad Erica broke it.

The resounding crack echoed around the Hospital Wing, and James instantly rubbed a soothing hand up and down his cheek, where a red mark was already appearing.

‘How could you not know we were dating?!’ she demanded, tapping her foot impatiently, ‘I would think our suggestive rendezvous in certain broom cupboards would say otherwise.’


His expression faltered slightly, ‘I’m sorry, Erica. I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea. But I’m a free agent. One girl can’t tie down all of this,’ he said, gesturing to his body.

I face-palmed. It was literally impossible for him to say a less douchey thing.

Grunting in obvious frustration, she grabbed a silver cup from nearby, which was clearly marked with the words ‘Do not drink.’ In one swift movement, she had dumped it on his head.


It was settled. Erica had gained my newfound respect.


‘Douche,’ she muttered, before flouncing away. Her hips swinging with extra oomph and hair flying every which-way.

You’ve got to admit. That girl’s got style.
James sputtered, ‘What the hell was that?’ he asked, sniffing himself as the yellow-ey liquid seeped through his clothes, ‘I smell like piss.’

I shrugged, turning to Al, who was grinning ecstatically. ‘You know how human urine can be used in certain Potions to make an instant relief for certain burns?’ he said, eyes glinting excitedly.

James groaned, ‘You can’t be serious.’

Al smirked mischievously, ‘Adriane over there has some pretty serious burns,’ he said, pointing his finger to the Beauxbaton-filled corner of the Hospital Wing.

I laughed like a mad-woman, before yelling out at the top of my lungs, ‘JAMES IS COVERED WITH PISS!’

And thus began the second Weasley/Potter/Jordin/Elle/Halle maniacal laughing fit for the day.

I don’t think my stomach will ever recover.


After Erica had barged into the room without Madame Jett’s permission, she had ordered all visitors to leave. James, being the smooth talker he is, managed to convince to let the Gryffindor Gaggle + the Claw Crew + Al and Lily to stay.

Everyone else was banished.

As they all headed grudgingly towards the door, I yelled, ‘YOU ARE ALL BANISHED FROM THE REALMS OF MY KINGDOM. TO RETURN IS ON THE PENALTY TO DEATH!’

James rolled his eyes, ‘Does she ever stop yelling?’

Madame Jett narrowed her eyes at me, before noticing the empty bottles of Potion which littered by general area. ‘Did you drink all the Potions in one go?’

I blushed a little bit, squirming under her gaze, ‘Maybe?’

She sighed, rubbing her temples in exasperation, ‘You’ll be out cold for at least forty-eight hours after that much medication. Afterwards you’ll rest for another day, and then you can go.’

I groaned, ‘So I’ll have to stay an extra day?’

She shrugged in a what-do-you-want-me-to-do-about-it way. ‘It’s your fault for drinking all the Potions. And you lot,’ she said, gesturing to our remaining friends, ‘As soon as Halle gets knocked out, don’t wake her up. Is everyone clear on that?’

There was a simultaneous chorus of, ‘YES!’

Shaking her head and muttering something like, ‘All the potions at once. Crazy children,’ Madame Jett escaped to the confines of her office, drawing the curtains and shutting the door.

A couple of hours later, it struck me that I still didn’t know what James’ task was. I had always been too distracted or sleepy to listen to any of our conversations properly. I just commented about how everyone looked like various insects.

It was fun.

‘So James,’ I said, turning to face him, ‘What exactly was your first task?’

He scoffed in disbelief, ‘We’ve only discussed it like forty times. How can you not know?’

‘Connor, your nose reminds me of an ant,’ I said, in my serious voice.

James chuckled slightly, ‘That’s how you don’t know.’

I turned back to James, ‘I’m sorry, did you say something?’

Before I managed to get distracted again, Connor burst out, ‘James’s task was so cool! It was like an assortment of different monsters. Every time he killed one, a different one would appear. He had to fight ten different creatures. Fucking legendary,’ he explained, clapping James on the back in a my-best-friend-is-a-boss way.

It was sweet. Those two had a very successful bromance.

Just as I was about to congratulate James, Minister Kingsley walked into the Hospital Wing, closely followed by McGonagall.

Standing at the foot of our connected beds, Kingsley and McGonagall beamed at us.

‘I would just like to congratulate you both for an interesting, entertaining and highly successful task! I just wanted to let you know that since you both needed instant hospital treatment, your boxes from the task were taken to your dorm rooms. Fear not, they are charmed with complex magic to stop anyone from even touching them. Please, take your time, relax and have fun, the Second Task won’t occur until after the Yule Ball. Hope you get better soon!’ he said, before moving onto the other Champions, who were sleeping in one of the many beds inside the Hospital Wing.

‘Wait!’ I called out, while he was still within hearing distance, ‘Minister, I need to ask you something!’

Turning around impatiently, he asked, ‘What?’

‘Why did the Ridikulus charm work for me in the end? I thought those Boggarts were supposed to have immunity,’ I queried, genuinely curious.

Posture relaxing slightly, he replied hurriedly, ‘Oh. That. Well, those down at the Department of Magical Equipment Control said that it was disorientation. From the crowd’s noise, the confusion it was experiencing. Just came down to minor defaults and powerful magic on your part. That is all.’

Hmm. Well I guess that makes sense. I’m kind of disappointed though. I was secretly hoping I was the Princess of Wizardkind and had special powers which could turn everything in the world into chocolate.

Hey, a girl can dream.

As Kingsley made his brusque departure, Al cleared his throat disbelievingly. ‘Minor defaults? That’s total bullshit. Something weird happened, and it had nothing to do with minor defaults.’

I very highly doubt that, but since Al looked so excited at discovering something slightly out of the ordinary, I let him have his fun.

Yes. I know. I’ll be expecting my Nobel Peace Prize in the mail by Tuesday.

Seeming to remember the original purpose for her visit, McGonagall beamed in pride, ‘That was an excellent display of Hogwarts skill, you two!’ she exclaimed, her eyes twinkling slightly.

That settles it; someone definitely put something in the pumpkin juice. This is the second time I’ve seen McGonagall’s eyes twinkle, and it’s psychologically scarring.

‘The whole school is proud of your valiant display of courage and skill. Now, I have allowed enough time for you two to get caught up with your friends. Everyone, back to class!’ she said, before shooing our remaining friends away.

‘But Professor!’ Al shrilled, ‘We don’t even like class!’

‘That is no excuse, Mr Potter,’ she replied, curtly. ‘But you two,’ she said, turning to me and James, ‘Take all the time you need.’

We grinned at each other as Al stormed out the door, looking very affronted. Jordin and Elle kissed me on the cheek before promising to be back soon. Soon the Hospital Wing was left in its eerie silence, and I started counting the number of tiles which were on the ceiling.

It was actually very exciting.

‘Halle,’ James said, snapping his fingers to get my attention. Now that everyone had gone, it seemed kind of weird that our beds were so close together. It was a very couple-y thing to do, and we were most certainly not a couple.

I turned to face him, and he was positively beaming. ‘I’m proud of you, Halle. You really were amazing,’ he complimented, giving me a little smile.


And I mean that in a non-hormonal way. Like a puppy! Yes. James, at that moment, was like a tiny little puppy.

A very masculine puppy. With hazel eyes.

Ahem. Settle, settle hormones.

I smiled in return, ‘Thank you. But just letting you know, I did nothing. It was all Super-Halle.’

He cocked an eyebrow. ‘Who’s Super-Halle?’

‘She’s a fearless bitch. Don’t want to get in a fight with her.’

He laughed, ‘Well you better be nice to her, because she might win you the Tournament.’

I scoffed, ‘Puh-lease. There’s no chance in hell I’ll win this Tournament.’

He furrowed his eyebrows, creating a crease at the top of his nose. ‘What are you talking about? You’ve got more of a chance than any of us right now, you are in the lead,’ he pointed out.

I rolled my eyes. I’ve had a couple of daydreams about actually winning that infamous Triwizard Cup. But, it was impossible. I mean, look who I was up against. There was the mysterious, strong hero from Durmstrang. Then the beautiful, strong-yet-delicate Veela from Beauxbatons. And not to mention the Son of the Freaking Saviour of the Wizarding World. Need I say more?

Articles world-wide had already compared the four of us to each other countless amounts of time, and I had always been labelled as the boring one. The mistake. That’s exactly what I was, and unless I did something to create a stir in the Wizarding Media, I doubt I’d have very much support from the Wizarding Population.

But it’s not like I care, or anything. Not even in the slightest. To survive the Tournament will be accomplishment enough; I didn’t need eternal glory and a glow-in-the-dark trophy to prove it.

‘Compared to my opponents, I don’t think I stand a chance,’ I muttered, my words muffled as I buried my head into my pillow.

‘What?’ James asked, ‘Didn’t catch that.’

Hastily, I back-pedalled the conversation, not wanting to get into a lengthy debate about how I had a chance at winning this Tournament. No need to get my hopes up for no reason.

‘So, fighting ten different monsters? That’s pretty exciting, James,’ I tried, hoping that inflating his ego would be enough to distract him.

He smiled. He was successfully distracted! ‘True, true. My task wasn’t as exciting as yours, though. I mean, what was your fear?’ he asked, his voice dropping slightly.

I still wasn’t sure about that. Back in third year, when we first encountered Boggarts in class, I was still scared shitless of werewolves.

I mean, they were huge wolves. With paws! And claws attached to those paws!

But I got over that fear when I met Teddy Lupin at the Weasley’s house over the summer, and he told me all about his epic werewolf father.

So, when I walked into that arena, I honestly had no idea what I was going to face.

‘I think,’ I replied. ‘My biggest fear is betrayal.’

‘Think?’ he prompted, obviously irritated by my vague answer.

I nodded, ‘I’m still not really sure. I doubt I’m scared of my best friends and family. So, yeah, I’m going to go with betrayal.’

He shrugged his shoulders, ‘Fair enough.’

I decided to ask him a question which had been at the back of my mind all day, ‘How long was I hit with the Cruciatus Curse?’

‘I think it was a total of eight seconds.’

My mouth dropped, ‘Sure as hell didn’t seemlike eight seconds. Eight hours on the other hand…’

He chuckled, ‘I can only imagine, O’ great and powerful one.’

I AM A GREAT AND POWERFUL ONE. I’m glad everyone else can see it too.

Finally, I felt the intense desire to sleep wash over my body. Just as I was about to close my eyes and pass into the realms of sunshine, lollipops and unicorns, I muttered, ‘James?’


‘I’m going to sleep now.’

‘OK Halle. Goodnight.’

‘I just wanted to say thank you.’

‘For what?’

‘You know, training me and stuff. I probably would’ve died without you’re help.’

I felt him reach over and pat my head. It was a great pat. The boy knows how to pat a head. I mentioned this to him, and he laughed.

‘You’re cute when you’re sleepy,’ was the last thing I heard him say before my eyelids succumbed to the pressure of sleep, and soon I was in the Land of the Unicorns.

A/N: I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG. i wasnt too happy with this chapter, but i put it up anyway. COZ I LOVE YOU. YES YOU. INNOCENT READER. EMBRACE THE LOVE. DO YOU FEEL HONOURED? coz you should.

ahem. i'll shut up now.

thankyou for all the lovely reviews on my last chapter, they really meant alot. HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS CHAPPIE, AND DROP A REVIEW.

coz if you do, i'll give you a penguin! <(") <-- right here, your penguin is here. collect once review is left. thankyou for your penguin purchase.

ahem. i should really shut up now. REVIEW PLEASE :D

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